The Birthday
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Lana's feet sat on Hyde's lap while her and the rest of the gang were engrossed in a slightly inappropriate tv show. Lana and Hyde shared the same look of disgust and confusion as they watch the program. Lana turned her head to see that everyone else had the same looks on their faces.
Hyde tried to move Lana's feet off of him, but every-time she would just put them back on his lap. This result in a petty bickering match between the two, even though they didn't care all that much about whatever it was they were fighting about.
"Does it bother anybody else that these women live in Hooverville?" Hyde asked still trying to get Lana's feet off of him."Technically, Petticoat Junction is down the track from Hooverville." Eric stated not taking his eyes off the screen.
"The fact that you know that is disturbing and frightening to me" Lana said looking at Eric in disapproval.
"Okay, does it bother anybody else that they live down the track from Hooverville?" Hyde reworded. "It bothers me that they bathe in the town water tank." Donna said with cringe evident on her face. "With the dog." Lana added.
"It isn't the drinking water." , Jackie tried to reason, "It is the water for the train.". "It's still three naked women" Donna added. "with a dog." Hyde and Lana said at the same time."I want to be the Hooverville dog." Fez said with excitement.
"Yoo-hoo! Coming down.", Kitty announce walking down the stairs, "Now don't mind me. I'm just putting some clothes in. Eric, honey I thought you could wear this on your birthday. It's nice.You look so handsome in it.", she said while pulling up one of his dress shirts to show him."Oh and Lana you should wear that new black dress you got last weekend. It would look perfect on you"
"Why would we want to dress nice on our birthday?" Eric questioned already knowing that their mom was throwing them a party. "It's your birthday?" Kelso asked Lana completely oblivious. "Yes" she said an annoyed tone. Lana rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her mother.
"You never know what's going to happen on your birthday." Kitty said trying to give away her plans."Mom, do not throw a party for us" Lana said standing up to talk to their mother. "Listen to Mr.and Mrs. Popularity. Like I have time to plan you a party." Kitty said trying to cover up her plans, "By the way your sister Laurie's coming home from college for the weekend.No special reason. She just is". Kitty ran back upstairs before the twins could say anything else.
"You're getting a party.And best of all, it's a surprise." Donna said with fake enthusiasm.
"I just realized, Donna's older than you." Kelso laughed.
"Only by a month." Donna shrugged.
"Good for you, Eric." Fez said congratulating Eric.
"Good for me, what?" Eric asked confused.
"In my country it is good luck to fall in love with an older woman." Fez simply stated.
"Fez!" Eric yelled trying to get the kid to shut up.
"No, they come with livestock." Fez said explaining himself.
"I've always wanted a pony" Lana said laughing at the strange boy.
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"There's no way outta this Eric. If we do nothing we get a party, if we say we don't want a party we still get a party. It's a lose lose scenario baby bro" Lana said patting Eric on the back trying to get him to come to terms with their faith.
"we were screwed form the started." Eric said defeated.
"Let's just get through today in one piece, okay?" Lana said trying to comfort her twin.
"Morning." The twins said as they walked into the kitchen.
"Morning." Red said while Kitty was dancing. Lana joined in with her mother, and twirled her around. As Eric went to the fridge. Kitty saw this and ran to the fridge to close it.
"I'll get it." she said only opening the fridge a tiny bit so they couldn't see inside. Lana went for the bowls but Kitty intercepted again, "I'll get it." Barely opening the cabinet and handling everything to the twins.
"Did I just see about seven bags of potato chips in there?" Eric asked.
"They were on sale." Kitty explained causally while handing the twins spoons.
"Please, don't throw us a party" Lana begged her mom in a final attempt at stopping this torture.
"I'm not throwing a party." Kitty replied calmly.
"Don't give them one." Red said while reading the paper.
"I'm not." Kitty said nervously.
"they're too old for a surprise party."
"I'm agreeing with you."Kitty yelled
"Then stop yelling."
"I'm not yelling." Kitty snapped
"Look, I know money is tight, so we don't want a big birthday." Eric sitting down by his mother.
"I'll decide when money is tight." Red said folding his newspaper harshly "Now, what kind of gift do you two want? Don't worry about the cost.As long as it's reasonable." he warned the two
"I just want some jeans and some records. Led zeppelin, grateful dead,and pink floyd would be awesome" She said politely.
