Sarah's POV:
29th August 2010
I'm about 24 weeks pregnant, which is 6 months. My stomach is a lot bigger now, and is becoming a lot harder to hide, I know that soon I will have to tell my fans, so I have arranged another meeting with my agent to talk about it. Soon, I'll be having my second, and last, ultrasound.
This is what my bump looks like:
I still haven't felt a kick, but because this is my first pregnancy my doctor said that this is normal, and I might not even feel the bump until next week.
I get to my agents office, I'm wearing a baggy sweater, as I have been for the past few months, just in case someone takes a photo of me, or a fan notices me. My agent let's me in and gives me a big hug.
"Sarah! I'm glad you're here, hope you and the baby are well." She says, sitting down and beckoning me to sit opposite her. I sit down obediently.
"Thank you! We're doing good, still haven't felt a kick though."
"Well, I see you're showing a lot more." She puts a hand to my stomach. That's one thing that annoys me about pregnancy, not that I mind too much, but people feel like they always have to touch your stomach.
"Yes, I am showing a lot, it's getting harder for me to hide and I need to know when and how I can tell my fans." I tell her, she nods as I'm speaking.
"So, I think now is the perfect time to tell them. You should do a pregnancy photo shoot, then we can send it off to some news outlets that will post about it." She suggests, I love this idea and tell her it's perfect. "Okay, I'll get that booked for you as soon as you leave and text you all the details later."
"Perfect!"
"So, for now, have you thought of going to any pregnancy support groups?"
"No, I have all the support I need."
"Yes, but you only have Amanda that is also a mother that you know, I have a support group here full of single moms of all ages and backgrounds, if you go you and your baby will have lots of friends in a few months."
"I'll go, but only once, if I don't like it I'm not going again."
"Okay, that's all I ask, I just want you to try it. It's tomorrow afternoon, I'll text you the address along with the photo shoot details." I thank her and leave the office. I'm happy about the photo shoot, and I'm excited to meet new people, but I don't want to get recognised or treated differently because of who I am.
Later that night I get a text from my agent. As promised, I have the photo shoot details, next week, the day before my next scan and the address for the support group tomorrow. I fall asleep happy, nervous and excited.
30th August 2010
Today I have the single mom support group, I'm excited to meet different people in my position, I might even make friends. I call Amanda to tell her.
"You better not replace me!" She says, laughing, I can tell she's got her hands full, she wouldn't have picked up the phone if it was anyone else but me. She's got a now 6 month old baby who is growing so fast I can hardly believe it, and a 4 year old. I decide to make it a quick call, I haven't seen her in a while so it's nice to catch up.
"You know I would never, anyway I only wanted a quick catch-up, I'll call you later! Kisses to Fran and Molly." I say, making kissy noises.
"Kisses to the baby, love you." She says, hanging up.
I get ready for the support group, I'm not going to make too much effort, no makeup, because I always feel more confident when I don't have makeup on. Then I look through my closet, since my bump is so big, I'm finding it hard to fit into all my old clothes, I had to buy a lot more. I just throw on some of my old sweatpants that used to be baggy on me, but now they are almost tight against my bump. Then I throw on an old baggy t-shirt, which again, is now quite tight on me, and is showing some of my stomach. I scrape my hair back into a little bun and set off.
When I get there, I am greeted by six other women. One of them is the leader of the group, a woman in her 40's who is called Clair. She greets me with a hug and tells me to sit down. There is a very young looking, shy, heavily pregnant girl there. A woman who is about my age with a little baby girl, a pregnant woman in her twenties holding a baby boy against her bump, a really confident looking pregnant woman, who hardly looks pregnant at all, she is blonde and looks like a supermodel, and a slightly older looking woman. They all smile at me, except the shy young girl, who is looking down, I decide to sit next to her, she looks interesting.
"So, we're going to go around the table and introduce ourselves, some of you know each other but we have a new arrival, so let's start with her." Clair says, pointing towards me.
"Hi," I say, waving at the other women, "my name is Sarah, I'm 34 and I'm 6 months pregnant." They all wave back at me, except the young girl. It's her turn next and it's the first time she looks up.
"Hello." She says quietly, I can tell she can't wait to look back at her huge bump again. "I'm Charlotte, I'm 16 and I'm 8 months pregnant."
16. Woah, she's very young. Good on her for having the confidence to come here, I'm sure the reason why she is shy is because of fear of judgement because of her age. I'm glad I sat next to her now.
"Hey! I'm Anna, I'm 33, this is Harley, she's 8 months old."
"Hi! I'm Carly, I'm 24, this is Trevor, he's 3 and I'm 5 months pregnant with my second baby."
"Hey, I'm Mila, I'm 22, I'm 8 months pregnant."
She's 8 months pregnant? Is she kidding, her bump was the size of mine when I was about two months pregnant! That's crazy!
