My body pushed flat against the wall. Not even a magazine could fit between us. My hands pinned above my head and my body kept in place by this hips.
He's towering above me. His shadow casting me in darkness but somehow separating us from the pain of real life. His broad shoulders like iron bars caging me in. I was never good with being caged in. Even after everything I've said, thought and been through he manages to turn me into a hypocrite. I'm one thing until he's around and my world's flipped upside down. I don't believe in true love but he makes me doubt. I hate being trapped unless it's in his arms. I want to leave until I see him. There's a million reasons why I should give him up but I can't. He's like good cocaine, I messed around and now i'm addicted.
I can't even remember what I was going to say. He was staring at me so intently. His eyes blazing, taking me in. His hold telling me he's desperate, like if he lets me go then i'm going to disappear......again. Just by looking in a persons eyes you can figure out what they're hiding, what they're feeling even if they have a great poker face. That's something we share. We both had trouble putting our feelings into words, instead we find it easier to push people away but like I said with him it's different. I'll push him away but I can't seem to release my grip, so I just end up pulling him back in again. He let his guard down and allowed me to read him like an open book. I could see the sadness, desperation and anger in his eyes. It's hard to explain but the way he looked at me, it's like he's angry at himself. The anger doesn't extend to me, almost like it's going straight through me like i'm a mirror, if you can understand that.
I could tell that he's slowly tearing down the walls I built all those years ago. And to be honest that petrifies me. I've never felt so naked, so vulnerable. He knows my weakness's, he knows my strength's and somehow he's both. It's like he's a knife and someone has drove it into my heart. He's embedded. I have to make a decision. I can either pull it out, watch myself slowly bleed to death and wallow in self-pity as I try to mend the wounds or I could just leave him. Learn to love him, let him become part of me. I was set on the first one, but I couldn't get the words out. They're on the tip of my tongue but neither of us have said anything. I have everything I need to set us free, to unhook him from this death marked love but I can't bring myself to do it. His small actions only fuel that side of me.
I'm so confused. I wish someone would just make the decision for me. I wish this was different. Maybe if I wasn't a Marine. Maybe if we met in a different way, time or place. Maybe if he was honest from the start. Maybe if I wasn't so stubborn. But I was dealt this hand and I don't know how to play my cards. I need guidance, I need love, I need help, I need him.
"Do not even think about finishing that sentence." He dropped my hands, his landing on my waist.
"Nothing I've said so far has worked. I want to see the honesty in your eyes, I want to make sure you're 100% about this. And if you are then I won't force you to be with someone you hate.
So look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want this"
"I don't want this." My heart was in my mouth, i'm pretty sure he can hear it racing. My voice was strong but I could hear it wavering.
His lips running up and down my neck, causing me to shiver in delight. He knows exactly what he's doing to me.
"Tell me to stop."
"S-stop" he planted a light kiss at the base of my neck and then pulled back.
"Tell me that you're going to walk out that door and never look back." His hands dancing across my waist as he rests his forehead on mine.
"I'm going to walk out that door and never look back." Panting. My breath shallow.
His eyes flicked to my lips. "Tell me you don't love me."
My eyes widened. Do I love him? Don't I? I need to leave. I don't necessarily want to. I feel like i'm free falling and I can't stop it but do I want to? Will he catch me?
"I-I can't" My life has always been about taking risks so why stop now?
His lips curved up into a smirk. That cocky smirk that i've well, come to love because it always leads to something. "Good" he closed the gap between our lips. He pulled my lip from between my teeth. It started out slow and passionate but once I pulled on the ends of his hair it seemed to trigger something within him. His wild side.
His hands moved to the backs of my thighs as he hoarsely whispered "jump."
Leaning against the wall I'm supported by him holding me, I wrapped my legs around his waist. Bringing him closer and stabilising myself. He kissed me again but this was different. It's rougher. It's needier. It's better. It heated up pretty quickly. My hips involuntarily started grinding. I have no clue what i'm doing but apparently my body does. See what I mean? With him everything feels natural, i'm bolder, I come out of my shell.
