Rita(RiRi)POV:
I walk down stairs and sit on the couch, waiting for August. The whole day today I've been thinking of what I'm going to say to Drew. Honestly, I'm scared. Scared than a mother fucker. I'm going to see the man who rapped me, the man who put his hands on me for two whole years. Wow. The man who broke down my self-esteem, my self-confidence. Everything about me, I see ugly, because of him. Thanks to August, Rose and Dina they have been there for me through all of this. Believe it or not, even Aaron has been there for me. He seems to know more about abuse than me or perhaps we are on the same level, he just got through his, unlike me. He is not really that open with me, but we talk about deep stuff, from time to time.
"You don't have to go, you know? I'll go and deal with him with my crew"
I stop pacing, which I didn't even realize till now and turn to face him. I quickly shake my head.
"No! I'm not scared, I'm going. I'm definitely not nervous"
"No one said you are, but seeing that you just admitted to it, you don't have to go." He says, touching both my shoulder blades. My breathing picks up and I start feeling hot. I fan my face with my hand. I don't know if I'm getting hot because of his touch or of what's about to happen. Him standing in front of me is making everything real. That I'm really about to do this. See this man die, the man I once loved.
"I need closure, August. This man hurt me and I just want to ask him a lot of questions, that's all"
He chuckles.
"Yeah, you always got questions"
I smile and nod. I look up at him and he is looking down at me. We stare at one another for what feels like ten day, when it is really about 5 minutes. I clear my throat and close my eyes, breaking our contact.
"Um- maybe we should- um get going? You ate, right? You not hungry or need the toilet-"
"Rita... if you need all those, quickly go do them"
"Well, I'm hungry, but I don't need the bathroom"
I pace to the kitchen and pull out a dish. I dish out for myself the food Dina cooked tonight. After I warm them up, I go back in the kitchen.
"I'm done, let's go"
"Go where? That food ain't even touched"
"Yeah, I'll be eating in the car"
"No, you not. No one eats in my car. Quickly, eat up"
I sit on the couch and in ten minutes I was done. I wash my dish, brush my teeth and we are out of the house and we are on our way. A new man is driving us today. I can't really see him, it's dark in the car.
30 minutes later, we arrive. It's definitely not what I expected. It's an abandoned building with spray painted walls. We are parked underground. The security guy opens my door and August opens his. I'm wearing black tights, my black Air Force and a grey Popular sweater. I listened to Liyah's advice to do what I want and I left my hair curly. Two huge guys are standing in front of the steel door with big guns. I swallow a huge gulp.
"Boss."
One of the big guys say.
"Lady."
I force a smile on my face and extend my hand for a hand shake. "Hi- um Sir?" I greet. They chuckle and look at my hand. My hand falls back at my side. "Big Sam. Tee" August greets them. They open the door and we walk inside.
"Your friends are really rude. I was just being polite"
"That ain't how things work here. You can't be nice to anyone. From here on, you shut up. I'll do the talking"
I furrow my eyebrows and roll my eyes. We walk in side by side and I scrunch up my noise in disgust. Girls walking around half naked. Guys cooking things up and some just sitting around, some walking around, some smoking. Other girls were dancing on niggas and others were practically having sex, in front of everyone. I shake my head. Girls stop what they doing to look at me, same as the guys. Others were shocked and others gave me dirty looks and others looks filled with lust and want. I swear I puked in my mouth. Others didn't give a damn that I was here, I liked those ones.
"She ain't here for all that. Get on with work." August voice boomed, startling me for a second. They all resumed with whatever they were doing. We walk further into the building and up the stairs. August opens the door and Drew is tired to a chair, blood dripping from his face. He is so bruised. My first instinct was to ran and help him, but than I didn't. I gave him a look of disgust.
"Is he sleeping?" I ask August. He shrugs and shuts the door. In the room is Chris, Aaron, three girls and two other guys I don't know.
"Wake him up. Wassup?"
All eyes are on me. "Hi everyone"
They all continue looking at me. I sigh and look everywhere, but them.
"Who this? And what she doing here?" I look up and it's a guy with dreadlocks and a gold tooth. I clear my throat and look up at August.
"Rita and this her boyfriend"
"Ex boyfriend" I correct.
"So, what? She's here to beat him up or something? Cause really man, this ain't how we do shit. She can't be here she can't see nun" another guy who's hair is braided and grilz all over his teeth said.
August sighs and pitches nose bridge, clearly frustrated. "She's here now, so drop it. Rita ask this nigga whatever so you can leave."
I frown. "Leave? But I thought-"
He cuts me off by saying, "you thought wrong. Pour his bitch ass with ice cold water, so he can wake up"
Rizzy does as August said and Drew wakes up in shock and screams. My kind heart feels sorry for him even after everything his done. I really want to help him, but with all this people I can't.
A girl with big curls puts a chair in front of Drew. She's pretty with a nice body. Big ass and small waist. She walks towards us and stops in front of August with a smile. She runs her hand down his chest and it stops on his belt. I shake my head and move away from them and stand with Rizzy and Chris. I give both of them a smile.
