[ 016 BLYTHE'S MIXTAPE ]
gilbert's pov
its been months since ive talked to her. 5 months. my birthday is tomorrow and i can't help but feel sad for the occasion. 5 months prior, i had expected to spend it with anne but now she's going out with sebastian.
sebastian. my god, that man makes my blood boil. he's so innocently sweet that it's sickening. he's the prince in anne's story. not me. and i have to say that, that doesn't sit right with me.
i hated how i treated her in the hallway. she looked so broken when i said those cruel things to her. i don't even know where it came from...maybe it's valery's constant bitching about her finally getting to me.
anne is perfect. so so so perfect and i miss her. i miss her so much. i tried to replace her with valery again, but it was no use. valery didn't care for books, nor music, nor photography. the only thing we have in common is film.
her dream to become an actor and mine to be a director but even that's pushing it. she constantly talks. it never stops. im always pretending to listen when she opens her mouth. usually saying some mean shit about anne. she's honestly kind of obsessed with her...
i want to see anne again but i know her boyfriend sebastian would never let that happen. she doesn't even tutor me anymore and im really struggling without her. i may be good at spelling but that's about it. i really need her help.
maybe i should write her a letter. okay yeah...let's do that.
anne's pov
i was holding seb's soft, warm hand as we walked into school on monday. 5 months since ive talked to gilbert. 5. i really miss him. seb is great. scratch that, perfect. he's everything i could've wanted but i also wish i was still friends with gilbert.
his wittiness and charm never failed to make me smile. i should talked to him. my thoughts were cut short though as seb dropped me off by my locker. he had an early class. "okay bye baby. i'll see you at lunch?" he asked me with a smile. "of course" i replied and quickly pecked his lips causing me to blush. "okay bye for real now" he said as he pecked my lips again and again.
once seb left, i turned around to open my locker. the minute i did, a letter fell out gracefully and landed on the floor. i crouched down to pick it up and noticed the wax that sealed it immediately.
g.b. oh god this cant be good. i took the time to appreciate how delicate and gorgeous the letter was. is that tea stained paper? i sniffed the paper and realised that it indeed was tea stained but with a hint of his cologne. damn that smells amazing.
what the fuck anne? i hate him. i hate him. i hate him..? i quickly opened up the letter and gasped at how neatly written it was.
dear anne,
five months have flown by as if it was nothing. i can't bare to think that im wasting such precious time with someone as incredible as you. i know what you're thinking...gilbert, you have valery, you seem happy, why bother with me. i was thinking that. but anne i need you to know that these past five months have been a complete misery for me. it's been a dark time. my dad has recently fallen ill and it's looking bad this time. really bad. and i tried to tell valery about it, but she'd constantly brush it off as if it was nothing. maybe it's not her place to be comforting me but i really want to talk to someone about this. but that's only during the day. nighttime is far worse. it's getting warmer at night now but that doesn't help with anything really. if anything it makes it worse. when i first started seeing valery again, she'd stay over. but it became more like a routine, an obligation rather than a choice. neither of us enjoyed it very much so she ends up staying at her place now. every single night i can't help but think about you. how i treated you so poorly when you out of all people don't deserve it. once i gradually drift to sleep, i usually wake up drenched in my own sweat due to the nightmares. i don't want your pity anne, i just wanted to tell you that since maybe you thought that these past 5 months have been easy for me. i hate that i decided to look for valery instead of you while i was drunk. i hate that it has taken me this long to muster enough courage to tell you how i feel about all of this. so i hope you'll listen this time when i tell you what actually happened. if you remember, i spent most of the night by your side. you started talking to eddie and then a few other people. i thought you would've been completely fine since if something happened, i could trust them to protect you. so i decided to grab us a few more drinks. i went into the kitchen and valery came up to me and forced me to drink whatever was in her cup. at first i thought it was water. it looked like water and it tasted like water so i didn't worry too much. but as i was making our drinks i suddenly felt something come over me. i was extremely dizzy and i think i was hallucinating. i was about to leave the kitchen and find you. to see if you could drive us home since i clearly couldn't but then i felt someone tug me by my collar back into the kitchen. when i saw who it was, i saw you. clear as day. your gorgeous blue eyes were shining up at me. so i immediately kissed you. it wasn't until i heard the real you gasp behind me, had i realised that it was valery who i was making out with. you have no reason to believe me anne. none. i wouldnt even believe me if i read this. but i hope that you can find it somewhere in your kind, bright heart to forgive me. forgive me for my actions and the way i reacted. please. im begging you. i cannot bare to go on in this misery without you by my side. not to drag you down with me but for you to help me out of this darkness. so i hope. fuck i really really do hope that when you read this, that you realise that words cannot describe how sorry i am. text me as soon as you read this. please. come find me anne.
yours truely,
gilbert blythe.
by the time i had finished reading, i hadn't realised that class had started. tears dripped down my cheeks as i slid down my locker and onto the dirty floors of the hallway.
that's what happened? im such an idiot. to think gilbert would've done that on purpose. i couldnt help but feel horrible for what i did to him. i basically gave him no chance to explain himself to me and then move on the next day, completely and utterly unfazed.
and his father is ill again. this must be terrible. he's been suffering on his own for so long and just when he thought that he could trust me, i left him.
suddenly i remembered something that i was meant to give to him. his gift. i must give him his gift for his birthday tomorrow.
࿐₊˚ .
anne
can i come over to your place later?
gilbert
yeah sure
anne
okay i'll be there around 4
࿐₊˚ .
AS I WAS WALKING up gilbert's porch, i realised how nervous i had become. my hands started to sweat and i only hoped that it would ruin the small box that was wrapped to perfection in my hands.
i took a deep breath once i was only a few inches away from his door and then knocked. i heard footsteps rushing down the stairs quickly then the door opened. revealing a sleepy looking gilbert.
"hey" i said so quietly i don't think he even heard me. "hi" he replied in a tired voice. "so im guessing you read the letter" gilbert said awkwardly as he started waking up a bit more. "uhm..yeah...i don't really wanna talk about that i just wanted to give you your birthday gift and leave" i said while looking at my shoes. god this is embarrassing. "okay" was all he said as i passed the small box towards him. "do you want me to open it now...?"
"if youd like...it might make more sense if i explain it." he gave me a small nod and then began slowly unwrapping the present, trying not to tear the wrapping paper. once all the paper was gone, he held the small brown box in his palm and then lifted the lid.
his eyes immediately lit up once he saw that a gorgeously decorated mixtape was inside. he picked it up and examined it while i began explaining. "uhm so they're basically just songs that reminded me of you or that i thought you'd like..the track list is in there along with the card that i wrote at the time...i probably wrote it mid last year so i don't even remember what i says..uhm you can probably ignore the card." i stood there awkwardly still while watching him silently.
"thank you anne. i love it." gilbert smiled up at me and i have to admit, i couldn't stop my own smile from spreading across my face.
"i should go now.." I started. "of course. thank you again anne. for the gift and for stopping by" he said. i waved my hand to him before hopping into my car and driving back home.
━━━ authors note
sorry for not posting in almost a week oh my god..i had written most of this chapter already but i just ended up feeling unmotivated for a while but im back and i'll start posting as many chapters as i can :) also i think i might start writing this story in anne's perspective? i kind of like it more...idk lmk :D