Tahari
My heart pounded through my chest as I swallowed the large lump which was forming in my throat. I wasn't sure of what his reaction would be but I was more than sure that he would give me one. He sat there in silence carrying on his indignant look which was on nothing in particular. I'm assuming that he was still taking in what just came from my mouth.
He clenched his jaw before he began to speak."You must've forgot where you were and who you were talkin to.", he said as he turned his head and put his gaze on me.
My heart must've started racing faster than before. His stare was frightening me down to the core, if my hands weren't clasped together they would literally be shaking uncontrollably. "Let me make this shit clear because you really don't know when to hold ya tongue, don't bring up no shit that don't got nothin to do with you, period. And that lil smart shit you said to a nigga, don't forget who you're talkin to again Little Girl.", he said in a harsh yet calm manner as he sized me up.
His every word only caused me to flinch...
I nodded slowly. "Okay.", I said softly as I pulled my eyes away from his intimidating gaze.
"I apologize for what I said, before hand, I only brought it all up because when I saw the news last night, I just wanted to know that you were alright, if it did have something to do with you, that's all. No disrespect intended.", I spoke sincerely as I gazed down at the hardwood floor.
He gazed at me for a brief second before speaking. "You ain't gotta worry about me shawty.", he said calmly as he rested his back against the couch.
I let out a sigh of relief, I was seriously petrified because I'm aware of what this man was capable of. "You can stop bein scared, I ain't gone do shit to you.", he said reassuring me.
I bit my lip before making a response."I really didn't know what to expect.", I said softly fighting the urge to gaze his way.
"What's ya name again?", he queried.
"Tahari.", I quickly responded.
He nodded. "Aight Tahari, well to kick this shit off, you might want to look at me when I'm talkin to you, just a way of respect.", he said calmly.
I gazed at him and with that my heart began racing once again, although he was calm, I wasn't prepared with what could possibly come out of his mouth. "You heard about me and whatever you think you know about me is all based on some ruthless shit because niggas know I don't fuck around lady, now when you were sittin around me and my yungin, hearin the lil shit you heard yesterday, did you think that I wanted you to speak on it? I sent you in there with ya homegirl cause that conversation wasn't for you. I don't know you which mean we were never rockin and bringin that shit up to a nigga like me had me feelin like you wanted to get some shit outta me so you could go back and tell a mothafucka but after ya lil apology about you wantin to know that I was aight, I just thought that I'll give you the benefit of doubt, so you good, ya heard me.", he said holding his gaze.
I nodded. "I understand.", I said as I took my gaze away from him. He still had this vibe that frightens me deeply and I'll just not talk so much. I was out of line for bringing up him and Devin's conversation and carrying on along with the fact that I got smart with him. I didn't mean it, well I did mean it but I didn't mean to blurt it out.
That's word vomit for you...
"Let me ask ya somethin.", he said grabbing my attention. "Why do you care if a nigga was cool or not?", he queried.
I shrugged before speaking. "Well, after hearing what I heard when y'all were conversing followed by the late night news, I don't know, I'd just hate to hear the worst happen to someone that I know a little.", I said as I fiddled with my fingers nervously.
He nodded. "That's what's up but me, I wouldn't give a fuck about me if I were you cause I don't give a fuck about nobody. I appreciate it though.", he said bluntly as he took his eyes away from me and began typing away on his cell.
His response caused me to furrow my eyebrows. I wasn't expecting him to say he cared about me because he obviously doesn't know me at all. I mean my reasons are only because I met him and sat up in his house, I wouldn't want to hear that he was murdered or sentenced to life hours later. That caring soul of mine, I get that from my mother. I gazed at him." It's terrible that you feel that way and quite frankly I don't really believe that you're as cold hearted as you try to come off.", I said as I continued my gaze.
He took his attention away from his cell and gazed at me. "It's only day 2 lady, you think you got me all figured out huh?", he queried as he continued his gaze. "Remember that there's a possibility that I dead one of my yungins because he fucked me over... possibly.", he said bluntly.
I said no more...
"Don't go runnin ya mouth, aight?", he said.
I nodded before speaking."Trust me I didn't plan on it, there is a possibility that you did that.", I stated softly before continuing." I couldn't imagine what you'd do to someone you didn't know.", I said as I continued my gaze on the floor.
He nodded. "Tahari, I'm talkin to you right, we're havin a conversation right?", He queried giving me an indignant stare.
I nodded without looking his way...
He nodded. "Okay then, like I said from jump, look at me when I'm talkin to you, it's all respect.", He said.
I gazed at him as my heart pounded through my chest. He held an unreadable stare. "I'm glad that you're usin ya head shawty but shit I wasn't goin to stress over it, you can do whatever you feel the need to do but just know one wrong decision can fuck you up.", He said before speaking more. "You afraid of me?", he queried in a calm tone as he kept his gaze on me.
