Hi I'm Cynthia Greyce, and I'm literally so scared writing this story... I've never written one before, but as you can see....here I am. During this period of the lock down that's happening right now due to covid 19...I've been so bored and decided to keep my mind positive.. Reading books is what keeps me going, and today, I decided to write my own story....Hope you like it, and please throw some comments to tell me what you think. Stay safe.
I also want to thank God for creating Ruth B, for she is an inspiration to me. Ps, the content written here, is for bisexuals (LGBTQ). Mature scenes such as sexual content and use of drugs, will also be found in some chapters. (don't say I didn't warn you !!)
As a young upcoming author, I make mistakes while writing the story, I have to admit before I publish, I read over 5 times but still make mistakes. so please feel free and comment any mistakes done.
Xoxo.
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Dedicated to everyone who thinks I'm writing about them. I am💕.
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The world is dark,
And light is precious.
Come closer dear reader.
You must trust me.
I am telling you a story.
>Pinterest.
For this chapter,listen to thoughts by Sasha Sloan
If I told you right now that everything bad in life has happened to me, would you believe?
OR.... if I said that this world I'm living in is a home for depression, would you believe that instead?
Probably not because, ninety six percent of you all haven't reached that phase in life. Hows this for starters.
A phase where a lot of voices speak in your mind like "I'm not good enough, I can't carry this anymore, why do I deserve this? I just wanna die, just kill yourself already, nobody cares... see, they ain't even checking up on you." At least that's what my mind tells me.
And honestly, I'm drowning inside.......
My name's Xhey Wilson and I'm a sad child in full.
I thought a lot. I found myself drowning in a lot of thoughts most of the times....just like now. Unspoken thoughts were what they are. The kind that made silence take control over your small little world.
I heard the silence around me, the one screeching so loud to be heard. I tried, a little bit harder, for this silence to be heard.
I calmed myself, quietened my mind, listened to the speech of my silence..... But I found misplaced thoughts, which were so hard to assemble.
But I loved the silence, it made me think, for at times thoughts were my only friend. Yes, silence did that to me. It helped me connect to myself, I guessed life would be easier for me then.
But how was it that just a thought could bring long buried emotions and stir what was settled? I guessed that's why folks said to let things be, to not go walking into the past so blindly. But what else was there to do when the way forward was the way back? Perhaps though, it was just selfishness to return, to make others feel what was healthier for them to forget.
Tears streaked my face. I breathed in and let it out slowly. I calmed myself down again and let the voice within me connect with this silence.
I didn't deserve this. I just didn't. I wiped the tears off my face, when realized I was over thinking. I heard a knock behind the door of my bedroom.
"Xhey?" The voice behind my door sounded loud now, bringing me back to reality.
"Yes mum." I replied faintly, as I stood up and walked towards the door. I opened it.
"What are you doing in your bedroom right now? You're supposed to be helping me in the kitchen, I have guests coming around today." My mum jarring to the senses.
"I'm so sorry mum... b-been studying for..." before I could compose my sentence fully, she cut me off.
"I know you Xhey, you always lost in thoughts and that's not healthy. Why not take a walk outside, it's still afternoon. Refresh your mind."
I smiled sheepishly as I closed the door behind me. Perhaps that smile was worth it. I sighed. Damn, my mum knew me so well.
I walked towards the mirror near my bed and gazed fixedly at myself.
I'm black with brown eyes, long dark brown hair, not so long though, can't exaggerate it. I'm slim and 5'6 feet tall. I hope that's enough explanation for how I looked like.
I examined myself well for over fifteen minutes. My brown eyes quite looked sad, I should say. The world may be cruel, but you could create your own.
I organized my messy hair, and threw on a boyfriend jean and stripped crop top. I guess that's my look for today, I spoke to myself. I picked up my phone that was laying on my bed with headsets plugged in, and got out of my room. I looked at the time and it was 5:40pm.
I sloped down the stairs leading to the living room, searching for my mum to inform her that I was now getting out. I may be 20, but I still stayed with my mum. It sounds weird I know, but sometimes it's not bad staying with them.
I had all the respect for her, that I told her where the fuck I was going. My mum was not in the living room, so I guessed she was in the kitchen cooking and preparing for her guests as she said. I headed to the kitchen, and there she was, washing the dishes.
"Uhm, mum?" I spoke softly.
She didn't turn around to face me, but I guessed she was listening. "Yes, darling!"
"So I'll be moving out. You're sure you won't be needing my help?"
"It's ok honey, I can handle. Go freshen up your mind....and stop over thinking." She turned around, and I could see a concerned look on her face. "I don't even know why you always think. I'm soon taking you for therapy darling."
"Honestly mum, I'm fine...I'm just thinking of the future, and life's tribulations....Bye love you." I murmured, finding my way out of the kitchen before she could lecture me. I hated lectures, yes I did. They were so tedious, to be honest.
I walked out of the front door of my house and started my little evening journey. I placed the headsets into my ears and got drowned in my music. I concentrated on every lyric, that I didn't even realize how far I had moved.
I crossed the road and spotted the children's park. I loved sitting there and watch children play. It reminded me of my young age. Innocence, love, happiness. I thought about that every now and then. The old days when I was a kid. If only now, I'd feel happy. I loved the sand so much, forming castles from it and my mum played along. A beautiful childhood I had, but a little bit sad.
