Mauw! Hey there! I know the last chapter left you guys with a bunch of questions, and that wasn't entirely the intention. Therefore, in this chapter, I'll try to make the best of things and explain what happened in the last chapter so you guys know what I meant... sorry if that sounds kinda vague.... Anyways...
*******************************************************************************************************************************
When I came to it was because Tonks was poking me. She was kneeling next to me, her hand brushing away strands of my knotted blond hair and feeling my neck-for a pulse-I realized with a startle.
"Aurora?!" she sounded like she was about to panic "Please wake up!"
I groaned.
She exhaled abruptly in relief, before continuing her examination of my persona. She seemed to be tacking stock as to my current condition.
"Thank Merlin that you're alive..." she cursed under her breath "Do you have any idea what happened?! What kind of crazy thing happened here last night?!"
I groaned again in response.
She was turning me over now. I had been lying face-down on the sand, my legs stretched out behind me and my arms curled under my head protectively. The strong smell of ashes invaded my nose, and I figured I was next to the remains of the bonfire. The sunlight seemed too bright, too strong, and I closed my eyes rapidly, shaking my head a bit as if to clear my thoughts.
Suddenly Tonks stilled beside me.
"Aurora..." her bearth hitched in her throat, as if she was sudennly unable to speak.
That roused my curiosity. Tonks at a loss of words...that was new.
With a little bit of effort I dragged myself into a sitting position. I became acutely aware of my damp clothes, and memories from last night flashed in my minds eye. Had I really jumped off the fucking cliff? I couldn't remember being so bold and brazen-or stupid, for that matter- during my previous Bloodmoon Rituals. Sand was cacked to my wet clothing, and my whole body was sore and aching.
First I thought Tonks was just shocked because of my tattered appearance. I looked like hell, after all. But her eyes were fixed on something. My hands. Then I took note of what exactly Tonks was looking at.
My hands.
My fingers.
More specifically, my nails.
They didn't exactly look like nails anymore.
...well...
Not like human nails.
Where normally the pale, rounded edges of my usually manicured nails were, now pointy tips remained. Like the claws of some animal, they curved inwards ever so slightly, maybe two inches long and pretty lethal-looking.
Blinking I tensed my fingers, watching in amazement how my hands-so foreign looking and strange- reacted to the motion, creepy nails included.
"What. The. Hell?" Tonks gritted, her eyes rising to meet mine.
I held up my hand in the early morning light, flexing my fingers and watching my hand curl into a fist, before slowly unclenching it.
"I guess...." I said pensatively "I guess I owe you an explanation"
"Aurora.... what the hell happened last night?!" Tonks hissed as I stood on shaky legs on the sandy shore of the Still Lake.
My hair was falling in front of my face, but with the newly-aquired nails/claws I was reluctant to push the blond tresses from my face.
"The Bloodmoon Ritual-" I started, feeling cautious as to how to explain things to Tonks, before being interrupted.
"-You said it was harmless!" Tonks snapped "When you said it was a ritual that helped the Druids connect better to the Earth and all that stuff, I expected some chanting, a little meditation and maybe some hilly-billy dancing around a bonfire at night! Not-not that!"
She didn't have to explain what she meant by "that"...
I knew all to well what she was talking about.
"I never said it was harmless" I said with certainty "I said I wouldn't put myself in any unecessary danger-which I didn't"
"You have claws instead of nails!" Tonks screeched "How is that not dangerous?!"
"I was perfectly aware of the....physical manifestations.... my participation in the Bloodmoon Ritual might bring" I said rather calmly, hoping Tonks wouldn't make too much of a problem out of it.
"Are you freaking kidding me?!" Tonks snapped "You knew?! And yet you still went ahead and participated in this crazy-ass ritual?!"
She was pissed, and rightfully so. I realized with sudden aprehension that I probably should have informed Tonks of the additional side effects the partaking in the Bloodmoon Ritual brought with it.
"I already told you this was the only way" I said, avoiding looking Tonks in the eyes "And it was. I knew that, Moira knew that, and I was willing to take the risk"
"And look where it got you!" Tonks stammered "How... what are you supposed to do now?"
"We go talk to Moira" I said sternly "She knows what to do"
"Knows what to-...you mean you did this before?!" Tonks was now clearly furious, and again, with somre trepidation, I realized what a mistake it had been not to inform her ealrier of my intentions. Clearly not letting the easygoing Auror in on my plans had been a big mistake.
