Kabanata 40
Jealous
You know that elated feeling when your heart is so full of happiness and excitement that you can't even relax a minute or two? That's exactly what I am feeling right now.
My mind was full of Dale as soon as I tried to close my eyes. Kaya naman kaunti lang ang naitulog ko. I woke up much much earlier sa tamang oras ng gising ko. Pasikat pa lamang ang araw pero mulat na mulat na ako. Even when I am wide awake, I can still see scenarios about me and Dale on the lake atsaka sa tapat ng pintuan ng kwarto ko kung saan ko siya hinalikan.
How strange to dream of him even when I am wide awake. Ganito na yata ako ka patay na patay sakanya.
I watched the rising sun outside my window. Each time I see a beautiful sunrise, I have to pinch myself because I can't believe that I'm awake and not dreaming.
Months ago, I was terrified and panicking on how to save my life in this novel. I have cheated death. Amaury can now, hopefully, avoid her pitiful end the moment my soul went inside her body.
I planned to have an ally who has the power to protect me. I gave a contract engagement to the most powerful Duke in this Empire, the second lead of this very novel. With his help, I have managed to shake off Beatrice's clutch on my struggling life.
Dale Crescendo dela Fleur became my lifeline in this world. Dahil din sa desisyon ko na baguhin ang buhay ko, na protektahan ang sarili ko... I ended up ruining the whole story. Nabago ang ikot ng relasyon nang bawat character sa novel. Some of it happened dahil hindi iyon naapektuhan ng mga desisyon ko. Pero ang lahat ng may kinalaman sakin ngayon ay nagbago ang takbo ng buhay.
Emeline, the heroine of this story, became a strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man. Nawala ang pagiging damsel in distress niya gaya ng sa original novel. Well, I kindly like the character development of Emeline now. She looks much better like this. She is one strong-willed woman.
Gabriel, my brother and also the male lead... I am not quite sure what had happened to him to get off-course on the novel.. Hindi ko rin alam kung makakabuti ba sakanya to or hindi. Pero sa tingin ko naman ay maayos ang kalagayan niya, so I think it's a good sign.
Mas okay na rin na malayo si Emeline kay Kuya. Emeline deserves much better than my idiotic and stoic brother. And I can feel something about Portia and Gabriel for real.
Pagbalik ko sa mansyon, mag-iimbestiga agad ako sa tunay na relasyon ng dalawang iyon.
About the antagonist, Beatrice, and the Crown Prince... I don't know what's going on about them. Beatrice was missing in action since the spring hunt. Hindi na rin siya nagpapakita hanggang sa ngayon. So, I don't really have a clue about her. The Crown Prince, on the other hand, wasn't engaged with Emeline kaya, I don't think there will be a love triangle anymore. Besides, hindi naman nagdevelopan si Gabriel at Emeline kaya walang love line na magaganap.
And lastly, si Dale. Walang nagbago maliban sa nagkaroon siya ng fiancée, which is ako. I can say that everything is smoothly sailing for him. Kagabi hindi mawala sa isip ko... kung iba kaya ang nilapitan kong tao noon at hindi si Dale, mangyayari rin kaya ang mga pagbabago sa novel ngayon? And if lumapit nga ako kay Dale at ibang salita at contract ang sinabi ko no'ng magkita kaming dalawa, iba rin kaya ang takbo ng buhay namin? Magkagusto ba ako sakanya? Mahahalin ko ba siya kung iba ang naging takbo ng storya naming dalawa?
Sa dinami-dami ng salitang nabuo sa isipan, isa lang ang namukod tangi. In the end, I am thankful.
Thankful for the protection he has given me. Thankful for the another chance for me to change my path. I was so lost months ago, and with him, I have found a light to help me in my journey.
I am thankful for letting me experience this extreme feeling that they called love.
I have also believed that death is the worst thing that ever could happen to anyone. I have always lived my past life like a trap bird. Now, as I live this life, Amaury's second life, I came to realization that there are more things much worse than death itself.
Not be loved, and to not be able to love, that is worse.
Being in love can make you feel happier than you've ever been, sadder than you've ever been, and even angrier than you've ever been. It can elate you and deflate you at almost at the exact same time. I felt all those extreme emotions when I felt love. That is when Dale came in. And I can't thank him enough for letting me experience love.
"What are you thinking of so deeply, hmm?"
Nawala ako sa pag-iisip when a calm baritone voice echoed inside my room. Agad umusbong ang ngiti sa labi ko. Ganoon lamang kadali mabuo ang araw ko.
Just him leaning on the door frame with his white loose house wear, disheveled hair, and grinning lips. Malumanay ang mga mata na tila kagigising lamang.
"You are up early, Dale. Hindi ka yata nakatulog kakaisip sakin?" I teased him sabay humagikgik. Bumangon na ako mula sa pagkakahiga at umupo sa gilid ng kama ko.
Ngumisi siya pinasadahan ng isang hagod ang magulong buhok, he licks his lower lip before speaking, "I could say the same to you, Amaury."
