I exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my chest, hand closing the door so carefully since I didn't want it to creak. I knew it was impossible, every door in this house creaked, even the floorboards did. It was an old house anyway, everything made noises. I guessed it was just the fear of getting caught that drew me cautious about my movements even though I knew it wouldn't work.
Another door along the hallway announced its presence when it was opened, letting me know that my efforts were all useless.
"Chae?" Her voice greeted me as she rubbed her eye. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I answered instantly. "I just had my shower"
"It's 1 in the morning"
"It was hot earlier"
Natalie leaned against the door frame, eyes staring at me and looking like she was getting suspicious of my answers.
"You know it's autumn, right?"
"Of course," I sighed, starting to walk away from the bathroom door. "I was sweating and uncomfortable, that's all"
"Are you sure you aren't drunk right now?"
"What?! No!" I whined this time when she mentioned about my stupid mistake. "I didn't drink, alright?"
"I'm just asking since you went out at 10," She clarified herself as her arms crossed. "Good to know that you are safely home...and not drunk"
"Nat!" I stomped my feet, pushing my bedroom door when I reached there and earning a laugh from her.
"I'm just teasing you!"
"Goodnight!" I ignored her since I got embarrassed, locking the door and walking towards my closet straight away.
The bafflement in my thoughts had become heavier because I was still feeling hot even after a midnight shower, even with the window slightly opened. My throat was having the driest time of its life no matter how many glasses of water I had taken. There was nothing else I could do at that time to feel all right, and I was getting anxious on my bed where I was supposed to be sleeping in.
I lifted my hand, eyes darted at the plaster around my index finger. The wound wasn't that big but the cut was deep, I could tell by the stinging pain I was feeling. It wasn't that I had low tolerance to pain, I could definitely handle small cuts. In fact, I cut myself quite often back then when I first started cooking and I still cut myself sometimes. That happened if I was in rush to chase orders, being careless and clumsy all together. But the wound that I was staring at gave me a different kind of concern, probably because it wasn't made by my own knife.
Closing my eyes, I breathed out and forced myself to sleep. I still had a few hours left before get up time, and I would need to do my morning routine before leaving to work. The night I had was a long one and I did feel tired. I just hoped that when I woke up, everything would get better; the sadness, the pain, the grief, the feelings. All, will get better.
▪️▪️▪️
The ceiling was the first thing I saw when I woke up, which was strange to me because I never slept on my back before. I would always sleep on my side; left or right didn't really matter, because that was the position I was most comfortable with.
So I rolled to my left, eyes meeting the digital clock on the nightstand and finding out that I was one minute early before my 6a.m. alarm could scream. It felt so refreshing to wake up on your own without any loud noise forcing you to, giving you the assumption that your body had enough sleep and that made you feel good. That was what I was feeling now. Finally, it felt like it was going to be a good morning.
I got myself up, palms pressing on the mattress as I stayed on the bed for a while. My gaze was wandering at my toes, and only then I noticed the pastel pink polish on every single one of them.
When did I put nail polish on?!
I brought my hands up, feeling the sudden panic in my chest because I saw the same colour on my fingernails too.
That wasn't the only thing I discovered, the plaster that I wore to cover my wound was also gone. I switched on the bedside lamp to check the same finger, looking for a fresh cut I knew was there a few hours ago but I couldn't find even a trace of it. My skin was just fine as if the cut didn't exist, and the pain was left only in my memory of last night before I dozed off.
Is it working?! Is this a dream?!
Wasting no time, I grabbed a smartphone that was just next to the lamp and its screen lighted up.
Time: 6:01 A.M.
Date: Thu, 9 March 2016
God. That was all I could think of when I realised it was real. God, was the only name I could call for at that time when I knew it already happened. I was taken back to a life that I wished for, and it wasn't a dream just like I was told before by Mr. Krauss. This was a real world with real people living in it. This, was the only place that wasn't driven by dreams even though the only way to get in was through the sleep itself. Ironic, isn't it?
