Halloween
"A UNICEF contribution of thirteen cents will feed s child for a month," Kelso read out loud," Man, living in Africa must be great! Everything is so cheap"
"If you ask me, man Unicef is a scam" Hyde said as he looked at the tv.
"Nothing everything in life is a scam" Lana sighed as she played with his hair from behind him.
"Nope everything is a scam"
"Oh lighten up," Eric said, "remember how much fun halloween used to be? Making costumes? Or tick-or-treating?"
"What is trick-or treating?" Fez asked
"Every kids fever dream. You get all dressed up in a costume and you go around door to door and people give you candy" Lana explained
"Oh! You've got to be kidding me! They just give you candy?" Fez asked excitedly
"The best part of Halloween is getting the crap scare out of you. One year I saw The Legend of Sleepy Hollow I couldn't sleep for a month!" Eric laughed
Everyone looked at Eric in an awkward and embarrassing silence.
"They give you candy?" Fez asked in disbelief, " Just like that? No strings?
"Yes Fez get over it," Donna laughed
"Hey, you guys you know what? My church is doing a haunted house!" Jackie cheered
"I don't think anybody'd going to be scared of a bunch of Episcopalians" Lana laughed
"Unless they have chainsaws. Let's go see Texas Chainsaw Massacre! " Kelso suggested
"Michael, I already told you, I don't like Texans!" Jackie groaned
"I know, we could go to Old Main." Eric said
"Our old grammar school?" Donna raised an eyebrow
"No way. That place isn't scary" Lana said rolling her eyes
"Yes, it is. A dark, burn-out, boarded up school. Very creepy", Eric explained," We could tell ghost stories"
"Free candy?" Fez asked again, "Even if you're not from this country?"
"Yes,!" Kelso yelled, everyone was getting annoyed by Fez at this point
"Hey, why'd the school burn down anyway?" Donna questioned
"They said it was arson, " Jackie nodded
Everyone turned to look at Hyde, "What I was out of town that weekend!"
Lana leaned down to whisper in Hyde's ear, "Since when do you go out of town?"
"Shh," Hyde whispered
"You're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say Trick or Treat they'll give me a free piece of candy?" Fez asked
"Yes,!" Everyone yelled at once
"Oh I don't believe you," Fez scoffed
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The gang stood around a door, while Fez in his batman costume knocked on the door.
The man dropped n apple into Fez's pillow case
"An apple? Where's my candy you son of a bitch!" Fez said before the door slammed in his face.
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Everyone stood in the old grammar school, looking around with the flashlights in their hands.
"Look at this dump!" Fez exclaimed, "No wonder Hyde tried to burn it down!"
"You know Fez, a man died in that fire. A gym teacher. Coach...Smith. Some say his specter still roam the halls to this say," Eric said creepily.
"Take a lap, give me twenty, walk it off" Hyde said in a ghost voice
"All right guys cut it out, you're scaring the women" Kelso said nervously.
A window fell and without hesitation Michael pushed everyone out of the way while screaming, "Out of my way!"
"Kelso, it was just the window" Lana laughed
"Yeah I knew that," Kelso said trying not to act scared
"Out of my way?" Jackie asked in disbelief and anger.
"Pfft, I didn't say that" Kelso laughed nervously
"Yes, you did. Just before you knocked her over" Fez reminded him
"No! I was protecting you" Kelso insisted
"Protecting me?" Jackie asked
"Yeah. I was trying to draw the ghost away from you. Ghosts are attracted to movement. THat's a scientific fact," Kelso explained
"You know what? I don't care! You are idiot and science is stupid! Donna, Lana let's go!" Jackie yelled storming out of the room
"Gee wonder what we're gonna talk about," Donna sarcastically sighed
Lana and Donna caught up with Jackie and walked around in the halls.
"God, I can't believe Michael pushed me out of the way like that!" Jackie huffed
"Me neither. I figured he'd use you as a human shield," Donna joked
Lana laughed as she looked around some more.
"You guys, the most noble thing a man can do is lay down his life for a woman he loves. Ideally while she's still young and can remarry. Do you know who protected me in there? Fez!"
"Well, he had to. He's Batman!" Lana joked
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The girls walked back into the classroom with the boys.
"Hey guys, we found something scary." Donna announced as she dropped a stack of files on the mostly charred desk.
