Hello everyone, sorry for the late chapter but Im here with part two of 'transgender' Im also working on other requests everyone sorry they are taking so long. Anyways, this chapter may be triggering because i cant go more then three chapters without making someone cry and this more then likely will, please read with caution this will contain many triggering themes i will list momentarily along with a key and recap before that though I just want to say thank you all so much for the love on this book and so many of my other ones. I love you guys so please don't force yourself to read my chapters if you know it might trigger you, your health means so so much more then a chapter in my book I promise. Anyways onto warnings etc.
warnings of the chapter:
Abuse from a few characters(mostly vaggie)
Transphobic/Homophobic slurs,quite a few of them.(they will be censored but warning nonetheless)
Transphobia/Homophobia
Being forced to act the gender you are not(I.e being forced to act female when your male etc)
ton.of.swearing
suicidal thoughts and actions
mentions of drugs,alcohol,cigarettes,etc
dysphoria
Key(who calls him what etc)
Charlie,Niffty,Husk: call him Angel and try their best to remember its he/him
Alastor: caught on really quick with the name and pronouns but sometimes messes up then immediately apologizes and freaks out a bit, this only happened twice since Angel came out to him. He still feels bad for misgendering Angel.
Cherri: calls him Angie with permission as for them Angel sees it more as a nickname verses his 'female' name. She uses he/him all the time as other then Molly she was the first one he came out to so she has had more time to get use to it and learn so she doesn't mess up
Molly:Sees Angel as the brother he is and has been calling him,'him' since they were alive. Her and her mother were the only people to know Angel was trans when he was alive and therefore called him what he wanted to be called since he was about 11,12 ish when he had the guts to come out. They always knew or had a feeling though.
Vaggie/Valentino/His father: call him 'Angie' refuse to use the right pronouns,only see him as a girl, are quite Transphobic. They are the worse with him.
Arakniss: He is trying to come around to being a better brother so he is working on it, half the time he gets it right without having ti be reminded the other half he forgets but apologizes when he remembers/is corrected. He really is trying.
Others:they try their best to remember if they know at all, if not they normally get the hint after people say 'he/him' and 'Angel' enough and continue saying as such.
Recap
Vaggie was being Transphobic, but decided to leave to her room before a fight broke out.Angel came out to everyone as trans getting exactly what he expected from Vaggie but insane support and love from everyone else. The spider's deer boyfriend tries to help him, Angels goes up to his room Alastor following and after a few minutes to find the spider boy asleep with his little piglet, He lays with him and holds him.
""you are so perfect my dear. I love you Angel, sweet dreams" i say holding him close laying down too""
Angel also tries to show what Vaggie says doesn't hurt him at all.
furthermore, you will DESPISE Vaggie by the end of this! :) now without further ado, onto the story
A/N 571 words
P.s you will ALL hate me here soon. Or Vaggie either way. Im sorry
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Angel's POV
I slowly wake up feeling a set of arms gently holding me, my head on someones chest. I look around a bit to see I'm in my room. Okay so it's not Val, probably Alastor
"Good morning Angel dear, how did you seep?" a gentle radio-y sounding voice comes from above me. Alastor.
"I slept fine, thanks for remembering Al even though I only told you yesterday. What happened after I left the dining room yesterday, I still heard screaming but fell asleep. Was everything okay?" My cracked, tired voice asks the seemingly wide awake deer above me
"Vaggie was mad she didn't get her way and left to her room. Everyone and everything is okay . Are you alright after what she said Angel?" Alastor asks, voice still gently, a light buzz behind his words a gentle sound in the air around us like soft white noise. It was pretty calming.
