Saturday, day 20,
The next few days passed quite fast.
Calum and Luke had changed into Calum, Luke and Jade and I was more than happy about it. It was a win-win situation for me. This way I could spend time with my brother again and things between us started to feel like they used to. We had caught up on everything that we had missed in the past years and everything was going great.
The other win I got out of this trio was that I had a reason to spend time with Luke without anyone questioning it. Lately I had been thinking a lot about him. Especially since the night we both drank too much tequila.
He was just always there. Of course, this was also because he was still staying with us but even when he wasn't in the same room as I was, I desired to be near him. I didn't know where that came from or why I suddenly craved his closeness but at the same time I didn't mind it. Whenever we all did something together, I couldn't help but feel better.
Sometimes I caught myself staring at his beauty and quickly turned my head that was feeling intensely heated to the ground before anyone could notice. And sometimes he would look too, sending me a cute smile, making me go weak at my knees.
I knew this feeling too well and deep down I knew the reason why I all of a sudden had problems to find the right words when I was in a conversation with him, but I didn't want to believe it at the time. So I ignored the way I felt when we accidentally touched hands or when he gave me a friendly embrace and continued as usual, being the nice but also sometimes "mean" (as Calum and Luke call it, but I'd say I'm just honest) friend I was and told myself many times, that the blond boy was only my brother's best friend and nothing more.
Oh, and by the way, Luke and I finally started writing the song, or to be more specific, he had a brilliant idea and I did nothing more but agree on everything he said.
We worked a lot on it, but I didn't mind it at all. I liked the way his eyes lit up when he came up with a new suggestion and proudly presented it to me. This mostly happened when I was already laying in my bed, ready to sleep. He then stormed into my room with Calum's guitar in his hand and showed me the changes he made, before he realized that I was only half awake and apologized with a guilty look on his face for waking me up.
I always told him that it was fine and that I couldn't sleep anyway. I still had troubles falling asleep and didn't manage to sleep through the whole night. Talking to Luke about our song really helped me with that. Sometimes he'd stay for a bit longer and played one song after another, singing along until I finally fell asleep.
Even though I was happy, the feeling of suffocating became worse every day. It was as if I was trapped and the walls of my home slowly turned into a prison. I know it sounds dramatic, but it was just the way I felt. Never in a million years, I would have thought that it'd be so hard to stay under quarantine.
I was lucky that I had quite a big family and that always something was going on but all I wanted to do is go out for an ice cream or for a walk at least. I hadn't left the house once in the last twenty days and I was starting to get crazy.
But not only me, the tension in the whole house began to rise day by day. My parents stared to fight several times a day about things that didn't even matter, and Anastasia always came to my room, crying her eyes out when that happened. I then had to tell her that everything was fine, and she didn't have to be afraid of their fights.
"Adults fight a lot about stupid little things", I said, "it's just their way of showing that they care."
She looked at me with big sad eyes: "But that doesn't make any sense."
"I know", I agreed, "but one day you will understand."
This day, I hadn't done much, I mostly stayed in bed, watching Netflix and wishing for the time my plans on a Saturday were much bigger than this, but I knew that it wouldn't go back to this anytime soon.
Later, I got a text message from Maureen and I replied within a second, jumping onto the conversation.
M A U R E E N
sub dork?
I'm not a dork ew
yes u r
whatever
I'm so sick of quarantine
yeah me too
I really miss you
aww
I miss u too
once everything is over we have to go out big time
agreed
and you have to introduce me to blondie
Luke?
Yes, dummy
HAHAHAHAHA
no
y not?
because he is my brother's best friend
duh
:o
u sure he isn't more than that?
I mean what happened to "help me Maureen,
his deep blue eyes matched the colour of my
bracelet"
i've literally never said that
yeah, okay
I kind of made that up
but you did say that he had pretty eyes.
well, yes
that's a fact
see?
I'm about to plan the wedding.
you're the worst
ouchie
that really hurt my feelings ):
#sorrynotsorry
but you do like him
right?
yes
as a friend
keep telling that to yourself
shut up
I'd never lie to you
...
I'm being serious
me too
all im sayin is
from what I've heard from you
Luke seems to be a nice guy
and I think you should give it a shot
but I don't like him that way
plus, Calum would kill me
and I think I still have feelings for Mason.
are you sure?
no, Calum would never kill you, he'd kill Luke.
I thought you were over him
I wouldn't want him to kill Luke either
and yes, I'm over Mason
but I still have feelings for him
and my heart isn't completely healed
I still feel empty some days.
I'm sorry to hear that bub.
but trying something new might help you to fix
your broken heart.
I don't know...
can we please change the topic?
I'm starting to get really depressed.
Ofc
Bruno is doing better
no diarrhea?
no diarrhea.
We continued chatting for a while until I realized that it had gotten late and that I should probably go to sleep. As usual, I wasn't able to fall asleep right after I rested my head on my pillow. I stared on the ceiling, hoping that Luke would open the door any second like he had the past three days, but he didn't.
I felt a disappointment crawling up my throat, but I swallowed it down. I shouldn't have expected him to start doing that anyway. We were finished with the melody and writing the text was a completely other process.
So I forced myself to close my eyes and doze off without the soothing voice of the tall blond boy that was in the background.
But my sleep wasn't as restful like the previous ones. I always woke up, having the strong desire to go out of the house, out of the walls that kept me trapped. It was as if all the energy that had been building up inside me over the last three weeks was suddenly wanting to come out.
One time, I woke up and couldn't find my way back to sleep. Every inch of my body was yearning for movement, laying still seemed like an impossible task. I gave up eventually, making my way downstairs to do what I always did when I couldn't sleep – drink a cup of hot chocolate.
I realized a soft wind as I walked in the kitchen that carried a lovely melody in it. It didn't take long for me to know that it was Luke's voice singing our song, but not only the melody, there was even a bit of lyric. Not much, a few parts but they fitted in like they had always been a part of it.
The sound came from the kitchen balcony, where apparently Luke was sitting with Cal's guitar. From one moment to the other, I forgot about the hot chocolate and followed my ears out of the kitchen.
I don't wanna say goodbye to another night
He stopped playing and started scribbling something down in the notebook that was laying in front of him.
"That's beautiful", I said.
His whole body flinched since he hadn't heard me coming.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you", I chuckled, grabbing the chair that was standing on the opposite side of the table than his and sat down.
"It's fine", he smiled warmly, "so you really like it?"
I nodded heavily. "Can you play it again?"
His smile grew and he began to sing the exact same part another time. When it ended, a sudden idea stroke me and I sang further.
And watch you walk away.
"That's amazing!", he screamed and immediately started to write it down.
And from then on, our writing flow started. We didn't finish the whole song but the pre chorus and refrain was done after about ten minutes.
We just sat there, singing the same part over and over again. There wasn't much lyric in the refrain, in fact only one sentence that we repeated a few times, but it described exactly how I felt.
I don't wanna waste tonight.
It was ironic that we sang these words, that called out our strongest desire during quarantine but there was still nothing that we could do about it.
"I have an insane idea", I stated as we were about to go back to bed. I didn't want this night to end because I knew, that I would lay wide awake, staring at the ceiling of my room, if I went back to bed, not being able to sleep.
"Tell me about it", his eyes lit up. Apparently, he didn't want to go to sleep either.
"Let's go to the beach", I smirked.
"To the beach?", he frowned his eyebrows," But we're not allowed to-"
"Leave the house, I know. But there won't be any cops outside at this time and we won't meet anyone so there's no chance of getting infected or in trouble", I interrupted him.
"Please", I pouted with big puppy eyes.
"Okay, I'm in"