My lungs were burning and it was like he was my oxygen. He slowly moved across my jaw, down my neck. Allowing my to get some air. I came down from whatever high I was on and was suddenly very aware of what we're doing.
You stupid, stupid, stupid girl.
I removed my hands from his neck and placed them on his chest. I used all my power to push him off me. He looked taken aback.
"No. Stop. We can't." I loosened my grip and dropped to the floor. I was still caged in though.
"Yes we can."
I looked him in the eyes. Damn those eyes.
"No we can't. You're a Werewolf, I'm a human. You're an Alpha, I'm a Marine. I have a life, I have a duty to my country. I can't just drop everything for this. I've caused nothing but trouble since i've been here. You were doing pretty well on your own until this bond messed you up. So please just let me set you free."
He lifted my chin and looked me in the eyes.
"What if I don't want to be Free? Alex I need you. I want you."
I just scoffed.
"Sure that's why you were so disgusted when that fake bitch was all over you. Did you want me then? Did you need me then?" He was silent.
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
I tried to push him off me put he wasn't letting go.
"She surprised me. I told her I loved someone else and she was pissed. She saw the way I was looking at you and she was jealous because it's you not her. Then she got her opportunity and seized it. I was trying to hold Damien back. The sight of you in that dress, licking the icing off your fingers was enough for both of us to want to take you then and there. So when she kissed me I regained control and pushed her off, once I realised that she wasn't you. I've been waiting for you since I knew what mates were, since I saw you in the woods. I would never risk what we have. I'm stupid but i'm not that stupid. Plus why would I want any other girl when I have you?"
"Surprised? Come on, that's the best you could come up with? Real-"
His fist slamming into the wall beside me kind of frightened me. I didn't flinch, I didn't show fear.
"Dammit. I just told you I love you and that's all you got from that? I fucking Love you."
Well that did it. Throwing us in the deep end. It's sink or swim.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I want to make him pay for what he put me through. I want to say I hate him but it came out as an "I love you too"
My phone rang. He finally stepped aside, allowing me to get my phone. I could tell that he was watching me like a hawk.
Holy Shit. We just said the 'L' word. I'm leaving and I just told him I love him. I hate him and I just told him I love him. But I couldn't stop the butterflies as his words swirled around in my head. Three words. Simple words. "I Love You"
I cleared my throat. "Hello?"
"Oh darling, you're ok. We just heard. Are you ok? Do I need to sent in a rescue team. I'll fly the plane. I'll do it. No one will stop me."
A voice that I haven't heard in almost a year. I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. They're ok.
Luke's arms wrapped around my waist and he held me. I know he can hear everything. But I know for a fact that he doesn't know who it is. I barely recognised the voice myself.
"Is that my baby girl? You are not flying anywhere hun, not in your state. Sweetie are you ok? Did anyone hurt you? I will send a ship over."
"If I can't fly then you can't send a ship."
I chuckled. "Mum, dad, i'm fine honestly. How did you find out?"
"Scott rang us and told us everything. We have been receiving constant updates and heard that you were awake. So we booked a flight. You're coming home tonight. No arguments."
I heard Luke growl behind me. "See you soon. Love you."
"Love you too, stay safe darling."
"You are not going." I turned to face Luke.
"Yes I am. I may love you but my love for my family and country are greater. I need to do this. I need to go home."
"This is your home."
"Not anymore. I'm sorry. I can't do this. Your pack will be fine but they need you, they don't need me. My country needs me."
"I'm going with you."
"What? You're not going to reject me?"
"You are mine princess, you have to live your life but you're not getting rid of me that easy. I'll go with you. I'll convince you to let me mark you, I'll meet your parents, I'll make you my girlfriend again. I will give up my Alpha title for you if I have to. Hell i'll even join the Marines. I won't loose you. Now come on we've got some packing to do."
He would give up his Title, his Pack, his Family, his Home just to be with me.Wow.
I can't do that, I can't make him give all that up. He has to do what's best for the pack. This dysfunctional relationship doesn't just involve the two of us. There is about 100 other people to think about as well, families, children, everyone.
