Here I was again ..
in a bed other than my own.
The white flat sheet glided smoothly across my skin and I stretched my long legs while letting out a subtle moan. I was in no mood to get up and out of bed, but work was calling my name, literally. My pager vibrated once more in the palm of my hand and I rolled my eyes before parting my lips to speak, "They're not dying..."
"Who isn't?" He spoke. I slowly propelled myself off the bed and walked over to his location in the bathroom with a slight sway in my hips.
"Some guy in the emergency room." I said with a sigh. He chuckled mid brush then spit out the foamy mint toothpaste into the bathroom sink. After turning to face me, he snuck his arms around my skinny waist then gracefully placed his large hands on my plump ass.
"So that means you have to go work .. do you really have to leave me?" He mumbled in that voice that made my panties soak. Of course it was my duty to save lives as a surgeon, but I lost all self-control when it came to being around him. Before I had a chance to speak, a set of red hickeys covered my neck and I was back in his bed where I started. It took me by surprise as he slid in with ease and began to take away the regret I always feel when he fucks me silly. Grabbing the pillows above my head, I moaned and looked at him in lustful disbelief that he could make my legs his putty.
"Tell me it's mine .." he groaned into my ear. I hated when he did this; it felt like I was stating the obvious. When I didn't speak, he slammed into me harder and kept the quick pace.
"Fuck, Jay! It's yours!" That devilish smile I grew to love crossed his lips before he locked me in. His hands sunk into the mattress and he slowed his strokes, causing that urge to hit me full force. I tried my hardest to squirm and push him away, yet he stayed and caused my pussy to flow. "Oh God.." I let out in an orgasmic breathe. Jay finished on my stomach then placed me in his arms and took me toward his massive shower.
After another spontaneous night well spent, he drove me to work. "You'll call me when you get off?" Jay called out as we sat idle inside the parking lot of New York Presbyterian. His honey-brown eyes made it hard for me to break his heart and tell the truth, but I had another life to live.
"Not tonight, babe ... I'll call you soon though-"
"What's soon?" He kissed his teeth before continuing, "I'll only see you when I need you, huh?"
My annoyance of a pager vibrated too much for my liking and I knew that my case from earlier was beginning to deteriorate. "Look Jay, I promise we'll talk about this later. That guy is dying for real this time." I didn't give him a chance to say another word and I left after giving him a light peck on the lips. I heard the roaring engine of his Dodge Charger in the distance as I walked through the sliding doors, immediately donning myself into my embroidered white coat.
"There you are! They're getting him prepped now." Dr. Lively announced as she watched me placed my stuff into my locker.
"How bad is it?" I hesitated to ask my best friend and fellow coworker; we were the lucky ones who made it out of medical school alive.
Blake shrugged her shoulders, "Left-leg amputation. They only started paging you more when they realized his growing infection."
I let out a sigh, "Great start to my morning."
She let out a light laugh, "You breeze through amputations; you'll be done before you know it. Plus, lunch is on me."
Her words caused me to smile and we gave each other our daily hug before parting ways. "Oh! Beyoncé!" She hissed and halted my steps. "Your ring."
I gave her a look of confusion, until she pointed at my hands. Looking down, I cursed myself for forgetting the second most important thing in my life. "Thanks Blake!" I yelled in a hurry as I ran back toward the locker room. After I slid on the wedding band that I usually abandoned after a night like this, I grabbed my phone to make a quick call before heading to the operating room.
"Yes, Mom.. I'm up." My daughter mumbled, her sweet, sleepy voice making my heart melt.
"That's fine, Aaliyah. I just wanted to make sure we weren't going to be late this morning for your big day." I heard her sheets ruffle before she spoke again.
"I know, I'm so excited .. do you think you could make it to the tryouts?"
That damn pager vibrated once more and I let out a groan of agony. "Let me guess, you gotta go."
I sighed, "Yes baby, I do. But I'll be out soon and will try my best to make it, okay?"
"Thats fine.."
"I love you, Li."
"Love you too, mom."
I bid her a good day then placed my phone back into my locker. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I reflected on all the craziness going on in my life as I walked out into the madness. As much as I wanted to dwell on it, my issues would have to wait; I had a job to complete .. no matter what.
***
I shoved the last bit of my chocolate granola bar into my mouth while simultaneous trying to park my new Jeep Grand into the tiny space in Aaliyah's school parking lot. Thankfully, I was just a few minutes late to her tryouts. I knew she was a ball of nervous energy, but I had no doubt she wouldn't pass to get a spot on the girls basketball team.
Once I swallowed what was in my mouth, I gathered my purse and iced latte and rushed toward the gymnasium.
"Mom! You made it!" Aaliyah cheered once she spotted me. I wrapped my arms around my 15 year old and gave her curly hair a small kiss.
"I told you I'd try.."
She smiled, "Thanks for never letting me down."
I made a small pout and placed my hand over my heart; Despite my ungodly flaws, I still thank him everyday for allowing me to be her mother. "Did you speak to your father today about coming?"
"A little, he said he may or may not come but wishes me the best." She sounded uninterested.
