"I don't understand." His lips quivered, his heart beat faster. His hands were sweating and he was already practicing his breathing exercises in order to keep himself from hyperventilating.
"You never do. That's why I have to be rough with you sometimes. Like that day in Macao. Jackson was losing his shit the whole time. You were supposed to leave us after that. But you don't have a clue, do you? I didn't want you anywhere around him back then, I don't you befriending him now. I wish you would disappear forever from his sight at once. What happened in that brothel room had to happen in order to tear the two of you apart. You see, the guilt he would feel towards what he did to you would always remember him to never get too close. After all, he wouldn't want to lose control again. He had to be punished for his naivety too, so I made him watch everything. Since he didn't know how to make you understand, I had to." Jia Er shrugged as he waited for the American to digest his words.
"You hurt me deeply that day. All I understood was pain." Mark managed to whisper, still trying to figure out what was really taking place inside that apartment.
"That's all he knows since he was very young, Yi-en. Don't play the victim here, you two have a lot in common. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be able to handle life all by himself." The younger's tone was definitely unusual as well as his demeanor. The man before him was having a hard time speaking in Korean, but as soon as he shifted to Cantonese, he had no trouble in expressing himself.
"Who? Jackson? What happened to him?" Mark eyed him worriedly, not sure if he was able to understand the younger well. Jia Er gave him a frustrated glance and shifted to Chinese in order to make himself better understood by the elder.
"It's none of your business really. All you have to know is that my job is to keep Seunie safe. I usually stay hidden for the sake of his functionality. I want him to have a normal life, I don't want him to be seen as a disabled man. But you keep pushing. So I think it's time I introduce myself." He spoke clearly and slowly, without taking his eyes away from the American. The latter was completely shook.
"You're sick! You need help." Mark shifted around on the couch and before he could think about getting up, the younger held his wrist and gave him a stern look.
"Dr. Lee called it DID. She's an awesome doctor indeed. No counselor before her was able to proper explain his occasional memory gaps or his erratic mood swings. He does need help indeed Yi-en, and you can help him by leaving. Leave Korea, that's all you have to do." The younger took Mark's trembling hands in his. The elder couldn't tell if that gesture was meant to calm him down or freak him out. He didn't know that man. It was Jackson's fingers touching his, but at the same time it wasn't.
"You're still seeing doctor Lee?" Mark's eyes were big as saucers and quickly took his hands away from the other's grasp. He suddenly gathered enough courage to check on his unconscious husband on the floor.
"It's necessary. She's working on making him whole again. Well, good luck for both of them." The other answered shortly, observing how the elder carefully cradled Jinyoung's head on his lap.
"Jackson, I swear to God, if this is some kind of sick joke, I will-"
"Shut up, Yi-en! Just look me in the eye and tell me if I'm really acting here! I'm not Kim Kwon, okay?! And I'm not your ex-boyfriend either. I'm not even gay." The other rolled his eyes at the elder and crawled to the carpet where the married couple now was. His movements were slow, he didn't look as threatening as before, yet, he didn't seem friendly either.
"What do you want from us?" A suspicious Mark asked as he eyed the man squatting in front of him.
"Are you deaf? Grab your husband and go back to the U.S., I don't wanna see Jack drinking himself to death anymore." His tone was steady, but cold.
"Jack is okay with me staying and he's not drinking anymore. We have a reunion tour ahead of us, Got7 will be together again. There's no reason for me to run away. You're the one who is interfering with is happiness. Get out of here and leave us alone." An unknown bravery filled the American as soon as he realized the singer on his lap was still alive. His hands weren't trembling anymore and his expression became fierce. He would not allow anyone to cause further harm to his husband or himself. The other could read that in his eyes. Mark was ready to take him on.
"I'd love to return to Hong Kong, but he won't let me. Long time ago, I'd love to remain an athlete and never stop fencing, but he insisted on being a freaking idol. Not long ago, I was in China, dating a beautiful woman with damn nice kids and he fucking broke up with her. He wants you near and I want you gone. As you can see, your Gaga and I don't agree with each other most of the time." Jia Er retorted, glaring at the American.
"If what you're saying is true, you should just let him take over for good. You're just an alter. You cannot take full ownership of a body that's not yours. Let me talk to Jackson, now!" The American's look was challenging, he wouldn't be easily intimidated right now.
