Chapter 8- "How important do you think YOU are?!"
JONATHAN POV
As I looked at her smile that lopsided, street-urchin smile that I've grown to love even more over the past couple of months, my heart gave a lurch and my stomach somersaulted. The effect she had on me was overwhelming. Her brunette hair was tied up in a loose ponytail. She wore a simple crop top with cut off jeans and her favorite Chuck Taylors. But at that moment, nothing was more of a delight to these blue eyes. You could put Megan Fox in a sexy one-piece next to her and I'd still not choose Megan. She was beautiful without knowing it. However clichéd it may sound, Scarlett actually had no idea about the effect she had on me.
Yeah, Marissa was nothing. Nothing but a device to see how Scarlett would react to me being with another girl.
Per se, she wasn't my ex. We never dated. All through seventh grade, she was mine and I was hers. It wasn't official. But the emotions involved were something I'm pretty sure even Allie and Evan never experienced. We never said I Love You to each other; our eyes did it for us. I can never forget how her cheeks turned pink and her eyes held a sparkle at my name. Man, I was whipped!
About a year and a half ago, when our second to last year of middle-school was about to end, she finally said those words. She said she loved me. I couldn't react and so I ran away from the situation. Which, now that I think about it, is the dumbest thing I've ever done. I was pretty sure that this wasn't real. I couldn't believe she loved me. My heart couldn't accept the simple fact that its feelings were reciprocated. I distanced myself from her. I was scared. Of what, I don't know. To make a long story short, that's why we're in this mess today.
All through eighth grade, I avoided her. I snapped at her and I pushed her away because I couldn't accept her love for me.
I was so put out by how I reacted when she told me she loved me, I didn't have enough courage to face her. I skipped Oliver's funeral, and next to not having seen Scarlett since high school began, it was the hardest thing I've ever done.
It was getting hard for me to see her this way, broken and sad and I convinced Dad to move to the other side of town, persuading him by pointing out how much easier it would make his commute to his workplace.
I'm his only child and Dad agreed faster than I could weigh out the pros and cons of the idea.
Two and a half months without so much as a look from her proved that the move was a dumb idea.
I longed to see her, to hear her talk about Harry Potter and to just be around her once more.
I told Dad I missed all my friends and he agreed to transfer me back here, even though he was a little concerned about the travel.
To be honest, when I came back into her life a week ago, I was pretty sure she still loved me. I was finally ready to face her.
But what do I see? Scarlett's with Nathan. Nathan Cullen. She looked quite happy. I guess I could say the same for Nathan. They were laughing and chatting as if they'd known each other for years. I couldn't bear to see that. I walked away again. To tell you the truth, I'm kind of like a wimp behind this whole bad-boy image.
All through the week, she'd ignored me and chosen to spend time with him.
But today, I'd decided I'd settle this with Nathan for once and for all. Scarlett was mine. She could never be his. Never. And he would have to live with that. No boy except Emmett and Evan would be allowed to even talk to her. Not even Nathan. And I would see to that. Personally. Infact, if I had it my way, I'd make sure Nathan Cullen would never talk to anyone ever again.
My anger started to boil more and more as lunch neared. I knew it would go over the top when I saw him flirting with her. This was one of the rare times when I was glad to be hot-tempered. Gave me a huge edge in any fight. Nathan Cullen wasn't going home in one piece today. Definitely not.
The bell for lunch rang. My adrenaline levels were about to punch through the roof. Stuffing all my books into my bag, I ran out of fourth period English. I could see Scarlett walking to the cafeteria with Emmett and Adrian. A girl I didn't know along with Allie and Evan were walking behind me and Nathan was nowhere to be seen. I cursed my luck. Just the day I want that bespectacled dwerp to be with her, he's nowhere to be seen.
Just then, Nathan passed me, running. He had come out of English. With Mrs. O'Connell. Good going, Jonathan. The nerd was with you the whole of the past forty minutes and you do nothing. Can't you ever do anything right? I walked up to Nathan and started to say something but quickly decided against it. If I had to insult and fight him, I'd rather do it in front of Scarlett so she knows how much I love her. How much she means to me. And how sorry I really am. And that also means, I get to punch Cullen harder than ever. Because Scarlett is definitely going to be on my side once I tell her I love her. And to be honest, no one but Scarlett can make me stop punching him.
