After about twenty minutes of doing nothing, my door flew open. Cade was before me holding a bleeding hand.
"I punched a mirror."
I wanted to laugh at how blunt he had put that. At the same time, I wanted to shout at him for shutting down earlier.
"That was a bad decision," I said watching the blood drip onto the hardwood floors.
"Yes." He agreed, cradling his arm, "Could you help me clean it up, maybe?"
Maybe if I helped I could get more out of him.
"Yes."
I stood up and walked down the long hallway to Cade's room. Upon walking through the door I could see the mirror he had punched. I rolled my eyes at his stupidity and walked to the bathroom avoiding glass shards on the ground.
"Is there a first aid kit in here," I asked.
"I, um, I didn't look?"
"Is that an answer or a question?"
Cade didn't speak, but instead opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a first aid kit. He placed it on the counter. I tapped on the counter and he sat on it, making us more level.
I pulled the tweezers from the kit and started to pull the shards out of his hand. I didn't bother with gloves because blood had never frightened me.
The silence felt almost deafening. I guessed I would have to be the one to start the conversation.
"Can you please tell me what is going on inside your head? Even if you think I won't get it. I promise I will... Well, no. I don't promise I will understand. I promise I will try to understand," I said.
He sighed, "I just don't know what I, um" -he ripped away his hand and tugged at his hair- "I don't know! There are so many emotions and I don't know which one is which and-"
"And you just run away because it's easier."
Cade ripped a piece of glass out of his own hand, "You aren't hearing me, Evelyn. I don't know what I'm feeling so how am I supposed to tell you?"
He never calls me Evelyn.
I bit my tongue in order to keep myself from saying something bad. How can he not know what he's feeling? What if he- No! I can't make things up! He needs to tell me.
"I'm no master communicator Cade, but I want you to at least try."
His eyes softened, "You-you think I'm not trying?"
"No, that's not what I mean-"
"That's what it sounded like you meant," he said in a scary tone. "I'm trying so fucking hard for you, but it's hard when you don't stop to think about anybody but yourself. You're so insecure it's suffocating!"
Tears pricked my eyes as my world started to close in. Why wouldn't he listen to me? Why did nobody ever listen to me?
"You're not listening to me, Cade! I'm trying-"
He scoffed, "Trying to what? Make me feel worse about myself?"
"Cade shut the fuck up and listen," I demanded, grabbing a shard of glass in his hand, making him wince. "I want to know what's going on inside of you to help you, not to judge you. I didn't mean to make you feel bad about yourself or sound mean. It's just, things and emotions seem so clear to me, I guess I just can't see how they could be confusing?"
He furrowed his eyebrows, "I don't know how to explain it well."
I looked him in the eyes as I wrapped his hand, "Can you try for me?"
He took a deep breath, "Uhm, yeah."
I gave him my best encouraging smile, hoping it would help.
He nodded his head as if he knew what to say, "You know when you read something and it doesn't make any sense because you don't know how the person was trying to say it?"
"Yeah," I answered.
"Good, well, that's how it is for me all of the time."
I let out a nervous laugh, "But you always seem to know how I feel. I love you because of how charming you are."
"Uh, yeah. I've gotten better, but some things are still hard. I just-I need you to bear with me. I promise you I'm trying Eve."
We sat there for a bit, both processing what the other had just said and learned. It all just seemed so weird to me. I was practically run by emotions and he is saying he doesn't understand them. I guess I kind of felt the need to confess something too.
"I'm trying too, you know."
Cade looked at me confused, "Trying to what?"
"To um, be less insecure, or however you put it."
His eyes widened, "No Eve, I didn't mean that. I was just, uh, mad, and I said it and I didn't mean it."
I scoffed, "Duh, I'm fantastic. If anybody thought otherwise they'd be, well, wrong."
Cade laughed at my unfunny joke, "Yeah they would. And I'd kick their ass for messing with my shortie."
I elbowed him to the stomach, "I'm not that short!"
He shrugged his shoulders and I elbowed him again. The smile on his face was contagious and look in his eyes was fierce.
"Can I kiss you?"
I nodded so fast I was sure I was going to get whiplash.
He slowly leaned in and his lips were just about to brush mine. I closed my eyes in anticipation and almost had a heart attack when the door slammed open.
'Hey, Cade I can't find-"
I turned to see Essence's mouth open wider than I thought was humanly possible. I closed my eyes and tried to scatter behind Cade.
Essence started to laugh like a wild hyena, "Awww, she's embarrassed! Oh my, Cade is blushing!"
"No I'm not," Cade said gruffly. "Why did you even come in here?"
I slapped Cade's shoulder, "Be nice."
He rolled his eyes, "Why did you choose to bless us with your presence, Queen Essence?" He turned to me. "Better?"
I shook my head in annoyance but chuckled in my mind.
"Queen Essence," she said, testing it out. "Mhm, I think I like that."
Cade sighed dramatically, "Fantastic! But why are you here?"
I looked at Essence awaiting a response.
"Oh yeah! This guy was making fun of my girl Evelyn so of course, I was all like, 'hey, that's not cool, I'll beat your ass.'"
"Yes, we were there for that."
"Shut up Cade," Essence whined. "Then he came at me! So being the self defensive queen I am, I self defensed myself."
"Self defensed?" I asked skeptically.
"Yes," she drawled. "But then apparently that's, in their words, 'against the rules.' So now we can't go to any more meetings."
"Essence!"
I dragged my hands over my face, barely believing what she had just told us. Most importantly why were Cade and I included in the punishment? We hadn't done anything.
"Look, I'm sorry," she said. "I just wasn't about to let them disrespect my girl."
"It's fine Essence," Cade said, smiling at her. "I would have done the same thing. You're such a badass."
Essence grabbed my wrist," Keep him. I like him."
"Okay," I said laughing.
A bubbly feeling filled my chest. It was becoming a more and more constant feeling. I was happy. I could fight with these people and still love them. They didn't abandon me when it got rough. This is what it felt like to be loved. This is what it was supposed to feel like with my parents. This was what I missed all of my life. This is what I wished for late at night. I was finally loved and it felt great.
"Guys," I said, smiling. "I love you."
Essence pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, "I love you too, honey."
My heart soared as Cade smirked, "I love you too, shortie."
Essence gasped, "I better have heard my name in there."
Cade laughed, "You're like the mother I never had."
"I'll take it sugar," she said, yanking him into a hug.
I couldn't have been happier at that moment. So, why did I feel like everything I had was about to be crushed?
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Hey peeps! This is kinda a short chapter, but I think it's a pretty important one!
Love you all!