"Yeah, its fine. I was okay. Not the first or last time that has or will happen. Been called trans-phobic slurs like that since I was alive with pa. Came here and was forced to act female for Val or I was beat, was beat at home to when I was alive, thanks to pa that is. Val just continued the treatment and used my body down here, how I hate him and everything I have to act like I love with him, but there ain't nothin' I can do 'bout it unless I want people to die including myself and Mols. So I gotta deal with trans-phobia all the time. I can deal with it though so it doesn't matter what she calls me or in this case refuses to call me. I love ya Al" OI explain ending by turning to my amazing boyfriend and smiling. I kiss his cheek softly giving a small giggle as his whole face goes red "look, ya face and hair are the same colour now" I say stifling a laugh letting a few little giggles fall from my lips. He smiles a bit holding me close
" I love you too Angel, Im sorry such terrible people exist even here in Hell. Also your laugh is precious, that is all." He says in a matter-of-fact kind of tone while looking triumphant at how im so 'precious'. I pause a second before looking at how triumphant he looks then i burst out laughing. he soon follows and we just laugh for a few seconds. Soon enough we calm down and get up so we can change and head to breakfast. I grab a heavily over sized black long sleeve shirt with silver hearts all around it and extra sleeves for my other set of arms along with some black shorts with silver hearts covering them as well that will most defiantly be covered by the shirt since it goes past my thighs, about mid way between my thigh and where my legs bend; but hey at least im wearing pants. I also grab just some just-above-the-knee socks that are also black but have silver hearts all over them just like everything else. It was a set Molly made me for a past death-day and I loved them and all the other clothes she made me. After I grab everything I head to the bathroom to change and come back to Al in a plain white button up with red suspenders, black pants, a red bow-tie and black shoes. A small bit of his wine-red socks peak from beneath the pant legs as well. His smile grows when his garnet eyes landed on my rhodolite ones.
"Isn't that the clothing set Molly made you? I haven't seen that one in about a week or so" my darling deer says in a mostly joking manner, I nod
"yup, one of my favorites. Also I haven't worn it in a week because Niffty had to fix it. It got torn a bit then she cleaned it, and what ever else she does with clothes. I'm not sure but she did a great job" I reply smiling too he nods a bit walking over offering my his hand. I take it and we walk to breakfast hand in hand just talking happily. I almost forget what horrible things Vaggie and Val called me just a day ago. Almost.
"Hey look there she is, fucking finally, took you both long enough. Charlie didn't want to start anything until you both came, so hurry the hell up." Vaggie says annoyed looking at me like I just murdered a baby or something, I sit quietly choosing to ignore how she said 'look there she is'
"Vaggie, enough please, they were both probably just getting ready, Angel probably had to feed Fat Nuggets, there are a bunch of reason why they weren't down here right away so please don't make a big scene about it" Charlie practically sighs out as Vaggie scoffs but nods nonetheless.
"Thank you dear anyways sorry we're late as Charlie said there were other things that needed to be attended to before we could have come down. Apologies for making you all wait." Alastor says cheerfully as a smile lights up his face. How does he always do that, smile, I find it so hard sometimes.
"Of course, lets eat"Charlie says serving everyone breakfast. We thank her and the entire time we eat Vaggie glares daggers at me. I mentally sigh knowing after breakfast she will probably pull me off to the side and loose it on me like Val and pa did and still do. I just eat silently listening to everyone else talk.
"Oh, everyone the Extermination is coming up in about a week, please be careful if you leave the hotel. I just wanted everyone aware" Charlie informs us getting nods and thanks from everyone. Vaggie whispers under her breath, but lucky me im close enough to hear.
"I hope Angie gets caught out with the angels. Hopefully she dies. fucking t***ny." she mutters under her breath annoyed. I audibly sigh "Got a problem?!" she yells at me, I sigh again
"No. nothing Vaggie but if you want to talk shit about me and wish death on me then say it loud enough for people to hear instead of muttering under your breath please. Also its Angel, not Angie. Thank you" I say calmly, gently and happily, she again scoffs in annoyance "So Vags, you gonna repeat yourself so everyone can hear or not?" I say, getting a bit annoyed myself
"I stand by what I said Angie, I hope you get caught out with the damn angels and I hope you fucking die t***ny"She forces out angrily, I sigh again
"That all? Okay so all you can do is call me trans-phobic slurs? Okay then. I don't care, you aren't bothering me Vaggie so stop thinking your pitiful insults mean jack to me, all its doin' is causing a scene and annoying everyone. So I will ask you nicely to stop please for everyone else sake. Thank you so much for understanding." i stay still calm but with a clear hint of annoyance as her stupid words did really get to me but mostly just caused an unnecessary scene that doesn't need to happen.
"Fuck off, I don't really care but whatever, so I don't pis someone off for saying the damn truth I'll stop but just know it isnt over bitch" She says before leaving the room.