Nathan walked up to the tree under which Scarlett had decided to lunch today. This was an old habit of hers. She lunched outside when the weather permitted because Emmett loved it. And if Scarlett and Emmett both wanted something, the other three gave it. They were like the babies of the group. And Scarlett being Scarlett, would do anything for her best friends. Overcoming the gross feeling that insects gave her was just one of them. To be fair to her, she would have done anything for me also, had I not deserted her that way.
Just then Nathan said something that made them all laugh. Scarlett leaned in slightly and touched him. It was an accident. Just a small brush. But it was enough. I walked up there and pushed Nathan. He fell to the ground. Just then, a voice pierced through the air. It was the very voice I was in love with.
Scarlett bent down, picked Nathan up and enquired about his injuries just the way she used to about mine when I hurt myself playing football. Damn this girl! She would not let me be. Not unless I was with her again. Which is why I punched Nathan again. Red liquid trickled out of his nose. I felt satisfied. I was sucking the blood of this blood-sucker. Not sucking it actually, but yeah. You get the picture.
"Jonathan! Control your freaking hands. Get them off of him. Or else Emmett and I will fight you. Mind you, Emmett can throw some really good punches now." Evan screamed. Typical Evan. Always protective about Scarlett and the girls. More like a brother to everyone but Allie. Which is why I had no inhibitions with him talking to her. I knew she would never fall for him. If she even did by some freak chance, I knew she'd control her feelings for Allie. She'd do anything to save her friendship.
"Uh-huh! Can't you see you're hurting him? How important do YOU think you are? You think you can go around punching people you want? Stop! This instance." Adrian screamed.
"Nah, I'm having too much of fun. Punching pretty-boy Cullen is fun!' I said with an evil smirk.
"Punching for fun? What do you do for a living then, take drugs?" Allie demanded. I sighed. This wasn't fair. Everyone but the person I want is talking to me, acknowledging me. Scarlett is helping the nerd get up.
"Nah, you know me better than that Allie. Besides being sexy, I also play football and eat for a living." I said, honestly begging the stars that Scar gave me a sarcastic answer. Atleast that was acknowledging my presence!
"Yeah, and I punch a-holes like you for a living. Want a demo?" Emmett asked. He was getting angry now. If anything you should know, its that Emmett cares for Scarlett even more than he cares for Lauren. And anything that hurts her, hurts him. Obviously, hurting Nathan was hurting her, which in turn was hurting him. He's like really protective about her.
I've always felt Emmett was a bit gay though and he's never crushed on any girl or done something to prove my theory wrong, so I had no qualms about him being near her as well.
The other guys at school? Well they might as well all maintain their frikkin' distance!
"No, Em. The a-hole's not worth it. Let's get Nathan to the first aid room first. His nose seems to be bleeding badly." The voice finally spoke. Scarlett Woods acknowledged me. Finally.
"You love me. Not the nerd. And I'm an a-hole?" I demanded.
"Get your huge ego out of the way. She's moved on. And so should you. From here. All of us know you never liked her. And the guy you're calling a nerd? He's got a name. It would do you good to use it." Evan said, cutting in.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not talking to you. How dare he talk to her?" I screamed.
"He spoke to me because he has a mouth! And because he's a nice guy. Unlike some of us here. And what do you mean by how dare he talk to me? Anyone who wants can talk to me. They don't need YOUR permission. If you didn't get the message yet, I've moved on." She said.
I was waiting for this. Denial. I knew it would come. Soon enough, realization would get its lazy butt out here and all would be fine. I knew this was how Scarlett worked. Denial and then realization. Still, it hurt. It hurt because it mattered. They were lying. I did have feelings for her. I cared about her. I honestly did.
"C'mon now, Scar. I made a mistake and I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?" I asked.
