Wo Sitamgar Bichar Gaya To Rooh Meri Saath Le Gaya,
Ab Khaali Jism Kehta Hai Mohabbat Weham Hoti Hai....
MARIA ALI AHWAAN'S POV
Four years passed since that day and not even for once I looked back. How could I ? My inner turmoil was at its peak that time and I had enough of humiliation coming towards me. I would not have survived I would have stayed back.
Sometimes I think I was selfish to leave. I didn't even informed anyone before leaving. That time I did what I thought was right and the first thought which came to my mind was to leave. I didn't thought about my family who loved me to the bits and left that place. Maybe I was selfish but for me, it was my way to protect my life from getting ruined.
Was I coward to leave ? Was I too weak letting him run over me just because I loved him ? I don't know and I don't plan to find out if I was.
It's all past now. He is not in my life anymore and I am glad about that. His presence was too toxic for me.
I was so lost in his love that I forgot about my existence. He was my start and my end too. I was so lost loving him that I never realized I too needed love.
Mujhme jitni mohabbat thi maine sab unpe vaar di, khud ke liye kuch bachaya hi nahi.
Going away made me realize about self love. I always wanted someone to love me but never realized that someone could be me too. It made me realize putting myself before other's, thinking about my happiness too. It made me realize to be vocal about my feelings and most importantly it made me realize to keep self respect on the top of my priority list.
I learnt love is not everything but respect and trust is. You can't always trust and respect a person you love but you can always love a person who earned your respect and trust.
I guess the naive and the dependent girl in me died when I came here. Slowly but steadily I became what I should have years ago. I guess that's what a heartbreak does to you but in my my case it was a positive change for which I am thankful to him.
He made me realize my worth. He made me realize that I shouldn't let people step upon me just because I am attached with them. The day I lost him I felt like I had died but then I rose from the same ashes of my ruin just like a phoenix. I became a better version of myself.
The day I left Delhi was the day I left a piece of mine there. Even when I would have wanted it I could have never been able to take it back. It belonged to him. It was his possession. Yes, I am talking about my heart. The same heart who was crushed mercilessly by him. Aamina appi was right it was love and no matter how much I tried I wasn't able to undo it. But I was able to lock it down deep down within myself. I can't go through that same phase again. I can't afford to weak again and see myself getting ruined again.
Shifting Mumbai was the best decision I ever took but it was not easy. My first year here was very difficult but slowly and steadily I became who I always intended to be. First few months were hell for me. There were days when I just held myself staring into nothing. I was emotionless. It was as if all the emotions were sucked out of me leaving nothing. Nothing to feel, nothing to hold on to. I even starved myself not because I wanted to, but because I was not in my senses. I was depressed to the state where I had no idea how to move on.
I was broken to the point I didn't knew how to mend those broken pieces of mine.
There were times when my resolve to stay away from my family was breaking slowly but then his hurtful words pierced me again and again like a knife, stopping me from going back. I wasn't ready to let him win. I wasn't ready to let him see that I was a weak girl who can't survive alone.
So, I continued on with my depressed state but never dared to go back.
My health detoriated too and then I realized I was being same just like him. I was giving myself pain to my own self just like he did. That was the time I consulted a psychiatrist and met Murat.
He came in my darkened world and illuminated it with his own light. He too just like me was fighting his own battles and was struggling to overcome the pain in his life. He was greiving the loss of his mother who was his only family and needed someone to hold on to. And just like that we got together. No, I am not dating him or anything, I am his best friend just as he says and he is the reason I was able to come out of my depressed state. We both are each other's guiding light.
THIRD PERSON'S POV
Maria's reverie of thoughts were broken by her phone which was ringing.
"Salam appi. How are you ?"
A smile automatically came to her face when she saw Aamina's name flashing on the screen of her phone.
She was the only one Maria had contacted after leaving.
"Walaikum assalam. I am good. Infact I am very happy."
Her happiness could be detected from her voice and she knew her appi was smiling at the other end.
"May Allah keep you happy always appi. I am glad that you are happy."
"Won't you ask the reason behind my happiness ?"
Aamina was exited to share the reason behind her happiness with her little sister.
"I would love to know the reason appi."
"Main itni asaani se nahi bataungi. Pehle guess karo."
Aamina teased Maria knowing how much she hated the guessing game.
