***
[ T <•> J ]
J: I was right about the masked vigilante all along!
J: she is your secret love interest.
T: I have no idea what you're talking about.
J: you are such a two faced bitch, I can't even believe you're my brother.
T: okay...
J: and you didn't even say thank you, you ungrateful little slug.
T: thank you, Jay, for saving me again. I'm very much obliged to you for this level of generosity and kindness that you've bestowed upon me.
J: see, I knew you were a two faced bitch.
J: you're welcome, by the way.
***
J: are you ditching patrol again?
T: I asked Bruce if I could rest for a bit.
J: now look here, you delicate little barbie doll, this kidnapping wasn't even as rough as the one I had been through last month. So man up and get your ass down to the Batcave.
T: Bruce had no objection, so I am taking a night off.
J: okay then, I'm going to hang out with your love interest.
T: Jason!
J: enjoy your night off, bitch.
***
T: I fricking hate you, Todd.
J: Dami, what the fuck are you doing on Babybird's phone?
T: it's not Damian, it is me. And I fricking hate you, Todd.
J: love you too, Timmy toes.
J: but really though, I still hate you more, Drake.
***
[ T <•> I ]
I: when are you going to come back to work?
T: sorry, who's this?
I: Irina Luthor.
T: oh I...
T: but this is Ren's number.
I: exactly Mr clever clogs. When are you coming back to work?
I: and no, your boss hasn't been on my phone unlike your two brothers, I just want to know myself.
T: I am rejoining tomorrow.
I: good.
I: best of luck.
T: why? Did something happen?
I: apparently you were right about the No Waynes policy.
I: now you're stuck with Irina Luthor again.
T: I was rather thinking that I would have gotten fired by now.
I: you nearly did get fired. At least from Thomas' department.
***
T: how did you know about all that?
I: I'm an excellent stalker.
T: okay so after months of me telling you this and you denying it, you finally decide to own up.
T: excellent stalker move. Absolutely.
I: either you shut up right now or I'll find other ways to shut you up myself.
T: for example?
I: don't push it or else you'll end up with a turtleneck again.
***
[ T <•> R ]
R: do you even know who she is?
T: I might have a very good guess but I can't tell you.
R: why? You know I am excellent at keeping secrets.
T: because that guess could be wrong and then it will be too embarrassing for both of us.
T: so for the time being, I'm just not going to do anything about it.
R: fine by me.
***
T: Dick, I think I am in love.
R: Oi, let me get Jason.
T: no wait. What the fuck!
T: don't you dare tell Jason!
R: okay okay, kiddo, I'm not telling Jason.
T: thank you.
***
R: you do understand that you have to be really sure about this, right?
R: because when you love someone, you become committed to them for a lifetime.
R: and in your case there are way too many secrets on both sides.
T: I know.
R: she doesn't know that you're Red Robin, you don't know who she really is. It's like both of you are keeping half of your life secret from one another.
R: and trust me, Tim, keeping secrets of such a huge level will tear you both apart.
T: that's exactly what I'm scared of too.
T: but I just can't tell her that I'm Red Robin. Because she hates Red Robin.
R: and also because Bruce won't let you tell her anything at all. We can't risk getting our identities exposed.
T: exactly.
T: this doesn't help at all, Dick.
T: I have no idea what I should do.
R: you have really got yourself into a mess, kid.
***
T: how are you and Barbara doing?
R: as usual.
R: we got into a fight because Kori, you know...
R: it got awkward real fast.
T: but isn't Kori with Jay and Roy right now?
R: excuse me, what!
T: ooops. Shouldn't have told you that.
T: don't tell Jay it was me. He would kill me if he found out.
***
R: no wait, I over reacted.
R: I'm not telling Jay anything.
T: Thanks a lot, bro.
T: or else you would have been attending my funeral tonight.
T: on second thoughts, don't even mention it to Damian either.
R: why not?
T: because a) he's underage. And b) he will see to it that I get murdered by Jason.
R: fine, I get your point.
R: you're lucky it slipped my mind when I met Dami earlier.
T: thank the Lord.
T: but please, don't tell him.
R: of course, kiddo, I'm not going to tell him. Pinky promise.
***
T: now that I think about it, me asking you for advice was probably the stupidest thing I had ever done.
R: and why is that, may I ask?
T: because look at you right now.
T: your love life is an entangled mess.
T: and still all of Gotham's ladies are head over heels for you.
R: what wrong is there in that?
T: all of Gotham's ladies except for those who you actually want to end up with.
R: not nice, Timmy, not nice at all.
T: as they say, Dickybird, the truth is always bitter.
T: and not nice at all.
***
R: fuck, it was Dami's birthday today and I forgot!
T: what do you mean by was? It still is.
R: I didn't wish him, I didn't get him a present and fuck I am so screwed right now.
T: don't worry, I've got you covered.
R: what do you mean?
T: go to the Batcave. It is already decorated, there's a cake in the middle and a pet present; like about six ducks or maybe seven, I didn't count. The pond has also been installed in the garden for the ducks to live in later. All you have to do is bring the demon spawn into the cave and tell him that you guys were planning this surprise for him.
T: but don't tell him about me. He won't accept the present then.
T: just say it were you and Jason, that's it. And don't even call me down there because I don't want to ruin his day.
R: how did you...
T: you're welcome, buddy.
***
R: I don't know why Dami is so hostile towards you and you are just the complete opposite.
T: I am just as hostile towards him as he is with me.
R: no you are not.
T: being a little thoughtful when it comes to birthdays doesn't mean that I've gone softer on the inside.
T: in other words, I just did it because I didn't want you guys to end up dead so soon.
R: then what do you have to say about the hamster and birthday card you left in Dami's room?
T: did he accept it?
R: he named the hamster after you.
T: really?
R: he calls it Nemesis.
T: ah what a nice name, I'm honored.
T: I never knew this day would come but fuck it, I'm crying happy tears.
R: see, you're softer than a marshmallow on the inside.
***