Chapter 10- "Your reason is stupid, Much like you!"
(The story will now continue in the present tense. That's because I like writing in the present tense better. And also because I think the story will serve its purpose better if read in the present tense. You can think of all the stuff up until now as a minor flashback. That's everything that's going through Scarlett's mind as she's thinking about how she ended up in this situation. )
SCARLETT POV
It all seems surreal. I can't just get over the fact that Jonathan actually loves me. True, I'd always dreamt for this day to come. But I'd never wanted it to dawn on me this way. I mean, sure, having the love of your life love you is pretty awesome and all but... The thing is I don't know if I want Jonathan in my life anymore.
He made a mistake. Everyone does. I don't think it's because of that. The fact is that Jonathan is a judgmental asshole. And the sooner I wrap my head around that fact, the better. I think the only reason he doesn't call me a nerd is because he likes me. And sure, when you like someone you become pretty blind to their faults or whatever and think they're perfect. But what I have to ask myself is: Is being a nerd a fault? No, it isn't. How is it so that I'm not a nerd and Nathan is? It's only because that's how Jonathan wants it.
And to be honest, I'm pretty much done having to live my life Jonathan's way.
Then what is the confusion about? Well, when you've loved someone for more than a year, especially when your feelings aren't reciprocated (or so you think), you kind of tend to ignore their faults. I've ignored Jonathan's for a pretty long time now. And I don't really think I want someone like him in my life anymore. I've had it with people like him for a long time.
And the other thing is that I think I might like Nathan. Now, I know it sounds pretty damn slutty of me to be crushing on a guy barely a day or two after I got my heart broken and broke someone else's, but I think that's exactly what's happening. Even if I don't like Nathan the way I think I do, I'm sure I owe not going back to Jonathan to him. The only reason Nathan got punched and hit this bad was me. Now that I know how much Jonathan loves me, I know I can keep him away from Nate. And I would like to keep Nathan's cute face just the way it is.
I never thought I'd be in this typical "This Means War" kind of state. To someone like me, having one guy love you was a dream. Again, I don't think Nathan loves me or even likes me as anything but a friend. But I for the life of me, cannot figure out what to do. And I don't want to ask anyone about this. Sure, I trust Allie, Adrian, Evan and Emmett blindly but I'm not sure I want to take this decision based on what they think. I want this to be mine and mine alone.
Why?
Because for once in my life, I want to take a decision based on what I want. Mom and Dad have taken all my decisions when it comes to school, Hazel has more or less been the only person who shopped for my clothes up until now. I finally want some independence in the decision-making area. That's not to say that I won't be taking their opinions on this. Because, now that I think about it, I actually WANT their help. I'd be nowhere without my friends. And if not Hazel, I'm going to need someone's advice about guys.
I could talk to Hazel, but I'd rather not mention Nathan in front of her unless I'm sure I have a thing for him.
She'll probably embarrass me so much that she'll make up for my parents' absence.
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"Hey Em, how's it going with Lauren?" I ask Emmett as I spot him coming out of his third period Math class.
"Well, it's going pretty well now. I apologized and she said she was okay with it. We are back to normal and I'm glad." He says before walking away saying he's going to be late for fourth period English. A wave of nostalgia hits me as I remember that it's the very class I swapped with Nathan.
All thanks to Jonathan, I have to endure forty, boring minutes of American Government before lunch. Gee, don't I have such a caring pursuer? Shaking off all thoughts of both the guys, I make my way to the class. It's unusually silent. I peep in and realize that I forgot to study for the pop quiz today. Mentally facepalming myself, I take my usual seat.
Since I generally study regularly, the quiz is a cinch. But I also know that every quiz is not going to be this easy. I have to take the gang's advice at lunch.
I sigh as I hand my paper in and head to the cafeteria for lunch. I put a pack of soy milk on my tray before moving out of the lunch line. Soy milk may not be tasty to most people, but I think it is heaven in a tetra pack. Besides, neither Evan nor Emmett likes it; so basically, it's the only item on my lunch tray that can't be hijacked.
