T: I love you too, Irina.
***
Much to the relief of the Waynes, Tim recovered rather quickly. It had been four days since the terrible encounter and by then he was feeling considerably better. Though a sadness lingered inside him at not being able to find out how Irina was handling the situation.
None of his brothers ever talked about her since Damian got a little aggressive at any mention of her or what had passed that night, so even Tim chose to keep silent.
He was thinking about getting Jason alone so that he could ask him about her. Because as far as he could guess, Jay was the person who would definitely know about her.
That morning upon the doctor's permission, Richard and Jay even helped him walk around the room and that had been a great proof of his recovery.
By then his room was full of flowers but each time his gaze landed on the carnations peeking out from the bouquet Selina had brought, he would be reminded of Irina because those were her favorite flowers.
He wanted badly to somehow talk to her because he knew very well that after all that had passed between them that night, she would have been far from normal herself.
He had a clear idea that she would be blaming herself and the fact that she was going through the grief of losing her father as well as the fear of losing Tim made him get even more anxious for her.
On the other hand Damian had left for home at last, as he had been staying with Tim throughout, not trusting anyone else to look after him. But now that he was getting better, he had himself asked Dami to go and rest.
After a lot of persuasion and threats from Tim's side, he had finally agreed and left. Jay had not been in the room as well when Richard helped him through his evening walk.
As usual, Richard had been the one supplying most of the conversation but despite himself, Tim couldn't bring himself to actually listen to him.
His mind would constantly flicker towards Irina and as he knew absolutely nothing about where she was or how she was dealing with the whole situation, he was himself rather worried.
When Richard finally helped him back to his bed, he spoke, "I want you to promise me that you'll answer truthfully to the questions I'm going to ask now."
He was a little surprised as he rose an eyebrow skeptically, "okay...?"
"Promise me, Dick."
"I promise, hit me with the questions."
"Where's Irina?" He asked at last, eyes focused on Dick's face, observing his expression.
"She's staying over at Helena's place. Jason took here there after... You know... And in order to avoid the press, she is still there. Her aunt knows though so there's nothing to worry about."
He nodded, "and how is she?"
"Fine," the reply was vague as Richard turned to look out the window instead, not wanting to look Tim in the eyes just then.
"You promised to answer truthfully," Tim remarked, "how is she? She was hurt too back then and I know very well that after my secret was revealed to her, she would have been hurt even worse."
Richard sighed, reluctantly turning back to face him, "she's fine physically. Helena has been taking good care of her and the last time I saw her, she was..."
Tim was sitting upright, impatient to know why he had left the sentence incomplete.
"She couldn't stop crying," he let it out at last, "you know her better than I do. You can clearly imagine how she would be right now."
Tim closed his eyes, a wave of pain washing over his features, "she's probably blaming herself. I should have told her about me earlier."
"I don't know about that, kiddo, but you should definitely have let us accompany you," he remarked, "facing her alone even though you knew very well that she was burning in revenge back then was stupid."
"I know," Tim looked down at his hands, recalling how lethal she had been, "but I thought I could stop her. And I failed. I thought I wouldn't have to reveal my identity ever but that's not how it all turned out."
"Remember when you had once told me about her suspecting your secret identity?" Richard diverted the topic a little, "and I had warned you that keeping such a lot of secrets would tear you apart."
Tim looked out the window instead as that once he didn't want to look directly at him either, "has it really torn us apart?"
"Seems so."
"I want to meet her," he resumed in a slightly lower tone, "I don't want her to live in guilt. That would be a terrible punishment and I can't bear to see her suffer in the least. And even if it has torn us apart and even if she wouldn't want to get back together with me, still I want to clear everything to her."
"So you mean to say that you've forgiven her?"
Tim looked up, "we have both been at fault, Richard. We will both have to forgive each other."
Richard came to sand right in front of him, looking down at him with concerned blue eyes, "tell me about yourself; will you forgive her?"
He shook his head, a sad smile flickering on his face, "I never even blamed her in the first place." Then after a short pause he added, "I don't know whether we will ever be the same as we used to before all this happened, but what I do know is that I can't bear to lose her. But if that's what she wants then... Then I won't have any objection."
He gently patted his shoulder being extremely cautious so that he wouldn't feel pain from it, "you really are head over heels in love with her."
He looked up at him, "she's my world, Richard."
"Stop being such a hopeless romantic," Jay remarked and the two turned to see him standing in the doorway.
"Jay, I need to talk to you too."
He shrugged, "I know. You want to ask about your girlfriend. I wasn't saying anything in front of Damian earlier because the kid gets worked up too soon."
"How is she?"
"Much better than that night," he remarked, handing him a cup of coffee, "and good news for you, you can now take a little bit of coffee. But not black. This one has milk and sugar in it."
Tim gratefully accepted the cup even though he wasn't really a fan of milk in coffee but after staying deprived of it for so long, he didn't seem to mind as he brought it up to his lips, taking a sip from it.