"Hello, I'm Beverly, I'm 50 and I'm 7 months pregnant with my first baby."
I am fascinated by all these women. Beverly tells us that she had IVF after not being able to get pregnant her whole life. I could cry for her, I'm so happy she's been able to have the chance to finally have a baby.
"So, what do you do, Sarah?" Mila asks, flicking her long blonde hair over her shoulder and flashing her pearly white teeth.
"Um, I'm an actress." I say nervously. I knew someone was going to ask this, I put my hand on my stomach so I don't feel nervous anymore.
Come on baby, say they don't recognise me, American horror story hasn't come out yet. I should be fine.
"Anything we would've seen you in?" She asks.
God, this woman really wants to out me!
"Probably not. What do you do?" I say quickly, changing the subject.
"Oh, I'm a model." She says, flicking her hair back obnoxiously. After that we all break off into separate conversations. I try and talk to Charlotte, but she isn't very talkative. After a while Anna joined us.
"Is this your first baby?" She asks me,
"Yes!" I say happily, pulling little faces at her adorable baby girl to try and make her laugh.
"Do you know they gender yet?" She asks, jogging her baby up and down on her lap.
"No, I'm leaving it a surprise, I can't wait to meet my baby, though." Anna smiles at me.
"Harley was a surprise, I couldn't have been happier with her." She says, picking her up and bringing her closer to her.
After a while we find out more about the girls. Charlotte's baby father was also very young, and left. He hasn't even told his mother that he got somebody pregnant. Anna, much like me, got pregnant from a one night stand, except she actually knows who the dad is, Carly had two different baby fathers, both of them left her after they found out she was pregnant, except the most recent one is there for her and will be sending child support. Mila got pregnant by one of the richest men in the city, he is also a lot older, and is married, so he told her as long as he gives her enough money, not to ever come over and tell his wife that he got another woman pregnant.
Scandalous!
I leave the support group really happy, Clair tells me to come again, and I'm really considering it. These women are all so inspiring and so strong. I like being surrounded by people who are in my position. I've also learnt through talking to these women that for me my pregnancy has been relatively easy, of course I've still had some symptoms, but some women can't even walk up the stairs without it feeling like their baby was going to fall out of them.
I get home that night, sitting on my sofa, chilling. I change into my comfy pyjamas and place my hand on my stomach.
Come on baby, kick for mommy.
"Hi baby, are you gonna kick for mama?"
I know that at this point in the pregnancy, my baby can hear my voice. I talk to them as much as usual. "My beautiful baby..."
I sing a lullaby to my baby, even though my singing is terrible. Nothing.
"How about we eat something?" Then I feel it. I didn't think it was anything, I thought maybe it was because I moved. Then I felt it again.
A kick! It was definitely a kick!
"You kicked!" I say, feeling my stomach, more kicks come. Then I laugh, if I don't laugh I think I'll cry, the hormones are a lot for me at the minute. "So you are hungry?" I say laughing, feeling another kick, I laugh and go to the kitchen and let the weird cravings win for once. I usually try not to listen to them when I want to eat ice cream with BBQ sauce, but today I'll let it slide, it's what the baby wants.
3rd September 2010
Today is the day I'm going to the photoshoot. After feeling the first kicks they've been coming a lot more often, they wake me up in the middle of the night, they keep me awake. At least it's practise for when the baby is here. Even though they keep me awake I love feeling them, it shows me my baby is healthy and happy. It seems that whenever I talk the baby kicks more, my doctor told me this was just my baby reacting to my voice and telling me that they hear me.
I get to the shoot and my agent is there already to greet me.
"You're here! Perfect! Ready to show off that bump of yours?"
"I'm ready!" I say, as she leads me to a dressing room. I decide on a no makeup, minimal effort shoot. I want to look natural, my hair is just brushed out and left as it is, wavy and short. I'm not wearing many clothes either, they put a sheet over me and I have my underwear on.
They put the wind machine on and give me suggestions of how to pose.
By the end of the photoshoot I have the perfect picture to send off for my fans. It's a picture of me, looking down at my bump and smiling, holding underneath it, tangled in the sheet.
"I think we should send it off now." My agent says, excitedly. I agree.
Later that night is see a few online news outlets headlines:
Up and coming actress shows off baby bump!
Bumping up in her career!
Sarah Paulson confirms Pregnancy with first child!
They are all really positive and I'm so happy, my agent will call me in a few weeks to tell me how the public responds to it, so I don't need to worry about all that yet.
They also added the statement I sent in with my pictures:
I don't know anything about this kid. Gender, looks, personality. Anything. Yet I love them more than the world itself. I love them more than anyone else in the entire world. How crazy is that?
I hope all my fans support me, they're the ones who got me here. They're the ones who keep my career going, I need them more than anything right now.