"A-ano nga ulit 'yong sinabi mo?" I asked him. Gusto ko kasi ulit marinig 'yong sinabi niya.
"Kung anong nangyari sa iyo?"
"No, before that. Bago yan." May translation pa talaga.
"Alex?" Hay. Napaka-literal naman ng taong-este, engkantong 'to.
"Hindi yan... Bago pa niyan." Hirit ko.
"Na may pagtingin ako sa 'yo?"
I smiled again. Yuuun! Confirmed. Hahahaha.
"Totoo ba 'yan?" Sabi ko in my sweet voice.
"Hindi nagsisinungaling kahit kailan ang mga engkanto."
"Really?" Hmmm.. Masubukan nga.
"Maganda ba ako?"
"Oo." Aniya. I knew it! Maganda talaga ako. Hahahahaha.
"Sexy ba ako?"
"Oo." Naks namn! Hahaha. Akalain mo 'yon naintindihan pala niya.
Kidding aside, gusto ko talagang malaman kung anong klaseng 'pagtingin' 'yung tinutukoy niya. Kung 'yung pagtingin na paghanga lang or pagtingin which may lead to something serious- like love, maybe? Hindi naman sa nag-a-ambisyon agad ako eh kakikilala ko pa lang nga 'di ba? Pero syempre as a woman, we need something more than just 'pagtingin'. We long for something deeper, something which will make us feel secure and cared for, right? So, I wanna know.
"Uhm, bakit ka may 'pagtingin' sa 'kin?" I asked shyly.
"Mayroong kakaiba sa iyo. Sa kabila ng ipinapakita mo, sa tingin ko ay mabuti kang tao at malinis ang iyong puso. Malakas din ang personalidad mo." Aniya na para bang matagal niya nang ni-rehearse ang isasagot niya. Or maybe because he really meant it.
But, wow. That is definitely something deep. And for the record, nobody ever told me that. Like, ever. People always see me as the bad girl. 'Yong babaeng kahit kanino pumapatol o sumasama. But you see, none of them were true. I am the complete opposite of that person. I may have acted in such a way that people may infer it, but that doesn't mean that I am that kind of person.
Maybe I crave for attention or love because in the first place, I am alone. I have no family.
Hayy.. Bigla tuloy nagbago ang mood ko. His confession was supposed to make me feel happy but instead it brought a lot of sad memories. Kasi naman all the boys are either wanting or lusting on me. Nobody truly cared for me like I deserved.
"Alex, ayos ka lang ba? May masakit ba sa 'yo?" Natulala na naman ang lola niyo.
"Wala naman." Yumuko ako.
"Sige na, puwede mong sabihin sa akin." He cupped my chin and cheered me up with his second-time smile.
"Wala pa kasing nagsabi sa 'kin n'yan. Ikaw pa lang." I looked up at him but then I looked away because I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. True enough, tears fell. Nagiging iyakin yata ako lately. Ano bang meron sa lugar na 'to? O sa lalakeng 'to?
He placed his right hand on the side of my face while his thumb began wiping my tears. I feel vulnerable at the moment. This is my weakness. I feel light-headed so I hold on to his arm for balance. He looked at me sincerely and meaningfully like the ones I see in the movies when people are about to kiss. Is he really about to kiss me? Oh my gosh! He leaned closer. His face is only a few inches away from me as he closed his eyes. He really is about to kiss me!
Teka, teka. Medyo mabilis yata ang mga pangyayari....
"Uhm... Anong oras na ba?" I asked and he pulled away.