I decide to have nothing but soy milk for lunch. My appetite tends to take a stroll in the garden of disappearance when I'm anxious or confused. Right now, I'm both. So my appetite is probably not going to be back for some time. I'm relieved Nathan hasn't come to school today because, honestly, I couldn't face him. Gladly, Jonathan is nowhere to be seen as well.
As I make my way to the lunch table, I have a lot of thoughts swarming about in my mind. I plop my lunch tray on the plastic tables and the whole gang turns to face me. It's one of those moments in your life when you just don't want any attention. Ofcourse, as far as I'm concerned, I don't want any attention whatsoever, but that is a different story.
"Fear not, Amigo. We have your problem solved. We know how it goes with you. Don't we boys?" Adrian says in a rather affected tone, possibly to lighten up the mood with her voice.
"Indeed we do. Phase One: Denial." Evan adds on.
"Phase Two: Acceptance."Emmett continues.
"And Phase Three: Dawning Of The Fact That You NEED Our Help." Allie concludes.
Lauren, a silent observer up till now, butts in "And we know just what to do."
Great. So, I don't have to spend time telling them all about it. I think it's pretty funny the way they've split my problem-solving process into five parts. If you ask me, it's cute. But now's not the time for saying cute. Saying the word cute makes me want to think of Nathan. And doing that is something I don't want right about now.
"Okay. Well, then tell me. I'm confused." I say, giving them their cue. Not like those people needed it. But I still go ahead and play along anyway.
"Great then. Well, we have thought of a couple of solutions. But, before we place any in front of you, we'd like to know what YOU think." Evan says on behalf of all five. The other four nod in the background, as if they're affirming the fact that what Evan is saying is with mutual agreement.
"That's exactly why we're having this discussion, isn't it? I don't know! I don't know what to do or whom to choose. I don't even know if you could call this choosing. I mean, I already shunned Jonathan. And Nathan didn't even ask me out or something, not that I would have wanted him to, but I don't really have a choice, do I?"
"Scarlett. Stop. Hyperventilating. Now." Adrian says, pausing between each word, as if I were a toddler and she was teaching me something. The situation, if you really think about it, is only marginally different: I'm no toddler. She is most definitely teaching me how to act normal.
"Oh, Okay. I'll stop. But I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I feel like I shouldn't ever talk to Jonathan again. Other times, I just want to, you know, forgive him. I just can't figure it out." I reply.
"If you ask me, it's rather simple. I'll lead you to the solution: Do you like Jonathan Sanders?" Allie asks.
I shake my head. Truth be told, I don't know if I do. But that's how I'm going to live now. I have no romantic inclination towards any blonde haired guy called Jonathan Sanders. None at all.
"Then what is the confusion all about?" Emmett inquires.
"Look, I don't know. It's been 24 hours, guys. I'm new to this kind of stuff. It'll take me time. " I say.
"So, let me get this straight: You're confused because you don't know what to do with the decision your subconscious has made? Or have you made no decision at all?" Lauren asks.
Now that I think about it, my subconscious has already given me an answer. I just haven't been able to figure it out up till now.
It's rather simple, isn't it? If the only guy I've missed since morning is Nathan, shouldn't it be assumed that I need Nathan in my life? It should. So, feeling that I might as well get their reply and do this well, I say as much to them.
"I think it's the former. I have a feeling that I choose Nathan. Not that there is anything to choose, but I, you know, am going to do what I told everyone yesterday. I'm going to stay the hell out of Jonathan's way. He was a jerk yesterday. He's a jerk now. The fact that he loves me shouldn't change the fact that he's a jerk, should it?"
"That's the direction to think in, dearie..!" Emmett imitates a British accent. We all laugh. And that's just when I realize just how stupid I've been all along. The answer was staring at me in the face and I couldn't see it. That's just really dumb of me. Like, really, really numb. But then, I suddenly realize something else too.
"What if Nathan doesn't want me after all that happened yesterday? I mean, he said it was okay, but I don't know if it really was... you know.." I begin to stutter, like I always do when I talk about someone I like.
