The sun started rising in the east over the mountains before I realized how long I'd been hiding in my car on this deserted road. There was nothing else to call it except hiding. It was a lot easier to run away from my problems when I had four legs. I could have been in the Canadian wilderness by now, but no, instead I was sitting in the Rabbit after it broke down while I was fleeing from the woman I loved. I was pathetic. I was also still mad. So I stayed where I was.
Once the sun was officially up I pulled out my cell and turned it back on. I didn't listen to the voicemails, and there were a lot of them. I just called the one person in the world I wanted to talk to.
"Hello?"
"Hey Bells" I said.
"What's wrong, Jake? Is Nessie alright?" she asked, worried.
"Yes, she's fine. It's me that's falling apart."
"What? Jacob, you're scaring me. What's going on?" she demanded.
"Bells, can you please come pick me up so I can talk to my best friend? I am in serious need of the girl who trips over flat surfaces and drives an old truck… who thinks she's middle aged. I'm talking the slave for life kinda friend, like old times Jake and Bells. And don't tell anyone, please" I begged.
"Anything you want. But I do have to tell Edward, he's lying next to me" she explained. Then she giggled at something he did and I heard her shush him. I rolled my eyes at myself in the rearview mirror.
"Tell him that your best man needs you for a while and you can continue your sexcapades later."
"Jake, we weren't in the middle of… that" she assured me.
"Sure, sure. Just take a car so you can give me a ride. And please tell Edward to check on Nessie if she's there, she might need someone to talk to" I replied. I hoped she hadn't stayed at my apartment. I didn't want her to be alone.
"Did you two break up?" she asked, worried again.
"No, this is worse. Just come and I'll explain. I drove north on Canyon Creek Rd and turned right on Tollgate Rd. That's where the Rabbit broke down."
"Okay, I'll find you" she said.
While I waited for Bella I thought over the argument I'd had with Nessie. It was awful. She cried, I cried. Then I just had to get away. I left her alone in my apartment, begging me not to go, but I had to get a break from the fight. We'd never fought like that before. We'd never fought much at all, really. We had always wanted the same things before. Everything else just fell into place as long as we were together. For the first time we were being faced with something we couldn't agree on- separation from one another. I just couldn't believe what she was asking me. In her mind it was the perfect solution. I just become like her family and bam, we live happily ever after.
I tried to explain to her my aversion to vampires. I thought she already knew how I felt, but I only insulted her by going into the details of why I'd never want to become like them. I hated the thought of my skin being so cold and hard, having a heart that didn't beat, always fighting the desire to drink the blood of human beings… why would anyone want that? I still didn't understand how Bella had chosen to join them so easily.
I know I promised to love Nessie forever, but who's to say how long forever should be? My feelings for her hadn't changed one bit. I still knew I couldn't live without her, but the chance to have my human life back was surprisingly appealing. I promised Nessie eternity when I was a werewolf but deep inside I felt it was a sacrifice. I was more than willing to make it to be with her. Now that I was different, normal, again I felt blessed to be given my natural life back. The price I'd have to pay to make good on my promise to her would mean throwing away that blessing.
I knew she was right that it was the only way at this point for us to have eternity together. I had gained some acceptance and understanding over my years with the Cullen's, but I still didn't want that life for myself. I would never want that. Hell, most of them didn't want it! Being a werewolf was cool. Being a vampire was just creepy.
As I sat in my car I thought about how life would be if I refused her "solution." Nessie would watch me grow older but she would stay young. Would she still want me in thirty years? What about if we had a family? I didn't like the thought of my wife and children living on forever and myself dying of old age in seventy odd years. How hard would it be to leave them? Would our children be immortal? Would they carry the wolf gene? I had considered those questions before. It seemed easier to deal when I thought nothing could stop me from being there for them. The idea that I would die and they would live on indefinitely made me feel like I was abandoning them.
My mind raced on as I saw Bella's car come into view behind me.
I got out of the Rabbit and sat on the hood. I motioned for Bella to join me and she obliged. She caught me off guard by taking my hand in hers. I looked at her surprised, mostly by the gesture, but also because her hand was so cold.
"You said you needed us to be the way we used to be" she explained. I nodded smiling and gave her stone hand a squeeze.
