Jay woke me up at mid morning. I was getting big. This day Jay said "let's go bowling" this was so strange as we only ever went to visit friends and he smoked pot will I sat there watching. I agreed and thought it was awesome that we were doing something together maybe things would turn around.
When we arrived at the bowling alley all of Jays pot mates were there. I should have known there would be a day he could go without it but I didn't say a work as he parked out the back and smoked from his bottle before we went inside.
When we got inside the bowling at alley that I had been to many times whilst still at school for sports day Jay walked up and paid and got shoes. He didn't get me any and didn't pay for me. Well I really shouldn't have been surprised but I was really disappointed that he hadn't meant 'WE will go bowling'. He really meant 'get out of bed we have to leave I'm going bowling with my mates and you can stay and watch'.
While Jay bowled stoned with his mates they were having a great time. I asked Jay if he could get me a drink and he told me to wait. Whenever he was stoned he never thought about me, that's not really true he did but it was usually to abuse me. I walked over to 1 of the 2 pool tables and sat at a chair close by.
If felt like I was sitting there forever then one of the doors opened and there before me were two of my school friends (Fred and Nigel). As I was sitting behind the door they hadn't seen me as the door opened towards me. Jay looked over as the door opened and saw me sitting there. He glared at me. Since I had moved in with Jay I hadn't seen any of my friends as he didn't like me seeing them firstly and secondly I was embarrassed to see them as I was always bruised and I couldn't stand to answer their questions and I knew there would be many.
I watched them as they walked over and got some change and turned around. As soon as they Di they saw me and rushed over. The first person to say anything was Nigel "Emily! How are you?. Are you OK? Why are you wearing that long shirt you look really pale?" The questions just rolled out of his mouth and I didn't get to answer them as he asked them so quickly. I stood up and Nigel threw his arms around me and I winced. It was completely unexpected but he had hugged me really tightly but happened to touch my bruises that had been a build up of bruises from the previous few weeks. I didn't go a day without a new one. Nigel pulled back and said "Emily what's wrong?" I told him I was just pretty touchy because of the pregnancy (what and excuse) I don't think he brought it but he didn't say anything.
They asked if I wanted to play a game of pool but I said I'll just watch. I really was feeling funny. Jay wouldn't get me a drink and I was feeling worse by the minute. They started their game all along they were chatting to me about school and what was happening and who was doing what. I was loving being around people who really cared about me.
I remember Nigel looking at me as I stood up again to go and ask for a glass of water then I remember waking up in a back room with a fan on me and someone putting water over my head. I had passed out. I was really groggy and couldn't really make out who was there. The first person I saw was Nigel. He was sitting next to where I laid and was wiping my head down with a wet cloth. When he saw my eyes open he lifted my head and said "Emily, your ok just have a sip" and he poured a little water in my mouth. I must have passed out again because the next thing I hear is Nigel and Jason arguing. I heard Nigel say " what have you done to her you scumbag". Jay was denying everything as Nigel was getting even more angry. Jay pushed him away from me and I remember him saying "Are you OK baby? You should have asked me to get you a drink". REALLY! You think! Is all that went through my head.
When I was able to sit up I realized that my sleeves had been pushed up and my shirt unbuttoned to just under my bra line. I was told after Nigel did it as the manager was trying to take my top off to cool me down but Nigel would not let him undress me. Nigel had wet my arms and my tummy and kept moving the fan over me to cool me down. I only then realized why Nigel had been so angry. He had seen all my bruises, they were everywhere but my face. After sitting for a while Nigel wet my back and yet again he saw the bruises. This time he just looked hurt but he didn't say a word.
Jay had left the room to go and see his mates in the car park for another smoke. When he returned I had gotten a bit of colour back in my face. He told Nigel to help me up. When I was standing Jay came over and put his arm around me. I winced again but he continued to hold me then he lifted me up and carried me to the car. Nigel and Fred followed closely behind. Nigel opened the back door and told Jay to lay me down. Jay out me in on the hot leather seat, wound down the window and got in the drivers seat and started the car. Nigel leant in and touched my face. "You'll be fine Emily, I'll call you soon" Nigel smiled at me and watched as we pulled away. All the way hope Jay asked if I was ok. I told him I was fine, that I just needed to lay down. We finally got home and I stripped off to just my bra and undies and laid on the horrible mattress in the heat. No fan no open window no cloth.
