every single day, i miss X1
y_haa.n
active now
are you home safe?
yes yesss
hbu?
yeah, i am too
dongpyo says hi btw
tell him i saw hi too, and that i miss him so much
will do
he missed you too
yoh, about earlier
why?
thank you
for understanding
thats nothing haha
you're arin, the girl i grew up with, i knew you since forever, of course i'll understand you and take care of you, without a heartbeat, i'll go to you if you need me
what are bestfriends for, right?
bestfriends | backspace
yeah that's just who we are now, no special persons, nothing like that| backspace
i explained to him my side, but that doesn't mean everything is back to normal, we're just bestfriends, nothing more and nothing less | backspace
right haha
btw, i missed you a lot you lil bitch!!!
same here
i think i hugged you too tight earlier bc i missed you that much hahahahaha
that hug was not tight enough lol
someone's clingy hmm
are you falling for me now
lol kshskhskshskshskshshhjsj no
that's cruel, both for me and you, if i fell for you after you gave up on me, that's just a really really terribly bad timing, it's unfair for the both of us, especially for you
i guess hahajs
let's just use this opportunity to grow individually as a person and as adults too
even if it means we have to grow apart? | backspace
yeah, we should look at the brighter side of things
anyway, how are you?
i didn't get to ask you that earlier
it's been too long since we saw eachother and talked
i'm fine
as always kshsksh
but yeah, i'm healing
things had been hard for me, for a while there i questioned my existence, but at the same time, i wad thankful for that reality, at least i'm not living in a lie anymore
and so what if i'm a mistake?
i'm still alive, that's what's important
my mom still decided on making me live, that means i'm worth it, right?
way more than you know
you're more than worth it, arinie
yeah i guess
i'm starting to love myself too
i realized i can't love others fully if i can't even love and accept myself
im sorry i couldnt love you fully before, you didn't deserve my half assed love at all, you deserve more, and i'm sorry if i keep on having reservations and hesitations, i must've made you feel bad before, i'm sorry
but don't worry i'm working on it
that's good to know then
dont forget to love me, okay??
i'm like your other half
we grew up together
im your lil bitch
love me juseyoooo
hahaha of course
i'll always love you
it's always you | backspace
anyway, how about you?
what have you been up to these past few days, weeks???
work
and work
and oh, did i mention work?
yeah work
lmaooo you're too busy working hahaha
don't overwork yourself though
rest if you can, and eat too, don't forget about your meals, and of course, your happiness, dont forget about that
yes ma'am
there's happiness in work though
this is what i love to do, and so i'm happy doing it
it's always fun with x1, even if we're not doing anything, it's still fun with them
and even if we are apart, it's like there's still there, no one forgets anyone, always 11 no matter what haha
also, i've been shooting this variety program where we are sent to the countryside, and man, i learned a lot of things there!! i ate a lot there too hahahaja the people there are nice to me too
oh and we started filming for school 2020 too but all of that needs to be refilmed because there had been a conflict regarding contracts, suddenly seohyun isn't the girl anymore, they say it's kim saeron sunbaenim, i dont know anymore hahaha we'll know when it's settled
kim saeron???
omg???
she's so beautiful what the hell???? and she's a great artist too!!! you lucky lucky lil bitch!!
i'm not jealous lol | backspace
oh who am i kidding, that's THE kim saeron, i'm nothing compared to her, it's game over once she looks great with yohan | backspace
and aren't i supposed to be learning to love myself, why am i looking down on myself all of a sudden? sighs | backspace
i guess i am hahaha
but it's still not settled yet so i dont know
but it will be an honor to act with a veteran actress like her
she's a veteran and she's really good at it too!!
she acted with infinite, and with astro too and she had great chemistry with them
speaking of chemistry, i scored 96/100 in our exam there lzhskshskshsksh
baksu!!!
im so proud of you, arinie
way to gooo
hehe thanks
n e ways, speaking of chemistry again, i remembered kim saeron's chemistry with jungkook when they mc-ed together and oh my gosh, it was no joke!!! and to think that they're just doing mc skits there and not acting seriously, waaaa
and now you're being a fangirl again hahah you no.1 jungkook hype woman
by the way
whyyy
i still haven't said sorry to you
about?
i said i'll see bts sunbaenim and exo sunbaenim in the year end award shows for you
but i couldn't even do that
not even once
what? no!!! it's not your fault, yohan
what happened in the past, all those chaos between the companies, the show, the network, none of that was your fault nor your members, you were all victims there, mistreated even, you guys didn't deserve it at all, X1 deserved better
please don't blame yourself for what happened, you have no control over it and i know you, if you could do something, you would have done it already, but the world is just too unfair
yet it's no use beating yourself up over the past that you can't undo anymore, keep moving forward, you're doing great now, what's in the past should just stay in the past, learn from it but leave it behind
i guess you're right arinie
it's all in the past now, we should keep moving forward
what hurts us before wont hurt us anymoree!!!
that goes for you too, okay, arinie? i don't want you to keep on hurting as well, you deserve to be happy
yeah
i've learned to let go of all the things hurting me and keeping me awake at night, i realized i can't change it, and i just gotta accept it and keep moving forward you know?
ive learned that too
there are just things that we have no control over, we shouldn't blame ourselves because that would just hurt us, instead we should grow through those hardships, face it head on and then get over it
that's life i guess
you surely know all the right words to say huh
im not a literature major for nothing, yohyoh excuse you kshsks
that's my arinie
my... | backspace
my bestfriend for life
im gonna lie if i say that didn't hurt
huh
listen, yohan
yeah?
you're an amazing person, we grew up together and i saw you grow greatly to the man that you are now today, it will be impossible to say that somewhere along the lines, i didn't feel anything for you, because believe me, i did. and i guess you were aware of it, but like i said, i'm a mess that time and ive become a bigger mess after knowing about my past and questioning my worth and all, i've loved you, you were my first love, my second, third... but i believe all of those are half assed love because i couldnt risk to be with you, i keep on hesitating, the timing isn't always right for me, i always have trust issues even if you always go on your way to make me feel special the best way you could
honestly, i don't deserve you at all
but im not gonna say "you deserve someone better"
i wanna say, "i wanna be better for you"
because honestly that's what you deserve and so much more
i'll try to be that person that is worthy of you, you are amazing after all, you're nation's center no matter what happens
that is, if you'll still accept me by then
i understand that you already gave up on me, i'm even surprised that you didn't gave up a long time ago and just now, i understand that i tired you out, that i made things hard for the both of us
i made you pick your dream over me, and i'm not regretting that at all, you deserve where you are now, shining and receiving the love that meants for you, in a heartbeat i'll always make you pick your dream over me again and again if i had to
but maybe someday, a time will come and then you'll pick me
over anything, and by then, i'll be ready to risk it all for you, no more hesitations, no more half assed love, no more trust issues, and the timing is right
you'll pick me, right?
no pressure though
but in the mean time, i'll work on myself, i'll be better not just for you but for me as well, i'll be a woman you and my mom could proud of
but til then, take care, yohan
goodbye for now
what?
arin?
a_riin is now logged off
she did again, that girl logged out on me again huh
...
park arin,
i'll wait for you
i lo | backspace
//
a/n: so hello, sorry for the hiatus again, hope you guys forgive me hahaha my writer's block is terrible even though i have nothing better to do hahaha anywau, take care everyone, keep safe!!
im crying tho, minhee and hyeongjun will be debuting now :') its both happiness and sadness in my end, sad because im letting them go but happy because they deserve to debut, i love them both and no matter what happens, they're part of X1 <3