The Kiss of Death
"You killed her cat?" Lana asked her bother who was staring off into space.
"I felt so guilty. I just... I couldn't" Eric said referring to the night when he ran over Donna's cat.
"Is it because you're kinda glad it's dead?" Laurie asked
The twins just looked at their older sister with concern. "What is wrong with you?"Lana said
"Hey, maybe I don't have tittle her. Maybe she'll just think Mr. Bonkers ran away," Eric said as he looked down at his food.
"That works, that's what we told you when..." Red began to say but was cut off by Kitty shushing him.
"What?" The twins asked.
"Eat your pizza rolls," Kitty said changing the subject
"Look how hard can it be? You go over there and you say, hey, I'm a cat killer. I murdered..." Red started to laugh hysterically," I murdered your cat. But you try to say it with a straight face"
"Daddy...just no" Lana shook her head at her father.
"What? Am I the only one that sees the humor in this?" he asked
"I think you might be Red" Kitty said as Lana nodded her head in agreement.
"Oh,come on. That thing was always messing' in my yard, going' through our garbage," Red tried to justify his reason for laughing.
"Now we have Hyde for that," Laurie said smugly
"Oh, yeah, Laurie and what exactly do you do? Oh that's right! The Packers!" Hyde chuckled as him and Lana high fived.
"Excuse me? Dilemma here!" Eric spoke up trying to get everyone's attention again
"Just don't tell her," Lana shrugged," what she doesn't know won't hurt here"
"No, don't listen to that. You have to tell Donna. Just be gentle, and maybe give her a nice little gift," Mrs. Forman suggested
"Yeah, like a kitty-sized headstone" Laurie chuckled
"We're a family of Psychopaths," Lana said shaking her head
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"Lana, Eric, I just saw Michael kissing your sister!" Jackie ran into the basement," Okay, he's a rat! He's been cheating on me!"
"What?! Well... surely there must be some kind of mistake?" Eric lied horribly.
Lana rolled her eyes at her idiot brother," Jackie I'm so sorry" she said pulling her into a hug.
"That's it! Michael and I are over!" Jackie said crying on Lana's shoulder.
"Really?" Fez asked stepping closer to Jackie," And by over you mean..."
"I mean over and done! Alright, forever," Jackie said firmly," And after everything I put up with? I mean taking Pam Macy to the prom, setting my house on fire, lying about Laurie. God!" Jackie yelled in frustration.
"To be fair, that's only the stuff you know about," Hyde shrugged it off. Lana hit his shoulder.
Jackie walked out of the basement, slamming the door behind her," God Hyde can you not be an asshole this one time" Lana yelled before she followed Jackie out of the basement.
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"You guys, we're supposed to be friends. Would it have killed you to tell me that he was a jerk?" Jackie said annoyed that her friends, Lana just eat some more ice cream.
"Jackie, I think our exact words were Michael is a jerk," Donna said
"So, have you seen him since," Lana asked passing Jackie the ice cream.
"No! He's a liar and a cheater," Jackie sighed
"Guys are all jerks," Lana said rolling her eyes as she thought about her short lived experience with Luke.
"I know how you guys feel. It's bad enough what Eric did to Mr. Bonkers, but then he lied to me" Donna pouted as sheroot more ice cream.
"Yeah, Eric putting off telling you something because he didn't want to hurt. Phew! That is so much worse than cheating on you with some skank," Jackie said sarcastically.
"Hey! She still my sister," Lana defined," But she is a skank"
"Donna, Eric loves you so much. He was just trying not to hurt you" Lana defended her brother.
Donna ate her ice cream," Maybe I'm overreacting"
"Let me tell you something, Donna. Until goody-goody Eric cheats on you with your dead cat, I suggest you shut up," Jackie crossed her arms
Lana and Donna just got wide eyed and ate their ice cream in silence.
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Donna and Eric were cuddling on the couch and Lana
"So really, breaking up with Micheal could be the start of something great. I'm like a whole new Jackie," She said with an optimistic expression on her face.
"Really? Cause you're babbling like the old Jackie," Hyde said as he grabbed a popsicle from the freezer.