Sighing I looked up, catching Tonks inquisitive stare and in the same movement raising my hand to push back the strands of blond hair that fell in front of my face.
I heard her breatch catch and Tonks eyes widened in shock as she looked at me.
And I knew exactly what she was looking at.
"Your-your..." Tonks stammered.
"My eyes" I said with a curt nod "And my ears"
Again, Tonks only gave a small nod, clearly speechless as she looked at me.
I could only imagine how my long, pointed ears might look to-well, anybody else. They had a certain elfin look to them, and despite the fact that I had gotten used to the graceful curve and pointy tip of my ears with the passing of the years, I figured it looked rather strange and unnatural to others.
And then there was my eyes. I figured that since I was still wearing the necklace of lapiz lazuli, it wasn't the colour that was spooking Tonks. It probably had something to do with the fact that my eyes weren't those of a human being anymore. The enlarged pupils, the strangely slitted irises... they must look pretty creepy. Like a felines eyes, they had clear lines running through them, like a webbed pattern that reminded you of the crystallization of a snowflake or the motif of shattered glass.
"Like I said" I spoke quietly "This sisn't my first Bloodmoon Ritual..."
"What... what happened to you? What happens during the Bloodmoon Ritual? Why-why does it change you?" Tonks asked breathlessly.
"Like I said, it's a way to connect with nature. With Earth Magic" I started "But, us humans, wizzards, we're too separated from that part of our escence, of our spirit. The Elemental Magic, it calls to that more primal part of one's soul. It's primitive. Animalistic. To access it, it requires of a certain degree of... separation, I suppose. You have to let go, in a way, of our humanity. That logical, reasonable part of ourselves. It all gets reduced to instinctual responses. So, we change"
"Change? Into what? Like werewolves?" Tonks asked with sudden curiosity. The question I saw in her eyes only confirmed some of my previous suspicions. Maybe some of this traced back to Remus, after all.
"No. Lycanthropy is a condition entirely differential from the Magic the Druids practice. It does, however, share some of the characteristics. Like the full moon. But just like the Animagus can take the form of an animal, the Druids can change into one during the Bloodmoon Ritual. Animagi are actually a more primitive form of the Magic that the Druids practice. After centuries of trying to find out how the Druids did it, the Animagi came into existence. Ordinary wizzards trying to replicate Elemental Magic.... " I explained carefully.
"Then why the animalistic characteristics?" Tonks asked tensely "Why don't the Druids become Animagi if changing into an animal is what they're after?"
"Because that's not the purpose isn't the transformation itself. The Druids practice the Bloodmoon Ritual to gain acess to the Elemental Magic thet resided within one's soul. To seek out one's magical spirit and connect with it on a deeper level. Becoming an Animagus doesn't accomplish that. It's just an advanced form of Tranfigurative magic in an attempt to replicate the effects of the Bloodmoon Ritual" I tried to phrase the explanation in a way that would be understandable for the young Auror. Some of this even I didn't quite get, even after all these years.
"...and?" Tonks clearly wanted to get to the bottom of the matter, and i couldn't help but oblige.
"Goin into such a state during the Bloodmoon Ritual takes its toll. It changes the person. You obtain a greater knowledge of the world, the forces of nature, the escense of magic-and ultemately-yourself. But it also requires a sort of sacrifice. In this case, the consequences are that you aquire a certain animalistic trait" I explained as best as I could.
"So every Druid that partakes in the Bloodmoon Ritual gets a little suveneir like you just did?" Tonks asked with a certain degree of disbelief.
I nodded.
"Some get obvious things like a tail, claws, ears and eyes like the animal they turn into" I said carefully, gesturing weakly towards the passing Druids, that were now gathering around the site of the campfire and shuffling towards the path leading to the village. Watching them closely you could see the things I'd pointed out "Some things are more inconspicuous. Enhanced hearing. Agility. Stealth. Better sense of smell. Nocturnal vision" I continued my explanation "It usually starts with small things. The more often you participate in the Bloodmoon Ritual, the more obvious the characteristics become"
"And when that happens? What's the end game here?" inquired Tonks, watching a girl of barely 18 walking past with scales covering her forearm all the way up to her shoulder.
"It is considered the highest honour to join the Spirits of the Wild in their entirety" I said calmly.
"You mean....?" Tonks whispered.
"That some Druids choose to turn into animals entirely. Yes" I said with a nod.