"Okay. I would like a cassette player for the car. A cassette. Not an eight-track.No eight-track, okay?" Eric said over emphasizing the word 'eight-track'. Lana rolled her eyes knowing that now that's all her parents would remember and he'll end up with an eight-track anyways.
"You know, I don't know why they don't just put record players in cars." Kitty chuckles causing the three to look at each other before shaking their heads.
"The point is, I don't want an eight-track tape player." Eric restated.
"Then you won't get one."
"But, honey, he wants one."Kitty said totally missing the point
"No, I want a tape player, just not an eight-track." Eric said for probably the one hundredth time.
"You'll get a Delco. A genuine GM part for your genuine GM car." Red stated "And Jeans and records for my baby girl".
"It doesn't have to be a Delco. It's just for music."Eric chimed in with a mouthful of food.
"See, now there's your first mistake.Parts have to be compatible, Eric." Red rolled his eyes at his son. "you're not burning cheap gas in that car, are you?"
The twins made eye contact because of course they were. They were broke!
"No, sir." Lana chimed in smiling at her father. He looked at her face not believing her for a second.
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The gang was in the Forman driveway hanging out. The boys playing basketball and the girls leaning against the vista cruiser. Lana was watching the boys play when Hyde made a basket and winked at her. She rolled her eyes and turned to jackie and Donna.
"So...?" Jackie questioned Donna
"What?" Donna asked confused
"What are you going to get Eric for his birthday?" Jackie asked.
"But more importantly what are you getting me" Lana joked with a smile.
"Please I already had you gift picked out months ago" Donna said nudging the slightly younger girl "I know you too well"
"You've known Eric just as long. What's the problem?" Lana asked.
"I don't know." Donna said looking at the ground "Nothing seems right.I want to give him something special."
Jackie and Lana looked each other before they both shouted, "He kissed you!"
"Shh!" Donna said making sure Eric didn't hear.
"Get in the car Pinciotti" Lana said pushing her towards the Vista Cruiser.
"Okay, what happened?" Jackie, fascinated by this news.
"Jackie, I'm not gonna talk to you about this. And I'm sure that Lana doesn't want to hear about me kissing her twin brother" Donna said gesturing to Lana who was in the backseat.
"Then who are you gonna talk to? I'm totally grossed out by this but serious Donna Your choice of people to talk to is very limited so I'm going to try my best not to gag." Lana said trying to be a good friend for Donna
"Okay, we get home from the Rundgren Concert and I'm sitting on the hood of the car, and I kissed him." Donna explained.
"French or American?" Jackie asked. "Eww don't answer that please" Lana said trying not to throw up.
"I can't believe I'm talking to you about this..." Donna starts before seeing Fez getting picked up by his underwear. "Okay, so Look, I've lived next door to Eric my entire life and we talk about everything together .We love the same music, we love the Packers. Then I kissed him, and everything changed. Now I don't know if he's my boyfriend or best friend. If he's my boyfriend, I'd lose my best friend. If I screw it up, I lose both. Now I have to get him this gift and I don't know..."
"Donna! I've solved it.", Jackie said interrupting Donna,"Get him a scented candle."
"A scented candle?" Lana asked totally confused. "It's practical and romantic." Jackie explained as if Lana was crazy for not getting it. "Scented candle it is" Lana said patting Donna on the shoulder.
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Lana walked downstairs to the basement to find Kelso and Fez in some sort of trance, while Hyde looks like he could throw up. "Lana turning to see Laurie folding her laundry in only a Wisconsin sweatshirt. She ran up to Laurie and gave her a giant hug
Even though Laurie hated Eric, her Lana were best friends. Lana still thought Laurie was a hoe but she didn't judge her or rat her out to their parents. And that went both ways, Laurie would never get Lana in trouble as long as she didn't get in trouble.
"Who is the goddess?" Fez asked pointing to Laurie.
"Fez have you ditch me for my sister that quickly" Lana said with fake offense
"She's not a goddess. She's more the earth mother whore type, which works for me." Hyde said.
Laurie ignored them and continued to talk to Lana. "You gotten taller, Your hair is longer, and wow your boobs grew a lot" Laurie exclaimed as her baby sister literally "blossomed" practically over night.
"They sure did" Hyde said with a smirk on his face. Lana turned to glare at him as Eric came down the stairs.
"Laurie." he said with annoyance.