"So what have you done now, Jake" she teased with empathy in her voice. I sighed.
"My newfound humanity has caused some tension between Ness and me" I began. "I promised her an eternal life together and now I can't deliver."
"I'm not pleased with the thought of losing you some day either" she said, frowning slightly.
"Well, you don't have to worry about that because your daughter's come up with the perfect solution" I replied sarcastically. Her eyes widened in interest but she didn't speak.
"All I have to do is let one of you vamp's bite me and I can finally be part of your exclusive club."
"Nessie wants you to become a vampire?" she asked in disbelief.
"Yu-p" I popped my P for effect.
She stared out at the road for a few moments. It felt like forever.
"Are you considering it?" she asked.
"No! I don't know. I mean, I guess I've tried to picture it because I love her so much and I want to make her happy, but I keep panicking when I think about telling her yes."
Bella laughed.
"What is so funny about this?" I barked.
"Nothing, Jake, I'm sorry. It's just that I've had to make this decision myself. My memories aren't too clear anymore but I do understand the choice you have to make."
"Do you ever regret it, Bells?"
"There are things I miss, like seeing my mother or going to the beach in the daytime, but I don't regret my decision. I knew what I was giving up if I changed, and I knew what I would be giving up if I didn't. I just asked myself what wasn't I willing to live without and the answer was obvious." She shrugged.
"Edward" I stated. She nodded.
"I'm not willing to give up Nessie" I said.
"It is somewhat different for me though" I continued. "Edward was a danger to you when you were human, but Nessie and I can have a normal relationship with each other. I don't need to be a vampire for us to be together."
"You would actually be more different if you were changed" she added. "You wouldn't eat or sleep but Renesmee would. And you'd feel cold to her- though that part never bothered me much."
"All the shit I gave you about making this choice back then and here I am making the same one now" I said, shaking my head. "Bells, I'm sorry for that, for making that decision more difficult for you."
She smiled and kissed my cheek. I guess I was forgiven.
"So are you? Making the same decision as me, I mean?" she asked.
"I don't know yet" I replied.
"Who would you have do it, I wonder? Nessie's isn't venomous. You'd have to let one of us change you" she said, sounding exited by the idea.
"Geez, Bells. Don't look at me like that!"
"Like what!"
"Like you're about to take a bite of me right now. It's scary as hell. I smell bad to you guys, remember?" I retorted.
"Not so much anymore. It must be fading away."
"Great, now Jasper's going to start looking at me like I'm food, isn't he?" I wondered. "Aw crap, and Alice can see my future now I bet."
She just laughed and jumped off the hood of the car.
"Come on" she urged. "Nessie was in her room when I left. Maybe you should go talk to her."
"I don't think so Bella. We got in a big fight. I need more time to decide if I can do what she's asking before I see her."
We drove into town to the shop I worked at so I could order a part for my car, then she drove me home. I thanked her for talking to me and told her to let Nessie know I'd call her the next day. I needed some more time to calm down and really think about what I wanted. I would have to apologize for yelling at her too. I was so worked up from catching her in the lie about Carlisle that I didn't handle myself as well as I would have otherwise.
I lay in bed for hours that night unable to sleep. I kept going over in my head my conversation with Bella. I knew it would be a harder sacrifice for me to make than it had been for her. She felt like she belonged with this family. Although she made sacrifices for it, she'd been looking forward to joining them. I'd be going kicking and screaming the whole way. Could I make such a permanent sacrifice for the woman I loved?
The next morning I woke up completely ashamed of myself. I missed my fiancé and I wanted to make things right between us. I still hadn't decided if I could give her what she asked, but I knew I couldn't be away from her much longer.
Bella picked me up and took me back to the Cullen's house. Nessie and I talked for a long time. First, I apologized for yelling at her, and promised she would never see that side of me again. She asked me to forgive her for going behind my back to Carlisle and of course I did. She also told me how guilty she felt for asking me to do something she knew I was so against.
"I hate myself right now for asking you to do this, Jacob. I know it isn't what you want but I had to mention the possibility because I can't even begin to imagine eternity without you" she confessed.
I kissed her lips tenderly and reassured her that I understood how she felt.
