The next morning I shoved on some clothes and ran downstairs to our Dining Hall. Inside where all the Deatheaters, eating some bacon and eggs as if they were in the workhouse eating gruel.
"What's wrong with you lot!" I asked them, fustrated, after asking Dotti for some pancakes.
"You can't blame them, Sophia." My father said as he walked in, "this is rather boring, just waiting for our very own D-Day."
"So they're bored?" I asked him, pouring some syrup onto my pancakes.
"Exactly." He nodded, opening the Daily Prophet.
"Cornelius Fudge," I told him, "6 down."
"Thank you," He nodded, writing it down.
"I know just what to do." I grinned, "To make these Depressed Deatheaters not bored. Oh, and also, Dad, we're all going to a Muggle fair tonight. Even you. No excuses."
"But Sophia-" My father protested, putting down the paper.
"No," I shook my head, "It'll do you good to get out of the Manor once in a while." I scoffed down my breakfast, picked up an apple and a banana, and walked towards the door. Draco and Luna walked in and I thrust them the fruit.
"Breakfast is served," I told them, steering them back out the doors.
"Are you calling me a monkey?" Draco asked, looking down at his banana, "Wait don't answer that."
"Hurry up," I told them, "We have plans to discuss."
"Do you ever get the feeling she's in charge?"
Half an hour later we three were sat in a triangle inside an empty hall with papers all around us.
"I think I remembered most of it correctly..." I shrugged.
"Remind me, why are we repeating the play for the Deatheaters?" Draco asked, munching on his banana.
"Because it'll cheer them up." I replied.
"And how will we do this with three people when there are- what, 8 parts?" Luna wondered, chewing her apple.
"Good point, Luna. Draco, your Draco. Luna, your Sophia, I'll, as always, be Lady V. Now we need to write a few letters to recruit other actors. Daphne Greengrass as Hermione Elddir... Yes?" They nodded, "Get Pansy to be Strangetrix Le Bell again, and... Uh... Um... Theo Nott to do Ravenforest! Goyle can come over and do Ratface, and... Um... Crabbe can dress up in drag to play Susan!" I decided. I handed Draco a quill and some paper because he'd finished his fruit, and we started to write (Luna was rather smug because she didn't have to write as she was still eating her apple.).
Half an hour later the hall was filled with people. I was sat on a directors chair wearing a cap and holding a microphone.
"Okay listen up!" I yelled into it. Everyone looked at me. "The Deatheaters are feeling depressed. So it's up to us to make them feel better using the evilly humorous power of Voldemorg! You each have a part, so get learning your lines then we'll be doing some vocal exercises, before practising. Any questions?" Daphne Greengrass put up her hand. "Yes?"
"Why do I have to play the Mudblood?" She asked. My eyes flashed red in anger, and I darted forward, my wand against her neck seconds later.
"You call me a Mudblood one more time..." I growled, as she stared at me, half scared, half shocked. I took my wand down and turned, "There will be no name-calling in my theatre, unless your laughing at Crabbe." I guestured to the tubby boy who was busy adjusting his bright red wig. "Anybody else?" Nobody moved.
"Brilliant. Let's do some vocal exercises..."
Four hours later, after half an hour of food, we were finally ready. Everyone was in there costumes, we all knew our lines and the backdrop of a dark and gloomy dungeon was drawn, painted, and hung up. Our props had been made, the jug of fake water and the glass, the giant cage that would hold Daphne in, and the hot pink cell phone, which had an alarm set to it to go off. I sonorused my voice so everybody inside and outside the Manor could hear.
"Ladies and Deatheaters! You are requested to come to the theatre immediately! The half past two showing of Lady Voldemorg's Evil Plan is about to begin!" I turned to survey my 'cast'. "Okay, you lot, this is it. Every moment we've had over the past four hours has lead up to this. Are the pre-shows ready?" The other five who had volunteered to do the pre-show nodded. "Alright boys, lets go." We walked out. Some Deatheaters we already there, including my father and Draco's. Draco groaned. He was not pround of the fact he looked like Ron Weasley. I myself was dressed up as my father so I didn't mind.