I am very much afraid of him...
I sighed and just before I could speak, he began speaking. "Don't fear no one, don't be afraid of me. Don't fear me, respect me. Let me tell you somethin. In life we fuck up fearin the next man, I bleed just like the next mothafucka, ya heard me. These niggas out here fearin the next nigga will get caught up because they're runnin off of fear. Mothafuckas respect me out in the Nola but some hot head niggas don't and they're at my head because they know I don't fuck around, they want me dead because they fear a nigga but that's where they fuck up, I got eyes and ears around these streets, I'll catch these mothafuckas lackin especially since these hesitant niggas gassed up by fear. If they respected a nigga and his grind I wouldn't be on these hating mothafuckas mind and I wouldn't even fuck with no one, but aye I got to get them before they get me. I don't sit around plannin shit, I just do it, just dead them, period. Shit and for the niggas at my head for knockin they homies off, the shit not personal, them lil niggas played around with a grown man's money, they didn't respect me nor my money. In all honesty, I don't really give a fuck, I don't like people.", he said harshly.
I swallowed hard before speaking. "It's sad that it has to be that way on a day to day basis.", I said softly.
He shrugged. "I don't have nothin to lose except my life.", he said without a care.
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Aren't you afraid to lose your life", I queried.
"Naw, we all gotta die someday, shit, if one of these niggas dead me out here, that's my fault cause I wasn't on my shit, I was lackin but these mothafuckas out here will remember a nigga.", he said.
I nodded."Well hopefully that doesn't happen.", I stated.
"Yeah, hopefully.", he mumbled as he began typing away on his cell.
Silence then hovered the living room and for some reason I was still nervous, as my hands remained clasped together, I could feel the moisture between them. Although I was still a bit afraid of him, I was more so relieved by what we talked about but his vibe was still scary...
I decided to break the silence by speaking. "You must like music huh?", I questioned trying to stir up small conversation.
He gazed at me a bit confused. "What?", he queried.
"Y-your tattoo, i do myoozik.", I said to him.
"Ah yeah, that tat old as hell but I fuck around with music from time to time lady.", he answered as he put his attention back on his cell.
I nodded. "Do you rap or sing?" I queried.
He sighed. "I don't do neither, I just like music in general and I'm done playing 21 questions.", he said harshly.
Before I could speak, I heard a door open. Footsteps against the creaking hardwood floors growing loud as Devin appeared from the hallway. "Aye?", Devin said referring to me.
I gazed his way, giving him my attention. "Ya friend want you.", he said as he took a seat on the opposite couch.
With no hesitation I got up and headed to the same bedroom that Bri and Devin were first intimate in. I couldn't help but hear the guys converse in the living room, I couldn't make out what was being said nor did I want to. I wasn't up for getting on Sina's bad side again. He's flat out mean. I pushed the cracked door fully open and made my way in, closing it behind me. The thick aroma of sex, musk and sweat hovered the bedroom. I took a seat in the chair which was still in the corner of the bedroom. Briana rested her back against the headboard as the same sheets wrapped around her naked body.
The stains from their last intimate session the day prior accessorized the sheets and with that I grew more and more disgusted with her as well as disappointed. Her hair was rather unkempt but that's always expected after being sexually active.
"Are you going to talk to me now?", she questioned gazing at me
I sighed. "What is it that you want to talk about Briana? The fact that you talked me into going downtown to try out Wing Snack's food only to call Devin to pick us up and bring us here so you could have meaningless sex with him.", I said in an indignant tone.
She furrowed her eyebrows."So you're still on that bullshit Hari? Look I ain't even about to argue with you Tahari because I'm tired of going back and forth with your boring ass about me chilling with Devin. I just wanted to let you know that I'll probably be staying the night over here with Devin. I was going to say if my mama call you to tell her that I'm spending the night at your house.", she said in an agitated tone.
I furrowed my eyebrows. "I was under the impression that you didn't want to be here alone with him and how am I supposed to get home Briana, we came here together remember?", I queried.
She shrugged. "I got over it and you can either ask one of them or take the bus... Simple.", she said slyly.
I grew angry. "I knew I shouldn't have went anywhere with you. I should've known from jump when I seen your ass hanging out the back of your shorts that you were only looking to go downtown only to come over here and lay on your back for Devin.", I said harshly. "You didn't want to hang out with me", I fussed.
Bri began laughing. "Yep, I sure did and you're wrong, I did want to hang out with you but I wanted to see Devin too, don't be mad at me cause no niggas in the Nola checking for your uptight ass.", Bri spat.
"Briana, I don't care about no guys checking for me, I'm mad that you were only thinking about yourself. I told you that I didn't want to go downtown because it's dangerous, you done dragged me down here and basically told me to hop my ass on the bus because you want to spend a night here with some guy you don't even know. You don't care about me, you're all about you.", I said in an indignant tone.
