"Oh my god, Cas, you took off the coat!"
Castiel instinctively slams a hand down over his phone speaker. He knew as soon as he got a call from Charlie that she was going to be freaking out over those candids from the after-party, but she didn't expect her to scream or he would have left it off speaker.
"God, Charlie, calm down," Castiel says, exasperated. "Why'd you bother calling me if you were gonna yell so loud that the entire West Coast could hear you?"
"I knew you liked him!" Charlie squeals. "You took that coat off to impress him, I know it, and it worked!"
"No, I don't think wearing a normal suit impressed him very much," Castiel says. "It's a celebrity thing. We all do it." It's probably best not to mention that Dean specifically mentioned that he wasn't wearing that coat. He doesn't want her to get a big head.
"But I saw you guys talking," Charlie says. "Everyone's got a camera these days, and someone had theirs trained on you two."
Castiel scoffs. "Yeah. We talked for a few minutes. What's your point?"
"First of all, I love that I didn't even have to say his name and you just knew," Charlie says. "And second, you are totally into him, oh my god!"
"No shit, Sherlock. Have you seen the guy?"
Charlie bursts out laughing.
"I already told you that. He's hot as fuck. That doesn't mean I want to go out with him."
"Was the last thing I said to you before the premiere not that you were gonna die a virgin if Dean saw you in that coat one more time?" Charlie reminds him.
"Yes, it was, and that was actually really mean," Castiel says. It's not his fault that he grew up in Homophobia, USA for the short period of his life where he wasn't in the closet. She doesn't need to brag that she's had good luck with this whole gay thing and he hasn't.
"But it's true, so there's that," Charlie says, not an ounce of regret in her voice.
"If you think Dean Winchester is going to be my only chance at having a sex life, you might as well start carving 'died a virgin' into my gravestone now," Castiel says. "That was the last time I'm gonna see him. From here on out, I'm just his girlfriend stealer. Can't make much out of that."
"You could've if you made your move last night," Charlie reminds him. "Hell, you could call him up today, ask if he's free. What's the worst that'll happen? He says he's straight and you never have to face the embarrassment of knowing you asked to fuck a straight guy because you'll never see him again?"
"Or he tells everyone and suddenly my closet has disappeared," Castiel says. He'd like to think that Dean wouldn't do that. Unless he brought it up with Jo later, it looks like he kept the whole 'haven't seen my family in years' thing between the two of them. But when you threaten a straight guy's masculinity, you never know what you're gonna get, and he doesn't want Dean to think that's what he's doing.
No, Dean is more of a look-but-don't-touch situation, and Castiel is perfectly fine with that.
"Point taken," Charlie concedes. That's one thing they can agree on — they both enjoy being in the closet. Charlie may not defend that fact like her life depends on it, but she's certainly not wearing her rainbow heart on her sleeve. "So, what did you and Dean talk about last night?"
Castiel lets out a long sigh. If she's not going to drop it, he might as well indulge her.
"Well, he asked about my friends, said he thought I hated him, and plugged his new song," Castiel says. "There you go. That was our entire conversation in about a third of the time."
"Why did he think you hated him?" Charlie asks. "What have you been saying to him?"
"I've been saying the bare minimum, which is apparently the problem," Castiel says. "I just about had an existential crisis over it, but that's about it."
"I can't imagine you saying the bare minimum," Charlie says. "What would my life be like if I didn't get to hear you tell me to fuck myself at least twice a week?"
"A horror story come to life," Castiel says. "Fortunately for you, I will always be here to tell you to go fuck yourself."
"And, unfortunately for you, I will always be here to tell you to go fuck guys you think are hot," Charlie adds.
"Oh, go fuck yourself."