"Hi"
"Wassup?" Chris greets me
"How you doing kid? What you doing here man? This ain't your scene"
"I just need closure Rizzy. I can't move on not knowing why he did what he did to me. I just want- I just want the truth, that's all"
"Mhm. Gon' on and sit by that chair and get closure"
"Can you stand with me? Just for a few minutes, everyone is going to be looking at me and I'm not really comfortable" I look up at Rizzy. He nods
"C'mon"
We walk to the chair and I sit down. His face is disgusting and he is dripping blood and saliva everywhere. "He smells like his dead. Can I get a bucket of ice cold water, gloves, a cloth and alcohol?" I ask Rizzy. He nods and some girl fetches it for me. Minutes later she's back with it. I put on my gloves, take the face cloth and begin washing his face. He cries out loud alarming everyone in the room. Now all eyes are on me.
"Fuck is she doing? She's washing him?" A new voice asks. I continue washing him and I pour the alcohol on the cloth. The cloth is wet with only alcohol. I smile. His about to feel my pain.
I roughly wipe his face and his screams feel up the whole room.
"This pain you feeling right now, is nothing compared to what you made me feel. You know why people cut themselves on their wrists?"
He lazily shakes his head. "I can't hear you Drew" I calmly say. He mumbles something and I roll my eyes. "C'mon Drew, my mama ain't teach me mumble speaking. I can't hear you. Speak up"
I press the cloth on his face and he screams out loud. I sigh. "Ok, I'mma ask you this one more time. Do you know why people cut themselves on their wrists?"
"The are veins there and they trynna die" he says.
"If this was a question out of a test, you'd get one out of five. They cut themselves up, because they don't understand, how you can feel pain in your heart? Emotional pain. Pain that you can't touch. So they cut themselves up so they can see and feel the pain. Now that is real pain to them, the blood they see makes them feel better, because the stinging makes the pain seem more real. See Drew you've caused me so much pain at such a young age, but I was never that weak to cut myself. You did it for me. When you beat me up, the pain and the bruises and cuts... I compared it to the pain I was feeling inside so I understood."
"I see you got your hair curly" Drew murmurs. I nod.
"Yes I did. Someone gave me advice and I took it. I look good don't I? That's why you never wanted me going around in curls. You was scared that someone would look my way, but you dumb. That straight hair... I got more attention then I did with curly hair. Your friends asked me out. Your best friend once tried to kiss me, your brother tried to do so many things with me. That's why I never wanted to go to your family reunion. He made me uncomfortable."
"I wanted you in straight hair because it made you look mature and more serious. You look hideous in that look, with your wanna be gangsta"
"Boy, I don't wanna be a gangsta. I'm good on that. And you can't break me down anymore with those words. I was so angry at everything and everyone for the longest, until I realized that I'm not the one who needs help. It's you. You the one who needs help. You the one with low self-esteem. The fact that I walked in this relationship with so much confidence, it could break thick windows and- and crush tall skyscrapers, broke your ego. You didn't like that, you hated that. You envied my confidence and self love. All the ugly things you told me, is how you truly feel about yourself. You broke me down so I could be on the same level as you, if not lower to bring up your lil ego. I've learned that people who bring down people and beat on them have issues. Putting two and two together, you have daddy issues. See, I realized you hiding behind this tough Drew, when really... Drew is just a lil scared boy with daddy issues. Right or wrong Drew?"
"SHUT UP!!!!" He yells at me. I laugh darkly.
"I feel like old Rita is coming back and no one wants old Rita back. She intimidated you. She reminded you of you brother. You can shout all you want. It's not going to help you, because it's eating you up, fast. It's moving fast. You just a boy with daddy issues. You've had daddy issues since forever, because daddy never recognized you, because you were never daddy's favorite. All you ever wanted was daddy's love, daddy's attention, daddy's affection. For daddy to say my boy. But he never did, because his boy was your brother, his pride and joy, the Son that looked like him, he was the one getting trophies for academic achievement, sports, he was a everyone's favorite, but mostly daddy's favorite. Most successful, most handsome, can't lie, your brother does have better looks. But I'm not going to go down to your level and break down your ego. I'm not like that, it's not my job."
"I don't care about all that, I know you still love me"
I freeze, not being able to say anything. I look at him for the longest as he smirks like he has won the lottery.
"You right. I do still love. I'll always love you because you were my first love, because you the first man to ever be in my life, to love me, care for me, be there for me. Believe it or not you also did love me in the begin. You were genuinely there for me, you cared."
"I do still love you too, Rita"
I shake my head. "Hmm, I don't think so and I don't care. You know Drew I want you to remember that there is a thin line between love and hate. Although a part of me still loves you, I hate you. I hate you because you used me, because you broke my self-esteem down, because you put your hands on me, you called me names Drew. You took advantage of me. On many things, I've lost count. But here's one of them, you took advantage of the fact that I do not know a father's love, I do not know a man's love. You knew whatever you gave me I'd accept. Because I have nothing to compare it to. I still don't, but I know that a man protects his woman with his life, just like how a woman protects her man. I didn't expect you to die for me, I'm not selfish. I just wanted you to be there for me, that's all. I hope you can find all the help you need-"
"He won't need help, his dying" A voice says. I sigh and stand up. "Untie him" I say.