"I want you to act like a normal person, not punch a nice guy like Nathan and leave me the hell alone." She screamed back. By now, we were attracting a crowd. I didn't care. What I cared about was the fact that she said Nathan was a nice guy. So they were already past the just-friends phase. I was going to put an end to this. Like, now. Nathan was kneeling over on the ground, trying to tie his laces. Scarlett had a hand on his back, supporting him. She was touching him. Again. Enough was enough.
I dashed forward and kicked him in the gut. Hard. He doubled over. He was about to pass out but Evan's strong hands gripped him. Grrr! Why didn't anyone let me hit him in peace?
Evan punched me. Twice. I was blinded by anger. As I began to return his punch, Allie said in a quivering tone, "Punch my boyfriend and this turns uglier. I'm wearing heels. And I don't mind using them to carve a nice black bruise on your face." This was too much for me to bear.
No one was taking my side. Heck, they weren't looking at me. Everyone had their noses scrunched up in disgust. I broke down. All my anger turning into tears.
I swear I could see Scarlett melting already. I used it to my advantage.
"Scarlett, look here, please, look at me." I said in a trembling voice.
She relented. "Please talk to me. I love you! I really do. I'm sorry for turning my back on you all that time ago. It was too much for me to digest. I'm really sorry. Please come back. Leave the nerd alone. He'll find someone else to annoy with his bookish talk. Please..!' I said.
"How dare you? How dare you just walk back into my life and act as if nothing happened? How dare you tell me you love me when you clearly don't? How dare you call Nathan a nerd? What the hell do you think of yourself?" Scarlett screamed, tears pouring down her face. Allie went by her side, trying to comfort her. Evan, Emmett and the girl I couldn't place had already seized their chance and taken Nathan away. Adrian looked at me with disgust. She was probably torn between wanting to hit me and comfort her best friend.
"Please stop this. I love you. You're hurting me. I have protected you all my life in middle school. Except this past year and a half. I really have."
"How did you protect me? Oh, let me guess? By breaking my heart early, so I wouldn't have to face heartburn later on when we were more serious? If we were, that is. Gee, thanks. I'll never forget this favor." Scarlett said. Her voice was dripping with sarcasm despite of crying continually. I've always wondered where she gets her never ending snarkiness from.
"No. And I said I'm sorry about that. Why do you think no guy talks to you? Because I want it that way. You're an amazing, amazing person. I don't think any guy likes this ban on not talking to you. I don't think anyone could live without talking to you despite of knowing how lovely you are. No guy talks to you because I warned each and every freshman boy here against it. If I ever saw them talking to you, they wouldn't go home in one piece. It's all because I didn't want you to fall for anyone else. I want you to be all mine. Just mine. No one else's. I can't bear to share you. Not even a bit. That's how much I love you."
It seemed, that, at this time, she was speechless. Because, certainly, no words came out of that pretty mouth. Just then, Adrian spoke.
"And I thought Kim Kardashian was narcissistic! Clearly, you, Jonathan Sanders, have her beat. You spoiled my best friend's life just for your gain? For your freaking convenience? How important do you think you are? Haven't you ever heard of the phrase "Learn to let go"? Or did you think they were talking about something else? God, I can't believe I actually encouraged her to go talk to you! I'm so sorry Scar! He's a jerk!" she finished. Scarlett was crying without a care now. Adrian, deciding that hitting me could wait, went up to her.
"But I love her, dammit! Why can't you see it?"I asked.
"Because you have a funny way of showing it. Having no boy talk to me sure did wonders for my self-esteem. Get out of my life. This instance. I never want to see you again. LEAVE! Jonathan William Sanders, leave right now. Or else, I might just resort to violence!" Scar screamed.
For the first time, I wondered if she actually meant that she'd moved on. I didn't deserve her. I finally understood Adrian's fury. It wasn't just about leaving Scarlett. It was about having spoilt her life. It wasn't just about not saying those words back. It was a lot more. Looking at her angry face, I felt she had moved on. Truly. I said something, with all the energy I had left. I just, I wanted to make sure I'd done my best.
"I'm sorry I don't know how to show my love the right way. I'm sorry I can't be like the quintessential Romeo and bring you flowers and wait beneath your balcony. I'm sorry that I can't climb up pipes and come see you. I can't be a Romeo. But trust me, my love is deeper. I love the way you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion when you don't understand an algebra problem. I love the way you smile at someone.
