I ended things with Liam.
It was for the best and even though it hurt like crazy, I was in peace with my decision.
I told him I wasn't happy, that we weren't what we used to be and that we both deserved better, much more than what we were giving each other. He was shocked and I understood his surprise. He didn't scream, he didn't cry, he didn't say a word. It was late at night on Sunday so he just went to bed after I told him everything I was feeling.
I told him how I felt we drifted apart on the past year and we didn't seem to notice. All the tiny gestures that stayed in the past and we forgot to bring with us to the present. I was hurt and disappointed at myself, so I wasn't surprised I was crying as I spoke to him. I tried to be subtle and gentle, because this situation wasn't easy for any of us. Still, I didn't get a single word from him.
That night I slept in the guest room that we never had used before but came so in handy this time.
I knew I had a lot to figure it out because I couldn't stay in this apartment with him much longer. I didn't have a plan before breaking up with him but I tried to come out with one quickly. I stayed up late looking for a new apartment but the search was a disaster. Everything was extremely expensive or way too far from work. I knew I couldn't stay here, that was for sure. I started to freak out and felt the air leaving my lungs.
What had I done? Why did I put myself through this? I was fucking up my life and for what? Shit... Tears roamed my face as I tried to contain my sobs so Liam wouldn't hear me cry. My heart ached, I almost felt my chest crack open and empty everything that was inside me. My stomach was a mess.
It took me maybe an hour to calm down and when I did, the fear inside me hadn't gone anywhere. I needed someone so I texted my friends. I told them everything over voice messages first because I didn't know if they were awake. Nicole was the first to respond and try to comfort me. Leah came after and started a videocall with us three. I kept the story simple because I knew Liam was just meters away and I didn't want to make it worse in case he was listening. They were surprised as well, but gave me all their love and support. Nicole told me she was actually looking for a roommate, so I could move with her in a heartbeat. That actually brought calm to my heart and I could stop hyperventilating. They stood with me on the phone for a while longer until I was too tired from all the heartbreak. We would figure it out me moving in with Nicole during the week.
Liam left very early the next morning and came back late at night. I was hoping he would say something to me, anything. I knew his silence wasn't a good sign, it couldn't be healthy but I didn't know what else to say either.
In the next days I busy myself getting all my stuff together to move out with Nicole the next week. I had all these days to put my belongings in boxes and prepare myself for what it was about to come.
I knew I had been very distracted at work, even though I tried my best not to. I also knew Shawn was trying to be helpful and respectful of my wishes and I was so thankful for that.
On Thursday afternoon, Liam finally approached me when I was making a sandwich in the kitchen. He stopped making dinner for us and I wasn't going to complain about it with everything that was going on. We were both walking on our tiptoes around each other and his voice was soft when he first spoke.
"Are you sure about this?" He said looking at me with an intense gaze.
"I'm sure that we are not what we used to be, and I don't like that". That was the thing I was sure of, the rest... I was just hoping I was.
"What if we can change?", he said.
I sighed and took some steps closer to him.
"Are you happy?" I asked him. He thought for a moment. I was ok, but I wasn't happy. "Look, you did nothing wrong, neither did I. Life happened and we settled for what it felt was comfortable... but it wasn't exciting"
He looked down but I continued.
"We deserve more", I whispered. "And maybe we would run into each other in the future, who knows? But right now, this isn't what I want. And it is not my intention to break your heart, mine is broken too and it sucks. I just want us to live to the fullest, and we're not doing that together".
He came closer and wrapped his arms around me. I let him hold me and I did the same. His body was familiar and safe, but just that. He kissed my cheek when he pulled away and then went to the main bedroom and closed the door.
I stood there with a knot in my throat. I felt my legs shaking and my eyes watering. It was a bittersweet feeling knowing that somehow we both agreed our relationship had come to an end.
On Friday I felt better. The conversation with Liam had taken a huge weight out of my shoulders. I didn't know if he was fully on board with what I had said, but just talking to him and explaining once more and more relaxed this time brought some peace to me.
I had already packed some of my things. My closet was empty and I had put most of my belongings in boxes. I had hired a team for the move and they were coming on Saturday morning.
I felt like everything was getting into place and that was a sign that I was making the right decisions.
I still hadn't told anyone but my friends about the breakup, not even my family. I was doing this for myself and I wanted to keep it out of other people's mouths.
At 3:30 pm I had decided I was going for a beer with the guys at the office. Just one because I still had stuff to pack. At 3:50 my phone rang and I picked it up without looking at the screen.
"You fucking lied to me", Liam groaned on the other side of the line.
"What are you talking about?", I said with calm voice. I was not going to put on a show at my work place.
"You and that guy from work. You're fucking him, right? That's why you broke up with me. Couldn't you just tell me that and don't come with all that bullshit you told me?"
