I woke up, still a bit delirious but my senses are better now. I could recognize everything clearly. Albeit with more effort than usual but it was better than yesterday's ordeal. I was bordering between reality and dreams and couldn't make out simple shapes without my head hurting, but now I could see the details of the white ceiling panels without any problems. I could feel the soft texture of the blanket draped over my body.
I could feel even the slight chill of the morning air, despite the heater that was working properly in the room.
I sat up slowly, ignoring the dull pounding in my head.
"...Leila?" I called out, recalling how she came last night. I looked around but didn't see any trace of her. I was sure I didn't imagine it... Even though I wasn't fully awake, I know it was her who looked after me for the night. I remember her scent very well. I frowned as I recalled the sullen look on her face when I tried to open my eyes one time. Anxiety pricked at my chest as I tried to search for any of her belongings.
Nothing.
"Leila..?" I uttered, coughing at the dryness of my throat, my mind already running a ton of possible scenarios that might happen or have happened. Did she go out for a walk..? Or maybe someone kidnapped her again..? Or perhaps..?
Warning bells rang in my head as my eyes found a familiar leather-bound notebook sitting atop the bed-side table. Rui Hughe's diary... My heart thundered in my chest. I quickly pulled out the IV drip connected to my vein and unintentionally drew out blood from the swift action, but it didn't deter me. On the contrary, it helped me gather adrenaline as I flung the blanket off my body. I then proceeded to get out of the bed, groaning with each movement. Cold sweat beaded my forehead as I limped to the door, pushing it open forcefully while shouting her name.
"B-boss..! You can't walk so soon-!"
"Unhand me!" I roared at the familiar man who tried to stop me. Did Kassis put them here? I shut my eyes and shook my head when I felt my vision spin. My priority right now is to find her. I pushed their hands away blindly as I walked out of the room fully, forcing my eyes to focus at both ends of the long hallway.
"Sir, you can't get out of your bed yet!" A nurse stopped me but I ignored her and continued to search for Leila. My eyes panned the interior like a hawk. A few seconds later and my efforts were finally rewarded when I caught her figure entering the elevator. Instantly, a relieved smile creeped up on my lips until two nurses blocked my view. I instinctively pushed them away from my line of sight.
"No! Leila! Leila-!!" I heaved, coughing- later on hunching at the excruciating pain emanating from my stomach, but I never strayed my eyes away from her. My throat felt parched and all the shouting made it worse. But all was worth it when she finally noticed me... She saw me... It was merely for a second but our eyes met and I knew she recognized me, so... Why did she look away as if... As if I wasn't here..? My smile fell. Time seemed to stop as my expression slowly morphed to that of horror.
"Leila!!... Leila, I know you saw me! Leila!"
I ran to her as fast as I can, gasping with each painful movement. It didn't help that the nurses tried to restrain me. They were trying to convince me to return and rest but I couldn't hear rhyme nor reason as the elevator doors closed, hiding her silhouette.
No...
"Sir! I advice you to go back to your bed or your injuries will reopen!" The first nurse tried to lead me back into the room but I managed to get out of her reach.
These damned pesky nurses... I stared them down, feeling my patience diminishing.
"Stop me again. I won't be so forgiving next time." I threatened, freezing everyone in their spots. They didn't look so confident now as they looked at each other hesitantly. Finally having no one to hinder me, I continued to limp to the second elevator, bumping against strangers that looked at me as if I was crazy and ignoring the voices behind me.
Upon, reaching the main lobby, I roamed my eyes to the sea of people coming and going, but there was no sign of her presence anywhere.
"Leila! Leila!!" I shouted, running out into the street, not minding the pain from my injuries. Heads turned, looks of confusion and worry mixing as they watched my tattered body exert its maximum capacity. All of that felt like a distant feeling as I twisted and turned to search the crowd of busy people for a blonde head.
"Leila!" Sweat invaded my body. I could hear my heart pounding in my rib cage, panic and anxiousness mixing together. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling out clamps as I groaned in frustration.
It was completely pure luck when I looked to my right, and coincidentally managed to catch her in sight where the crowd was thinning... Just in time as she was about to enter a car. I rushed to her that instant, huffing as I pulled her to me, feeling relieved at the warmth in my arms.
"Leila, don't go! Don't go... Don't go..." I hugged her small frame as tightly as I could but with my weakened state, she had easily untangled my arms.
"Let go... I only came to check up on you. Nothing more." Her neutral voice pierced through my bones, the coldness freezing me from within but I continued to hold on to her.
"No!... I can't...! Anything but this, Leila..." I can't do it. She's the only one I can't let go.
I have nothing left.
Nothing...
"You can hate me for all the things I've done to you. You can be angry- do everything you want to hurt me but don't hurt me by leaving. Leila... don't leave me." I've never heard my voice tremble because of frustration. It felt foreign... Really... She's the only one that's capable enough to make me lose control.
"Stop it. Let me go..."
But I didn't. Rather, I couldn't. "I don't want to... I won't let go. Stay... here." Whenever she succeeded in pushing my hands away, I would quickly hold on to her, trying to drag her away from the car. It felt like air was slowly being stolen from me every time she pulled back but... I'd rather feel that than feel her completely gone.