"Now that, thats over. Sorry 'bout pissin' her off. Also sorry for causing a scene" I say apologetically getting confused looks
"You didn't do anything Angi- er, sorry Angel. I didn't mean to say the other name anyways you didn't do anything wrong. She's just full of herself. Im sorry to you for her, Im so sorry ya got to deal with shit like that." Husk says messing up my name but immediately correcting himself causing me to smile.
"Thanks Husk, also thank you for correcting yourself, it's okay. I get its hard to remember after calling me the other name for so long, I guess its lucky enough I didn't change it too much" I say giving a slight laugh at all the stupid annoying names I could have chosen to go by other then Angel and Anthony as it was when I was alive. He nods a bit
"Yeah, Im trying to remember sorry again" He says I laugh a bit more
"Its okay, really. Thank you all so much for trying, for understanding and for accepting me"I say they all nod happily and we talk for a while. It has been about half an hour since Al and I came down and probably about 15 ish minutes maybe more since Vaggie left the room. As the chatter continues I finish eating standing up.
"Anyways now if you don't mind I'm going to check on Fat Nuggets to make sure he still has food and everything" I smile they nod Al stands up too, I motion him to sit and finish eating seeming as he wasn't done yet. "I'll be okay by myself hot stuff, Vaggie don't scare me. I'll be okay I promise and I'll be back soon." He looks at me as I speak with a worried glint in his ruby orbs but nods nonetheless. I head out of the room not before hearing a door open then close as I reach the kitchen door. I think nothing of it since it was the main doors. Probably Vaggie leaving to calm herself down or something. I go up to my and Al's room humming happily.
All the happiness I feel leaves me when I open that door
I open the mahogany door noticing how it was creaked open the smallest bit as if someone went in and didn't close it to avoid noise. I walk in not yet looking up but I did find it very weird that I heard nothing.
GORE WARNING. GORE WARNING.
I look up finally only to see my baby. My eyes widen and fill with tears as I look at what is right in front of me. My little piglet, the poor little piglet that never did anything bad to anything. All he did was stay by me and snuggle people. Fat Nuggets, my pet.. no my child was on the bed his little legs cut off his little body, he was cut open down the middle and disemboweled, his little beady eyes were wide in pain and shock, cuts all over his little body. Blood still freshly pouring from him, Nugs little piggy neck was cut that's probably how we didn't hear him He was looking at the door as if waiting for something or someone to save him. He looked like he was in a world of pain but he was dead. Dead. My baby, dead.
(for the record I literally cried writing this im sorry. love you all)
GORE OVER BUT IT WILL BE MENTIONED AFTER THIS
I scream my lungs out at the sight of my poor baby. Immediately Al and everyone else runs in.
"Angel what wr- Oh god." Charlie starts before going wide eyed seeing what I was staring at as I screamed and sobbed .
"Is that- holy shit. who would.." Husk tried to say but was in too much shock to speak, Niffty hurries in and starts to clean everything up so I didn't have to see him like that. Al takes me in his arms putting my head to his chest so I couldn't see it anymore but the damage was already done. He was dead. I just sob into Alastor's chest.
" I..im so sorry Angel, We can bury him but I don't think any of us can bring him back, Im so sorry" Niffty says with sadness. Everyone knew how much I loved him. Everyone.. Vaggie.
"V-Vaggie. It was her I-I think. S-she knew how much h-he..H-how much Fat N-nuggets meant to me." I say through tears. Niffty looks around and brings over a piece of paper
"I found a note Angel" she says I turn to her and shakily take the note and read it out loud
"to the worthless slut Angie,
hope you like your surprise bitch. You got what you deserved. Such a shame that an innocent little life had to die because of someone like you. You could see your precious little swine if you follow him and die too. If you go looking for me its useless im long gone by now. Have a shitty life you worthless sorry excuse for a demon and human. Fucking *homophobic slurs, trans-phobic slurs, more terrible terrible words I don't want to say because it goes on FOR A WHILE. Think of the worse shit you can think of, that's what he was called* Hope your afterlife is worse then hell bitch.
fuck you Angie
-Vaggie"
I look at the note in pure shock. This was my fault. I should have stayed in the closet. My poor baby would still be alive if I did.