Later that night the door opened and it was Jay's sister came in. She knew what was going on with Jay and what he was doing to me but was obviously too afraid to say anything. She sat next to me and to my surprise she had a wet cloth. She had told Jay she would watch me while he went out to see his mates for a smoke. Jay sister didn't say much she just put the wet cloth on my head and said "Emily, I think you should tell Jay you want to spend a few days with your mum until you get better". I said " no way he will let me do that". " he will if you say your really not well and need to spend a little time with your mum" she replied. She got up and left the room.
When Jay came home he was off his face. I knew not to say anything to him in this state but this time it seemed a bit different. The first thing he said when he walked in was "are you ok baby? I was so worried about you" it seemed like he actually cared. Weirdly my heart fluttered. If you have every been in this situation your heart plays games with you and being pregnant your hormones are all over the place. Now was the time to say it, I just had to word it right so his mood didn't change. " I am not well Jay, I feel really bad. Would you mind if I go and spend a few days with mum? This way you can also have a bit of time out with your mates and not have to worry about me because mum will look after me" to my surprise he agreed and I called mum and told her I had passed out and that Jay had some stuff to do for about a week and was it ok if I could stay with her. Mum was so happy she said "I can come and get you if you want". I relayed this to Jay and he said "I'll get some stuff for you baby". He pack some of my clothes enough for a week and I waited for mum to arrive.
I woke the next morning in a real bed. I had the best night sleep I had, had in a while. Mum had Brekky on the table. I remember thinking 'oh how I miss this' I think I actually had a few tears in my eyes. It was a school day (Monday) so Barry was at school he had left before I woke up. Mum had taken a bit of time off.
Barry got home late from school. When he came home he ran in and said "Hey Emily! I saw Nigel today and he asked me to get you to call him, he said he really needs to talk to you". "Yeah I'll call him tomorrow" I thought I knew what it would be about after what had happened the day before. Tomorrow came and went and then Wednesday and I still hadn't called Nigel.
Thursday 2nd May 1991 the day I will never forget and probably never get over. I am UNBROKEN now but a piece of me died this day.
Mum and I went down town and on the way back we stopped at to put fuel in the car. I was in the passenger seat. Mum had left the radio on. It was 10am and the news came on. I heard an urgent news report come over the radio. "A 15 year old school boy had shot himself in a class room full of students" the school they mentioned was on the other side of town. I knew a few people there but not many. When mum got in the car I mentioned it to mum. She said do you know anyone there. I told her that I knew a few and that Nigel had moved there just recently. We drove home and I didn't think any more of it. We went inside and sat at the kitchen table to have a cup of tea when I heard a knock at the door. Mum said "I'll get it" he walked to the door and when she opened it I heard a voice I knew well "is she her Mrs x?" said Ze. Mum started to say where I was but Ze didn't wait for a response he came straight in and straight up to me and held me while I was sitting down. "Emily" there was a long pause. "Nigel's gone". I looked at him and said "no!". The next thing I remember is that there were about 30 people in my house all crying and I couldn't comprehend what was going on. This wasn't real. I would wake up in any minute. Them there was another knock at my door. I don't remember doing this but about a year ago I was told by Kylie that this is what happened so this is not from memory but from what I was told. I opened the door and Kylie was at the door, she was crying and I looked at her and said " what are you doing here Nigel hated you". Then I shut the door.
I don't remember any leaving. I didn't cry I didn't react, I think I must have been in shock, I didn't believe it. The next thing I remember was mum calling me to come out to the lounge room that night. The news was on. The story came on the TV, " a 15 year old boy had walked in to a classroom with his sports bag, he stood up and said to the class "I've got something to show you" he walked to the front of the room. Before he did this 2 girls that knew he had the gun had gone to the principals office to tell him. As the principal got to the door Nigel was unzipping his bag, pulled out a sawn off shotgun, held it to his head and pulled the trigger. Nigel's body was left on the floor with no head all day while police investigate.
I saw the story and as soon as I saw Nigel's picture on the news it hit me so hard. I burst in to tears and ran to my room. I couldn't stop crying. Mum came in and I just cried and cried (a bit like right now). I remember mum trying to calm me down. Then I said "it's my fault, I should have called him, he asked me to call and I didn't call, I could have stopped him mum, I could have stopped him". Mum just kept saying "it not your fault sweetheart, it will be ok". Nothing was going to make this ok. If only I had called maybe just maybe I could have stopped him.
Nigel had been abused by his mothers boyfriends physically and sexually. Nigel and I had spoken about these many times over his short life as you all know I had known him since we move to this town so forever. One time on of his mothers boyfriend who was in a wheel chair put Nigel's penis below the toilet lid and slammed it down really hard on it because he left pee on the seat. This is just one of the things that happened to this wonder friend if mine that he wanted to escape.
RIP Nigel xx
The Day of Nigel's funeral .......