***
[ T <•> I ]
I: can you not stay out of trouble for one fucking day?
T: uh... Sorry?
I: Gotham has about a million residents but you're the one who is always in trouble. Always...
T: it's not my fault.
I: yes it is.
I: can you not fucking see where you're going? You would have dropped into a manhole.
T: what matters is that I didn't.
I: if I wasn't in the vicinity, you would have.
T: touche.
I: don't you touche me!
I: you have only two options; either you never forget to drink your coffee again or you just don't step out of the house.
T: I'll try.
I: in case of any third option, I'll kick you down a manhole myself.
***
T: have you met the Bats recently?
I: unfortunately, yes.
T: which one?
I: the tiny one. Robin, I think.
T: and did he say anything to you?
I: aside from the fact that he thinks me and Red Robin are dating, no nothing.
T: fuck.
I: what?
I: you do understand that I'm not dating that red tornado of doom, right?
I: Tim!
T: oh yeah, sorry I had to take care of something.
I: something or someone?
T: that someone is what we call a little gremlin. Or Satan's grandson. It depends upon the situation really.
I: are you talking about your younger brother Damian?
T: see, even you know who the gremlin is. His worldwide acclaim is unbelievable.
I: if he really is a gremlin, he'll be coming over in a second to bite your toes off.
T: yeah nothing new. I'll handle it.
***
I: sometimes I think you're suicidal.
T: sometimes I think you're obsessed.
I: that's not how you should respond to that, y'know.
T: and that's not what you ask in the first place when you clearly know the answer would be; I'm 90% coffee and 10% suicidal.
***
T: so I met Red Robin yesterday.
I: why?
T: got abducted.
I: who, him?
T: no, I did. Same old ransom story, same old rescue mission.
I: looks like you're too used to it.
T: we're the Waynes, Ren. Not a week goes by without one of us getting abducted.
I: I'd say you lot intentionally get yourself abducted if by now you haven't learnt how to avoid it.
I: besides I know how extremely easy it would be to abduct you. Because you never fucking watch where you're going and would happily walk into a sack if it smelt like even the slightest bit of coffee to you.
T: anyhow the point is, I asked Red Robin about you.
I: trust me, I don't want to know.
T: hey! You should know.
I: you're making it up.
T: no I'm not.
I: yes you are.
T: cross my heart and hope to die.
I: like you said earlier, you're fucking used to it so what difference does it make?
T: fine, have it your way then. I'm not telling you.
I: good riddance.
***
I: what did you ask though?
T: thought you wouldn't want to know 😉
I: alright then, the next punishment I have in store for Red Robin will be applied on you.
T: wait what? Why?
I: prepare to suffer, Drake! Muhhahahahahaha!!!
T: you do know that evil laugh bit was unnecessary...
T: Ren?
T: hey...
T: fuck, I'm screwed, aren't I?
***
[ T <•> R ]
T: Dick, I need your help.
R: what's up, Timmy?
T: can you please come to the Gotham tower? I need some help untying.
R: what are you doing at Gotham tower?
T: have you seen that gargoyle Bruce always perches up on?
R: Goliath?
T: yeah...
T: I'm hanging upside down from it.
R: the absolute fuck, Timothy!
R: how can you still text?
T: it's the speech to text feature, thank Lord I hadn't switched it off earlier. My fingers have gone numb already. Or else I would have untied the knots myself.
R: fine, I'm coming. Try not to attract any attention to yourself, okay? The last thing we want right now would be your photograph in the Gotham Daily, hanging upside down from a gargoyle.
T: if you don't come here quick, someone will see me and I'll make it to the cover page of tomorrow morning's paper even quicker.
***
[ T <•> I ]
I: I was seriously not expecting you to disappear within half an hour of being tied to the gargoyle.
I: and I am a little suspicious because you vanished just like Red Robin.
T: I didn't vanish. I was just lucky I could still text my brother for help or else I would have frozen to death up there.
I: no you wouldn't.
I: I would have gotten you down before that.
T: ah, how extremely generous of you.
I: what? I didn't want you to die up there, idiot, I was only teaching you a lesson not to take that many liberties with me.
T: lesson learnt.
T: please don't tie me to that gargoyle ever again. It's highly uncomfortable.
I: of course it is. It's a fucking gargoyle, not the back seat of a limo.
***
T: hey, do you know, LexCorp has the best coffee maker I've ever laid eyes on! Just one cup and I'm madly in love.
I: good to know you've found the love of your life, but what were you doing at LexCorp anyways?
T: I heard they were hiring so I grabbed the opportunity.
I: as far as I know, you're already hired in Wayne Tech.
T: nothing more fun than gaining a little more experience. Plus, Bruce would never mind it.
I: but still, LexCorp and Wayne Tech are rivals so unless you were planning on stealing their secrets, I see no reason for you to work there.
T: similarly, you and Red Robin are rivals but still turn up to save people every night. At the same time.
I: that doesn't relate to your situation at all.
T: so you do admit, you and Red Robin are intentionally in the same place all the time. 😏
Irina: try stepping off the roof this time and I won't save you. Let's see if Red Robin comes to your rescue instead.
T: ooops, too late.
***
I: Holy shit, Tim! That was about 300 feet!
T: worth a try. And you actually did wait for five whole minutes so that Red Robin would rescue me instead.
T: and let's just say that was extremely mean of you.
I: though I know now that Red Robin seriously doesn't give a shit about you.
I: he would have seen you fall and walked off thinking the world would be a better place without you.
T: there goes my heart, shattering into a million little pieces.
***
T: you've hurt my feelings.
I: I hadn't known you had any.
T: not fair. I'm not going to talk to you or even text you for a whole week.
I: a week? Like seven days... Good.
T: no, like a week is too long. Five days.
I: you're still texting me, Timmy Tim Tim.
T: nah, still too long. Three days.
I: go on. I'm still here.
T: one day...
I: best of luck for that.
T: screw it. I can't even go an hour without texting you.
***
I: shit, you really are working at LexCorp.
T: yeah but what were you doing at LexCorp?
I: I was not at LexCorp technically.
T: but it seemed as if you just saw me.
I: I was swinging past the gaming room (from the outside) and happened to glance in.
T: how do you even know LexCorp has a gaming room?
I: I just saw.
T: it has only one glass window which clearly doesn't show that it's a gaming room. Plus, it's at a height of about 175 feet.
I: so?
T: your grapple gun has a limit of fifty feet.
I: how the fuck do you know that?
T: they call me a genius for a reason, sweetheart.
***