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He was a monster and he reminded himself that every morning he woke up and every night he went to sleep. He reminded himself when he saw the moon or paw prints in the dirt. He bashed himself whenever he thought about that night underneath the moonlight with Gracelyn because he knew she didn't like him. She was just lonely like him. That was all there was to it, he was certain.
If she was so lonely, then why did she smile so brightly around Sage Aspen, Emmeline Vance, and Lily Evans? She seemed to glow like the moonlight and it burned Remus. He was sure she had been a huntress and he a werewolf in their past life, and Godric, he wouldn't mind if she murdered him as long as he got to see her skin glowing in the moonlight one last time.
Then, he realized she wasn't lonely. She craved him. She wanted him, but he couldn't let her. He didn't deserve someone as funny and understanding as her. He didn't deserve anyone, for that matter.
And so when he shifted on the night of a full moon alone, he could feel the pain of the thought of leaving Gracelyn, even as a werewolf. There was no doubt Remus had no control over his body and mind when we shifted. He roamed the forest with no journey in mind.
This night was different. There was no one familiar to help Remus. Even as a werewolf, he noticed it was a different night. The same scents that would always surround him were gone. The sound of a scattering rat, a barking dog, and stomps of a stag were lost to his ears. They were not there for him that night - just as he had hoped.
When the sun peeked through, forcing Remus to shift back into his human form, he had never thought it would hurt so much to not have his friends beside him, handing him his clothes and praising him for being a good werewolf that night.
He had cried that morning. For the first time, he didn't cry because his friends were hurt, but instead, he cried because he had never felt more lonely and useless in his life before. No one could make it better because he had to push them away. There was a risk with being near someone like him. He had tricked himself into thinking that everything would be fine if he was alone, but it was a lie.