"Deatheaters, you are a tad early!" I called out, "We were just about to warm up, but you are free to watch." I turned to Pansy, who was dressed up as Snape. "Off you go Parkinson." We all dropped to the floor, and behind the stage somebody started making a ticking noise. Pansy stood up and spoke in a Snape-y voice.
"Hm, what is that Mysterious Ticking Noise? Not over here... Not over there... It's kind of... Catchy!
Snape, Snape, Severus Snape,
Snape, Snape, Severus Snape!" Luna jumped up wearing a false beard.
"DUMBLEDORE!"
"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape!"
"DUMBLEDORE!" Draco stood up.
"Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley!"
"DUMBLEDORE!"
"Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley!"
"DUMBLEDORE!" Next, Daphne stood up.
"Hermione. Hermione. Hermione, Hermione, Hermione."
"DUMBLEDORE!" Then Crabbe stood up with glasses on.
"Harry Potter, Harry Potter, HUH! Harry Potter, Harry Potter, YEAH! Harry Potter, Harry Potter, HUH! Harry Potter, Harry Potter, THAT'S ME!"
"Snape!"
"Harry!"
"Snape!"
"Harry!"
"Snape!"
"Harry!"
"SNAPE!"
"HARRY!"
"DUMBELDORE!"
"Hermione!"
"DUMBLEDORE!"
"Harry Potter, I'm Harry Potter, I'm Harry Potter, I am Harry Potter!"
"Singing a song, all day long at HOGWARTS!" They all sang. Draco picked up a pipe bomb.
"I found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb!"
"YAY!"
BOOM! A realistic bang sounded out, and there was a blast of smoke. During this they all went behind stage and I stood up.
"Mwahahahahahahaha!" I laughed as the smoke cleared. I tapped my wand on the side four times. "Voldemort, Voldemort, ooh Voldy Voldy Voldy Voldemort!" I bowed and went behind stage. Everyone clapped.
"And now... For your amusement.... Lady Voldemorg's evil plan!" Deatheaters clapped again. I went out and started pacing. The Hall was even fuller then before. For a second I was paralysed with fear, but there was no time for that. Goyle walked up in his raggy clothes.
"It's Wormtail!" I heard somebody laugh. Now was our time to shine.
"I'm back, mistress." Goyle said, his voice slightly wobbling with nerves.
"So, the Elddir's have found their precious daughter, have they?" I snarled.
"Yes Misstress," Goyle nodded.
"BLAST!" I thumped my hand down on a table. Some people jumped. Why do people always jump when I thump my hand down? "And after all we did to hide her from them. What did you say her name was, again, Ratface?"
"Hermione, mistress." Goyle relayed, still nervous, "Means well born."
"Well born I wish she'd never been born!" I yelled, trying to keep the grin off my face. "You said she goes to Hogwarts?"
"Yes mistress," Goyle nodded, "In her fif- fourth year. She's best friends with Harry Potter." I ignored his little slip.
"HARRY POTTER!" I yelled at him, then turned to the Deatheaters, "The very cause of my downfall 14 years, 105 days, 9 hours and... 45 seconds ago. And she's friends with this... this... Fish?" My father laughed, and I heard him mumble,
"Potter's a fish..." I grinned, before turning back to my scowl.
"Tell me, Ratface, where is Sophia?"
"She's outside, my lady," Goyle said, getting into his ratty part, "Exploring the grounds with Draco Malfoy."
"A nice boy," I nodded, and I saw Lucius smirk. "Fetch her."
"Of course, mistress." Goyle grinned and walked off stage. I reached for the cup and drunk some of it.
