"I swear it will get easier, remember that with every piece of you." -Ed Sheeran
The alcohol burns my throat as it travels into my empty stomach. I quickly grab the next shot glass and bring it to my lips, allowing the spicy scent to assault my nose before draining the shot. A warm buzz fills my body causing me to sigh in content.
"I think you've had enough, beautiful." Roman whispers in my ear from behind me. I order another two shots before turning in my chair at the bar to face him.
His boyish smile is infectious and forces me to give one of my own. I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear before lacing my fingers together behind his neck. "What're you gonna do about it?"
"Hm," He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to the edge of the bar stool. "I might have to pick you and carry you home."
I laugh lightly. "Good luck, you probably can't even pick up a feather."
"Hey! I work out!" My boyfriend protests.
I laugh and bring my lips closer to his, only for him to glance at the bar behind me. "Your shots are here."
I spin around before he can stop me and quickly down the alcohol. My head feels lighter, and I can't stop the giggle that bubbles in my throat. "Roman?"
"Yes, my love?" He replies, turning me around to face him once again. His hands gently hold my hips to make sure I don't fall off of the tall bar stool.
"I-" Whatever I was about to say gets caught in my throat as a familiar silhouette catches my eye. His back is turned to me, but I know exactly who it is.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Roman asks me with a quick glance over his shoulder. His deep brown eyes do a quick scan of my body as if he's checking for any injuries. He's always making sure I'm okay, and it's one of the things I love most about him. Big emphasis on one of the things, because Roman has many qualities that I adore.
I shake my head and lay it against his chest. He immediately encases me into his warm embrace. "Nothing, I just thought I saw someone I knew."
Roman kisses my head gently, but I can tell he doesn't believe my story. However, he respects my space and simply continues to hold me.
I can't believe Nolan is here. When did he leave our small town for the city? I haven't heard anything since I left town five years ago. I wonder what he's been up to? No, I shouldn't worried about him. I have moved on and am perfectly happy with my new life.
But just for a moment, my heart skips a beat at the thought of talking to him.
"Ready to go?" Roman asks me.
I'm about to reply when my words get stuck in my throat. Nolan is staring at me from across the club with wide, astonished, amber eyes. His hair is cut shorter than it used to be, and he has gained a lot of muscle since high school.
"Yes, of course." I reply, shaking away my thoughts of Nolan. It's a big city, it's highly unlikely that I will ever see him again.
I slowly slide off the bar stool and relish in the warmth of Roman's hand on my waist. My short black dress is not doing much for the shivers that have wracked my body since I spotted Nolan. I try to tell myself they are from the cold, but that is a lie.
As the two of us leave the club with music pounding my ears, I sneak a glance back at Nolan. This time he does not stand alone, instead he is with a slender woman with long black hair. I can't observe much about her, but I can see how close she stands to him and the way his eyes soften when he looks at her. They must be together, there is no way Nolan would look at a woman he barely knows with that look in his eye.
That look he used to give you. A tiny voice in my head whispers.
When the fresh air hits my face, I breathe a sigh of relief and lean further into Roman. Together we walk towards our apartment building. We met each other when I first moved to the city into the apartment across from him. He offered to help me move in, and the rest is history.
Roman keeps a protective arm around me as we walk through the city. We live in a fairly nice part of town, due to my university covering my living costs while I played hockey for them. Now, my salary as a professional hockey player will support me.
"Are you okay? You seem off." Roman states as we turn onto our street.
I sigh and decide to be honest with him. He, after all, has always been understanding and loving to me. "I saw my ex-boyfriend across the club." My voice comes out as a tiny whisper.
Roman's grip on me tightens. "You mean..."
He is referencing when Nolan cheated on me right before I went off to the academy. "Yes, that one."
"I'm sorry, baby, I know how hard seeing him must have been for you. I wish I could do something for you."
I pull us to a stop right outside our building. "It's in my past, all I can do is move on and continue my life." I smile up at his handsome face. "Which, by the way, I am enjoying immensely."
He puts a hand on my cheek and caresses it with his thumb. I close my eyes and lean into his calloused hand. The toughness of his skin sends tingles through my soft cheek, and I can't help the soft smile that fights its way onto my face.
When I open my eyes I place my lips lightly on Roman's. At first, he reciprocates the gentle kiss while placing an arm around my back. Then as I open my mouth, he wraps a hand around my hair and tugs roughly.
I moan and in return dig a hand into his thick, dark hair. I run my hand through it until I reach the ends where I give a little tug, earning a moan from him.
I slowly pull away and lay my forehead against his. "God, I love you so much Roman."
"I love you too, beautiful," He whispers back. "If Nolan ever, and I mean ever, gives you trouble, I'll always be happy to fuck him up if you want me to."
I smile and peck his lips. "I dibs first punch!"
//
The next morning I wake up early, ready to start the day and go for breakfast with one of my friends from the academy, Sydney.
I take a quick shower before throwing my hair up into a high ponytail. I apply makeup, but not nearly as much as I used to in high school. I change into some simple black jeans, a black top and a grey cardigan.
I stroll into the kitchen and find my grey tabby cat, Luna, lazily waiting for me to fill up her food dish. As always, I feed her first before making myself a smoothie.
I got Luna a couple of weeks after I moved because I thought she could help with my unbearable sadness. I missed my hockey team and, most of all, I had missed Nolan.
"No Kaelin, stop thinking about him." I mutter under my breath while cutting up strawberries to add to my smoothie. I add banana, yogurt, milk and ice before pressing blend.