"Well, my friend, if you're not going to do the right thing just in fear of what might happen, then there's really no point, is there? Besides, if it makes you feel any better, Nathan really doesn't mind. I would know." Lauren says, asserting the fact that she's his sister.
"Or, you know, I have a much better reason for not picking Jonathan." Emmett interrupts.
"And what might that be?" I ask, rather critically.
"Easy-Peasy. If you choose Jonathan, you'll always be reminded of Nathan. Because his name has the word 'Nathan". Get me?" he says, a smirk clearly beginning to form on his face.
"Okay, that IS stupid for so many reasons! If I chose Nathan, I'd be reminded of Jonathan too. Because his name is a part of Jonathan's." I shoot back.
"Ah, well! I didn't think of that.." Emmett says, clearly embarrassed.
"See? Your reason is really stupid much like you." Adrian presses on.
"Point to be noted. But just so you know, so is her apprehension." Emmett shoots back. For the first time in my life, I have seen Emmett Martin put up such a good argument. Okay, Okay, I'm kidding. But really, seeing such a smart side of Emmett is a really rare occurrence.
"I agree. I'm done with my decision. No Jonathan in my life. Only a certain Nathan Cullen." I say.
The gang whoops and cheers causing the entire cafeteria to look at us and making me blush. We subside and then everyone starts talking about different stuff, leaving me to myself.
This, for once, suits me really fine. I'd rather mull over my decision time and again, just to make sure I'm not making mistakes. I've been hurt by Oliver's death already. I really don't want to be hurt again so fast. It's just not fair. Not to me.
I didn't know that that one mistake would cost me my brother's life. I didn't know getting close to Nathan would cost me his cute face. I didn't know anything about Jonathan's funny behavior towards me up till yesterday.
Pushing all of my morbid thoughts aside, I focus on my pizza and start to dream about how good Nathan would look in a black tuxedo.
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NATHAN POV
The moment Aunt Ellen caught sight of the bruise below my eye, she shouted at me for about ten minutes before her maternal instinct kicked in and she dabbed at the bruise with ice for another hour or so.
Once she deemed me fit enough to climb up the stairs and go up to my room on my own, I went up to my bed and fell asleep.
When I woke up, Aunt Ellen fed me some tacos before putting me to sleep again.
For the next few days, she didn't let me do anything on my own. It was as if I was a package labelled 'fragile' that had to be taken care of every moment it was moving.
Honestly, the way she acts, one would think I'm three. But I like it. I like being mothered by her and it makes me feel so loved and cared for that I manage to forget that I don't have parents anymore. Even if that's only for a short time.
After subjecting me to countless hot baths, ice packs and heavy dinners full of veggies, this morning Aunt Ellen announced that I was good to go back to school once more.
The bruise had also disappeared and Aunt Ellen had gradually begun to relax around me; she no longer treated me like a porcelain doll.
It wasn't a school day and I thought of going to the mall with all of my friends. Lauren had mentioned something about them meeting and I decided to do something about my ever-growing crush on Scarlett.
All of the time that I was bedridden by force, Scarlett was the only person I could think of. I couldn't stop remembering how good her touch felt against my bare skin.
The thought of going on a date with her brought a smile to my face. I knew it was just a crush, but I also knew that with the rate my feelings were developing, it wouldn't be long before my crush snowballed into more.
I knew a mistake when I saw one, and I definitely didn't want to take the Jonathan way and lose someone as wonderful as Scarlett just because I was too scared to act on my feelings.
A plan already formulating in my mind, I picked up the phone to call Allie, who upon hearing how I planned to ask Scarlett out, agreed to come over and help me plan everything; all the while muttering how she was not going to hesitate to castrate my balls if I messed up.
A/N:
Hey guys!
This is me again! The increasing reads have been overwhelming me! Its nice knowing someone, somewhere enjoys what I write.
My exams are round the corner, so updates might be sporadic uptil Jan 14. They MIGHT be. Not necessarily. So, let's just keep our fingers crossed.
I'm short on time, so I guess this is it.
P.S. Always remember one thing: YOU GUYS ROCK!
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