*June 6th, 2014*
"Joseph Jonas." The principal said my name as I walked past the stage and shook his hand while accepting my diploma. I heard the loud yells and horns and whistles from my family. I went back and took my seat. The principal went through the rest of the names and once the last name was said he spoke again.
"Ladies and gentlemen may I present you the graduating class of 2014!" The principal said into the microphone and everyone threw their hats into the air yelling, screaming, and applauding while hugging one another. I hugged and high fived Kevin and Nick as well. Once the ceremony was over I headed over to my parents and took pictures with them as did Nick and Kevin. I was finally done and graduated! Over the time I lost Demi, I finished up school it was hard when she wasn't around but I managed to get through it. The pain of her not being here with me today is strong. She should've walked that stage with my brothers and I. On the 27th of last month, my family set balloons up into the sky to remember her by. I feel like this should be something we should do every year to remember her by. A few days after that I got my casts removed and am slowly walking again. Her family and I were still on shifty conditions but I can't blame them. We would see each other in the neighborhood and all we would say is a simple 'hello'. We've never seen them leave their house as much as they used to. I wonder if they still have all of Demi's items in her room or if they decided to throw it out? I wonder if they still go into her room or if they can't even go near it anymore because it would be too much? My family and I then went out for a graduation dinner before we went home.
When we went home I got undressed from the cap and gown and put on a tshirt and some jeans. I grabbed a hoodie and put it over me. I put on some shoes and grabbed my phone with me. Right now I needed time for myself.
"Mom I'm heading out. I'll be back soon." She nodded her head and I went out the door. It was a nice summer night so I decided to take a walk. When I walked past Demi's house it was quiet. As usual these days. All their cars were in the front. I was considering going to her house but I just couldn't bring myself to it. The door to her house opened and I saw Dianna come out. We made eye contact for a while before she smiled at me and said hello.
"Hello." I responded back to her before I started walking again.
"Joe wait." I heard her call out to me. I stopped and looked at her. "Do you have a second?" I nodded my head and went to her house. Everything seemed the same here. We sat down at her dining room table.
"Congratulations to you and your brothers for graduating." She told me as she fixed herself up a cup of coffee.
"Thank you." Was all I said. She offered me some but I said no.
"Demi's funeral is in a few weeks and we would love for you to come." I looked up at Dianna when I heard her words.
"Are you sure?" I asked her unsure. She nodded.
"You were a big part of her life, Joe. I know you didn't mean to kill her but maybe this was just a way of God telling us that they needed another angel." Dianna spoke out softly. I tried to keep my tears in as I looked down at my watch. She spoke again.
"Our family has forgiven you and your actions. We know that life's too short to be upset with someone. I hope you could accept my apology about my husband lashing out the way he did on you." She apologized for her husband.
"No Dianna I deserved it." I told her as a tear slipped down my face "I killed your daughter. How could you be so loving and caring to me when I ruined your family?"
"Because Joe. Holding grudges and being mad at someone isn't going to solve anything. It's important to forgive people. I know Demi would want our family to forgive you." She spoke out softly. "And you didn't ruin our family. We know that we'll always be watched now by a guardian angel from above making sure that we're doing okay. And I know she watches over you too." Dianna put her hand on my forearm. I smiled a little at her.
"I know she does. Sometimes I could feel her presence in the room. I can't exactly explain it but I could feel it." She smiles at me when I say that.
"I feel that sometimes too. I know she wouldn't want us to be fighting with one another. I hope you could accept out apology." She says to us.
"If anything I should be apologizing to you guys." I chuckle a litte. "Well I accept your apology." I told her.
"And we accept yours as well. We hope to see you and your family at the funeral in a few weeks. June 27th." We walk to the front of her door.
"I'll be there." It feels like a giant weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Even though Dianna and her family accepted my apology I know things will never be the same as they were before between us ever again. No matter how hard and how long we tried they will never be the same again. I walk back to my house as the wind slightly blows. And I feel that feeling again. That feeling that she's right here next to me. Probably happy that her family and I are okay again. I smile knowing that it's her.
*June 27th, 2014*
It was the day of her funeral. I decided to go on my own. I wore a black outfit and got ready to leave. I took my parents car and drove slowly to the funeral home. I was there and everyone, but Eddie greeted me and thanked me for coming. Eddie stayed calm but I could still tell that he wouldn't warm up to me. And who could blame him? I sat down on one of the benches and saw Demi's picture. It made me smile and miss her even more. More people started to fill the place and the funeral began. I couldn't help but to think the whole time. How I missed her so much and how I wish she were here with me through these tough times. I wish she saw how many people showed up for her and how many people really did love and care for her. When the service ended we went to the cemetrary where she would be burried. I looked at the stone with her date and everything.
Demetria Devonne Lovato. August 20th, 1995- April 27th, 2014. It then had a small passage from the bible written on it. I watched lifelessly how her casket was being burried deep into the earth. Her family dropped flowers onto it and they said a prayer before they burried it. I knew I had to stay strong but I just couldn't right now. A gust of wind came over us. It was a soft gentle wind. And I felt her presence again. I knew she'd want me to stay strong so maybe this was a sign telling me to hang in there. When the ceremony ended, I payed my respect to her family. Eddie firmly shaked my hand and thanked me for coming. Those were the first words he's said to me since this all happened. I talked with their family and others about how wonderful and great she was until I couldn't handle anymore and decided it was best for me to leave. But I didn't go home right away. I went to the park underneath our special tree. I grabbed my guitar sitting in the trunk and walked to the park. I would always remember this tree and the many memories it had behind it for Demi and I. I looked at the engraving on it and ran my fingers over it. I've been coming here at least an hour every day since she's passed. I could always feel her presence when I'm here. I've been writing some music too. The more I wrote music the more I fell in love with it.
"Hey Demi." I said as if she could hear me and were right here with me right now. I usually come here to tell her how i've been and what's been going on. I hope she could hear me.
"So I wrote a new song and I wanted to play it for you." I grabbed the guitar from my case and lightly started playing. I sang the first part but the chorus was when it really got to me.
And being here without you, is like I'm waking up to only half a blue sky. Kinda there but not quite. I'm walkin around with just one shoe, i'm half a heart without you. I'm half a man, at best. With half an arrow in my chest, I miss everything we do. I'm half a heart without you. I kept playing and singing before I got to the bridge.
Though I try to get you out of my head. The truth is I got lost without you and since then I've been waking up to only half a blue sky. Kinda there but not quite. I'm walkin around with just one shoe, i'm half a heart without. I'm half a man at best. With half an arrow in my chest, I miss everything we do. I'm half a heart without you. Without you, without you, half a heart without you. Without you, without you, I'm half a heart without you.
I finished the song and I noticed I was crying. I really did miss her and i miss her more and more each day. Just then the wind blew again and I softly smiled. Even though she wasn't here with me today, I knew that she'd always be with me and I'd have her where I would go. I was gonna continue writing music. I'm excited for college to start and to start a new chapter of my life. I'd always have a piece of her with me where ever I went. The necklace to her cartier bracelet still hangs around my neck and I haven't taken it off since. Her watch is something I will wear to forever remember her by. So even if she's not here with me anymore I'll always have a piece of her with me and I know she's looking down on me and guiding me through my journey of life.