"Oh my god, th-these look like..." Eric started
"Our permanent records" Lana said
Kelso rush over to get them, "Wow! Out permanent records! Uh you know what? They probably left these here after the school burned down."
"Hey, Pinciotti, Donna" Eric chuckled as he read her record, "Well someone had a real hard time keeping their clothes on in Kindergarten"
"What? It was just a stupid phase!" Donna said snatching the record back.
"I'm sure glad that's over"
"What do we have here? Forman, Liliana" Hyde said with a smirk
"Let me see that" Lana said as she tried to steal the folder from him
"Let's see, perfect attendance, all A's. Wow you really never did anything wrong huh?" Hyde said as he went through the folder
"I did I just didn't get caught" Lana said as she finally go the folder back
"lana is a wonderful student, but she has a slight anger problems and has devolved a habit of calling her twin brother a 'dumbass'" Hyde read out loud to everyone
Eric looked at Lana with a slightly angry look on his face. Everyone else was just laughing.
"Well, he is" Lana shrugged in defense.
Kelso grabbed Hyde's folder, "Well listen to this, I fear that despite Steven's high IQ. He's a born trouble maker and is destined to be the smartest man in his cell block"
"What? They couldn't have known that in the first grade" Hyde said as he grabbed the folder from Michael.
"Steven willfully and maliciously destroyed Liliana Forman's diorama of the four food groups" Hyde read aloud.
"Oh my god. I remember that. You said you like it before lunch and when we came back it was destroyed. I hated you through the rest of grammar school because of it" Lana said with a small laugh
"You're a horrible, horrible monster!" Donna teased
"Yeah real funny but I didn't do it!" Hyde said defending himself.
"Steven its fine, I mean it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't hate you for it still", Lana said before mumbling, "mostly"
"You know what's really funny Hyde?" Eric asked
"What Forman?"
"I broke the diorama," Eric chuckled
"You?" Hyde and Lana has asked at the same time
"You son of a bitch" Lana said imaging Fez's accent," What about twin code?"
"I had to! Your's was better than mine," Eric explained," I had to smash it".
"You're the dumbass who left out dairy! Even after I told you it was a group!" Lana yelled as she hit Eric in the arm repeatedly
"You know that's when everybody turned against me. Lana wouldn't talk to me most of grammar school. They pegged me as a bad kid, and once that happens you're labeled forever. You ruined my life, Forman" Hyde accused.
"No, he didn't!" Jackie said," No offense but with an alcoholic mom and an absent dad, you were bound to end up in hail sooner or later." Everyone shot Jackie a look, "I said no offense!"
"Yeah right, let's see what that file says about you jackie" Hyde said walking over to the stack.
"Go ahead, i have a perfect record" Jackie said with a confident smirk
Hyde snorted pointing to Jackie's name on the top of the page. Lana's eyes went wide as she covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing.
"Would anybody like to know what Jackie's middle name is?" Hyde asked
Jackie shrieked in horror, "you wouldn't..."
"Jackie's middle name is..." Hyde said before Jackie began hitting him so he couldn't say it.
"It's Beulah" Lana said as she laughed.
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Everyone was in a stare off now. Jackie was mad at Lana and Hyde for revealing her middle name, and Hyde and Lana were made at Eric over the diorama. And Eric was mad that Hyde blamed him for ruining his life.
"All right, nobody move! Somebody took my last box sugar babies!" Fez yelled, "Oh no wait I was sitting on them!"
"Geez, Fez, you didn't give forman a chance to pin it on me" Hyde said bitterly.
"I didn't pin anything on you!" Eric defended himself
"No? Well when Ms. Hodgkiss was yelling at me in front of the entire class you didn't exactly step up and take some responsibility. " Hyde said
"And you betrayed your own twin sister! What were you thinking?" Lana asked as she stood besides Hyde
"Hmm. I guess I was thinking I'm seven!" Eric yelled back
"Hey, Hey, Hey let's not fight. Why don't we read another file?" Kelso suggested
"Yeah 'cause that's worked out great so far" Donna joked
"I'll read from my own okay? Here's a secret you don't know about me," Kelso chuckled as he read his file," Cause it happened the year before I moved here. When I was in first grade I used to wear this red cape to school and pretend I was superman."