Luna immediately hisses and races off towards my bedroom, presumably to hide under the bed until the blender noise halts. I smile at her retreating figure. Not once have I regretted adopting her, she has helped me through a lot.
Once I'm finished with my smoothie, I grab my purse and keys before heading out the door. I smile at Roman's door as I leave, knowing that he has probably already left for the gym and will not be back until later tonight.
Roman plays in the NBA for the Toronto Raptors. His season begins next week, so his training hours have been extended greatly, meaning less time for us. It is not ideal, but with us both being professional athletes in different sports, it has happened for the past three years we've been together.
I walk towards the elevator, with Roman on my mind. This year could be even worse for us, with his team having a great chance at making playoffs this year.
As I'm about to leave, a soft voice stops me. "Kaelin!"
I turn to see Betty, the frail old woman who lives almost right beside the door. She loves to invite people in for tea, no matter what time of the day.
"Hi Betty, how are you?" I ask politely. I'm running late so I'm really praying she doesn't invite me in. I love her, I swear, but I really need to get going.
"Oh I'm just fine," She smiles, leaning heavily on her cane. "I see you're on your way out, perhaps to meet that lovely boyfriend of yours?"
"Oh no, I'm meeting Sydney for coffee and then I'll be back."
"Tea when you get back then!" Betty says happily.
"Of course." I reply. "See you later, Betty."
After she bids me goodbye, I leave the building and begin walking towards the cafe. The grocery store across the street is bustling with people and light chatter.
Then I see him. He stands across the street with the raven haired girl from the club.
I quickly duck behind the nearest garbage can as my heart begins to pound in my chest. If I do not let him see me, then maybe he'll think his eyes were playing tricks on him at the club.
I get odd looks from passerby's but I'm too panicked to care. I struggle to breathe the crisp autumn air as my lungs seem to shrink in my body.
Get yourself together, Kaelin.
I force myself to take deep breaths of air, trying to calm myself before I have a full blown panic attack. I manage to get my breathing under control, but my heart is still racing. Memories threaten to resurface in my mind, I struggle to block them out, but end up managing it.
I slowly leave my hiding spot and begin walking towards the cafe, just as my phone begins ringing. I answer it and quicken my pace.
"Hey, Syd."
"Bitch where the hell are you?" Sydney asks. "People are starting to look at me like I'm a sad loner!"
"Oh come on it's not that bad," I laugh while waiting for the pedestrian light to tell me I can walk without getting hit by a car. "I'll be there in two minutes."
"You better have a good excuse!"
I begin to cross the street, the wind blowing my hair behind me. "Trust me, you're not gonna believe who I saw."
Sydney scoffs in my ear. "Mhm, I'm sure you have the perfect excuse."
I can picture her rolling her eyes at my constant tardiness. I can't help that I get panic attacks nearly every day, and she knows that. I think it's her way of trying to make me feel normal because she knows how much I hate being pitied.
"Okay bye Sydney! So great catching up with you!" I say in a bitchy tone before ending the call.
Going to 'Steamin' Mugs' every weekend with Sydney, and sometimes a couple other friends, has definitely kept my anxiety at bay. It's something mundane and repetitive, something I can always look forward to.
I open the door of the shop and allow the strong smell of espresso to wrap me up in a warm embrace. The shop is unlike any other I've ever been in before. The walls are painted in different shades of midnight purple and dark green, with the roof being a dark shade of blue. Despite the dark colours, the place is lit up with all different kinds of lamps. The tables are all mismatched and placed in every nook and cranny, giving the room and crowded, but cozy feeling.
I spot Sydney at our usual table in the far right corner. She is sipping what I assume to be a latte, while her finger swipes madly across her phone. The girl is addicted to Tinder.
I pull out the chair across from her and am not surprised when her eyes don't even leave her phone. A small, red mug filled with coffee sits before me. "Thanks for the coffee, Sid."
Her forest green eyes finally leave her phone and land on me. "It might be cold because you took so long to get here." She says with a teasing smile.
I roll my eyes. "You remember Nolan, right?"
Her eyes widen and she immediately puts her phone down. "The Nolan? As in the Nolan that did all that shit to you?"
I nod solemnly, trying to swallow the lump that forms in my throat. I didn't realize even his name could have this kind of effect on me. I didn't know he still had so much power over me, I genuinely thought I had gotten over him.
"Why would he be here? Didn't you move here from BC?" Sidney asks with wide eyes. "Do you think he's following you?!"
"Sydney, be quiet!" I hiss as I notice the few customers in the cafe begin to stare. "I don't think so... I think he moved here, but I don't know why. I did see him with a girl, though."
Sydney takes a long sip of her latte, allowing the information to sink in. "It's odd that you've seen him twice, Toronto is an awfully big place."
I nod in agreement. "Exactly, I wonder if he lives near me?"
"That's possible," She sighs. "But honestly, I wouldn't worry. You will probably never see him again."
I take a small sip of my coffee. "Yeah you're right."
The words leave my mouth, but deep down I know that even if I never see him again, his name will never truly leave my mind. I will never truly rid myself of Nolan Hunter, no matter where I live or how I hide, he will always follow.
Always.
A/N
First chapter. Thoughts? Also I've decided to *ahem* reduce the swearing because they're older now.
Also! I have been severely disappointed by how small the WNHL is, so I'm adding teams and things that are fictional. I promise I did research, but I couldn't really find anything I was satisfied with. SO, the Toronto WNHL team is going to be called the Maple Leafs as well. Sorry if you hate them but I LOVE THEM.
I'm debating whether to add a cast.
-Courtney