You were probably wondering why I spoke of my mum so much, and not my dad. I don't have a dad. Not that he died or something, he just isn't around. I grew up not seeing him. Perhaps I should say, I don't even know how he looks likes, and that's the thing.
It hurt when someone asked me about my dad, and I didn't have anything to say. I mean, what could I say? That I had never seen him and my mum never talked to me about him, even when I asked? That was absurd. I was now old enough to know what happened between the two of them. This rattled me a lot. I couldn't apprehend why mum is so secretive about him.
I felt lonely, sad, frustrated and unloved. It teared me up, and I couldn't do anything about it.
Perhaps she was right not to tell me...I thought.
He was supposed to be the first male to love me before others did, but he didn't. Though, I felt him around me. I heard his voice in my mind. I had hope I'd see him. It would be a chance of a lifetime.
More tears found there way down my face, because at times the soul gave up faster, than its physical being. Anger took over. Life is harsh. The world is cruel. I gave out a devilish laugh, but it pierced my soul. I wondered, were there multiple beings to support my internal and external being? The wounds weighing out.
I had hope, I should say. And this hope was hoping against hope. To redeem my being and give it the love that it deserves.
A tap on my shoulder startled me. I turned around and glared at a security guard.
"Excuse me ma'am, but it's late already...we're about to close up." He informed me in a calm voice.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't realize....I guess I was so buried in my thoughts." I explained with a quick smile, and excused myself.
Oh My God, it had already clocked 8:00pm, and I was a hundred percent sure mums' guests had already arrived. I walked hurriedly back home, which took me about fifteen minutes.
When I got home, I glanced around and there was many cars parked out at the parking space of our house. So here's the thing, as I said, I hated people and since there was many home, I guessed I'd have to go to my room and lock it. I opened the front door of my house, and I was welcomed by noises everywhere.
I gazed around the room and my eyes set upon a beautiful guy. Yes, I said beautiful not handsome, because he did look that. He didn't notice me at first sight, because he was busy talking to a tall slender lady and she had taken all his attention.
"Xhey, darling." A familiar voice called me. I turned my eyes to the side, and it was my mum.
She rushed straight for me who was standing still like a sculpture near the front door. "Come come, someone wants to meet you...You took long to come back I almost called your cellphone."
I followed behind her, when she took me to the tall slender lady who was talking to the beautiful guy I was telling you about. " Miranda, here she is, Xhey my daughter."
"Xheyyyy..." Miranda called my name with a lot of emphasis. "You've grown up so fast, and you look just like your dad, well literally your eyes." She smiled.
"My dad..tell me about him." I asked her politely, since my mum couldn't tell me anything about him.
"Your dad?...well he..." And my mum interrupted trying to stop the little dialogue me and Miranda were creating.
I let out a sigh, and found my way to the kitchen.
When I got to the kitchen, my eyes met with the beautiful human I first laid my eyes on when I entered my house.
He was 6 feet tall, built in body, looked like he works out. His lips were of full shape, pale pink that reminded me of a rose bud. I stared at them and honestly, I couldn't stop admiring.
His hair was short, curly, dark brown and messy. Most girls, even boys would die to touch it. Speaking of touching, one hand scrunched into that tumble of messy hair in a sexy way and my mouth fell open. He was everything.
I literally stared at him for a couple of minutes, wondering how God created some humans. He was sastisying to the eyes.
I sighed, closed my mouth and went to the cupboard. I pulled out a glass, and walked towards the dispensary to get myself water.
As I was getting water, I heard a voice behind me.
"Hi, I'm Yosef."
I turned around noticing it was the guy I was admiring.
My stomach heaved.
I took the opportunity to study his eyes. They were grey. So solid, so bright, the exact lustrous color of polished shard of metal. If you looked closer, you'd see the swirls of glittering onyx black and tinges of green at the edges. They weren't monochrome or boring, they were beautiful.
I drawled, with a wide smile that I pulled off immediately. "Xhey."
He gazed into my eyes and studied them. "Cute eyes...wish I had brown ones."
Deep down I wanted to tell him his were more beautiful, but I couldn't, because I'm too slow. I don't even know how to start up a conversation, to be honest. I couldn't help the awkward silence and told him to excuse me.
I literally had no idea what this party was all about, so I just made my way to my room.
I placed my butt on the bed, listening to the race of my heart. I couldn't stop thinking about the non talk I had with this beautiful guy called 'Yosef.' I checked my phone and opened my Instagram, swiping through new posts from the people I followed. I tried searching for this Yosef guy, but couldn't find him, since I didn't know his username.
~
11:50pm clocked and I heard guests saying their goodbyes. I remembered Yosef. Was he still down stairs? I didn't know him, but I already liked him. "Fuck Xhey, concentrate." I whispered to myself.
Something clicked in my mind so I walked towards my room window, drew the curtains slightly open and sneaked a peek. Yosef was outside at our parking space, standing next to a beautiful posh black car. He still caught my eyes.
He opened the door for the lady I was introduced to earlier 'Miranda' to enter the car, and I knew for sure that was his mum.
I saw their car leaving our premises, and I wished I could say goodbye before he left.
Sooo guys....that's the end of my first chapter. I hope you really enjoyed it.
Ps. Don't forget to vote and share... that's if you enjoyed it. Thanks 😚 see you in the next chapters. Love Cynthia💕.
Someone also asked how they pronounce 'Xhey.' Xhey is pronounced as Zhey. Just like how 'Xavier' is pronounced as 'Zavier.' Hope I answered all your questions 😊