"Harry Potter," I grumbled, "How I despise him. How I want to rip his tiny little head off." A few deatheaters giggled self-consciously, remembering how Voldemort would whine about him when the meetings where on, "And what's more, she's probably a Gryffindork." They openly hooted at the insult most Slytherins used to describe my house, "There's not one person in Gryffindor that's worth bothering with. Well, apart from Ratface, but that's different, isn't it. Talking of Ratface, where is that incompetent bafoon?" My father laughed, and others followed suit. "RATFACE!" Goyle walked back on with Luna, who had magically changed her hair colour to mine.
"Luna Lovegood is playing my daughter... I thought I'd never see the day..." My father muttered.
"Sophia." I nodded.
"Mother." Luna curtsied to me in a most un-Luna like fashion.
"How alike your cousin you look..." I turned to my audience, "THAT'S IT! I shall get Strangetrix Le Belle," Some people interrupted me with laugher at Belletrix's new name, "To kidnap Hermione Elddir, and you will take her place! When the time is right, you lead Harry Potter to me, and I, Lady Voldemorg, will..."
"KILL HARRY POTTER!" The rest of the Deatheater's chorused with me- I suppose they'd heard it well enough times during the meetings.
"Wait, that's it?" Luna asked in her dreamy voice. My father glared at Antonin Dolhov, for reasons I don't know.
"Yes that's it!" I snapped, "I murder Harry Potter and nothing stands in my way. Now laugh with me!" Me and Luna laughed our best laughs, before Goyle interrupted.
"But Misstress, what about Bunderbore?" Goyle asked. A few laughed at Dumbledore's nickname.
"If Bunderbore wanted to stop me, he would have the first time." I pointed out, and my father nodded approvingly. "Now, all together now, LAUGH!" We all laughed, although Goyle sounded strangely like the troll me, Harry and Ron had encountered in our first year. Then, as the script, Goyle chocked. I handed him the cup. "Drink, Ratface, Drink!" He pretended to drink. "Good. Now fourth time lucky, LAUGH!" We all laughed evilly, and that villain song, you know, Duh Duh DUHHH! Went on as the curtain went down.
"Now, who would like refreshments, such as random soft drinks and ice cream?" Draco sonoroused his voice. The Deatheaters murmured in agreement, as Dotti handed out refreshments and we set up the stage for the next act, as well as having some ice cream of our own. Then Daphne got inside her cage and glared at me before Pansy came up and I motioned to whoever was pulling the curtain up and down. We were back on! I walked around the curtain.
"Yes, yes," I nodded, grinning at Daphne who looked uncomfortable in her cage. "Very nicely done, Le Belle."
"Thank you, my lady," Pansy nodded. She seemed happy to be back in the roll of Draco's crazy aunt again, maybe she should take a part in an acting career when she's older... You know, apart from the pug face.
"Did she cause you any trouble?" I asked.
"No, my lady, she was quiet for the whole trip. You know, after I crucioed her a few times." There was a chuckle from those who knew Belletrix's curses. Pansy turned to Daphne, and with a smirk, she cast, "CRUCIO!" There was a flash of red light and Daphne pretended to shriek in pain.
"Did they just crucio the Greengrasses daughter?" Whispered a Deatheater.
"If they did, their in for a whole lot of hurt," Another whispered to him, "And if not... She's a good actor."
"Nicely done again, Le Belle," I nodded, "You always were my favourite Deatheater."
"She's not as cool as Professor Snape, he's better!" Daphne called out. I rolled my eyes.
"Shut it, Elddir. Silenco!" A jet of blue light flashed and Daphne put her face in a tight line. "There. We won't be hearing from her in a while." I gave a cruel laugh. Some other Deatheater's laughed as well, but not at my corny joke, just from the thought of my father's corny jokes. "Ratface!" Goyle ran in with feathers all over him. Me and Pansy knew it was coming by now, so didn't even surpress a giggle, however the Deatheater's laughed.
"Yes Mistress?" He asked. I looked at him oddly.
"Why are feathers all over you?" The deatheater's laughed again.
"Draco and Sophia were playing a prank." He told me seriously, and Lucius muttered,
"Like father like daughter." My father and I glared at him.
"Well bring her here so I can show you her cousin." I told him.