"You must've looked really stupid," Fez laughed as he fixed his batsman gloves
"Wait first grade?" Lana asked
"Yeah," Kelso nodded
"When you moved here, you and I were in first grade. That's how we met," Eric explained
"No, we didn't!" Kelso said
Eric quickly snatched the records, "Man you had to repeat first grade?"
"Oh my God, Michael say it's not true" Jackie begged
"It was cursive writing all right? All those stupid squiggles and bumps! I wouldn't do it!"
"You mean you couldn't do it" Hyde smirked
"Whatever man, it just sucked, you know. Living this lie pretending I was a year younger than I catalo am" Kelso sighed dramatically
"Shouldn't that make you eighteen" Lana said
"Yeah, I mean that's why I always seemed much more mature than you guys." Kelso said
"Are you telling me that all this time you could have been buying us beer!" Hyde yelled
"You bastard!" Fez shouted
"What? No, it's not what you think!" Kelso tried to reason
"You're dead to me!" Hyde glared at him
"But Eric ruined your life"Kelso said.
"And if I had beer, I could be getting over that right now"
"Beer! Beer! Beer!" The teens circled around Kelso
"Everyone just leave him alone!", Jackie said as she tried to defend Micheal," He may be a liar but at least he's not backstabber like Eric!"
"Shut up Beulah! Only I can get angry about Eric destroying my project!" Lana said still upset about it.
"Stop calling me that!" Jackie yelled
"What are you going to do about Beulah" Lana said as she slightly pushed Jackie?
"You know what? Hyde and Lana kissed!" Jackie yelled. Lana was shocked that Jackie would actually betray her trust like that. She didn't know what to say.
"What!" Eric yelled
"What the hell?" Everyone else yelled.
"Eric-I..." Lana didn't know what to say to him. She felt bad about lying about it for so long.
"So you were just lying to me about it? Were you ever going to tell me?" Eric asked angry with her.
"What was I supposed to say Eric? Your best friend kissed me? You would have been so mad!" Lana said.
"Woah.. Woah... Don't act like you didn't like it. I might have kissed you the first time, but let's not forget about the other times. You were desperate, it was kinda cute, in a sad way" Hyde said walking over to her.
"Oh in your dreams! I was never desperate and especially not over someone like you! You know what? Younger me had the right idea not being your friend. So lets go back to how it used to be" Lana snapped. Hyde was taken aback by that statement. So was everyone else.
"And Jackie. You promised! I would never do that to you and over a god damn middle name!" Lana snapped at her. Everyone was in an awkward silence, no one wanted to be the first one to speak.
"I just can't believe you wouldn't tell me about you and Hyde. And you did more than once!" Eric said still pissed off.
"Oh c'mon eric! You didn't tell me when you and Donna did. And I don't have to run my life by you! I didn't tell you cause I knew you were going to have a fit like a five year, just like you always do!" Lana yelled at him," It doesn't even matter, obviously it was just one big mistake!"
"Yeah c'mon Forman, so what I kissed your bitchy sister, it didn't mean anything" Hyde said bitterly
"What did you just call me?" Lana asked raising an eyebrow
"You heard me"
"Ok that's it! Now I don't have friends! Let's go!" Eric yelled as he approached Hyde. Soon everyone was yelling.
"Stop it!" Fez yelled, "Can't you see what's happening? The permanent records and secrets are tearing us apart"
"Batman's right," Eric nodded
"Look at what we've become" Hyde said
"We're like animals," Donna said
Kelso spoke up, "those files are evil man"
"We've got to destroy them!" Jackie said
"It's too late, what's done is down" Lana sighed
"It's not too late!" Donna said
"But how to destroy them? How?" Eric asked
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They stood around a hole in the ground. "Micheal I'm cold! And this is stupid! We should just burn the files!" Jackie whined
"Jackie! THey've already been in a fire. They can't be destroyed that way" Kelso said.
"See you in hell, permanent records!" Hyde said as he tossed them into the grave.
"Now we have to swear we will never speak of this ever agin" Eric said
"Except the part about Kelso buying us beer," Lana added
"But otherwise this night never happened okay?" Eric said
Everyone agreed while Micheal filled the hole with dirt.
"Beulah," Hyde snickered
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