A/N
What's up you guys? So, I'm giving you a trigger warning for this chapter...
Remember that you are loved and you shouldn't feel like you aren't.
You don't deserve that ily ily!
Enjoy!
Addie's POV
I hear some noises outside my bunk and I open my eyes. I open the curtain and hop down, catching Niall's eye.
"Good morning babe. Did we wake you?" he asks when he comes over to me and wraps his arms around me.
"Yes, but it's ok. I wanted to come with you today anyway." I say, yawning mid-sentence.
"You wanted to come with us to set up the stage?" he asks.
"Sure, why not?" I say.
"Ok." he says and starts talking to the boys again.
The other girls wake up and I ask them to keep me company. They happily agree and we get ready for the day.
I curl my lilac hair and put on red lipstick. The colors against each other don't actually look bad at all, so I go with it.
When we're finally ready to go into the arena, I grab my ID and unlock the door, cell phone in hand.
When I walk in, I already spot the 5sos boys and say good morning to them all. We walk onto the stage, and all the boys start immediately working.
At the moment, the stage is completely empty of any stage pieces or screens and looks completely bare. It's so much bigger like this, but it's boring without everything there.
"We're going to work on moving everything. You can sit in the seats if you want." Liam tells Cassandra, Perrie, and I.
"Ok." Cassandra says and she leads us to front and center seats, an pulls out her phone.
Go kill yourself. Go kill yourself.
I don't sit where the other girls are, and move to a different floor section, and sit down. They don't notice that I moved, and I feel relieved.
I sit back in the chair, unlock my phone, and my finger floats over the Twitter app.
Do I click on it?
Before I can make a decision, my finger taps on it and opens the app. I scroll through a little bit and see no hate. So far, so good.
Then, I do the worst thing that I could ever do, and click on my notifications tab, revealing my mentions.
And the hate begins.
I start to scroll a little bit and I see more things that have to do with the burning match situation.
@UpAllNightTour_Updates i'm just gonna casually bring this back.. @AddiePayne
Under the tweet is a picture of me when the match hit my leg. The comments are even worse.
They're all saying that I deserved it, that I had it coming, and that they're glad that it happened.
Look for positive tweets, look for positive tweets.
I go back into my mentions and look for some positive tweets.
All I see right now, is hate.
@OneDirection_5sos @AddiePayne @CassandraWhite @PerrieEdwards why don't you go home and break up with the boys. they don't love you and they only brought you on tour so they could get rid of you faster once you see how the fans hate you.
@1d.has.that.1.thing hey look! I'm @AddiePayne !
Under the tweet, is a picture of a wrist that is all bloody.
I can't take this anymore...
I stand up from my seat, tears in my eyes, and quietly exit the arena I walk back to the bus and go inside.
"Hey, kid. Where's everyone else?" Ed asks me.
"Oh, they're still setting up. I got bored so I came back in here." I lie.
"Oh." he says and he nods. He turns his attention back to his phone when I walk into the bathroom.
I'm four months clean now. That's an accomplishment, but too bad it's all going to go to waste.
No. I can't.
I open my purse and take out my EOS chap stick. I open it up, and take out what I need: a blade.
Many months ago, when I finished the chap stick, I scraped the rest of it out and cleaned it so all it was, was a hollow egg-looking chap stick container. Then, I put the last blade I had into it. I thought I had flushed them all, but it turns out that I had one last one hidden behind my clothes on a shelf in my closet.
I take the blade out and close the container, tossing it back into my purse. By now, I'm crying pretty hard and I can't think straight. The only thing I'm thinking right now, is that tweet.
Go kill yourself. Go kill yourself.
I put the sharp side of the blade to my wrist and take one look at myself in the tiny mirror.
Do I do this?
I have to. I need physical pain to take away my mental pain.
I push the blade to my skin, and drag it across, bringing pain and lots of blood.
I do another one, this time deeper. And another, and another, and another.
When I finally can't take it anymore, I wash the blade off with water and put it back into the chap stick container. My blood is falling into the tiny sink and the cuts are on both wrists. There's at least 20 in all.
So much for 4 months clean...
I wash the blood off and make sure that my wrists stop bleeding before I wipe away my tears, and walk out of the bathroom. I throw my purse into my bunk and look through my suitcase for my bracelets.
Much to my horror, I don't have them. Not even one.
What do I do?
Then, I get an idea. I put my phone into my bunk and close the curtain. Then, I walk out of the bus. I look around and find the 5sos bus, the bus driver gone: perfect.
I make sure that there's nobody around, and peek my head inside the bus. There's nobody here.
I quickly run into the bus and find Luke's suitcase. I open it up, and find his extra bracelets.
Grabbing almost all of them, I pull them onto both wrists, and jog back to my own bus.
As soon as I walk in, literally, the boys walk in.
"Hey, Addie. Why did you leave early?" Niall asks me, sitting on the bench.
"I got a little bored, so I decided to come back here." I say, sticking to the story I told Ed.
"Oh. Ok." he says.
I hear Australian accents walking toward our bus and I immediately panic. Luke is going to notice that I have his bracelets.
When they walk in, I turn around, hands in front of me so nobody can see them, and walk to my suitcase. I open it up, and look for a long sleeved shirt.
When I finally find the one I packed, I go into the bathroom and change really quickly. I take the bracelets off and stuff them into my shirt that I just changed out of. I walk out and put the bracelets into my purse without anyone noticing.
Closing the purse, I throw my old shirt into my suitcase and close the cover over, but I don't zip it.
"Did you just change?" Liam asks me.
"Yeah. I got a little cold." I say, pulling the sleeves down over my wrists.
"Oh. Ok." he replies.
Now I just have to figure out how to put Luke's bracelets back before he notices that they're missing. I really didn't think this through.
-------
"Good night London!" Louis screams and they fall through the floor again, bringing them safely under the stage.
We go back to the bus and I immediately climb into my bunk. Ed closes the doors and starts driving while I close my curtain.
I'm so done today.
"Addie, can I talk to you for a second?" Harry opens my curtain and asks me.
"Sure." I get out of my bunk and follow him to the empty lounge.
We sit down next to each other and he starts talking.
"Are you ok? You've been so...disconnected lately." he turns his head to face me. (A/N i thought of the song disconnected oops..)
"I'm fine. I've just been really tired. I don't really now why, but I have." I laugh to try and convince him. I don't want to worry him, or any of them really.
"Ok. I really feel like you're lying to me, but I'll let it go for now. Please, just talk to me if you need something. I'll help you." he says and looks straight into my eyes. I stare back into his pretty green ones.
"I will. Thanks, Harry." I say and hive him a hug.
"I love you, Addie. I will always be here, no matter what." he says and kisses the top of my head like Liam does.
I lean up against him and he puts his arm around me. I stay on the couch with him until I fall asleep.
A/N
Harry and Addie fluff aw. I'm sorry for that really dark part in there but that's how the story goes. I hope you're liking how the story is going right now because I do, obviously. Love you all!