-lisa-
"Lisa, please... I'm so sorry..."
I clenched my fists, hoping to stop myself from pulling her into my arms. It's been two days.
Two days of her desperately asking for forgiveness even when she's done nothing wrong. Two days of her crying for me to take her back.
Two days of holding myself back, appearing cold in front of her just so I can cry when she's no longer in front of me.
Jisoo told me that Jennie's parents asked her to move back into their house. That means they're strictly looking out for their only daughter now, just to make sure that I would stay away from her.
And yes, Jisoo agreed not to tell Jennie anything about it. I know she hated lying to her own bestfriend but she knows it's for Jennie's own good too. And if there's someone who can fix this situation, she knows that it's me who can do it. Regardless of my choice, Jisoo agreed to let me handle the situation myself, even when she still thinks I'm stupid.
I silently grabbed my bag, slinging one strap into my arm as I rushed out but to my surprise, Jennie pushed the door close, blocking my way with her body.
Not now, Jen. I'm so tired of running away from you.
I quickly averted my gaze and was about to go for the front door when she held my wrist.
"Is it Rosé?" she blurted out.
Baby, there's no one else, I wanted to say, but instead I kept silent.
I know she took that as a yes when I felt her hold weaken.
"Y-You told me there's gonna be no one else," her voice was shaking, breaking.
I don't want to turn around and look at her because I don't want to see her cry. Seeing her innocent, feline eyes glisten with tears pains so much that every time I close my eyes, I can still see them hurting. It haunts me.
"I-I know she's pretty, has a beautiful body... I may look nothing compared to her but-"
But you're fucking perfect in my eyes and I would be glad to lend you my eyes if I could, just so you could see it yourself.
I was a fool to think my years of assurance through my truthful words and worshipping touch would make her confident of her beauty. In the end, I still ruined it all. She looks down on herself because of me.
"Jen, stop," I managed to blurt out.
"I know she's your first love-" she sobbed.
Dammit Jennie. You were it for me.
"Jennie," I hissed.
"I just want you back Lis," her arms suddenly wraps on my waist, I can feel her trying to control her sobs from behind, "I know I sound p-pathetic already but I'm losing my mind. I can't think of anything else but you.. I'm hurting everywhere, e-every part of me... wants you back... please come back to me baby, please..."
I squeezed my eyes shot for a moment, engraving the feeling of her touch on my mind.
I just want to fucking turn around and pull her against my body. I want to ask her forgiveness and tell her I wouldn't let anything come in between us anymore.
But that's not the case for us. In a couple of months, she'll have to leave and study abroad. She has to pursue her dreams with a family that she can always come to.
If I cave in to what my heart wants, it will only make things harder for us.
It's better this way so by the time when she has to leave, she's whole again.
I don't want to make her choose between me and her dreams, her family. What I'm most afraid of is that she'll choose to give up everything just to be with me. No, I'm not gonna be that girl.
"I can't. I'm already with someone else." I said it all heartlessly, putting everything in me right on those words just to make me say it out loud.
I lied. Big time. I know I've hurt her more, but it's the only thing I could think of to make her life going without me in it. If she hated me, she'll even push me away....
And it makes me want to puke. I feel sick.
Especially when I no longer felt her arms around me, they just suddenly fell.
And I didn't dare cast a glance on her. Like a coward, I quickly abandoned the woman I love. I couldn't face her.
~
"What? No way!"
"Rosé please," I desperately pleaded.
Her forehead creases in frustration as she paced back and forth.
She then stops to look at me, "You're stupid, you know that?"
"I really am," I looked down, sighing, "But Jennie will believe me if it's you. Just pretend that you're my gurlfriend for a few days, please?"
"No!"
"But-"
"Listen here, Pokpak," she crashes beside me on her sofa, turning her body to face me, "I highly believe that you're stupid and a coward, but because you're trying to be a 'hero' here doing everything in the name of love, I'm keeping my mouth shut. But taking part of this stupidity? And do more damage to her? No way!"
I slouched, resting my elbows on my knees while I let my head fall on my hands.
If not Rosé, who?