I felt my heartbeat race and my breathing got heavier.
"Calm down, you are making no sense. I never lied to you"
"Don't tell me to calm down. People saw you and him on Saturday. You went out with him AGAIN".
"Yes, I did. But I never cheated on you".
"You're a liar. How long had this been going on? I'm such an idiot, a fucking loser", he rambled.
I wanted to yell at him so badly. Tell him what a jackass he was being for saying stuff like that, for not trusting me. Instead I took a deep breath and ate my words.
"I won't talk to you like this, so you better calm down or hang up".
"What?", he said exasperated. "I can't believe you're acting like this right now".
"I'm at work, Liam. I won't make a fool of myself here", I replied calmly.
"He's right there, isn't he? Good thing I'm just a block away from your office, I'll see you there".
He what? Damn I was not going to embarrassed myself in front of my coworkers or exposed Shawn to a very angry and delusional Liam. I took my purse and rushed to the elevators. I didn't check the time but I was almost sure it was already time to leave. My heart was racing like crazy and my hands were a little sweaty from the nervousness.
I saw Liam in front of me right when I pushed the glass door open and stepped outside. His face was tense and the nostrils seems bigger just because of how pissed he was.
"So..." he said. "What are you gonna tell me now?"
"Let's walk", I suggested keeping myself together in front of him.
He followed my lead against his will. I just wanted to get away from people that knew me and could witness this tense moment.
"I can't believe this, Camila. I always trusted you. I can't believe you did this".
I didn't say anything until we reached a park and sat on one of the benches.
"Liam, I didn't cheat on you and it hurts me so much that you think I would do that to you".
"Oh my God, stop lying. Greg, a guy from work saw you with a guy last Saturday. You're gonna tell me those weren't you and Shawn?"
I looked down and swallowed because the second he hears my answer he'll go crazy before I can explain the whole situation.
"It was me and Shawn", I told him softly. He stood up from the bench. "But is wasn't like that!"
At this moment I was desperate for him to listen to me. To really listen to me.
"We were celebrating. We just had dinner and some drinks, nothing else. I came home to you that night. I swear I have never cheated on you. You have to put those insecurities aside and believe me".
"My insecurities? You are the one going out with other guys and not telling me about it. Why didn't you tell me? What were you afraid of?" He sat back next to me.
"Of this! You, acting crazy because I spent time with a guy, who is very respectful and sweet, by the way".
"You're breaking up with me because of him, aren't you?"
"No, that's not it. Stop looking for excuses. I'm not happy, why can't your just understand that? Just listen to me, you know me".
"I don't know, Camila. This is really fucked up".
"You are choosing to believe that it's fucked up when it's not. I'm just making a decision for myself, don't you see that? I'm sorry I hurt you, I didn't plan any of this but I'm tired of not feeling myself".
He looked down, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his head fall. I didn't know how to make him understand anymore, and quite frankly, I was tired of trying.
"Don't come home tonight", he said and stood up. My jaw dropped when I heard his words but I still couldn't make sense of what he had told me. "Call a friend or go to a hotel, I'll pay for the room later, I don't care. Just don't go back to the apartment". He walked away without looking at me.
It took me some seconds to get out of my shock. Had he really just said that to me? Anger took over my body and it translated into tears falling from my eyes. I couldn't believe he had said that. I felt tiny, powerless and so vulnerable. I didn't like it. I also didn't like how I was in the middle of a park crying my eyes out. I was hurt and embarrassed, my eyes already felt puffy from crying and all I wanted was to hide somewhere. I didn't want people looking at me like this, especially not strangers on the street. For a moment, I hated Liam for leaving me like this.
I stood up and put on my reading glasses in my stupid attempt to hide the tears on my face. I started walking with no particular destination but just to get away. I walked for a while until I stopped on a familiar corner and realized that Shawn's apartment was just a few blocks away. I remembered his address from the last time we shared a cab. Maybe it was stupid going there now, but I was desperate to get off the street and feel a bit more safe.
"Camila?" He sounded confused when he answered my call.
"Hi, Shawn. I uh, I'm outside your building but I don't know which is your apartment. I'm sorry I came here... I just, I can go if this is a bad idea, I just".
"5th floor, apartment 514", he interrumped my nonsense.
He was waiting for me in the hallway when I stepped outside the elevator. He saw my face and knew that something was wrong. He opened his arms and held me close as I broke down again his firm chest. He pulled me inside his apartment and closed the door behind him without letting me go. He stroked my hair and back trying to comfort me as I let down all the anger, shame and frustration.
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a/n: sorry for not responding to your comments, I didn't know how to make you feel better without giving away what was coming lol thank you for being so patient. I'll try to post chapters more often now