"For what? So you can keep leading him on, confusing his head, telling him again how much you love him and shit? You're fucking married and you still give him hope! Do you wanna risk losing Jinyoung because of a simply sexual attraction? Why Yi-en? Why do you wanna be close to Jackson after all this time, even though you're never gonna let him touch you the way he wants? Why do you have to make things harder for both of you?!" Jia Er suddenly looked drained, his eyes seemed distracted. His collected expression threatened to falter.
"He's my friend, at least he used to be! And we're gonna be okay again, we can still save our friendship. He saved my life more than twice and I always thought he was strong enough to save his own, but now you've opened my eyes. We might've failed as lovers, but we won't fail as friends. Thanks to your little visit, now I know he needs me more than ever! I will not leave Seoul and neither will he. We're gonna face his troubles together. I will not abandon him. I'm gonna find him help, proper help. It's Markson forever, you ass! How dare you ask me why I stay!? You'd better get used to have me around again. Because yeah, I do love him and I'll always remember who we are." Mark's voice was strained, he didn't realize he was crying before his tears started falling on Jinyoung's face, who seemed to be slowly regaining consciousness. The other soon noticed that, and quickly stood up. Before Mark could say or do anything else, he saw the rapper blink rapidly, looking lost as he ran a nervous hand through his silky dark hair. The elder found that gesture quite familiar, and when he thought of reaching out for him, the other had already walked out of the apartment, leaving the couple alone.
"Babe? Babe, what happened, why are you crying? Did he do something to you? Where is he?" An agitated Jinyoung got up from his lap and eyed him worriedly, bringing both his hands to the side of his husband's tear-stained face. The elder just shook his head, digging his nails into his palm.
"I'm fine. He already left. I was afraid you wouldn't wake up. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, I'm a terrible husband. I'm so sorry Nyoungie, I couldn't even protect you. He was on top of you and he had his hands around your neck and I just froze." Mark whispered weakly just before he started sobbing uncontrollably. Jinyoung pulled him into his arms and tried to console him.
"Hey, its okay, babe. You were just in shock, what could you possibly have done? You have seen the worst side of him before, it's understandable. I'm alive, you are unharmed, so we're both fine. There's no need to apologize, don't be silly. Calm down, I can't bear to see you like this." The singer whispered next to his ear as he patted the elder's back with one hand and caressed the back of his neck with the other.
"Please don't tell the others." Mark murmured against his ear. An upset Jinyoung quickly disentangled himself from him, but still supported his husband, placing his hands on either side of the elder's shoulders. Mark was met with a huge frown when he lifted his head to face the younger.
"Give me a good reason not to get a restraining order against him, right now. Mark, you've seen him. He's not well. I'm not even sure if he was drunk or not! He's dangerous and I'm not gonna let him hurt you, me or any of the others anymore. He always had a short fuse. I'm not forgetting that time during a practice session when he kicked a chair in Youngjae's direction. Oh, don't even get me started about Macao. I swear I don't even know who he is anymore. The alcohol just escalated his state. Bambam told me that once he threw a bottle of whiskey at him and the kid barely dodged it. Now he tries to strangle me to death! Who's next? This has to stop!" Jinyoung's expression was serious and his tone was firm.
"I can fix it. Just give me some time to get him better, please." Mark cried even harder now as the singer eyed him in disbelief. Soon his expression changed into an unsympathetic one.
"What?! You, fix him? The blind leading the blind? Jesus Christ, babe! Look at your state! Do you even think you're gonna be able to help him if you're not even capable of handling yourself? When are you gonna learn you're no good for each other?" Jinyoung promptly got up from the floor, extremely disturbed by his husband's words. He eyed Mark kneeling on the carpet struggling to swallow his sobs.
"When I was in a very bad shape, you were there for me, holding my hand, giving me courage. You ed me navigate through the of my own instability. I had therapists and counseling, I had medication and meditation, but knowing that you were waiting for me outside that psych ward, was truly a blessing. Why can't I be that person for Jack?"
"The Jack we're talking about was one of the reasons you wound up in a place like that. How many times do I have to remind you of that?" His tone grew even more serious, Mark visibly winced at his question.