"Okay, well, get back in the game and I'll be on the bleachers if you need me." She jogged off after saying goodbye and I found a spot a few rows up from the gym floor.
"Is that blood or ketchup?" A manly voice spoke to me; I swear it better not be one of these horny old dads. I quickly glanced at my baby blue scrubs and shrugged my shoulders without making eye contact. "You can save my life, anytime.." he continued.
After rolling my eyes out of annoyance, I grimaced at the unknown man in front of me. "And I'll be sure to kill you." I said with the biggest smile, which caused him to back off immediately. See, this is why I don't bother to come to these things .. but anything for my baby girl.
About an hour later, the tryouts were done and Aaliyah was placed on varsity just as I expected. "I told you you would make it!" I teased
"I know mom! But, it's always nerve wrecking .. I'm only a freshman!"
"And on the varsity squad! That's an amazing accomplishment." She nodded her head in agreement and rushed quickly to my car as I lagged behind. "What do you want to do for dinner?" I asked once we made it on the road.
"Ooo, lets get Pei Wei!" Aaliyah cheered. "I'll call dad and see if he can make it." Since she was already connected to my car's Bluetooth, she paused her music and dialed his number; the line rung a few moments before we got his voicemail.
"Hello, you have reached Idris. Please leave a brief message and I'll get back to you at my earliest convenience."
Out the corner of my eyes, I saw her shoulders slump; I couldn't believe this man was that busy to not answer his daughter's phone call. "I-I'm sorry baby, maybe he's still working. We'll catch up with him later." I said in a soft tone.
"Can we just do take out? I'm ready to sleep." She spoke after a few minutes of silence. I agreed and made her stay put in the car as I placed our normal orders. After retrieving our food, we made it home in twenty minutes tops.
"Get washed up before we eat." I spoke to Li as she dashed past me to her room. While I got the table ready, the sound of the front door caught my attention and I couldn't help but shake my head as my distant husband waltzed his way into our kitchen.
"Beyoncé,"
"Idris."
I eyed the man I was slowly falling out of love with and took the opportunity to glance him over. His well-maintain, salt + pepper colored beard and smooth chocolate skin gave my stomach a fluttering feeling, but it soon died when I realized those looks no longer won me over unlike his.
"Never do I care if you return my calls, but why didn't you answer Lee?" I said quickly to rid of the awkward elephant in the room.
He sighed, "I was in a meeting."
"As always." On instinct, my eyes rolled once again at his excuses.
"I'm a busy man, Beyoncé.." He scoffed
"Yes, so damn busy that your work just so happens to overpower your own family. I told you to leave that shit at the door, Idris!" I shouted in defense. This was our same argument every single night and I frankly was exhausted having to say the same thing over and over.
Idris let out a stiff laugh and shook his head slowly, "All I wanted was to come home to some peace and here you are, already down my neck." He reached into fridge, grabbed a beer, and took a long swig.
His nonchalant attitude about our constant problems made my stomach turn. "I swear you make me sick.." I mumbled under my breath as I brushed past him.
"Feeling is mutual, baby!" He said in utter humor as I stomped up the stairs. One would ask me why we're still together if we act like this and trust me, I wish I knew the answer.
"Everything okay?" Aaliyah mumbled as we met at the top of the steps. I immediately fixed the angered look on my face and swept away my stubborn fly- aways.
"Of course baby, why'd you ask?" I answered in a nervous tone; I'd always warn Idris about our volume level in arguments so that this exact situation wouldn't happen - our daughter being tuned in to our slew of problems.
"I heard you and dad yelling again.."
Again!?
I sighed and matched her height at the top of the landing, "It was nothing, hunny. I was simply asking him why he didn't answer your call. Now since your all washed up, go ahead a eat, okay? I'm coming." Aaliyah gave me a look of confusion before leaving me be and descending down the stairwell.
Man ... It feels like yesterday when I held her in my arms after my final push. Yes, she unfortunately tore me in all the right places due to her 9 lbs, 16oz size, but she was our rainbow baby after a multitude of stress-induced miscarriages, so I could care less. Before her birth, Idris and I were together for 2 years and wed after 1, yet although we still had problems brewing, none of them mattered to us as we heard Aaliyah make her first cry. Idris and I were so happy that day, so filled with love and excitement for our new chapter in life, that I for the life of me cannot understand why - 15 years later - we simply loathe at the sight of each other.
In the beginning, I used to hate when my husband and I argued, but that shit had become so second nature in our marriage, I could never tell if a simple conversation would lead to dishes smashed on our counter in the matter of seconds! Like I said earlier, we did bicker in the past, but love somehow pulled us back together. We had better communication, we took time off, and even got a nut in anywhere we could, yet now it feels like a stranger - who by law I claim as my husband - lives in this house with me. But, what hurts the most is to know that our misbehaving has started to affect our daughter .. Ugh Beyoncé how stupid can you be to not see!
I always thought we did a good job putting on our "Hollywood Smiles" for Aaliyah and our family, but who am I kidding, these walls were not sound-proof material .. neither were our various broken glasses, plates, or even the small cuts and bruises that were present on our bodies the following days; knowing my daughter - the farthest thing from a dummy - she knew that her parental foundation was broken.