"Of course, Mistress." Goyle agreed and hurried offstage.
"Moving like a true rat," My father snorted at Goyle's portrayal of Neville's portrayal of Wormtail. The people near him laughed.
"You must admit it looks like a good trick," Pansy nodded.
"BOMBS AWAY!" Luna yelled from behind the scenes, and there was an uncomfortable splatting sound.
"BOO YA!" Shouted Draco, "Score one for the Balisk Kids!" There was a collection of cheers by them, before Luna, Draco and Goyle walked on. Goyle's feathers had disappeared, and was replaced by the reddish substance.
"Sophia... Hang on a second... Why is Ratface covered in... Is that jam?" I gasped, swobbing a dollop onto my hand. The Deatheaters hooted with laughter.
"I think it is," Goyle nodded.
"Strawberry?" I wondered, licking it.
"No I think it's apricots for sure." He disagreed, doing the same action.
"If it's apricots how is it red?" Pansy asked from beside me, stealing my line. I made a disgusted face and wiped my hands on Goyle's clothes. The Deatheaters again laughed.
"Ew." Goyle commented.
"Don't fret it was only raspberry jam!" Luna laughed, "Or was it... Ooh a cage!" She walked over to it.
"Sophia meet your cousin Hermione." I introduced.
"Awesome! Hey cuz, are you a Team Edward like me?" Luna asked.
"No." Replied Daphne sneeringly. There were some hisses from the Team Edwards's in the crowd.
"Who can deny the awesomeness of vampire's though!" Luna whined.
"Who can deny the hotness of Jacob?" Daphne backfired.
"Yeah but Edward's dead- Jacob can get killed!" Yelled a Team Edwarder in the crowd.
"Yeah but at least Jacob doesn't look like a pale demented zombie with red eyes- no offence my lord." A Jacober yelled. My fathers eye twitched.
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"Team Edward?" I yelled, "Naw! Team Jacob? Psh! GO TEAM DRACO!" Everyone was silent.
"Yep- this is defiantly my cousin because she has the same firey personality." Luna concluded into the silence. There was still a pause from my outburst. I motioned to Draco.
"Oh- Hey, is that Granger?" Draco asked, walking over to the cage. We were back on track.
"It's Elddir now get out." I told him.
"That's harsh." Draco commented. I grinned.
"Did you expect anything else from her? She's evil." Pansy pointed out. Then, on cue, Theo Nott ran in.
"EVIL! EEEEVIILL! EEEEEEEEEVIILL! EEEEVIIL!" Then he ran back off. I tried not to laugh, as the Deatheaters did.
"Who was that?" I asked, trying my hardest not to laugh.
"That was Ravenforest, I think, mistress." Goyle replied.
"Ravenforest- Rookwood!" Cackled Travers from the last row. There was a shout of laughter.
"You lot are evil!" Whined Rookwood from his place up front, but then he grinned, "EEEEVIIL I SAY!"
"Huh... Evil deed for tomorrow: Hand him over to the Ministry as a Deatheater." I said aloud, and they all sobered up. "Now where was I?"
"You were telling my to get out." Draco supplied, and I nodded.
"Right." I sighed, "Just get out. I can't be bothered to put any effort in."
"Well... If you had something scary I would run out." Draco shrugged. We all knew what was coming and we surpressed a giggle.
"Fine," I grinned, "Ratface, you know what to do!" Goyle walked off-stage to fetch Crabbe in drag.
"What are you gonna do?" Draco asked uncertainly, but then Goyle walked out with Crabbe in a wig and a dress.
"AAAH! GINGER!" Draco screamed and ran out. There was a roar of laughter from the Deatheaters and I heard Crabbe senior mumbling,
"My own son... What did I do to deserve such mockery?" I suddenly remembered and grinned.
"You almost set me on fire, idiot!" I yelled, before getting back into the reigns of my character. "There. How are you, Susan?"