"Offo appi you know how much I hate guessing. Ab aap zyada waqt na zaya karein aur bataein aisa kya hua hai ke aap itni khush hai."
She groaned, earning a loud chuckle from Aamina who was happy creating a hyped up situation.
"I AM GETTING MARRIED."
She was numb for few seconds but then a huge smile smothered over face.
"It's such a great news. I am so happy for you appi. Congratulations."
"Khush hone se kaam nahi chalega tumhe meri shaadi mein aana padega."
Aamina demanded blowing the radiant smile off her face. She was shocked hearing her demand.
"Appi.... I can't. I am so sorry."
Her voice was low and full of sadness. Only she knew how much she wanted to go back but then again she didn't knew if she was ready to go back or not.
"Four long years have passed and it's time for you to move on. Please come back for my marriage. You don't know how much everyone misses you. Our home is not home without you. Please come back. Please."
She wasn't able to control her tears and the emotions and begged Maria to come back. She really wanted her to come back.
"I can't. I don't know if I can face everyone. They might be hating me for leaving without saying anything. So I guess, it's better for me to stay here only."
"No one hates you Maria. Infact we all love you and miss you more than you can ever imagine. I am not asking you to come here forever because that's your decision but yes, I am requesting you to come here for my wedding because I need my sister back for my big day. I need you here with me."
Maria didn't know what to answer. She really wanted to go but her heart and mind were at war. She was having conflicting feelings.
"Appi I....."
"You'll come if you love me. Allah Hafiz."
And the line went dead. Aamina knew it was not right to emotionally blackmail her to come but she wanted her to leave her past behind and move on fully and that could only be possible when she comes back and faces everything.
•
Murat entered her apartment to give her the good news of the big deal he cracked only to find her sitting on the sofa with her head down, lost in her thoughts.
He got alarmed seeing her in that state and immediately rushed towards her.
"What happened dove ? Is everything fine ?"
Hearing his voice she looked up with red puffed eyes and a distressed look on her face making him worry for her.
"Murat...."
She whispered not being able to speak more and started crying.
"Will you please stop crying and tell me what happened ?"
Holding her hand in his, he wiped her tears and encouraged her to speak.
"Aamina appi called and she asked me to come back for her wedding."
She whispered looking back at him to which he smiled and replied her back caressing her cheeks removing stains of tears present on them.
"To isme rone wali baat kya hai ? You missed your family, right ? And now when they are calling, you should go back."
His soft tone and the way he spoke with so much gentleness warmed her heart. She was lucky to have him with her.
"I miss them but I am scared to go back. I don't know if I'll be able to face them all alone. I don't want them to hate me."
I am scared to face him. Again.
Even after Aamina assured her that everyone loves her and is waiting for her she couldn't let go of the insecurity of her family hating her.
"They are your family and you always told me that they love you, so you shouldn't fear them. Yes, they could be mad at you but they can never hate you. Infact no one can hate you. Tum ho hi itni pyari."
He smiled pulling her cheeks to which she smacked his hand and rubbed her cheek.
"And if you are scared to go alone then I'll accompany you afterall I can't leave my bestie alone. Can I ?"
He smiled to which she smiled back.
Her fear flew away and confidence to go back, reigned inside her.
"I'll go."
"That's like my dove, now go and make something good for me as I am famished. I'll share a good news with you after that."
Pushing her off sofa, he grinned at her commanding her to make something for him.
"Good news ? Don't tell me you're pregnant."
She joked going towards the kitchen and turned back to see his expressions which were indeed very funny according to her.
"Astaghfirullah. You are so horrible dove."
A flying cushion came towards her which she doged easily smiling at him.
"Dove.... I know it must be difficult for you to go back but I assure you that I'll be with you whenever you will need me, but it's your fight and you have to fight it alone. You can't let your emotions over rule you again. You are stronger than before and you can face him all alone. I know you can."
He smiled giving her the courage to go on and fight her fears. He knew she was scared to face him. Her past. It was the time to forgive herself for loving him and to move on and it could only be done if she faces him.
"Trust me and please go back, so that you could be free forever."
His encouraging words made her smile and she nodded agreeing with him.
"I trust you Murat and I am ready to go back."
Going inside the kitchen she started preparing lunch for both of him and messaged Aamina of her decision.
I am coming back.
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Salam everyone,
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Till next time,
Allah Hafiz ❤️