Things came tumbling down for us about a year ago when Idris lost his nice, great paying, corporate American job. I tell him all the time that it never had to be like this had he'd kept his shit together and not jeopardize our family the way he did. Sure, he had been slacking quite a bit prior to his dismissal but we-, well, I, had a precise plan for our finances to make sure we had enough funds to cover bills, tend to miscellaneous items, and most importantly fund our daughter's future; but of course things didn't go my way. Within a week of him being released, our family life began to suffer. Idris turned to alcohol & other women, I started working more and began to neglect my home, and Aaliyah relocated for a while to my mother's while we "attempted" to get our marriage back on track. Somehow, we managed to put our problems aside for the sake of being a family once again with the help of marriage counseling, but I truly believe nothing was ever the same after what we had endured while separated for nearly 3 months; plus, somebody new had caught my eye, ... but he's a different issue for a different day; right now, I need to cool off before dinner.
Once I bought myself back to reality, I paced around the master bedroom and shouted muffled curse words into the balls of my fist ... calm down B, don't let him see you like this ... I repeated said mantra as my soles connected with the hardwood underneath me. After another moment of pacing, I felt my phone vibrate vigorously in my back pocket. I bit the inside of my cheek praying that it'd be a surgery since I am the on-call surgeon this evening, but I was taken aback when I saw his name flash across my screen. Quickly, I ran into the master bath and locked the door behind me before accepting the call.
"Hey baby, everything okay? .." I answered as smoothly as possible.
His deep chuckle flowed through the speakers before he spoke, "Everything is cool, Bey. I know I usually don't ever call you this late and I know you said we'd talk after you got off so it's worth the shot. You home?"
Immediately, his question caused my body to become tense; was I home? The "home" he spoke of was my secret, lone apartment in Manhattan that was just a 10 minute walk to work, but I was currently "home" in my refurbished brownstone in the city of Brooklyn which, sadly in times like this, was 30 minutes away from the other. So, if I lied to him and said that I wasn't home, I'm sure he'd assume the worst; maybe I am home but just doesn't want to be bothered? Or maybe, I can say that I'm stuck at work and can't meet? Or maybe I'd just say ..- "Bey? You there?" Jay spoke, breaking my train of thought.
"Y-yeah," I stumbled, "Was just handling some last minute things but I'm actually not home at the moment, still finishing up my shift."
"Well that's perfect, I can just scoop you when you're done"-
"No!" I said quickly, "T-that's not necessary babe, Blake is giving me a ride home so I'll just .. meet you there?" Great job sticking to the plan of not wanting to be bothered, Beyoncé ..
As I awaited his answer, I opened the bathroom door and rushed toward my closet. After removing the phone from my ear, I turned the volume down a notch and placed the phone on speaker before placing it on top of my vanity.
"That actually works better, I can still pick us up some dinner like I planned."
"Dinner? Planned? Someone had an agenda for tonight, I see .."
He let out a small laugh, "Of course, anything for my hardworking girl."
His comment caused a slight beat in a sacred place other than my heart, and my cheeks became rosy within an instance. Before responding, I slid my grey nurse jogger pants over my plump backside then snaked my arms into a loose fitting matching grey top and my matching grey work-sports jacket; if I was supposedly in the midst of leaving work, I had to play the part. Plus, my outfit will serve as a pass to leave the house un-questioned.
"So I'll see you in 30?" I spoke once more.
"See you in the 30." The line went silent and I watched the call disappear on the screen. I moved quickly with putting on my new Nike VaporMax Plus's Jay gifted me, then smoothed out my straight, honey blonde locks with my trusted detangling brush.
"So work got you missing dinner, huh?" Idris spoke softly behind me. As I slowly turned to face him, I braced myself for any war that was about to erupt between us.
"Yeah, I didn't mention it to you earlier but it's my night to be on-call so ..."
He nodded his head slowly then stuffed his hands into his pant pockets. "I wanted to uh, apologize for earlier. You were right, I should of answered."
"Does Li know about this apology?"
"She does. But I came to find you to just clear the air between us. I don't really want any petty issues between us, Bey. Despite how you may feel, I do love you."
Great. Now here comes that uncomfortable feeling of guilt slithering up my spine.
We glanced at each other for a while until Idris took a step forward. His soft hands cupped my cheeks and he lifted my head a little to make eye contact. "I mean it." He added before inching closer and capturing my lips in a slightly aggressive kiss. I couldn't help but to kiss back and bask in the moment that for one minute out of our busy days, we were somehow back to our normal, loving marriage.
"I love you, too." I mumbled once our lips parted. A slight smile spread across his lips and he gave my ass a quick caress before letting me go.
"Will you be back before morning?" He asked.
"I'm hoping, but if things change just make sure to get Leigh settled for school, okay?"
"Fair enough."
Before leaving the closet space, we shared one last kiss. I walked quickly to Leigh's room to kiss her goodnight, then went out to the driveway and sped off toward Manhattan.