"Good," Goyle said. Hearing Susan's words come out in Crabbe's very deep voice made me want to laugh even harder than I'd ever had before- though, of course, I couldn't. "I think I'll get an A on my Potions, Voldy."
"That's brilliant! Why don't you wait outside and we'll catch up on things?" I had to continue with my speech, but the Deatheater's wouldn't know the difference, and I had to cut it out. I looked at Luna and she nodded, picking it up after the conversation about Justin.
"Why did you send Draco out Mum?" She asked. A few of the actors where confused with the missing part, but they continued for the sake of the play- the show must go on and all that.
"Because I'm going to remind you of your mission."
"Oh goody!"
"Your mission, cuz you chose to except it, is to go back to Hogwarts yadda yadda yadda Marauders Map yadda yadda yadda and we will invade MARS! So then yadda yadda yadda Superman yadda yadda yadda I Lady Voldemorg will kill Harry Potter. Got it?" I babbled. There was a laugh.
"Nice debriefing, Lady V!" Came the laughing voice.
"Yep!" Luna nodded, "But what's the whole Mars thing about?"
"Oh," I blushed. "Sorry about that. That's Birdseed's and Le Belle's mission later on- I want to go to Pigfarts!"
"I get to go to Mars?" Pansy gasped, "WHOOHOO! I KNEW ONE DAY THIS LOW SALARY JOB WOULD PAY OFF!"
"Um... Strangetrix?"
"Yes, my Lady?"
"You don't get paid for this, at all." Deatheaters growled at that comment- I suppose they DO want some pay for this 'Low Salary Job'.
"Oh well I'm still going into space!" Pansy giggled and skipped off.
"I wanna go to space!" Luna whined.
"Stop whining your going to Hogwarts instead."
"Oh yeah... Can I tell Draco?"
"No."
"Aaaw why not?" she grinned.
"Because." I replied.
"Because what?"
"Just because."
"Because what?"
"Sophia?"
"Yeah mum?"
"Shut-" just then the phone started ringing. "What the-?"
"Nobody's perfect,
I gotta work it,
Again and again to get it right!"
"Oh for Pete's sake!" I groaned and pressed receive. "What! I don't want car insurance! I don't care how cheap it is! I don't even have a car! ... Yes, I should work on that! Hey, I get a plush meerkat?" I put my hand on the phone. "Hey Phia you need a plush meerkat?"
"No."
"Elddir, what about you? Or Potter? Or Weasley?"
"Hm... Ron may need a new teddy for bed- he's afraid of the dark you see," Daphne replied, "And spiders, and heights, and the colour orange... it's really funny, when you think about his colour hair..." Deatheater's started to laugh, "And big words... Oh! And Muggle Technology! No, don't worry, I'll pass."
"Okay. I don't need a plush meerkat at the moment." I told the phone.
"I want one!" Goyle shouted. There's no shame in that troll-like student, is there.
"Shut up Ratface get your own plush meerkat! ... Oh, now you think I have to tone up? I'll have you know I'm in Mint condition!"
"Yeah yeah mum, as if you'll ever be healthy!" Luna smirked, and the Deatheaters laughed.
"You have sugar cereals with whipped cream for breakfast!" Goyle laughed.
"I was thinking of getting you a doll for your birthday, but now I won't." I snapped at him, and he looked downcast.
"You're evil." He complained.
"EEEVIL! EEEVIILL!" Theo shouted, running around.
"SHUT IT!" We all yelled, and everyone in the audience laughed.
"What?" I was back on the phone, "You'll put me down for car insurance? No! I don't need car insurance! ... WHAT? I need to pay 1,000,000 pounds? I can't pay that! And I don't even have a car! I've had it. Good day!" I slammed the phone down on the counter.
"Nobody's perfect,
I gotta work it,
again and again to get it right!"
"Nobody answer that." I growled, as the jingle continued.
"Nobody's perfect,
You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes,
Nobody's perfect!"
"WILL SOMEBODY ANSWER THAT!" Pansy yelled, storming back onstage.
"NO!" We all screamed, but she'd already picked it up.