"Eric." Laurie relied coldly.
"Shouldn't you put some clothes on? Why? Aren't you a little cold?" Eric said trying to get her out of the basement.
No, in fact, I'm hot." Laurie relied smirking. Lana just rolled her eyes at the two as she sat down on the freezer. Their constant fighting was always entertaining for her.
"Then why don't you go upstairs!" Eric yelled emphasizing upstairs.
"I am waiting for my jeans to come out of the dryer.", Laurie said putting her hands on her hips causing her sweatshirt to go up, "And I want you to stay off my case. It'll only take me a minute."
"I don't think Kelso's gonna last that long." Lana said looking at the boy
"Hey Lana why don't you do laundry like your whorey sister" Hyde teased
"Hyde while I know that see me in my underwear is a life long dream of yours, but there is a long list of people I rather get to see me and you don't even rank the top 20" Lana smirked watching Hyde's face fall as she high fives her sister.
Lana wasn't as mean as her sister, but when the two were together it brought out that side of her. Laurie arguably wasn't the best role model, but Lana admired the fact she didn't care about what everyone else's opinions of her. Lana cared too much and it was honestly exhausting.
"Do I have a shot?"Fez asked like a little child asking for candy.
"Of course Fezzie" She said winking at him.
Hyde rolled his eyes and looked at the tv instead.
"So, I understand you have the wagon now. I want to borrow it tomorrow night. I need it." Laurie said talking to Eric.
"Okay. But I need a favor." Eric asked.
"For you? I don't think so." Laurie replied
"Okay but I need a favor" Lana said standing to talk to her sister. "Look, just tell Mom we're too old for surprise parties."
"For you, anything" she said glaring at Eric. "How could I say no to this face?" She said pinching Lana'a cheeks
"Well good looks run in the family" Lana said knowing that saying Laurie looked good is the way to get her to do anything.
"And that's why you're my favorite" Laurie said before getting all of her clothes and heading back upstairs. Lana turned back around to face the boys and she did a little bow. Fez started clapping for her like crazy.
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The Forman family sat around the family dinning table, awkwardly trying to avoid the subject of birthdays. Lana was staring at Laurie waiting of her to say something. If looks could kill Laurie would be 6 ft under.
"So, how's your friend Janice?" Red asked trying to break the silences.
"Pregnant." she said casually before taking a bit of her food.
"She was such a nice girl. How does that happen?" Kitty asked shaking her head.
"First the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall-." Eric relied with a smartass tone in his voice. Lana shut him up by kicking him under the table. "Ouch!"
"Eric, for God's sakes, that's no language for a woman to hear." Red scolded.
"It's okay, Red. I know what a fallopian tube is. I think Mom and Lana do, too." Laurie said.
"I'm just happy to see that the American school system hasn't failed him" Lana said slipping her water.
"I just don't like my little boy bandying those words about. You're still my baby." Kitty said pinching the boy's cheek.
"Thanks, Mom. Laurie?" Eric said trying to get her attention.
"Yeah, the twins wanted me to tell you that they thinks they're too old for a party." Laurie said bluntly. Lana sighed, they'd will be getting a party no matter what. There was no way out now.
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Lana woke up to the sounds of Eric screaming. She rolled her eyes, her mom probably surprised him with his birthday breakfast. Lana sat up on her bed wanting for her mom to bring her tray of food.
"Birthday breakfast." Kitty cheered walking into the room "And this is it, young lady. A few gifts tonight, the end. And it is too late to change your mind about a party now. So don't think you're getting one or you will be sorely disappointed." She said giggling.
"Happy birthday. sunshine" Red said kissing the top of Lana'a head. Lana smiled knowing Eric probably has to chores today and she doesn't.
"Thanks momma, thanks daddy"Lana said as they walked out of the room.
"Happy birthday little sis" Laurie said sitting down on the bed and stealing a piece of bacon from her. The girls began to catch up. They talked about college and how Laurie has devised a plan to sleep with the whole football team. And Lana filled her in on all the high school drama.
"So any boys?" Laurie said raising an eyebrow at her innocent baby sister.
"No, not really" Lana said.
"come on so no one has asked you out" Laurie said not believing her little sister.
"ok like 10 guys asked me this month its just I don't really like anyone that much" Lana said blushing.