Kelso suddenly came through the basement, with red puffy eyes, "Jackie I've been looking for you"
Lana looked at him, ready to give him a dirty look. But, her face soften when she saw him. She knew he was a cheating dirtbag, but he was still one of her best friends. But she knew that Kelso and Jackie were toxic together and she couldn't bear to watch them both get hurt again.
"Here I am," Jackie said in a tuff tone.
"You two probably wanna be alone right now..." Lana said trying to get everyone to leave but Hyde stopped her.
"No, Lana. How could this not be good? Come on" Hyde said as he pulled Lana into his side.
Lana watched uncomfortably, she knew they should have probably done this in private.
"alright." Michael spoke softly as he walked over to Jackie on the other side of the room," Jackie, I've done some terrible and stupid things. Too many to even list."
"Oh, hey give it a shot, man. I'll fill in the blanks," Hyde encouraged as he waved his popsicle.
Lana put her hand over Hyde's mouth," Stop it"
"I'm done making excuses, and all I can say is...is-is that I'm sorry and I love you And I will do whatever I can, everyday from now on, so you know it's true," Michael cleared his throat," So will you please, please,please take me back?"
Lana hated her sister at this moment. She hated herself for not telling Jackie earlier. She hated how hurt Kelso was. She just wanted to go back to when they were happy.
Donna and Lana just looked at each other, they didn't want Jackie to fold. Kelso had hurt her too many times. Lana couldn't watch her friend get hurt again. They turned back to the couple.
"Oh, Michael," Jackie's voice cracked," No. no! You know what? We're through. Forever," she said in a strict tone as tears ran down her face.
"Woah, didn't see that coming,' Hyde chuckled. Lana punching his shoulder, she couldn't believe how insensitive he was
Michael mumbled something, but just stormed out of the basement and slammed the door.
"So, um... that-that was the smartest thing I've ever done," The young girl said as she sniffled and wiped her cheek," And the best..." she said before sobbing
The girls and Eric got up to go hug Jackie, who was shaking.
"Hyde," Jackie whimpered as she ran towards him.
"Why does she always come to me?" Hyde asked disgusted as Jackie sobbed on his shoulder.
Lana didn't know what to do. She had a bad feeling about Jackie. But they were friends so she figured it was just in her head. She walked out of the door to go find Michael
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Lana ran outside to find Kelso crying in the front seat of his van. Her heart broke, Kelso was usually a happy little idiot. Now he's just an idiot.
She went around to the passages side of the car. Kelso looked up at her confused," Aren't you mad at me right now?"
Lana sighed," I am. But you're hurting too and you're my friend so I'm here for you too."
Kelso's eyes started watering again," I really messed it up this time Lana" He started to sob.Lana pulled him into her shoulder. She knew she should be mad at him, she just couldn't.
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The kids were crowded around in the basement, about a week had past since the breakup, the usually smell of weed was there but an odd odor was in the air.
"God, I miss Jackie," Kelso said in a husky voice," I can't sleep, I can't think. I can still eat but..."
"My life has no meaning. I'm dead inside," Kelso stated
"Oh, so that's what smells" Fez said
"Yeah,Kelso keep the dead on the inside. Go hose yourself off or something" Lana said covering her nose.
"Man, I am so glad Donna's not Jackie," Eric said as he ate a popsicle," But i'll tell you what, I'm even more glad I'm not you." He chuckled sticking out his tongue, which was now purple.
"I've gotta win Jackie back," Kelso said sadly, "I got it! I'll write her a song!"
"Maybe The best way to get Jackie back is to let her dat other people," Fez said with a small smile," Foreign exchange people"
"Come on man, writing a song is a great idea! How about this one, You don't love me anymore. Caught me cheating' with a whore, "Hyde said with a smile " See cause Laurie is a whore, you get it?"
"She isn't," Lana defined," she's just overly friendly"
"Our sister is such a whore," Eric laughed
"Yeah, I'm gonna write jackie a song," Kelso said sniffling," I've gotta win her back because I can't stop the tears man!" he started to sob onto to Lana's shoulder.
She almost threw up from the smell of him," Kelso, we've been over this. There's no crying in the circle" Eric said.