"What about me!? I killed our sasaeng, remember? I punched your lights out once and I disfigured your ex-boyfriend! I'm no angel, Jin. I'm not normal either. I'm no better than him. We just need to find a way to control our illnesses." Mark insisted, as he observed how the singer huffed.
"So, what do you suggest? You guys had therapy together years ago. You wanna have him committed this time?" Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows while his arms flailed wildly.
"No. I mean, therapy is necessary but a mental hospital is too extreme. We keep him near and watched." Mark inhaled, knowing his idea wouldn't be well received.
"Let me tell you a little secret, Mark. Before he almost choke me to death, he went to JB's place and managed to lock Jaebeom and Youngjae in a closet. Do you know why he did that?"
"I-I have n-no idea." The elder stammered a little as he stood up to face Jinyoung.
"He accused them of getting in the way of his plans. He was going to out us in the middle of that damn conference, Mark. Don't you see the irony in that? He wants to put them back in the closet in order to bring us out. He's fucking with us, obviously." Jinyoung declared, wondering why his husband didn't look too surprised with that information.
"Are JB and Youngjae okay?" his concern for his dongsaengs was obvious.
"They are. But JB had to ruin the door of his closet to free himself and Jae. They texted me before I was out. They are both coming here, by the way. The maknaes too. We need to discuss Jackson's problem as a group. But I'm still considering the restraining order." Jinyoung sounded unforgiving and Mark knew at that moment that he had to let him know about everything.
"The police shouldn't be involved. There are some things you should be aware of, Jin. He tried to kill himself while we were in America. His alcohol addiction or his erratic behavior are just symptoms. He is ill and we would be a bunch of hypocrites if we ignored his pitiful mental state." Mark said at once, taking the singer by surprise.
"What?! I've just recently learned about the drinking thing, but the other members never told me anything about suicide attempt. How come he's ill? What are you talking about?" Jinyoung was stunned.
"Only JB and Jae know about the attempt. But what they don't know is that he has DID. At least that's what Jia Er told me before he left. It's a mental disorder-"
"I know what that is, Mark! Believe me, while you were committed I read a lot about mental illnesses." Jinyoung cut him off as he sat on the couch and put a hand on his forehead. He seemed to slowly digest his husband's words.
"I thought he was lying at first, but then a lot of things started making sense, you know? It wasn't really Jack in Macao. It was a completely different individual." Mark sounded conflicted, as he tried to explain to Jinyoung something that he himself could barely understand.
"That's what he told you? Have you even considered that he might be faking it to be exempted from his crime? Wouldn't it be a great excuse to blame the rape on someone else? Come on, this idea of 'evil alter' is sensationalized an exaggerated in movies and TV all the time. It's ridiculous! Mark, do you know how rare is this condition we are talking about here? It's believed that something really fucked up must have happened to an individual during childhood before he becomes like that. To be honest, Jackson doesn't look traumatized to me. He's usually a plain asshole. I know it gives you some kind of hope to believe that this guy who was once your best friend and then your boyfriend could do something so awful to you. But you need to face reality, babe. Evil people don't have to suffer from a mental illness to do something bad. Rapists are not sick, they're just rapists. As soon as you convince yourself of that, the better. First of all, we need to see a specialist to confirm-"
"He's seeing doctor Lee. She's the one who diagnosed him." A confused Mark cut him off, though he sounded a bit uncertain. His husband had a point and he suddenly didn't know what to believe anymore.
"Now that sounds even more fucked up. Was that woman ever able to properly treat the two of you? They're together in this, obviously. He's playing you. It's not the first time someone does it, right? How many times did you fall for Kwon's performances? Think about it! The moment Jack mentioned her name you should have become at least a bit suspicious." Jinyoung shook his head, as a sarcastic smile crept on his lips.
"I'm not a fan of that woman either, okay? Everything you said made sense. But, it doesn't seem like he wants to get away with everything he's done. He's not even asking for my sympathy. On the contrary, he desperately wants me to stay away from him. He just told me to go back to the U.S. and never return! And by the way, why would Jackson write those letters to JB and himself years ago pretending to be me?" Mark asked, arching his eyebrow, and for a long minute, the singer was unable to formulate a proper answer to that question.