"Angel, its not your fault, none of this is true. Im so sorry she did something so despicable, I'll find her and make her pa-" Al starts getting cut off by me
"No, its fine. If I hadn't said anything he would be alive, I killed my own baby. I don't want any of you to go after Vaggie or anything. That's all,I don't want to give her that satisfaction. I'll be fine, im just..upset." I say softly looking to where Nuggets was just laying. "It's just really hard to know he's gone because someone is so petty about what I felt. I... Can we please just bury him. It's the lea I can do for him, give him a proper burial" I ask, getting a nod from Charlie
"Of course, It's the least we can do right now" Charlie says coming over "may i hug you?" she asks I nod feeling her arms wrap around me with Al's there still too.
"Thank you" I say softly.
Soon enough we are outside and we are having a burial for Nuggets. Niffty made a little coffin for him and buried him. Alastor holds me the whole time and keeps me as calm as he could. Charlie and Husk try to help me to. I cry for a while then just kind of sit quietly, I felt broken. Everything hurt so bad. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I could practically feel Vaggie laughing and cursing me out. Nuggets was all I had other then l, but I could always talk to Fat Nuggets. I can't always talk to Alastor. My one. one source of constant comfort, my one friend I could always look towards, my only child, my only source of constant happiness and comfort when no one else could show me either. When no one else was here. He always was, Nuggets has been here since day one. He was here before Val was even in the picture. Now he's gone. I felt so empty, so helpless, so hurt. I just felt dead all over again. I lost my everything, sorry Al.
"Angel are...are you gonna be okay?" a concerned Charlie asks clearly worried about me. I didn't really care
"yeah. i..im fine Charlie, Its okay. I'll get over it im sure of it, death is inevitable" I say, I couldn't even believe my self, my tone was broken and soft but monotone and devoid of emotions other then sadness and pain. I probably looked like a train wreck i know i felt like one. I was so tired and just wanted to break down again and sob but I knew it wouldn't do anything to help.
"Are..never mind, okay. Im here okay, If you wanna talk or just need someone when Al isnt around and you need a hug or to talk or just a shoulder to lean on. Im here, im sure Al and everyone else can say the same thing" She said, I take a quick glance around at everyone they all nod and I do as well
"Okay Charlie, thanks. Umm.. can..can I just please go lay down, i don't think I can take being out here any more right now. Sorry but i..sorry"I whisper out, though my voice barely left my through so it was more of a mouthed whimper.
"you don't need to apologize dear, want me to come lay with you?" Al asks as he holds out a hand and I take it, he helps me up.
"A-actually, can i have a few minutes alone Al please. I don't care if you lay with me later I just need some time to collect my thoughts alone and sort through what happened, If that's okay y'know" I whisper out getting a worried look but a nod as well
"Okay darling, but im right here if you need or want me okay? just call or anything and I will be right by your side. You're not alone through this okay Angel, I love you" Al says hesitatingly giving me a hug, which after a moment I return nodding into his shoulder. " Want me to walk with you to a room? I don't know if its smart to go back to our room for now, want to go back to your old room we can sleep their tonight or somewhere else. Up to you" He speaks softly I think for a moment.
"my old room please, The bed is big enough for both of us not to be shoved against each other and its not as nauseatingly pink now." I softly whisper out giving a broken laugh at the end that nearly resulted in more sobbing. Al nods and takes me to my old room which now had pale pink walls, that were more white then pink, a pink bed frame with a white mattress, black sheets, a metric shit ton of pillows on said bed in a multitude of colours. Fat Nuggets old bed sat in the corner next to my old vanity that was a mahogany wood and stained to be a more pink-y tone with white hearts everywhere. Gold accented the room at random being the frame of my mirror, the colour of my lamp, my handles to everything, my rug excreta. Al lays me in bed and covers me up, he then kisses my head and leaves me be for now. I lay awake, physically and mentally exhausted but I just couldn't sleep. My mind ran a mile a minute, filling with toxic terrible things that refused to go away. Thoughts of self harm and suicide enter my mind again and again but I couldn't. Al would be alone, Charlie would blame herself, they would hunt down Vaggie and murder her over and over if they could and even though she took the most important thing away from me I don't wish second death on anyone.