"WHAT?!?!" August shouts. I roll my eyes. "I said untie him"
"Man you outta your fucking mind" August says. I sigh and bite my bottom lip.
"I'm the one who said I wanted to see Drew. I have, now untie him"
"Oh she's just crazy and ungrateful. Yung did all this for you-" the girl who was standing with August said, but I cut her off.
"You make it seem romantic. Bitch shut the fuck up, ain't nobody talking to your bum ass" some snickered some looked at me shocked.
"What did you just call me?"
"I called you a bitch, get over it" She trys running towards me but August pulls her back.
"Bitch I'll fight you, don't test me"
"Yeah, yeah whatever. This ain't the clinic, no need to book appointments"
"Listen Rita, we ain't untying this nigga" August says. I look at the two girls standing next to Drew, ready to cut whatever they tied him with.
"Untie him please. Don't listen to whatever Yungin says. This man has kids. I think his learned his lesson"
They cut him loose and he stands up and falls. "I ain't know she was the one paying y'all. I'm the one with the cheque book. Fuck yall listening to her for?" August yells
"Seems like she's the new Boss Lady" one of the girls says. They look the same. Either they are twins or sisters. I turn around and August is fuming in anger. I clear my throat and look at Drew.
"C'mon let's go Rita" Drew says. I furrow my eyebrows. "Go? Go where?"
"Home. What you mean where?"
"I'm not leaving with you Drew. We still over, we not friends. I only told them to let you go, because you have kids and they need their father"
He frowns and shakes his head limping to the door. "He'll never care and love you like I do. His going to hurt you. His a heart breaker. You'll come back running, banging on my door. You always do" I swallow and shrug.
"You right. He'll never love me or care for me like you do, because he'll never put his hands on me"
Thirty minutes later, we in the car and August is still not talking to me. When we get to his house he matches straight to his room. I sigh. Angry August is not cool. I walk in the kitchen to drink water. I walk up stairs to my room and strip out of my clothes and getting in the shower. I lotion my body and put on my Mickey Mouse pajamas. I put my hair in a ponytail and get in bed.
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this bread, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen
Hail Mary full of Grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at thee hour of our death. Amen
Glory be, to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen
I switch off my light and grab my iPhone 4, that August got me. I check my messages and there is nothing. I didn't expect it to have anything. I don't talk to anyone. I clear my throat and put it under my pillow. I close my eyes and go to sleep.
Two hours go by and I still can't sleep. I sigh and get up. I put on my slippers and walk out of my room and to August's room. I take a deep breath and knock. I walk in when I realize he isn't going to answer. Guess his still mad. When I walk in his sitting on his bed with his phone in his hand.
"I ain't say come in"
"I know and I also know you weren't going to"
"Thought you was sleep"
"I was, but than I kept waking up. I can't sleep knowing that you ain't talking to me. It's bothering me"
His silent, looking at his phone. I match to his side and snatch his phone out of his hand, now angry. He frowns and stands up, towering over me.
"Man, give me my shit back"
"No. I'll give it after you talk to me"
"I'm talking, now give me my shit back, Rita and I ain't playing with your ass"
"Listen, I'm sorry, Ok? But I didn't say kill him. When I said I wanted to see him, I wanted to know why he did what he did. Yes, a part of me wanted him dead, but c'mon August, he has kids. That's what you said, right?"
"Rita... I'mma say this once and I'mma say it once only... give me my shit back"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Are you serious? You don't care about my apology? I'm talking to you about serious shit and all you care about is some damn phone?!"
"Who the fuck you talking to? Shit, who the fuck you yelling at?"
I look around the huge room and shrug, turning to look at him again. "I don't see nobody, but you in here. Unless one of us is crazy"
"Clearly you the crazy one for letting that nigga Drew go"
I sigh out loud and roll my eyes.
"I'm sorry I let him go, ok? Fine August! Go! Go and kill him if it really make you feel better! You wanna go around killing people's parents, be my guest!"
"Woman, why you-"
"No August-"
He cut me off with a kiss. I gasp and he continues kissing me. I close my eyes and kiss him back. He pulls me close to him and our bodies are touching, like really touching. I feel like I'm in a dream and this is not real. I wrap my arms around his neck and he deepens the kiss. His hands are exploring my body. I feel something poking my thigh and I know what it is. I immediately push him with so much force and he stumbles back, almost falling. I cover my mouth.
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I- I- I'm sorry, I need to leave"
♡♡♡
Yup, that's it. Hope it was good. One of those long chapters huh?
I tried proofreading, I only did in the beginning. It a long chapter and I'm very sleepy.
I don't have anything to say.
Yung__Aug_♡Love