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Lana was at the hub with the guys watching as Kelso tried to writ a show for Jackie.
Kelso was strumming at random cords on the guitar Lana gave him to write his song.
"You may think this song is stupid/so I made a call to Cupid/and he told me to put my heart on my sleeve/so we can retrieve our love form the trash,trash, trash!" Micheal sang," What do you think?"
Lana just smiled not wanting to hurt his feelings," It's...different"
"Well...I think that you should draw her a picture" Eric said trying to be polite.
"Hey, pal you think you're funny? Cause someday Donna is gonna is gonna crush your stupid little heart too," Kelso said defensively
"Kelso, I know you're sad and miss Jackie but you did this to yourself. You shouldn't have cheated," Lana shrugged her shoulder as she slipped her milkshake. She knew he was hurting, but if he cheated, how much could he actually love Jackie.
"Look, Lana have you ever had your heartbroken?" Kelso asked. Lana just shook her head no," So you don't know what I'm going through!"
Donna came through the door with a smile," Hey!"
"Hey baby. Why don't you grab papa a root beer,okay?" Eric rudely instructed Donna
"Dumbass," Lana said shaking her head.
"Oh my god I cannot look," Fez said nervously turning away
"Listen, you worm I am not your slave, or a waitress, or you damn maid!" And don't get all Archie Bunker-y on me or I will kick your ass to the moon!" Donna exclaimed before walking out.
"You just dug your own grave," Lana laughed at her brother as she stole his fries
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In the Forman's basement, Eric was pacing around the couch and Kelso was angrily strumming the guitar.
"I didn't mean to cheat but she forced me/ she downright coerced me. Hey that's kinda good!" Michael said grabbing his pencil
Lana was getting a headache from Michael, "It's amazing" she said sarcastically
"Really?" He asked cheerfully
"Yeah, if you wanted to ruin everyone's hear," She said with a smile.
"Man, I just asked her for a root beer!" Eric exclaimed still confused from earlier
"You tried to control her, Eric and the woman always controls the man," Fez explained.
"Preach it Fez!" Lana yelled out.
"Donna does not control me!" Eric said angrily
"Look Eric," Lana said grabbing Eric's shoulders to get him to pay attention to her," This is how life works. The women tricks the man into thinking that he is in control. But, in reality she has the power."
"Man I wish Jackie was still controlling me. I love being on a short leash," Kelso said," Put the short leash back on me!"
"Kelso lemme see that for a second?" Eric asked grabbing to guitar, and smashing it on the coffee table.
"Eric that was mine!" Lana yelled as she attacked Eric.
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Lana walked downstairs to hangout with everyone when she saw Jackie giving Hyde a kiss. It was quick but Lana could physical feel her heart drop.
Fez and Kelso gasped, they were also shocked by what they saw.
Jackie made some comment before she left and turned to say goodbye," Oh hey Lana" she said before closing the door behind her.
Lana was staring at Hyde, he joked about something, but all Lana could think about is her best friend kissing her... guy that she makes out with.
She knew that she had no reason to be mad or upset, but she was. She could feel her eyes about to water, and she really didn't want to cry in front of the guys.
"Lana?"Hyde said stepping closer to her, but she just went up the stairs.
She got to her room and shut the door. She flopped onto her bed and put on pillow on her face," Ahh!" she screamed into the pillow.
"Ahh!" A voice suddenly screamed. Lana shot up to see Kelso
"Why are you screaming?" Lana asked confused,
Kelso shrugged," Because you were. So are you okay?" he asked sitting down.
"Yeah why wouldn't I'd be?" Lana said wiping the tears from her cheek
"Because you're like me and had to see your best friend and the one you love kiss," Kelso said as he wrapped an arm around Lana.
"Kelso I don't love Hyde," Lana faked laughed," And Jackie can kiss whoever she wants...I'm fine. I mean it's not like me and Hyde would ever...we would never... God why did they have to kiss"
Kelso pulled Lana into a hug and she sobbed onto his shoulder. Kelso rubbed her back trying to calm her down. Lana was thinking back to when Kelso asked if she'd had been heart broken, and now she can say she had. And it sucked!