"Hey... If you're not getting in then tell me-"
"Enough!"
The driver jumped in surprise at the sudden outburst coming from her.
I flinched, as well but my grip remained tight. "...I'm getting in so please a wait bit more." She added after inhaling a breath, referring to the taxi driver.
He rolled his eyes and turned to his phone for a while. "...Fine-"
"No! She's not going." I rebutted her words stubbornly, glancing at the taxi driver who scratched his head in confusion.
She stared at me incredulously.
"Miss... What do you really want to d-?"
"Don't go..." I cut him off before he could rush her again, but it might have had the opposite effect because she seriously pushed me back with all her might. I staggered at the force, almost stumbling. That had hurt more than my injuries, but I couldn't do anything but persevere even more... I know I deserve it. I know it very well but I can't just let her go...
"I told you- Enough! Just stop...! Go back to your room and stay there obediently like a patient! Is that so hard to understand!? I'm so... tired! I have had enough of this! I can't do this anymore!" She screamed at me, tears lining her eyes.
I panicked, stuttering apologies as I quickly closed the distance and wiped her tears away. How did I make her cry again..? I didn't mean to... I really didn't mean to. I just don't want her to leave... That's all I really want. "I'm sorry... Okay... I understand... You're tired. I don't expect you to smile at me everyday. Be angry with me. Hurt me any way you want- Just... Don't leave me, Leila... Don't leave me-"
"Uziel, you hate me..! Stop going back and forth and just admit you do!" Her voice went an octave higher at her last word as she stepped back.
"I don't-!" I know why she's insisting but I'm telling the truth! "Believe me! I'm not lying-"
"But you are!" Angry tears spilled even more from her eyes and a lump formed in my throat as I stared at her in utter helplessness.
"Uziel, we have nothing to look forward to... The day will come where only anger is what will remain of me, and you... Only guilt. You will never be able to let go of Rui and neither can I let go of the things that you-"
I shook my head, her words doubling my panic. "No... No! You're wrong! That's wrong! It will be fine so... don't go! I will not let that happen so... you don't have to leave-" I frantically denied her claims, my voice cracking at the end. "I-I can't bear to see you disappear, too... Not you. Leila, st-" My voice hitched as I frowned, feeling confused at the sudden pressure on my neck. My arms were suddenly yanked away from her.
St "..aayyy." I staggered as I blinked to clear the drowsiness that suddenly seized me.
"I'm sorry sir but we had to get you back. Any more and you'll put yourself at risk..."
I didn't notice them come up behind me, at all...
I shook them off, but was distracted when I gazed at her. I never felt so scared in my life. She stood there as if she wasn't really there... As if she had already disappeared.
"No... Leila... I love you. Please... Don't do this to me... Please... PLEASE..!" I reached out to her but she shook her head and left, anyway. She didn't even look back. No last words. No nothing.
"Sir-"
"Don't touch me!" I roared at the hospital staff and continued to reach out to the car door even as the vehicle started to move.
I shook off the effects of the tranquilizer and shouted her name again and again as I tried to catch up. The asphalt felt cold and rough to my feet but I didn't care. Even as my stitches snapped and blood started to ooze out, staining my clothes, I forced my body to go to her. As long as I could convince her to turn around... To stay.
I don't care if it's just pity. I don't care if that makes me look desperate. I don't care...
But the vehicle continued to shrink further in my vision and the distance grew farther and farther.
My vision began to blur. I couldn't breathe. My chest was tightening and pathetic sounds began to come out from my throat.
I slumped, grazing my knees at the impact. It felt so painful... And as if that wasn't enough, my chest theobbed painfully. Everything... hurts... And no matter how much I tried to breathe, I couldn't suppress it. My brain was shutting down. Words left my mouth and all that remained was raw and pure agony. It's so frustrating that it's so painful... I couldn't think nor speak.
I groaned continuously as I stretched my arms to the ground, supporting my torso as I tried to stand right up but my legs weren't cooperating. Blood spilled to the ground and I ultimately sat right back in the end when my knees folded abysmally.
What should I do? I can't run after her and she's not coming back... She's not coming back... is she?
I exhaled a long slow breath as I covered my ears with trembling hands. One hand went on to pull at my hair, claw at my chest, hoping the pain would stop, but it only intensified. So I screamed. I screamed her name, thinking maybe she would hear it and come back. Maybe she'll feel sorry... Maybe she'll see how pitiful I am... and maybe then that will change her mind...
I fell to my side, shivering from the cold weather. I relentlessly gasped, my eyes stinging from the unforgiving wind. I looked up and saw a dark grey sky looming over the city. How vexing... Tears ran to my side temples, wetting strands of my hair that were already wet to begin. Sweat and tears mixed as my breaths fell faint.
I am... really...
Later on, at the first snowfall reaching my wretchedness, my consciousness finally slipped away.
Black. No lights remained.
It was just a never-ending darkness, cocooning me in its embrace.
Pathetic little thing... I told you we're the same...
***