Lana was in fact very popular. She was pretty, on the cheer team, and was friends with the popular people at school. But, she didn't consider them close friends and all the guys that asked her out were either dumb jocks or arrogant rich kids.
"You have to like someone" Laurie pestered her again,"It's one of the guys isn't it!". Lana began to blush, hoping her sister didn't see but of course she did.
"Omg which one!" Laurie said trying to get out any information she could. Lana just threw her face on her pillow refusing to talk. "Real mature" Laurie said sarcastically.
"Fine don't tell me" Laurie said getting up "but if you ever actually end up kissing a guy, you better call me". Lana started to laugh at her sister's attempt to be intimidating, maybe tonight won't be so bad after all she thought to herself
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Kitty forced the twins to go get changed into fancy clothes, still saying it was for no reason. Lana put on a black turtleneck, with a flared jean skirt,and she left her hair down but had a braided crown on the top of head.
Lana looked at herself in the mirror one last time, then she looked out the window. She could make that jump, she though to herself.
"You won't make that jump" a familiar voice said from the doorway.
Lana turned around to see Hyde standing in the doorway. He was leaning against the door frame ,looking Lana up and down. "You look really nice" He said scratching the back of his neck.
"Thanks" Lana said feeling her face heated up. Hyde always looked good, but seeing him all dressed up in his nice dress shirt, made Lana's heart flutter. And he had his glasses off. Lana loved his eyes and whenever he had his glasses off it made Lana really blushy.
"Your mom wants you to come downstairs with everyone"Hyde said snapping the girl outta her thoughts. "Whatever could the reason be?"Lana said as she dragged Hyde out of the room with her.
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The whole gang sat down in the basement in awkward silence and waited for the party. Everyone was dressed up and Eric and Lana wore the clothes their mother wanted.
"Look, we know what you're all doing here." Eric said sadly.
"What are you talking about, Eric? We're just hanging out. Like always." Kelso said trying to keep the secret, "Except we're dressed nice. But that doesn't mean anything."
"Hi, kids. I need your help with something." Kitty said crouched down on the stairs, "Jackie, Donna, Michael, Steven,...young man with an accent, could you give me a hand? Not you, Eric and Lana"
The teens ran up the stairs with her and all Lana could do was think about how humiliating this was.
"God, I can't take it." Lana yelled.
The twins both made a run for the door. Eric swung open the door to come face to face with Red.
"Daddy we were just-" Lana tried to explain
"No.No, No." Red said not letting the twins get a word in edgewise. He closed the door again.
"Okay no matter what we stick together" Eric said grabbing his sister by her shoulders "Twin swear" He said before spitting in his hand. Lana looked at her brother in disgust. "Okay twin swear, but dude thats nasty" She said before hearing her mother come down the stairs
"Eric? Lana? Could you two come up here for a second?" Kitty said with a smile on her face "Shut up!they're coming!".
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Once in the living room, the twins were greeted by party crowns and cheers of surprise, even though everyone besides Kitty knew it wasn't a surprise.
They sat down on the couch opening their gifts. Lana watched as Eric face fell as he unwrapped his present from his parents to reveal an eight-track, instead of a cassette player. She tried her hardest not to laugh, but once Hyde gave him cassette tapes she lost it.
Lana unwrapped her gift from her parents, she got a new dress and a led zeppelin record. "Thanks momma, thanks daddy" she said happy to receive the right gifts. Jackie gave her a new pair of chunky heels; Kelso and Fez gave her a box of half eaten candies; Donna gave her a book of different places to visit around the world and a poster of Rick Springfield and Robert Plant who were some of Lana's celebrity crushes.
Donna was about to give Eric his gift when Jackie dragged her out of the room and into the kitchen. Then Red dragged Kitty out of the house. And Laurie made her way out the door.
"Okay, I'd love to stay, but I'm leaving." Laurie said as Lana held on to her not wanting to be the only girl in the room.
"Buy us some beers? We'll pay double." Eric offered.
"Do you really think that beer will make your little party better?" Laurie asked,
"Yes!" Everyone answered.
Laurie rolled her eyes at the younger group. "Oh Lana I forgot to give you your gift". She said handing her a sparkly pink bag.Lana looked in the bag but shutting it tightly upon seeing the present was lingerie and a box of condoms.