I tightly cover my 'ears' as everything grows louder and louder. The feeling of dread and emptiness gets greater and greater the more I think but I can't stop thinking no matter how hard I try. Everything is screaming so loud it was almost like a siren being played on blast right next to me. My head spun, I felt sick and I was on the verge of tears while my nail dug into my head as hard as they could, blood trickling down the sides of my scalp and my nails dug further in . I wanted to scream but people would worry, I wanted to sob but it wouldn't help anything, I wanted to go for my drug stash but so many people would be disappointed, I wanted to hurt myself in any way i could, just long enough to distract my thoughts and maybe fall asleep but if I did i knew I wouldn't stop until I was unconscious or double dead, though at this moment that sounded like an amazing idea.
'what happens when you die twice? Are you just gone forever or is there somewhere else? Would I be a different person, reincarnated? Would I be in an endless void of nothing? is there a hell worse then here?' I think to myself ' Would I see him again? My baby,would Alastor and Charlie hunt down Vaggie? would pa and Arackniss give a shit? What about Molly?Cherri? Al?Charlie? Husk? Niffty? would anyone really care that much if I was actually gone, maybe Al and Molly, Cherri might too but the others wouldn't actually care, they would move on and not care to look back.' I continue to think.' would drugs really be that bad right now? or self harm? would it be bad? I know its bad but would it be wrong? Should I? I need something. Should I talk to Charlie about how Im feeling? Get some help? No i don't want to be a burden on them, But i need someone, something. Anything to distract me. '
"Nuggets come to da- oh yeah" I call my baby before i remember 'he's still gone. maybe this is all a nightmare, i just need to sleep and when i wake up he will be back. yeah that's it, i'll see if charlie has anymore of this melatonin shit she gives me and Al to sleep when we can't. I slowly rise to my shaky legs and go to the office where charlie probably is. knocking I wait for a response
"come in, its unlocked" She calls I walk in she looks at me with a soft smile '' hello Angel, what can i do for you?" She asks
"Do you have that medicine shit you give Al and I when we cant sleep? I could really use some, im so tired but I cant sleep. There is so much running through my head I just" I start what are you doing shut up, you will just be a burden stop talking " I can't do it charlie, Nuggets was everything I had, my thoughts haven't been this bad since I overdosed back when i was still alive" I keep going, I couldn't stop the words from shakily falling from my mouth, she listened to everything I said all the while getting two small white pills and a bottle of water for me. She never once took her eyes off me other then to make sure she grabbed the right bottle then she was back to listening again, I mindlessly kept going. "God im a mess, my mind is a mess, i want to do so many terrible things right now, I want to just... just die again, to hurt, to turn back to drugs. anything. Anything. to get the pain and screaming out of my head. Anything to stop the pain Im feeling without even doing anything, the unbearable pain of loosing him just because my dumb ass self decided I wasn't what I was born as. I KILLED MY OWN BEST FRIEND, MY OWN CHILD, MY OWN PET, MY EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF IT"I emphasis the whole last sentence, tears already in my eyes, voice shaky and breaking. "I can't do it. I need the drugs again, i need to feel the pain again. I need to die again Charlie I cant, i cant" I fall to my knees, at some point I took the small pills Charlie handed to me. She comes over next to me pulling me into a hug I started to cry harder. " I can't take it. I cant take the only source of constant comfort and happiness being murdered because I decided to come out. I need him Char, I need nuggets so bad, I need something, i..i" I slowly start to feel the pills take effect as I keep crying. " I need to go back to him, I don't even care what comes after first death. I cant do it anymore. Im sorry im gonna have to leave. Im sorry your loosing your first patron" I keep going feeling a hand rub my back softly
" Angel, I know it hurts and I will never leave neither will Al, but we need you here okay, we need your bright personality, your amazing humor, your beautiful voice, your delicious cooking, your perfect self. I know its hard and it will be okay, maybe not now and it might seem like forever until it is again but we will all be here to help you the entire time. I don't want you to figure out what happened after here. I know so many people who will miss you if you left,Alastor, me, Niffty, Molly, Cherri, Husk. so many more too Angel. You really matter to so many of us. I know you miss Fat Nuggets but he would be so upset if you left too." she starts, I cry thinking about what Nuggets would think and she continues " I want to help and im sure Al does too. We don't want you to hurt but we don't want you to die or anything like that. Will you let us help?" Charlie asks.