Turning around I started heading back to the village myself, Tonkls following closely behind.
"So how many times have you eh...participated...in the Bloodmoon Ritual?" TOnks continued her questioning as me made our way down tha path in the forest.
"Maybe half a dozen times" I said with a shrug.
I felt her rather than saw her stop dead in her tracks, as she looked at me in suprise.
"So how come no one sees your... aquired characteristics?" Tonks was now walking beside me, eying me curiously from the corners of her eyes.
"Because I can hardly go around my daily life looking like something from some fantasy story, now can I?" I said retorically "In order to have even the resemblance of normalcy Moira helped me device a medallion embedded with a strong Blood Magic spell that helps hide my... animalistic features"
"Then why can I see them now?" Tonks inquired curiously, her eyes drifting from my hands to my ears and from there catching my feline-like eyes.
"Because the Bloodmoon Ritual breaks the spell. Each time I participate in the ritual the Elemental Magic within me becomse stronger, and the spell needs to be renewed to be as effective as before" I answered curtly, reaching the clearing where the village lay in the shadows of the enchanting forest and heading straight for Moira's cabin.
Reaching the cabin the door opened to reveal Moira standing in its treshold, holding a bracelet embedded with ruby-red stones. It was made out of a broad band of silver, engraved beautifully with a celtic pattern resembling leaves and flowers, with the red stones incrusted in them, completing the pattern.
"I figured you'd be stopping by soon" she said, handing me the bracelet "You have to be careful though. Soon the spells won't be able to hide your changed features. Blood Magic might be strong, but it can't hide such powerful Elemental Magic forever, you know?"
I nodded.
"I understand, Moira. Nevertheless I appreciate the effort you continue to put into this endeavour of ours" I said with a smile, pulling Moira in for a hug.
"Just don't do this too often. You're a very powerful witch, but no one can fight the pull of the Earth Magic that resides within every one of us" Moira said with a ruefull smile as she pulled away from me and shook Tonks's hand with vigor.
"Oh, and by the way, the Familiars have announced their support to your cause" Moira told us with a proud smile.
"That's great news!" Tonks exclaimed.
"Indeed it is" I agreed with a sigh of relief.
"I presume I'll be seeing more of you shortly then" Moira raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"Dumbledore will probably send someone to enhance the wards protecting your territory, and maybe send someone along to be the liasion here in case something happens" I answered truthfully "I have some other assignments I need to fulfill before being able to return, I'm afraid..."
"Well in that case we shall await the messenger, and in the meantime hope for your return" Moira said with a gentle smile.
"Be safe, Moira" I said with a serious nod.
"I'm more concerned about you, Aurora" Moira countered with a sad smile "So you be careful out there, all right? And good luck with your assingments"
I nodded, before gesturing for Tonks to follow me before heading towards the forest again.
It took about an hour before we reached the portal, in which Tonks remained suprisingly silent. After we crossed the magical archway and found our way out of the dense forest, it was another two hours before we reached the small muggle village from which we could apparate to the city. After that traveling by the Floo network was pretty easy, and we reached Grimmauld Place 12 just before lunch.
Molly was preparing some food in the kitchen, and Tonks disappeared without as much as a words directed towards me. I wasn't exactly sure what to make of her behaviour. It seemed she was upset that I didn't come to her with information before the Bloodmoon Ritual. But at the same time she was incredibly curious as to the customs, traditions and other information about the Druids and my recent changes.
Instead of joining her and Molly for lunch, I made my way upstairs and went to my room. The bracelet was now clasped tightly around my wrist, thus making my recent....changes....invisible to other people. I wanted some time alone, however, so I retired to my chambers.
Closing the door with a soft click I locked it, making sure the door was properly closed and locked securely before I headed to my bed, sitting down carefully before reaching underneath the edge of the bed and whispering a few hushed words. Inmediately I felt the cloaking spell vanish, revealing a small space between the matress and the wooden frame of the bed. Blindly reaching out I retrieved a small notebook, a leather-bound volume that was made out of dragon-leather and was a deep crimson in colour. It was bound closed by a strap of what on a first glance looked like the finest silk. But a closer inspection would reveal that the shimmering silver was actually Unicorn hair, nearly indestructable. Pressing my palm flatly against the cover of the journal again I whispered an incantation, and with the faintest whisper of the fabric the strap binding the book closed fell away.