It almost blew my mind when I walked with the same moving body parts, wearing the same looking face and the same sounding voice, but with a different living heart inside. It was a lot to take when I lived as the same person now, in the same city with the same identity, but with a different set of memories contained painful past that this soul had no idea about or what would happen in the next 2 years.
Only I do. I know what's going to happen because I came from it.
"Could you please wash these first?" Natalie asked for a help as she pushed two used woks to my station and she resumed her cooking.
"Sure"
"Thank you"
The market was busy with tourists, as it usually was. Some Londoners always came after 5, straight from their workplaces to grab street food. That was how I met Lisa, she came to Camden Lock one day since she really loved to eat, especially food that weren't associated with the Brits. She always complained about how bland and empty our food were.
Having said that, Asian and Mexican food were definitely her favourites. They were richer in taste as she claimed.
"Hello chefs! How are you guys doing?!"
An energetic voice caught my attention, causing me to take it away from the wok I was cleaning and my eyes found two recognisable faces.
"Busy" Natalie giggled, acting like she was already used to those women. It was just weird to me because the friendliness was never given to me in my universe.
What made it mine now?
But not only a greeting from one of them surprised me, it was also a smile that looked so honest, so pure.
"How about you?"
She gave the question individually to me since it was only Natalie who responded to her.
"Y-yeah, all good so far" I managed to answer even though with the stutter. At least I didn't offend her with my silence, she could have taken it as rudeness instead of nervousness.
Even in here or back in my place, it had always been nerve-wracking to meet The Kims.
"Two yakisoba, please" Another woman who was standing in front of Natalie made her order. She was the one with the name Jisoo.
I flashed a smile to the one in front of me and continued with my cleaning, thinking that I might need to use a cleaned wok for the next customer. So I had to hurry up.
"Hey, babe?" Jennie scooted closer to her wife back from what I could see from the corner of my eye. "Don't you think we should take one home for Lisa?"
Jennie's sentence hit the bricks of my chest like a hammer, smashing my heart by the name of someone I had been eager to see, again.
"No, I don't think so" Jisoo objected her wife's suggestion, sounding so strict like she didn't even give a single thought of it.
"Come on," Jennie started to negotiate cutely. "She would love this one"
"Do you remember what happened to the Turkish Kebab we bought for her?" The other woman countered back. "It ended up in the rubbish bin!"
"Maybe we can convince her on this one-"
"Babe, we have been convincing her about street food for years. She won't eat it"
I couldn't help to listen to the conversation they were having, talking about the Lisa in here that sounded so different compared to the one I lost.
Lisa doesn't like street food?!
"Then let's tell her this is from a restaurant"
"What?!" Jisoo exclaimed. "Do you seriously plan to lie to a detective?!" She sighed before she continued. "She would ask us the name of the restaurant, where is it located, and Google the menus and such!"
"I know," Jennie's voice gave an illusion that she was about to give up, but no. "We can just tell her the truth and persuade her. Maybe she would give it a try. This yakisoba tastes so good and I don't want her to miss it"
"Fine! But you do the talking, I don't want to ruin my mood tonight just because an adult has a paranoia towards food hygiene"
"It's called OCD, honey"
"Whatever it is, she's just stubborn"
Sighing, I put the wok back on the burner and lighted it up with a big flame to dry any water left from the washing. Even though my attention had returned to my job, I couldn't resist to think about this Lisa that The Kims talked about.
Is she that bad?
I was told by Mr. Krauss that everything in here would be so beautiful, it was everything that I wished for. But how could it be when this Lisa sounded worse than my Lisa? If she was that particular and strict on her food, it would be the same on her love choice. She might not have any interest in me whatsoever.
"Another one yakisoba for takeaway, please"
Jisoo's voice was projected to Natalie and I earned a look from my friend right away.
"Chae, could you handle the takeaway?" She asked. "I already have four orders in queue"
"Alright," I nodded nervously. "I'll cook that one"
Breathing out, I began to pour some oil into the wok and waited for seconds for it to heat up.
Let's do this. Let's cook for Lisa.