I think, I don't want to die. I'm scared of what happens after first death. I just... I can't live without my baby. I think Vaggie wins, she pushed me over the edge this time. On top of her I have to deal with Val tomorrow. Pa and Arackniss are bound to find me soon enough, Whether that's a bad or good thing im not even sure anymore. I can tell the medicine is taking a heavy effect as I feel myself drift to sleep as I keep thinking. Would it be a burden to ask for her to actual help? Should I just try to ignore it? No that won't work. I don't want to bother anyone else with my pitiful sobbing . No i can try to figure this out on my own, if all else fails the extermination is in two days. Angel stop thinking like that.
"Angel?" Charlie says looking at me worried. i snap out of it
"Sorry, yeah thanks okay Char, I'll be okay when i wake up i think its just the shock of it making me think and feel really bad. I don't think i'll act or anything. I am going to bed though" i say, a weak smile on my face she nods hesitantly
"Want me to walk with you, that medicine worked pretty quick you look like you might fall asleep any minute" She says with a small laugh at the end. I nod
"Yes please"
She helps me stand and we walk to my old room the medicine truly kicking my ass as we walk. As we made our way to the room we ran into Al who was waking the same direction,he turns probably hearing footsteps behind him to see me practically asleep and charlie practically holding me up. His immediate expression was worry until Charlie spoke
"Hey Al, He's okay right now. I gave him some melatonin to sleep and i worked really quick. I do want to talk to you though if you dont mind" She sad he nods taking my in his arms carefully holding me close bridal style before walking to my room.I drift to sleep.
Alastor's POV
I take Angel from Charlie picking him up carefully holding him to my chest. I look at charlie as we keep walking to Angel's old room so he wouldn't have to deal with being in our room for at least tonight. I feel him go limp and heavy in my arms causing me to look down at him. 'just asleep. He's okay.' I think silently looking back at charlie who followed my gaze to and from Angel.
"He isn't taking any of this well, not that I expected him to but please keep an eye on him Al, he wasn't doing too well when he came to get the medicine. He kept saying he was sorry he wasnt going to be around much longer and how he was sorry he was going to be leaving. He kept saying he couldn't take it, couldn't handle it. Al he came out and say he wanted to die again, im scared he might follow through and I don't want to see that happen and I know you don't either." Charlie explains everything thing else that happened when he came down to her, how he blamed himself, how broken he was. All of it. It hurt me to know how broken he is without that little pig, how he had to see what that monster did to him. I hate her and I will hunt her ass down if anything happens to Angel, because it is all her fault. As if reading my mind Charlie continues "I know im all about not committing and sort of sins but if anything happens to Angel or he does anything because of this im going to hunt down Vaggie and I will make her pay. Al just please, keep him safe as much as you can. I have some paperwork to do can you keep an eye on him by yourself?" she says, at points her tone went dark, almost satanic something i never thought I would here from her even if she is Lucifer's daughter. she finished her words with a question as we reached the white and pink door of Angel's room. I nod
"I agree and yes, i can keep an eye on him as much as possible. im with you as well. If anything happens to Angel V̴͈̀̋͜ä̸̫͖͍͐̈g̵̫̗͋͠g̴̺̟̘͌͠i̶͍͙͙͛e̷̗͂ ̷̤̲̈Ẉ̴̡̃̓͠i̴̠̰̭͝l̵̹̲̼̀ļ̴̢͉̏͌ ̶̢̦̼͂P̸̳̈́a̵̹̐̂y̴̪͆" My voice glitches out at the end as shadows fill around me, my eyes turn to radio dials for a split second before it goes back to normal "sorry about that. I will keep an eye on him dear. thank you for informing me of everything."
"Of course. Call me if anything happens or you need me" Charlie says as she walks.back to her office. I call.to her quietly
"Of course" before entering Angel's room and I lay him down. Laying next to him and pulling him close. I fall asleep with him after a few minutes.
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Okay im sorry for the long awaited chapter but its getting really long so im cutting of off here. There will be the same triggers at the top of this chapter in the next and will be attempted suicide so be warned and please read with caution. Sorry if i made anyome cry and that i left it kinda of a cliffhanger I didn't want this chapter much longer then it is now. I love you all and goodbye until the next chapter
Word count:5800.
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