"No you can't. I won't let you. I won't ask that much of you. It's too much of a sacrifice. No, Luke, No."
Throughout my little speech he was walking around the room, picking things up. He put various items of clothing into a duffle bag and threw me some clothes.
"Did you not hear a word I just said?"
"Oh I heard you princess, i'm just choosing to ignore you. It's my pack and without you I'll just end up putting them in more danger, so this is the right thing for everyone. Plus you've met my parents, about time you returned the favour."
I was gobsmacked. HOLY CRAP. What am I going to tell my parents? Hi mum, dad, ya I had a great time. America is lovely. Very warm. Oh and I saw this giant wolf that turned into a man and now we're in love?!? That's going to go down well. Just like a spoon full of sugar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've been at the airport for three hours now. Our flight was delayed.
Luke hasn't let go of me. Whether it's holding my hand, wrapping an arm around my waist or shoulders, sitting me on his lap, everything and anything to maintain contact.
If he thought I was going to be that easy then he's sadly mistaken. Every time his hand would land on my thigh I would slap it away.
Unfortunately nature called. Not mother nature, thank God, but nature. 3 hours, a litre of water, and Luke trowing his bottle of Coke around is not helping. I feel like i'm going to burst. I am the master of my own bladder, i'm the master of my own bladder. But one shake of that bottle had me doing the pee dance and looking for a bathroom.
After doing my business, I washed my hands. I realised that i'm the only one in here. I leaned down and splashed my face with some water, attempting to not only wake myself up but also to try to wash away the guilt and stress.
I remember Luke on the phone to his dad asking him to take over the pack until we get back. He called it a 'holiday'. I remember the look on Bonnie's face when I told her that I was leaving.....again. She pulled me into a hug and said
"just promise me that this isn't a goodbye".
I wish I could have made that promise, I wish my life was simple. You know like in the Werewolf books that you read, when the girl is nice, pretty, has a simple life that she drops for her mate. Then they live happily ever after but unfortunately this isn't a Disney movie. I'm a Marine and he's a Werewolf. I don't know in what world this is going to work or how it is.
When I get deployed, when i'm training I'll be away from the pack. A Luna is meant to be like a mother to all, fair, sweet, kind, compassionate, everything i'm not. The Moon Goddess must be getting bored and enjoying watching us struggle.
I took one last look in the mirror before I made my way out.
As I was walking to where I left Luke I noticed a large group of male college students. They're on some kind of team, given their matching uniforms but I can't make out what sport it is. They're making perverted comments and inappropriate hand gestures.
There are children around. I just rolled my eyes and flipped them off. My dramatic exited was shortened by the fact that I walked into a wall. This isn't just any wall, I have history with this wall. This wall wrapped its arms around my waist
"I think these asses need to learn that you're mine."
His lips trailed across my neck, almost teasingly.
I guess this is our thing now. Neck kisses, teasing and then a hot make out session. Eh I could get used to it.
Just as I suspected it didn't stop with the neck kisses. I wrap my arms around his neck, something that has become second nature to me. He gave me a quick peck and then pulled at my bottom lip. I could tell that he's enjoying this all too much.
"Just kiss me already" he chuckled and leaned in properly. His breath fanned over my face as we had a stand off. Neither of us willing to cave first. Neither of us willing to admit defeat. It's like a game of chicken.
I could feel his lips hovering over mine. Knowing that he was only centimetres away from letting passion consume me, letting me feel those weird tingles that only he can cause, the need for him growing each second that he just hovers. I could see the glint in his eyes. Ocean blue swirling with specks of black, indicating that Damien's close to the surface. He's straining to keep him at bay. He looks almost .....hesitant?
He really has changed. The old Luke wouldn't have let me go anywhere alone without making sure every male knows that i'm his. The old Luke would have tried to kill those hormonal pervs. The old Luke would've topped up the fading hickey on my neck. The old Luke wouldn't hesitate.
This isn't a game of chicken any more. He's genuinely afraid of pushing me away.
My eyes flickered to his lips. Trying to give him a hint. He took that as a green light and closed the space between us. Our noses brushed together briefly, it reminds me of an Eskimo kiss. Like what my parents used to do when I was around because seeing your parents kiss no matter how old you are is gross.