"He told me that too. When we were at his house after your birthday party, I asked him about the letters and he just told me to take you back to America. It was kind of weird to tell you the truth." Jinyoung scratched his head with a doubtful look on his face.
"Jin, we're not going anywhere, right? We cannot leave them alone, we are a team, a family. Despite everything that happened, we cannot turn our backs on him." Mark walked to his husband and took his hands in his. A look of despair clouded his cinnamon eyes.
"We'll see, babe. Let's hear what the other members have to say about it." Jinyoung relented and wrapped his arms around his husband tightly. He didn't like arguing, especially with the man he loved.
"I love you, Nyoungie." Mark said as he kissed Jinyoung's shoulder and neck.
"I love you too, Markie." The singer replied as he embraced him tighter and closed his eyes to bathe in the fragrance of the American's hair.
It didn't take long for the others to arrive at Jinyoung's apartment. They simply disobeyed the company's warnings and attended the leader's call for a gathering at the singer's place. The issue regarding what happened at the press conference was completely put aside, as the idols struggled to understand Jackson's current state of mind. Mark revealed to them what took place during his brief conversation with Jackson's alter. JB was especially furious when he heard about Jinyoung being choked by the Hongkonger. Bambam was shocked to hear about the suicide attempt and the DID, but Yugyeom as well as Jinyoung refused to believe that the rapper and Jia Er were two different identities. Youngjae just listened to the other's opinions when he came up with an idea to partially solve their doubts. The five young men eyed each other with uncertainty.
"Look, I'm not saying it's the best approach, but it might work. Let's be frank and call him out for his unacceptable behavior. The intervention we planned at Jeju for Mark hyung almost worked if it wasn't for Tae-U. Nothing can go wrong this time. It will be just the 6 of us trying to help a friend. It's a start." Youngjae clarified as he waited for his band mates' reaction.
"A friend? All right, hyung. I certainly have a couple of things to say to his face. I'm in." Yugyeom chimed in and crossed his arms. He probably wouldn't have nice things to say to the rapper, since he didn't buy that dissociative identity disorder story. However, that would be a great opportunity to openly give the rapper a piece of his mind.
"If he really has DID, attacking him verbally won't get us anywhere. It's not a way to find out if he's lying either. I don't think an intervention will be okay this time. He's not drinking anymore, he's just not himself, right?" A sad Bambam pointed out. His voice was so dispirited that the others almost felt sorry for him. The young Thai was usually the positive one, yet, when it came to Jackson, it was a different story. Yugyeom sighed and put a consoling hand on his friend's shoulder.
"He's not being himself to the point of being dangerous to himself and his friends, Bam. Have you seen Jin's neck? That's fucked up. I don't have anything against an intervention, but I don't think that it will be enough if he becomes difficult to handle. He's not Mark. He's not skinny nor too sentimental. He's burly and irascible. We gotta be very careful this time." JB commented as he looked at each one of his friends with determination.
"Did you just call me skinny?" Mark asked in disbelief, but his dongsaeng gave him a tiny apologetic smile. The American smiled back, not really offended by his observation.
"I meant slender, loverboy, gracefully thin." JB winked at him, making the elder blush, but his smile was cut short when he heard Jinyoung clear his throat and frown at him from the other side of the room. Youngjae chuckled beside him. He wasn't bothered by that nickname at all. He had finally convinced himself that Jaebeom was only his. After what the leader did in front of all those cameras at the press conference, Youngjae didn't dare to question his faithfulness anymore. Of course Jinyoung didn't think that JB was flirting with his husband either, yet, deep down, he would always feel a little jealous of Markbum.
"We have to do something. Before I listened to what all of you had to say, I thought that we would only have two solutions to his little problem. A straightjacket or a prison cell. However, I like Jae's idea." The singer declared calmly as he slid a hand around Mark's waist possessively. Everyone in the dining room noticed his gesture and JB did the same to Youngjae, mimicking his friend's movements. They didn't know if the leader did that to reassure Jinyoung or Youngjae, but none of the other members questioned his attitude.
"So, we're going to his house or what?" Yugyeom asked impatiently. However, as soon as he finished his sentence, the doorbell rang and Mark went to check who it was. As soon as he returned to the dining room everybody's eyes fell on the person beside the American.
"Dr. Lee?"
"Hello, boys. Log time no see."The woman said, offering them a formal smile.