The warm and sweet liquid didn't taste bad at all even though he had imagined the taste to be horrible. But after so many days of staying deprived, it felt rather refreshing to him. His senses kicked in with full force, accelerated by the surge of caffeine through his system.
"Irina wasn't hurt as bad as you were. But finding out that it was you under the cowl hurt her worse than the wounds she had received. She had passed the whole night unconscious and when she woke up, her questions only involved you."
Tim nodded, "was she blaming herself?"
"All the fucking time. The first day was a bit difficult to get her settled but since then she has improved a bit."
Tim was pondering over his words, "did she ask to meet me?"
"She's dying to see you but is too scared that you'll hate her now."
At that remark, Tim looked up in shock, "I can't hate her."
"She thinks that she fucked up everything between you two. And that thought is driving her off the edge."
Tim knew that Jason was right, of course she would be scared to see him again and would think that everything was over.
But neither of them wanted to lose each other.
"Jay, can you do me a favor?"
"Sure, buddy."
"I want to see her," he spoke, "please convince her to meet me for at least once."
"Why don't you talk to her yourself?" Richard remarked and when Tim glanced at him in surprise, he handed him his phone.
Tim took his phone and switched it on. The last text he had sent to her was still resonating in his brain.
Richard and Jay left the room in order to give him privacy and as he checked for the notifications, he saw that there were about five unread messages from Irina.
Not even pausing for a second he clicked on the notification and the texts came in front of him:
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not saving you this time. For not knowing that it was you under that cowl, for not finding out sooner about you, for not finding out sooner about my own father, for going up against you all when you were just doing your duty, for beating you up so bad that you're probably in an ICU right now, for being a complete bitch to you...
I'm sorry for everything.
But I've never been sorry for loving you.
And I will keep loving you till the day I die.
He let out the breath he had been holding and closed his eyes for a minute, resting his head back.
He was both relieved and concerned at the same time. Relieved that she still loved him but concerned that maybe their relationship had come to an end for her.
Each time he tried to type out a text, to tell her anything whatsoever, his fingers would refrain from touching the keypad as a very familiar sense of fear would grip him.
The same fear which he had felt the day he had resigned from LexCorp and revealed to her that he knew about her.
The same uncertainty that whether their love would survive through that or not.
But then he finally typed out the only sentence that he was certain about and had no doubt in even though the rest of his thoughts were caught up in an ocean of uncertainty: I love you too, Irina.
The message was sent and shortly afterwards the blue ticks gleamed beside it, indicating that she had seen the text.
And even though the status bar on top showed that she was online, for a long time there was no reply and that increased his fear.
But then the screen lit up as it showed a text from Irina: I'm so sorry.
Don't be, he replied.
It's all my fault.
Deep down he knew she would say that as he typed: mine too.
I won't blame you if you're angry at me or not ever going to forgive me because I totally deserve that.
How could you even think that I could ever get angry at you?
There was a pause and then she replied: why the fuck are you like that, Tim?
Like what?
He recalled all the previous times when they had had a rather similar conversation. The only difference was that before then, it had always been lighthearted conversation without the guilt and longing tainting it.
Like so fucking precious that I hate myself for being so dreadfully horrible to you.
He pushed back his hair from his face, taking in a deep breath as he typed back: that's not something I want to talk about right now.
Once again there was an awkward pause in the conversation but then she texted back. How are you feeling now, princess?
Seeing the word punctuating the text sent a smile dancing on his face, though his eyes showed that he was missing her a lot. Come and see for yourself.
Your brothers would be there and Damian would kick me out.
He has gone home. Dick and Jay on the other hand wouldn't dare to. They can understand human nature, unlike Dami.
I don't know... I want to see you, Tim, I want to make sure that you're alright but I feel so terrible and so guilty that maybe I won't ever be able to look at you again.
He could understand her reluctance but the longing in his heart had only grown with each text. He longed to see her and hold her close. He wanted so badly to tell her that she should just screw all those unnecessary thoughts and come to whisk her away just like she had promised once but had never got the chance to keep it.
But he wanted to say all that in person, looking into her beautiful green eyes with his hands entwined through hers.
You told me to fuck the press at the Fall Gala for you and I did it. All I ask in return is for you to fuck whatever is holding you back from meeting me.
I don't know...
Do it, for me.
He was almost dying inside from anticipation when finally her answer came: right now?
Your damsel is in distress, Ren, right now.
She had read the text and shortly afterwards the status bar showed that she had gone offline.
He locked the phone placing it on the table beside his bed, hoping that she would overcome all the fears that were gripping her and manage to come to the hospital to see him.
He wanted so badly to lay eyes on her that he simply couldn't wait for her to arrive. And all he could think about were a thousand ways to convince her that she was still just as important to him as she had been before and he still loved her from the depths of his heart.
***