After a long time we finally came to a compromise. As long as she gave me a few human years to get used to the idea, I agreed to be changed. I asked her for time for many reasons. I still held out hope that the pack would discover some way to start a member phasing again. I still didn't know if my theory was correct that the current generation of wolves was ending. I wanted to see what happened to the pack before I did anything crazy. I explained to Ness that I wouldn't age that much physically in the next few years and if she allowed me that time to accept this fate then I would do as she wished. She willingly accepted my terms. I secretly hoped in the years ahead she would change her mind and I wouldn't have to go through with the change. But I was going to prepare myself just in case. She knew what she wanted and she was stubborn like her mother.
"There's one other request I have before we can move forward" I said.
"Anything, Jake."
"I think we need to have a meeting with your family and make sure they all accept our decision. I don't want to presume I'll be welcome into your family without discussing it with them" I replied.
She nodded and smiled. She must have either already known how her family would react or she knew they could never refuse her once she asked. Alice might have seen the outcome of our discussion, I wasn't sure. We made our way upstairs to the dining room and everyone slowly filtered in.
"How are you feeling, dear?" Esme asked with a smile. She would be one of the few perks of being a part of this family. I hadn't had a mother in a very long time but Esme reminded me of how it felt to be loved by one.
"Better now, thanks" I answered her honestly.
"Where's Rose?" asked Nessie once everyone else was settled into their seats. No one here actually needed to sit but it did make for a more official meeting.
"She's coming" answered Emmett. "You know my wife, always difficult." Yes, Rose, the anti-Esme.
I cleared my throat and looked around the room at all the eyes on me.
"So, Ness and I have been trying to plan our future together in light of recent events. This has been very difficult for us but we think we've come to a compromise. The only way for us to be able to stay together is for me to be changed. " I cringed internally. "Before I agree to that I thought it was only right to ask your opinions."
"I say welcome to the family, Jake!" Alice said, obviously high on something. Pixie dust maybe.
"We'll be the largest coven in the world besides the Volturi, but I say the more the merrier" said Emmett.
"Has anyone else considered the Volturi's response to this?" questioned Rose as she entered the room.
"Jacob already knows about us, Rose. It would be of no concern to Aro" Edward responded.
"How can you be so sure about that, Edward?" added Jasper.
"He was a bigger threat to us when he was a werewolf and Aro hasn't spoken to us in years" said Edward.
"The Volturi would probably be more upset to learn that now he's human" Bella added.
"I agree. And his connection to Nessie proves he's as committed to our secrecy as any of us" Carlisle said.
"What about your safety, Jacob? Have you considered the effect our venom has on wolves?" asked Esme.
"I ran tests on him while he was sick and after he recovered. There's nothing unusual about his blood or DNA anymore. It's fascinating, really, that he's as human as the day he was born" Carlisle said in his best doctor voice. "In my opinion he would handle the change like any other human."
"But you can't be sure?" Bella asked.
"No, we've never seen it happen before. But I'm confident he would do just fine" Carlisle said, smiling at Bella and then Nessie to reassure them both.
"Well, Jacob, if you're sure then I support you" said Bella.
"Have you considered waiting?" Edward asked. "You're body's only recently undergone a significant change. Are you really prepared for this now?"
"It's not going to be now, Daddy. We've decided to wait three years. We have the wedding to focus on and then we want to enjoy… being married for a while" Ness told him, blushing.
His eyes glared at me. She must have just thought about the honeymoon. Mmmm, the honeymoon.
"And then you promise in that time you'll be ready, right?" Ness asked me.
"Yes. Three years is long enough" I assured her. Hopefully that's enough time for Rose and Jasper.
"Don't worry about feeling welcome here, Jacob. You already are a part of this family" Edward said kindly, embarrassing me a little. It's not like I was desperately longing for their acceptance. I just felt like I shouldn't automatically assume I'd be invited into their home.
I wanted to be invited in… great, I was already thinking like a vampire.
Edward laughed out loud, shaking his head.
"What's so funny?" Alice asked.
"Jacob still has a lot to learn about us" Edward replied.
Hey guys! What do you think about Jacob becoming a vampire? Please let me know what you think in the comments! Anyways please like, comment and share! Thanks!
-Love Nisha AKA Miss-Traveler