His lips softly press against mine. He's treating me like i'm a porcelain doll, fragile and ready to break at the smallest touch.
Among my thinking I stopped responding, Luke started to panic and tried to pull back. I came back to my senses. If he could us his secret weapon, then I can use mine. I thread my fingers through his hair and as before, lightly tugged. His grip tightened and he finally did what I wanted him to do. He put his emotions into it, I could feel the passion and desperation. And Love, Love, need, want, love. That's what I could feel. Love.
"Get a room." Made us pull apart. It came from that group. Luke's put on his 'i'm-a-scary-alpha-and-I-will-beat-your-ass' face. I rested my hands on his chest and chuckled. His voice was cold, calm and collected
"Oh we will, don't worry." I playfully slapped his chest.
He led me back to where we were originally sitting. His possessive and protective side is showing. His arm was around my waist the entire time back and no matter how much I protested I ended up on his lap.
I relaxed in his hold. It's quite cold and he's really warm. His arms are so big. They completely covered my stomach. I never noticed that before. I knew he had big hands but wow.
My phone buzzed. It was a picture message from Bonnie. Confused and apprehensive I opened it. At least I know it won't be a picture of Aaron's Junk because she's a possessive she-wolf and Luke would kill them.
It's a picture of two people asleep on a couch. I soon recognised the room. It's Luke's front room. I felt his nose tickle my neck again.
"You look so peaceful when you sleep. No worries, no stress, no pain." I tilted my head upwards and lifted my eyebrow.
"You don't see it do you?" I shook my head. He just chuckled and rested his head on my shoulder.
What was I meant to see?
I looked closer. They look familiar. Slowly the pieces came together and it's almost like the picture came alive. I was reliving a memory. There was a click, giggling and Bonnie saying 'Awww they're not so intimidating when they're asleep." So that's what the click was.
I took a quick look back, Luke had his eyes closed. I quickly set it as my home screen saver and locked my phone.
I then turned into Luke and closed my eyes.
We got on the plane shortly after.
Everyone is royally pissed and tired except for the lovely old woman sitting beside us. Luke insisted on sitting in the middle. It makes him look like he's sitting in a child's high chair. He's obviously uncomfortable but he wouldn't take the risk that the empty seat beside us belonged to a male.
But when this lovely older woman sat down I had to hold in my laughter. She told us all about how she's going to see her first grandchild for the first time. She's honestly made of sugar.
About an hour into the flight Luke was barely able to keep his eyes open. I lifted the arm rest that was separating us and pulled him so that his head was resting on me. He looked quite shocked by my actions and well so am I.
Keeping an steady pace, I ran my fingers through his hair as he closed his eyes. Within a few minutes I could feel his breathing and heart rate steady. I know he's asleep.
The woman turned to me and said
"You two are a great couple. Keep hold of him, very few people find true love and honey I can spot it from a mile away. You remind me of me when I was younger. I was scared too but darling it's been 50 years and i'm still madly in love with him. Follow your heart."
I looked down at him. Follow my heart. It sounds easy but my heart belongs to him and my country. Hopefully things will be made clear when it comes to making my decision.
Little steps.
Next stop, introducing him to my parents.
I slowly closed my eyes and let sleep take me over.
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Author's Note :
It's December. Nearly Christmas. Yay. I'm so sleep deprived. I don't even know if this makes sense but sure shit happens.
ALSO REACHED 1M VIEWS. 1M PEOPLE HAVE READ THIS BOOK. THANK YOU SO MUCH. *hold imaginary trophy* I would like to thank my dog for listening to me rambling, I would like to thank my teachers for understanding that this is way more important than the shit that they're teaching, I would like to thank my parents for never questioning what I'm doing, I would like to thank my nan for feeding me and ya know you readers are pretty cool as well.
But seriously I never thought this book would go anywhere, i just wanted to try my hand at it. To see if I could focus or be creative enough to even write one chapter. I wasn't expecting anyone to really care but thank you.
Lots of Love,
A
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