"Laurie!" She snapped while trying to keep Hyde from opening the bag. Hyde managed to grab the bag and pull out the white lacy bra and pantie set. The boys gawked at the undergarment while Eric looked absolutely horrified. Lana grabbed it and put it back in the bag and thanked the lord that no one saw the condoms.
"For when you finally get a boyfriend." Laurie said opening the door. "I hate you" Lana said with angry in her voice. "Love You too" Laurie said blowing her a kiss.
"Hey Lana" Hyde said making Lana look at her. "How do I improve my ranking of the people who get to see you naked?" Lana blushed and rolled her eyes at the reference to her earlier snarky remark.
"Here dork" Lana said handing Eric a box wrapped in blue wrapping paper. "Why? We never get each other gifts" Eric said confused as he opened it. His face lit up when he saw that his twin had gotten him a cassette player for the vista cruiser.
"Well I guess if you don't want it I can always take it back" Lana joked. Eric gave her a hug before pulling away and letting out a small cough. "I mean thanks" he said in a deep voice trying to act masculine.
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The boys sat on the couch trying to guess what Donna got Eric. Lana promised she wouldn't tell Eric and she honestly having too much fun laughing at all of the boys wrong answers.
"Maybe it's the big gift. You know, the really big gift. You guys know what I'm saying when I say, "the big gift", right?" Kelso repeated like an idiot.
"Yeah, we got it. "And we got it." Hyde said rolling his eyes.
"I'm not even from here and I got it." Fez said.
"Everyone in Point Place got it" Lana sighed playing with her crown.
"So Hyde what did you get Lana" Kelso said glaring at Hyde.
Hyde punched him in the shoulder.
"It's fine Hyde you didn't have to get me anything, no one did really" Lana said feeling uncomfortable.
"No Hyde what did you get the birthday princess" fez said taking lana's crown from her and putting it soon his head.
"Eric. Donna's on the porch." Jackie said walking out from the kitchen.
"He's getting the big gift!" Kelso said shaking the skinny boy.
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"This is it, He's going for it." Jackie whispered
"It's his birthday, she should kiss him first." Kelso objected. The teens were hiding behind the kitchen counter spying on the couple waiting to see who was going to make the first move
"she did last time." The girls said in union.
"What?" the boys asked confused.
"Nothing." Jackie said waving them off, "Shut up and watch."
"Come on, Forman, go for it." Hyde whispered.
"C'mon Eric grow a pair and do it already" Lana whispered.
"The door's open, we can hear you." Eric said. The teens became silent but were still watching them, "We can see you." Eric yelled making them duck down behind the counter. Lana started to laugh uncontrollably, so Hyde cover her mouth with his hand.
"Is he kissing her?" Fez asked
"None of us can see them, Fez."
"Eric, are you kissing her?" Fez asked again.
Lana felt bad for ruining her twins big moment, but she knew he would get over it in no time. Besides if it was the other way around Eric would be laughing too.
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Lana was downstairs in the basement watching a movie while eating chocolate ice cream. She was in some shorts and a baggy sweatshirt that went lower than the shorts. All of a sudden hyde comes in through the basement stairs and sat down next to Lana.
"How'd you know I would be down here" Lana said confused. "You do this every birthday. You watch a movie and eat chocolate ice cream by yourself" Hyde said not taking his eyes off the tv. Lana didn't know he knew that.
"Here" He said handing her a box which apparently had her present.
"Hyde you really didn't have to do this" Lana sighed facing the boy.
"Just... open it please" Hyde said finally making eye contact with the blonde girl.
Lana opened up the box had velvet box inside it and saw that it had a sliver necklace with an 'L' on it. And there was also a camera in the bigger box. "Hyde, its gorgeous" She said smiling holding the necklace. " And the camera too. I can't believe you did all of this, it is way too much, it must have cost you a lot".
Hyde just smiled at her shaking his head, "seriously don't worry about it. I already bought it and I wanted to give it to you. Also... I know that this didn't cost me anything... I just thought you would like it".
Hyde handed her a picture of them in the second grade. They were wrestling in the living room and Lana got Hyde in a head lock and her mother thought that it would make the cutest picture. Lana was getting emotional looking at it, she couldn't form the words to thank Hyde.
She wrapped her arms around the boy and pulled him into a tight hug. Hyde was hesitant at first but he eventually wrapped his arms around her waist hugging her back. The two ended up watching the movie together cuddled under one blanket. Lana had one thought, best birthday ever.