Next I went to the vanity hat stood pressed against th wall on the other side of the room, opposite of the mahogany closet. The heavy wooden dresser had a matching chair, a plush velvet cushioun softening it's hard planes. Sitting down gracefully I opened a drawer to retrieve a quail feather and an ink pot. Looking up I watched my own features with renewed curiosity, brushing back my pale blond hair and leaning in towards the mirror as my hands opened the journal, flipping through the written pages until they reached an blanco paper. The pages were full of neat annotations written in an old-fashioned script, with drawings and diagrams completing the spaces. Notes were scribbled in the sidelines on occasions, while on othes the writing looked remarkably like entries of a journal.
My attention wasn't on the already written pages though. No, my focus was entirely on the blanco page before me, memories of last night corssing my minds eyes in uneven flashes. It became clear though, like a blurry picture coming into focus. I concentrated on the events of the previous night. The meeting with the Familiars, the campfire.... what had happened after seemed somehow detached from everything else, like it had always been after I tried recollecting what had happened during a Bloodmoon Ritual. It was like releasing a part of me that was burried deep beneath the logical thinking and moral reasoning. The primitive side of me now ran deeper than before. It was emotional, animalistic in nature. It called to the Wild Magic that resided within me, to the powerful emotions the reasonable side of me tried to supress.
Going over the night's events I shook my head, a breathy chuckle passing my lips and echoing in the empty room like a false prayer. I felt shaky, unbalanced, and I didn't like feeling that way. So instead of worrying about what had already come to pass, I focused on the task at hand.
I started by making a brief statement in the journal, writing down the place and time and a short recollection of the events occured inside the Druids territory. I then cauttiously and in extreme detail explained the Bloodmoon Ritual.
After that I sighed, before removing the bracelet and watching as the protective spell fell away, revealing my enhanced animalistic features. Looking in the mirror I took my time to observe what I looked like, wondering if anyone would still consider me atractive after seeing the real me. Amongst the Druids these features were considered desireable, but personally I found them somwhat off-putting, despite the fact that I had grown used to having them a part of my very person.
Next came the drawings. I started with a portrait of myself, detailing the pointy ears and drawing on another page one of my eyes in great detail. Then, using one hand as a point of reference, I started sketching the claw-like nails. Raising one hand in the gentle beam of light that came from the window, I watched my hand intently, curling it experimentally into a fist before unclenching it, watching the way the muscles flexed beneath my skin and the shadows cast across my fingers by the sharp and pointy nails.
"What the hell-?!" a deep contralto rang from behind me.
I froze, my entire body stiffening as my eyes darted up, looking into the mirror. There, behind me, melting into the shadows with uncanny precision, was Severus. Our eyes met through the reflective surface of the mirror, but whatever snide remark I had been about to make died on my lips at his horrified expression.
He took a couple of tentative steps forwards, his eyes darting to my hands, the hard lines of his face causing an involuntary shiver to run down my spine.
"The door was locked" I said icily, ignoring the thrill that ran through me at the sight of him, here, in my room.
He seemed to have regained his composure though, his eyes flashing a yet black as his onyx gaZe bore into me with a certain ferocity.
"Hmmm" he drawled "Could have fooled me. 'Tis a shame, really. A rather incorregible habit of mine...."
"I wholeheartedly agree" I said cooly "After our last conversation I'm astonished that you actually have the nerve to come in here!"
"Nymphadora was in quite a state. Rambling about some Ritual, saying all sorts of crazy things... I had to come and see for myself" Severus drawled, his voice a deep tenor that reverberated through me, causing this funny feeling at the pit of my stomach.
"These are my personal quarters" I said, trying to keep my voice steady and emotionless "Please leave"
"Are you completely daft?!" Severus snapped, suddenly losing his cool "What on earth would posses you to something this-this stupid?!"
"Stupid?" I asked quietly, standing up and turning arund to face the obviously pissed off Potions Master "Severus, what I do isn't any of your buisness. Let alone the decisions I make. So please refrain yourself from making such statements"
"Have you taken a good look at yourself?!" Severus hissed "For fucks sake-you have claws!"
"A necessary price for the cooperation and the support I was sent to obtain in my assingment" I stated calmly, eyes flaring with anger-and a bit of hurt-at Severus's obvious disgust.
"Oh, so this was all part of your precious assignment?!" Severus snapped "To get yourself horribly disfigured in the name of loyalty and obedience?!"