"You know I'm saying all these because I care for you, right?" she suddenly says softly while patting my back.
I leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling mindlessly.
"I know. I'm hurting her too because I care for her."
"Yeah, you do..." she heaved a deep breath, "And she loves you so much that she's hurting. Don't you think it's unfair? All she ever did was love you, what's so wrong in that?"
Slowly, tears started prickling on the corner of my eyes. My eyes never left the ceiling, wishing it's her eyes I'm looking at right now.
"She'll be happier without me, Chipmunk. She will be..."
Jennie still tried to talk to me, but she didn't push really hard anymore. I just kept avoiding her, again, like a coward.
I don't really know how I managed to avoid her for two weeks now. Maybe it's my way of coping up, too. It hurts me to see her lifeless eyes wander around the hallways, like it was searching mine. So before it even gets to land on me, I quickly turn around and leave.
Just like today. I pushed my legs harder, but it feels like each step I take, it becomes heavier.
I didn't even notice a girl as I bumped into her.
"I'm so sorry," I quickly muttered to the brunette whose books went flying. I crouched down to pick them up when I noticed the wince on her face. I stood up, carrying her books, "Hey, are you okay?"
She bit her lip as if in deep pain then did a double look at me.
"I'm okay," she breathed, smiling, "Are you?"
I only nodded, extending my arms to give her books.
"That's some pretty heavy bags you're carrying down there," she means my eyes.
"None of your business," I simply say.
"Calm there, hottie."
I ignored her remarks.
She winced again when she carried her books, so I quickly took it back from her.
"You don't seem fine. What's wrong?"
She sighs then looked at her right arm that I bumped into, "Just a minor injury. Don't sweat it."
I looked over her denim jacket, "Well do you want me to bring you to the clinic?"
"No, I'm about to clean my wound anyways."
"Need help?"
The side of her lips lifted up, "Sure. I'd love some company," and just like that, she entered an empty classroom near us so I followed her with her books on my hands.
"I'm Niki by the way," she says while getting some thing on her bag. I noticed that she have some cotton, betadine and some other things with her.
"Lisa."
She removed her jacket so now she's only in her black tank top and short shorts.
I opened the windows to let in some air then sat down beside her.
"What happened to you?" I ask, taking the cotton from her when I noticed that she's having difficulties cleaning the wound.
"Drunk driving... ouch," she winces so I tried to be more gentle.
"Reckless, huh?" I muttered.
"Who are you, my conscience?" she laughed, "Don't worry, I didn't kill anyone. Didn't hurt anyone. Just my stupid self."
I plastered a new gauze on the wound first before looking at her. "There, all done."
"Thanks Lalisa," she bats her eyelashes at me playfully.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "I only told you my nickname."
She chuckled, "You're way too hot to be unknown to me."
I shook my head and stood up, ready to go. She stood up as well, sliding her jacket back on her arms when something caught my attention.
I froze when I saw Jennie, staring at us from the window.
"Thanks again hottie," Niki whispers, I didn't even notice her get that close but I was even more surprised when she placed a kiss on my cheek.
...and Jennie saw all of that.
Fuck.
When tears pooled Jennie's eyes, I averted my gaze back to Niki. Seeing her that way sends another wave of pain inside me, at the same time, I was furious.
When I looked back on the window, Jennie is no longer there.
"What the fuck, Niki?" I angrily spat, marching out of the room to look for Jennie.
I don't even know what I'll do if I found her. Heck, I should even just let her think whatever she thought happened but I was so caught off-guard.
I guess I'll never be prepared when it comes to seeing her heart.
I gripped on the railing, battling myself on what I'd do. I should just stop here. Fuck. Fuck!
But my eyes were traitors, looking for her from the 2nd floor. Then I saw her, walking fast out of the building.
"Jennie," I whispered.
I know if I run right now I can still-my knees started to weaken when I saw a familiar figure.
It was Jaebeom. His smile vanished when his eyes landed on Jennie, instantly being replaced by worry as he approached her.
And that probably was the way fate wanted to take revenge on me because it hurts so fucking bad when I saw her cry in someone else's arms.