Chapter 33
Angie's Perspective
"Too shy to say but I hope you stay."-Billie Eilish
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THE weight was heavy on my shoulders, but not the weight of her in my arms. Her muffled tears and aggravating whines consumed my utter frustration. Although the weight on my shoulders and heart had nothing to do with her, it had everything to do with Jeremy. He sat across from me in the spacious living room as we stared one another down. It had been a while since we'd had a real conversation and I had figured it was now or never.
Jamal was off at school and Daisy was supposed to be watching Jayla today, but she had last-minute soccer practice leaving me to take care of her for the rest of the day. Believe me, I was drained and the last thing I desired to do was to have a full-length conversation regarding the problems within my marriage at the moment, but it had to be done. The only thing that physically separated Jeremy and me was a huge glass table placed in the middle of us, but mentally there were huge walls and multiple barriers separating us from resolving our many issues.
I rocked Jayla back and forth in my arms trying my hardest to read Jeremy, but his face held no emotions it was just blank, which it had been for some time now. Jayla had finally stopped crying falling asleep on my chest.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked Jeremy breaking the silence.
"What is there to say?" He placed his hands in his lap leaning back on the couch.
There was only so much I could take and I wasn't going to go back and forth and argue with this man, it was time to move on. I can admit I was in the wrong for not telling Jeremy about my little meeting with Quincy, but he also played a part in it as well. Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about the situation was all his wrongdoing something he would not own up to for the love of God.
"Look Jeremy I understand where you are coming from, but this has been going on long enough. Packing your bags and leaving all over a petty little fight that happened over a month ago is ridiculous."
He sighed closing his eyes.
"Angie I have explained to you time and time again I did not leave because of the fight. I left because you don't respect me as a man or as your husband. I left because you don't know how to communicate and you refuse to tell me when something is wrong. Also you refuse to be honest and upfront with me, which is what marriage is all about."
I took in every word of what he said, "well you're not perfect either Jeremy."
"I agree, which is why I think we need counseling." He pulled a light blue folded brochure out of his jacket pocket sliding it onto the glass table.
"Hell no, anything that we need to fix as a married couple will stay between these walls. I don't want others in our business."
"Angie we're going to therapy that is the only way I'll even consider moving back home and trying to work on this marriage."
I didn't believe in therapy, it was pointless to me. A random stranger invading your personal business portraying the roll of knowing and understanding you. Those people get paid to try and convince you that they understand your circumstances when in fact, you were just a pretty little check for them. I refused to put myself or my family through that.
"I'm not doing it Jeremy end of discussion."
"This is exactly what I mean by you not listening to me."
"Listening to you does not mean giving up my opinion and standpoint Jeremy."
"I didn't say that."
"Well, that's what it sounded like."
Jeremy picked up his cell phone looking down at the content displayed on it before standing up.
"Where are you going? We're not done here. We still need to talk about some things." I stood up with him walking closer to where he was keeping a tight grip on Jayla.
"I have a meeting in less than an hour across town. I could maybe come back later on and finish this conversation."
"No Jeremy we're not done talking."
"We are Angie, besides it seemed like you were the only one talking, which is nothing new. I've been searching for marriage counseling therapists all over Oregon, I'll bring by a few cards tonight when I get back." He stated while texting away on his cell phone.
"I'm not going Jeremy we either do this my way which is you moving back home to talk and work it out or no way." I crossed my arms holding a stern position in front of him.
He rubbed his eyes together in a frustrated manner, "how about this, you come to therapy with me or I get legal separation papers, and once that's up divorce documents."
I couldn't believe the words that were leaving his mouth. Of course, things had been pretty rough this year, but was he actually considering divorce?
"You're kidding right?" I joked trying to ease the seriousness of the situation.
"I'm sick of it Angie. Marriage is about compromise and considering one another's feelings, things you don't do half of the time. It's time to start hearing me out, I refuse to let you keep running all over me."
He headed for the door, but I blocked his path.
"I'm serious I have to go." He kissed me on the cheek before stepping past me to leave out the door. I adjusted Jayla in my arms holding her tighter trying to register what all had just happened.
This kind of pressure had never been a worry to me before. Jeremy was actually thinking about divorcing me after only two years of marriage. That was not going to happen, I had given up my whole life for him, gave him two healthy children, and even pushed my youth off to the side to become a housewife. Maybe this was all too much for me because he had never really taken charge of anything, it was always me calling the shots and keeping things in order. We had a lot to discuss tonight and he was not getting out of it this time.
Hours passed I had prepared dinner, set the dinner table, fed and washed Jayla, and put her to bed as well. Jamal was upstairs tucked in asleep after a whole day of playing outside after school. Jeremy still hadn't made it home which was causing me to worry a little. I sat in a chair at the kitchen table slowly sipping from a glass of red wine. My eyes scanned over Jeremy's empty seat and cold food trying not to let the disappointment make its way onto my face. Locks from the front door clicked making me shift positions in my chair putting down the glass. Jeremy casually walked into the kitchen after taking off his jacket. He sat down in the chair across from mine looking into my eyes as if he had done nothing wrong.
"I didn't know you were going to be out this late. The meeting couldn't have gone on for that long." I crossed my arms speaking with a calm voice.
"I'm not staying here at the moment which means there isn't a set time I need to be home." He picked up his fork and knife cutting apart the cold tender piece of lobster.
I got up to start cleaning my part of the table shaking my head, "Jeremy just because we are going through some things right now does not mean you can be outright selfish. If you were not coming back until later in the night you should have said something. I prepared dinner for crying out loud."
"That's your job as a wife anyway."
His remark threw me off guard, Jeremy had never been disrespectful towards me. After putting a few dishes in the sink and washing my hands I came back into the kitchen sitting down.
"Look we're here to talk that's it. It seems like you've been misunderstanding that all day."
He sighed munching on his salad with no dressing, "alright go ahead."
"I want you back home with the kids, I miss you. My little meeting with Quincy was just that, I never meant to disrespect you as a man or cause you to question my loyalty. I'll also stop pushing you away and listen to what you have to say sometimes. There are things I need to work on and this time apart has shown me that Jeremy."
I felt a sense of relief after letting all of that out.
"I appreciate your apology Angie but words won't fix things, I need actions. I'll agree to come back home and work out our issues however we're still going to therapy. I'm asking you to put your pride to the side and do this with me." He stood up walking to my side of the table squatting down to my level. He intertwined his hands with mines looking up into my eyes that I wouldn't dare let meet his own.
If we were going to make this work I had to take a chance and listen to my husband, so for the first time in a long time I went along with his decision. Although I had overlooked him countless times Jeremy was the most important person to me in my life after my children. It was time to put on my big girl panties and do everything I could to fix my marital problems.
"Okay I'll try going to therapy with you."
My response uplifted him as he placed a cheeky peck on the side of my face.
I guess listening and communicating with one another a little bit wasn't too bad.
33
KelisAjanee
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Well it looks like Angie and Jeremy had a breakthrough. Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter there is so much more up ahead.