"I made a decision, Severus!" I snarled "A concious, balanced and logical decision. One I stand a 100% behind. Not that it's any of your fucking buisness!"
"Never would I have thought you so terribly naive! This is sheer madness!" Severus shouted, gesturing towards my person.
"Coming from the man who risks his life on a daily basis in order to get information from Death Eaters...." I said irritably.
"You're crazy if you think this is anything at all like my situation!" Severus bristled as he was now standing only a few feet away from me, eyes flaring with supressed fury.
"No. Mine makes more sense" I mocked.
"You could've gotten yourself killed!" Severus hissed.
"Well that would have solved everything, right?!" I shouted angrily "At least that way I'd be out of your hair!"
"You're putting yourself in unnesessary danger!" Severus growled between clenched teeth.
"I wasn't even in any sort of danger!" I hissed in frustration "I knew what would happen and am perfectly content with facing the consequences!"
"Then you're even more stupid than I thought!" Severus bit out, passing a frustrated hand through his hair.
"Funny how you think I still give a fuck about your opinion after everything you said to me on our previous encounter!" I snapped, feeling brazen and bold all of the sudden.
That stopped him.
"What happend...before-" he started, his eyes suddenly averted.
"Was a mistake. A terrible inconvenience which you wish never happened" I said, rolling my eyes "You don't have to tell me that..."
His eyes snapped up to meet mine.
"That wasn't what I was going to say" he said tersly.
Something that could have been hope flickered inside me, causing an unknown whirlwind of emotions which I fought to supress. He didn't mean that. He couldn't possibly mean that.
"Right" I said sarcastically "Severus, I can see the discomfort in your tense stance. Read the obvious dislike you have towards my person in the way you look at me... So please, do yourself a favor and cut the crap..."
He shook his head, suddenly looking confused and angry at the same time. His eyes flashed with annoyance, and yet I saw the caution, the uncertainty etched into his features.
I took a couple of steps towards him, and he retreated. I can't say how badly it hurt me to see him flinch away from my closeness, but it defenitely brought me a sense of certainty.
We were now standing close to eachother, faces inches apart. Looking into his eyes I saw the confusion there, the uncertainty. And that was the most vulnerable I had seen him in a long time, if not ever. Knowing I had that effect on him gave me a sense of comfort. Maybe all hope wasn't lost. Maybe, maybe... No. I had to stop this madness. Even if he didn't hate me, he sure as hell didn't like me. I had to stop hoping against all odds that this infuriating man standing in front of me would ever face the conflicting feelings and emotions that obviously raged inside of him.
"You don't know what I feel" he brought out with great difficulty "Don't talk about things you know nothing about...."
"Oh, but I know all about this, and I won't be taken for a fool here, Severus, so you better be damn sure about whatever it is you're about to say...." I whispered, softening my voice and willing my tense body to relax a bit.
His eyes flickered to my lips, and for the briefest moment I wondered if maybe, maybe, he was going to kiss me again. But then his face hardened, and the look in his eyes became deep and phantomless, like darkness liquefied. His aquiline features could have been carved out of marble, and I sighed with resignation, taking a step back.
"I thought so" I said quietly, retreating towards the door and holding it open "Now please, Severus, if you could just get out.......I'd really appreciate it"
He didn't move.
"Severus, you must forgive me if I gave you the impression I was asking you something. I wasn't. If you fail to remove yourself from my quarters within the next minute, I shall be forced to take certain...measures...you'll find rather disagreeable with your persona" my voice was now cold and steady, without even the faintest hint of emotion.
But that was on the outside.
On the inside, my heart was breaking. I knew, deep witin my heart, that something was holding Severus back. Someone. And it was haunting him. All that pent-up anger, all those dark emotions, it would overwhelm him sooner or later.
As Severus moved, his moves nearly robotical, he walked past me, leaving me standing next to the door, eyes watching his robed figure depart with a heavy heart.
I needed answers.
And I needed them now.
************************************************************************************************************
Mauw. Okay people. There's the next chapter. As some of you may notice, I copied the last part of the previous chapter and added it to this one. To give it more of a sense of continuity. Anyways, I hope I answered your questions regarding the Bloodmoon Ritual in a satisfactory manner. Please don't forget to comment and vote. It's greatly appreaciated.
PS: did any one notice the increased use of vocabulary? I've taken up reading the Agent Pendergast Series by Preston & Child, and their descriptive writing has really been an inspiration....
Anyways,
Sam out.