Damn! Look at him... just look at him! Look how seductive he looks right now! I always find him adorable and handsome, but never this sensual! May ganito ba talaga siyang side? Bakit ngayon ko lang napansin? O masyado lang akong tigang at marupok pag dating sakanya kaya ganito ako kabilis mahumaling?
He took large, quick steps. I watch him charmingly walk towards me. Damn. Hindi ako magsasawa sa view na ganito. Because I could watch him for eternity and enumerate the things that I love about him.
Nang makalapit ay agad na tinukod ang dalawang braso sa magkabilaan ko. Trapping me on his arms. Not that I'm complaining... I kind of like it, though... but I want it much closer so I could kiss him...
Ugh! Amaury, seriously. Mukhang kailangan ko nang alcohol para sa madumi kong isip.
"Did you sleep well?"
Earlier, he used his baritone voice, but now I can hear his deep husky voice... almost sounded as sleepy and breathless...
This is not my imagination anymore! He really is seducing me, huh?!
"Uh... yes," habol hininga kong sagot. "Yes... I think I did."
Hindi matanggal ang mata ko sa labi niya as he licks his lower lip. "Gusto mo bang maglibot at mamili dito before we head back to our mansion tomorrow?" he said using his seductive voice.
I groaned and looked away as I gulped, "Sige mamimili tayo... Uh... mamaya."
"Hmm. After lunch or will you take your tea first? Hmm, Amaury?" He said, using his breathless voice again.
"A-ayusin mo nga yang boses mo! Nakakainis!"
Ngumisi siya at tumaas ang isang kilay. "Alright."
Tumayo siya ng maayos sa harap ko. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil sa paglayo niya.
"There's something I want to ask you, Amaury." panimula niya.
"What is it?"
His playful demeanor vanished, and he suddenly became serious. "I wanted to know kung bakit ka nagalit sakin ng ilang araw pagkatapos nating mamili ng gamit mo?"
Napasinghap ako dahil sa tanong niya. Shit! I didn't expect him to ask me that. Akala ko ay nabaon na iyon sa limot. Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Napatingin siya sa akin, kitang-kita ko ang pagbaba ng tingin niya sa labi ko. Umigting ang kanyang panga as he continues to look at me.
"Amaury..."
"Wala. I am just sick. Hindi ako galit sayo." pagsisinungaling ko.
He sighed, muling hinagod ang buhok patalikod, "I won't buy that, Amaury. I want you to be real with me. Please tell me anything na bumabagabag sayo. I won't stop until you tell me what it is."
Bumuga ako nang malalim na hininga at saka tumango. I don't have a choice but to confess the truth. The fact that I got jealous of Lady Riviera on that day makes me feel bad.
"I saw you and Lady Riviera talking to each other that day." Mabilis kong sabi sabay iwas ng tingin.
"And? You need to tell me everything, para malaman ko. We won't fix this problem if you keep it to yourself."
"Yun na nga y'on! Nag-uusap kayo!" Irap ko sakanya.
Sumilay ang mapanuksong ngiti sa labi niya. "Nag-uusap lang kami kaya ka nag-walkout that time at pagkatapos ay iniwasan mo ako ng ilang araw? Are you jealous?" Tumaas ang isang kilay niya, malaki pa rin ang ngisi habang nakatingin sakin.
I know that time we are just in a contractual relationship. My actions were unreasonable before, but I can't help getting upset. He is my fiancé! He should belong to me.
"Well, you look happy talking to her! Mukha ka ngang enjoy na enjoy kausapin siya e!" Depensa ko sa kaunting dignidad ko, "Malay ko ba kung may namamagitan pala sa inyong dalawa. Naudlot lang dahil umeksena ako sayo. It got me jealous and worried that you might leave me for her."
He clicked his tongue at muli na namang dumukwang sa kama. This time nag-squat na siya sa harap ko. I can feel his thigh on my legs. Ang dalawa niyang braso ay nasa magkabilang gilid ko na naman. Nag-angat siya ng tingin upang magtama ang mata namin.
He looked so happy while I was getting red because of embarrassment.
"You're worried about me leaving you? Do you think I am the type of person who would cheat on his wife?" he said.
"I don't know."
He tucked away a few strands of my hair on my face, "I won't, Amaury. You are my wife, and I will never cheat on you."
Napakagat ako ng ibabang labi, the way he said it was so smooth.
"Fiancée... Fiancée mo ako, Dale hindi asawa." nahihiya kong pagtama sakanya. Though, I like the sound of a wife on his lips.
Mahina siyang tumawa at tumango, "Fiancée but will be my wife soon, Amaury. I hope that's clear to you. You are the only woman in my life, and I want it to stay that way. H'wag ka nang magalit o magselos pa."
Ngumuso ako para maitago ang umuusbong na ngiti. Ramdam ko na rin ang pag-init ng pisngi ko dahil sa mga sinasabi niya.