Pure, genuine joy.
I love it when you fake-pout after not getting your way. I love how you can do anything for someone you love. I love the way you cry after seeing romantic movies. I love wiping your tears away. I love engulfing you into bear hugs. I love feeling your hand against mine. I love you.
If this can't make you understand me, I doubt anything else ever will. I understand that I was wrong in doing what I did. No apology is going to be enough. And I will accept that I didn't understand your real value until after I lost you. Please forgive me. Let's forgive, forget and move on. I'll be with you always. Please forget the nerd! Please come back."
"No! You're a jerk. Your love for me may be real. But it's too late, you had your chance. And stop calling him nerd. He's got a name. It's Nathan. If you call him a nerd, you call me a nerd. Because, honestly, except for our gender and other anatomical differences, Nathan and I are like peas in a pod. The only reason you're not calling me a nerd is because you want me. You're a judgmental a-hole! News Flash? I'm not a rugby trophy. You had your chance at having me. You're not getting one more. You broke my heart.
I'm not one for revenges but I don't see any way out except breaking yours. I'll forgive, but never forget. Because I don't want to be hurt the same way twice. Not now, not again. I'm sorry Jonathan, but I want YOU out of my life. I'm sorry I didn't see your real self before. Now that I do, I won't commit to it again. Goodbye. Don't ever try to talk to me again. Like, never." Scar said. She was shaking. She was crying.
I made her cry. And for that, I could slap myself. I wanted to. If she didn't want me in her life, I wouldn't be in it. I'd go away. And never talk to her again. I had been an a-hole too long. She was right. I had my chance. I lost it. She didn't push me away. I pushed her away. And anyway, I loved her too much to hurt her anymore. If anything, going away was a way to prove to me that my love was real.
"You're right. I'm wrong. I should be going, I'm going." I said curtly, before running away. And I ran until I was out of school.
I ran to the garden and sat down under a tree, with my face buried in my hands and an indescribable pain in my chest.
SCARLETT POV
What just happened? I want it to be a figment of my wild imagination but I know better than to think of it like that. Jonathan did profess his love for me. But I was right in declining him. He had done wrong. Allie was beside me, Adrian beside her.
There was a point of time when I just wanted to run across to him and give him a hug and welcome him back.
But I didn't.
I didn't want to be with someone who punched other guys just to be secure about us, someone who thinks he has some moronic claim on me just because he held the key to my heart.
I didn't want to be with someone who was so possessive and took me for granted.
Not that I'm going to admit it, but I also didn't want to be with someone who had hurt Nathan.
As the guys and Lauren hadn't come back yet, I was worried. Lunch was long over. The crowd had long gone. Only the three of us sat there in shock, yet to absorb anything that had happened. There was silence. It was like we'd reached a mutual understanding not to talk about it. I knew I had to eventually. For, the others would ask. But that moment could be pushed away now. Growing increasingly restless by the minute, I proposed we go see Nathan. The girls agreed. As we made our way out, I had a feeling that this day was going to turn worse. Like, real worse.
But then again, I was going to see Nathan; nothing could ever be that bad if he was around.
A/N:
Hey guys!
Anyway, I hope you liked Jonathan's POV in this chapter. I cleared up a lot of stuff.
You know that thing where writers suggest some songs that go with their chapters? If someone would like my taste in music, I'd suggest listen to "Let Her Go" by "Passenger". The song really does suit this chapter. If you disagree on that part, it's a great song anyway!
Clearly, the reads thing kind of worked. Not on the chapter, but as a whole. I'm glad you guys like this because you truly are the driving force behind such work! I may not say this every chapter... but YOU GUYS ROCK!
Anyway, if someone could come up with a good shipping name for Nathan & Scarlett, it would be great. And sorry to disappoint any Jonathan fans out there, but there can be nothing between Jonathan & Scarlett. Even though he's a sweetie. I know I want her to be with Nathan and that's where we're headed.
Anyway, I still think its Nathan who's the sweet guy? Know why? No? Then maybe his POV in my next chapter will convince you guys!
The next one will be in Nathan's POV. Stay tuned!
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