"What? Do I want car insurance? Well I'd have to get a car... and a drivers license... Where do they sell them, by the way? ... Ooh a plush meerkat! Anyone want a plush meerkat?"
"ME!" Goyle yelled.
"Nobody? Okay then."
"MEEEE!"
"Alright, I'll have one plush meerkat thingy."
"YAY!"
"Not for you Ratface, for me! Okay, when do I get my doll?" she paused for a second. "What? I need to get car insurance first? Alright. WHO in this goddamn place has car insurance?"
"I do!" Theo popped up, and Rookwood groaned, "And I have a car as well!"
"Ooh yay! Take me for a ride!" Pansy giggled, and she ran over to him.
"Wait! Strangetrix!" I yelled after her. She paused.
"Yeah?"
"You're married to Rudolph!"
"So? He's rotting in a cell in Askerjam! There's no need for me to worry, or stay faithful!" There was a small laugh, then Pansy gave her crazy laugh and she and Theo left.
"At least we won't hear that evil nonsense again-" Luna started, but she was cut off.
"EEEEVILL! EEEEVIL!" Theo ran on, then back off.
"Salazar that's so annoying!" I commented.
"Anyway... What I wanna know is when do I get out of this cage?" Daphne asked.
"When Potter dies," I shrugged. The Deatheaters laughed.
"God Harry hurry up and die I need a pee!" Daphne howled. Even more laughter.
"Well then we better get started. Off you go to Hogwarts, Sophia!" I ordered.
"What's the magic word?" Luna asked.
"Peanut butter." I replied almost instantly.
"Well I was looking for please but that works too!" she grinned and she walked off.
"Well now what?" Daphne asked.
"I dunno." I shrugged. "Who wants soup?"
"I hate soup!" shuddered Goyle.
"Oh well then. Who wants scones with raspberry jam?" I asked.
"You betcha!" Goyle said and we walked off singing a song from A Very Potter Musical.
"What could you want with a rocket ship? What buissness do you have on Mars?" I asked.
"Well lets just say..." Goyle began, "Pigfarts,
Pigfarst,
Here I come!
Pigfarts,
Pigfarts,
Yum Yum Yum! Aaaaa Ha!"
"Pig pig pig!" Daphne shouted, before the curtain closed to a round of applause. We all went out and bowed. There was a roaring and laughter all around.
"Strangetrix Le Belle!" Rodolphus shouted.
"Shut up Rudolph!" Belletrix yelled. I grinned.
"So will you lot be a little less depressed now?" I asked them. They nodded. "Good. Voldemorg out- PEACE!"
"You know how that was funny, my Lord?" I head Lucius whisper to my father, "That's how a meeting with us lot normally goes!"
"Yes," My father nodded, "we may not get any planning done, but, let's face it, covering Wormtail in jam and goodness knows what else is hilarious."
"Gang," I grinned, "We done good!"
Harry's POV
I stood, pacing around Ron's bedroom in the Burrow, while Ron looked over his collection of Chocolate Frog cards, waiting for the letter from our spy. What was taking him so long? All he needed to do is get in to Riddle Manor, find out where they were holding Hermione, then write back! An owl hooted and I turned to the window. His light brown great horned owl swooped over to me and handed me a letter. I took it and he headed back out.
"What does it say, Harry?" Ron asked, looking up from his collection of cards. I held up my hand, reading it.
Potter,
SLR called me in to the Manor today. Seems what they're doing lately is just putting on random plays. Today was the Voldemorg play. I tried to search the Dungeons for H, but she made us do these stupid vocal exercises, and I couldn't get away until lunch. I explored the house, trying to find the dungeons, but by the time I found them, it was time for the play and I had to go up, or my cover would have been blown. However, I did hear a stuffled sob coming from one of the cells on the left. H may be there... How's L, Potter? I'll only update you if she's okay.
X
"He says Mya's defiantly in one of the cells, Ron," I told him, "We have to show this to the order. Tomorrow is the Deadline- we have to act."