"I only went into full rage because she was clinging into you. Someone apparently did not get the memo that you are mine."
Humalakhak siya sa narinig, "My fiancée is being possessive and jealous. This is new."
Umismid ako sakanya at lalo pang humaba ng nguso. Habang siya ay malaki ang ngisi. He looks happy na nagseselos ako ah?!
"I just want to clear that if you find something uncomfortable. Kung may ginawa ako na hindi mo nagustuhan, please, tell it to me. Sabihin mo sakin lahat ng problema." aniya. His grey eyes locked in mine, expressing thousands of emotions.
"I don't want you to be cold towards me and leaving me each time a problem shows up. Please..." his voice is gentle.
"Okay..." marahan akong tumango, I look at him with the same intensity he's giving me, "I promise."
Ilang segundo ang namalaging katahimikan samin until he spoke breathlessly. Damn! That voice again!
"I want to hug you." he whispered.
Napalunok ako at napakagat ng ibabang labi, "W... what's stopping you?"
He smirked at my question, he shakes his head.. "Yeah. I should have done it instead of thinking, hmm."
And at last, I felt his warm arms on my body. Holding me like I am a fragile glass that would be broken.
"It feels so nice being in your arms. Ngayon pa lang sinasabi ko na sayo, Amaury. I don't think I would ever let you leave me. Sa tingin ko ay hindi na kita mapapakawalan pa."
I rested my forehead on his shoulder, bahagya akong nakayuko dahil sa pagyakap niya sakin.
"You are all talk. Ako nga ang nag-first move lagi. Ako ang unang nag-confess. Ako ang unang humalik kagabi." Pabiro kong sumbat sakanya na medyo na tatawa-tawa pa.
Narinig ko ang marahan niyang halakhak na para bang hinehele ako. It sounds so soft in my ear.
"If you didn't kiss me last night, ako ang hahalik sayo, Amaury. Naghahanap lang ako ng tamang tyempo." aniya.
Umismid ako pero hindi napigilan ang pag-ngisi, "Sus. Puro ka naman salita."
Humiwalay siya sakin bigla.
"Really, Amaury?" hamon niya. He immediately shortened our distance. The way his body warmth mine is making me nauseous.
"Am I really all talk, Amaury? Hmm?" His gaze was so deep that he unknowingly stole my breaths. Palipat lipat ang tingin niya sa mata at labi ko. Making me die of anticipation.
I watch him bit his lower lip, waiting for me to answer or react. But my mind is blank. All I can think of is his red, full, wet lips crashing into mine and making a mess out of me. My lips parted, and a soft gasped of breath escape from me so I can release some tension.
"Fuck. I badly want these lips to be mine. Only for me." He touches my hot parting lips.
I looked at his intoxicated eyes and lips which is very close to mine now. "It has always been yours Dale. I am yours to take."
"Fuck, Amaury." He exclaimed.
I drew him toward me with my soft gaze. He inclined his face and finally... I felt his lips touch mine like a soft cotton. He stops and back away a few inches away from my face. He checked my reaction. I feel like a hot mess right now. Flush cheek, a dreamy eyes and a parted wet lips... he knows I am in need of more. I want more.
Napapikit ako ng marahan when I saw him get closer again. Naghumerando ang puso ko nang maramdaman ang muling paglapat ng labi niya sakin. This time it is different from the first kiss we shared. He pressed his lips into mine with outmost hunger. It was a deed and intimate memory for us both. I gasped for air without breaking the warm contact of our lips and felt his tongue on my mouth exploring every inch of it. He taste like peppermint and smells like pine need and coconut.
Pigil ang hininga ko hanggang sa lumayo siya sakin. He put his forehead into mine and plant a soft kiss on lips once more.
"Oh, my sweet, Amaury. You have no idea what you do to me..."
Napalunok ako nang ma-realize kung ano ang nangyari. Lalong namula ang mukha ko pero hindi ko napilan ang malaking ngisi sa labi.
"That was the hottest and wildest moment of my life." Wika ko, "Kiss me again, Dale. I want your kisses."
Narinig ko ang pagtawa niya at saka masuyong hinawakan ang pisngi ko. And looks at me and grin like pretty devil, "As you wish my little Grand Duchess."
And we did. We shared the most passionate kiss that I always dreamed of. And we smile to each other satisfied and elated to just what happened. Pag katapos ng ilang minuto ay tumayo na siya mula sa pagkaka-squat sa harap ko at pumamulsa.
"I should get back to my room before you seduce me any further." aniya sabay ngisi, "Babalikan kita sa hapon kapag lalabas na tayo upang mamili until then, rest well Amaury."
Wala akong nagawa kundi ang tumango lamang. Lumilipad pa yata ang isip ko dahil sa dalawang halik na ginawa ni Dale!
Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko upang pakiramdaman ang mabilis na tibok ng aking puso.
I love him... I love him despite all the warning signs before...
I am too in love with him, it's scary...