"I'm all about myself Tahari? You're the one that's all about your damn self, every time I want to chill with my fucking best friend, you always preaching about how you want to get into fucking college, fuck outta here, let college be your best friend and ride the bus home with your lame ass.", she said harshly.
I gave her the harshest gaze."My education should mean more to you than some random guy that you met the other day.", I said never taking my gaze off Bri who was holding a smirk on her face. "If your mother call me, I won't hesitate to tell her exactly where you are.", I said which wiped that stupid smirk off of her face.
"Do it and see what happen.", she said calmly yet harsh.
I nodded right before getting up from my seat. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I left the bedroom not bothering to close the door behind me. Just as I made my way to the living room tears escaped my eyes. Sina and Devin noticed me and with that I wiped them away. Before either one of them spoke, I quickly headed to the front door and left out. I quickly made my way off of his porch. As I walked down the walkway of Sina's house I wiped away the warm tears. As I was doing so, a police car slowly rode by, I gave them direct eye contact which I quickly broke. I got on the main sidewalk and proceeded with my journey home.
10 minutes into the walk...
As I walked along the sidewalk I began to think of what actually happened. Why would Briana do me like this, who is this person? Putting a guy she doesn't know before me, her best friend. I've been walking for 10 minutes and she didn't attempt to catch up with me, call to apologize or anything. She knows that I'm afraid of being downtown but obviously someone else is way more important to care. As I strolled through some quiet unfrequented neighborhood my thoughts were suddenly broken and my body automatically tensed up as I heard an automobile slowly creep along the curb of the sidewalk I was occupying. My heart was literally pounding through my chest. My eyes began to well up once more. I wasn't looking forward to being harassed by delinquent boys at all. I then heard the car come to a complete halt.
I hesitantly took a look to see the familiar candy apple red Chevy Caprice. I was relieved once I noticed it was Sina. He motioned for me to get in. I walked over to the car and got in. I put my seatbelt on but he wasn't quick to drive off. "You're going home right?", he queried.
I nodded...
"Aight.", he said as he put the gearshift on drive and pulled off.
As we rode through the streets of the Nola, Closer than close by Luniz lowly played through the speakers. I was still a bit hurt by Briana, the whole situation solely hurt my feelings. Without any control, warm tears quickly strolled down my cheeks. I wiped them away and with that Sina took a gaze at me right before putting his gaze back on the road. "I hate to see a woman cry. What was all that jaw jabbin about that had you run out like that?", he questioned.
I sighed. "She made it clear that she didn't really care about my feelings.", I said softly.
He nodded. "Tell me about it, traffic backed up, we got time to talk. So you can tell me about it.", he said without taking his eyes off of the road.
"Well she think that all I care about is my education, I mean of course I care about my education but I care about her also. I'm just trying to do something with myself, I have goals and I can't hang out with her every day like I used to, you know? So today I set aside my report so we could hang out and well you know the rest but she basically think I'm lame, uptight and carrying on, thinking I may be jealous because no guy is checking for me, I'm nowhere near jealous.", I said softly. "She told me she's staying the night with him and I asked her how was I supposed to get home and she said to ask one of y'all or catch the bus, plus she knows how paranoid I am when I'm downtown.", I said softly.
He stopped at the red light. He leaned back in his seat a bit and took a quick gaze at me."Lemme tell you somethin, she ain't really rockin with you. Ya friends, if they're ya friends, they're supposed to support you, especially for some positive shit like college and shit, ya heard me and that lil slick shit about catchin the bus and shit mean she ain't ya friend. She knows you afraid to be down this way and didn't give a shit about you walkin out. I asked her what was up and shit; and she told me that you was about to walk home. But look, I'ma be straight up, don't rock with lil bitches or niggas that switch up on you when they fuckin around with someone, real shit.", he said as he drove off once the light turned green. "But listen, don't do no shit like that, walkin around and shit, real shit. These niggas around here will fuck with you and shit you could be walkin, mindin ya own and end up bein in the wrong place at the wrong time. Niggas fuck up shit at any time of the day and it'll be messed up for somethin like that to happen to you, ya heard me.", he said.
I nodded as I took in everything that he said to me. We didn't bother prolonging the conversation. After a while we pulled up in front of my home. I gazed at him. "Thank you for the ride home.", I said still teary eyed.
He nodded. "Shit, I wasn't plannin on leavin the crib for shit but aight and stop cryin.", he said.
I nodded as I opened the door and got out. I closed the door behind me and with that he drove off. I sighed as I walked along the walkway to my house. I walked up to the door and unlocked the door. I walked in to see my mother sitting on the couch giving me an indignant gaze. "Hey mama.", I greeted.
She furrowed her eyebrows. "Don't hey mama me Tahari, who were you in the car with?", she fussed with her heavy accent.
I swallowed the large lump that was forming in my throat. I sighed. "Let me explain"...