Aeron
I took in Diana's appearance and immediately felt at fault for her state. She had filled into my black sweatshirt and the sweats she was wearing. Her face was slightly rounder. Her hair was frizzier than I remember and dark circles were painted under her tired eyes. She looked lost and out of place. This whole time I told myself that she moved on and found a guy that deserved her and didn't have any mental issues. But I was wrong. I was wrong!
I gave her a sad smile and commented about my sweatshirt, glad that she was wearing it. Giving me the hope that she still loved me or at least couldn't forget me.
"Glad to see you still wearing my sweatshirt," her eyes were still in bewilderment and I wondered if a switch had been turned off in her.
Suddenly, she came at me and swung her arms around my waist. Her body began shaking as she began crying into my jacket. I didn't know what to do. But there had been a switch turned off in her. A switch that I flipped. I flipped it off when she left me, and now I've turned it back on.
She obviously missed me. She needs me, just as much as I need her.
I felt her squeeze tighter and bawl even more and I realized that my arms were still at my side. I dropped my basket and small container of laundry detergent and wrapped the love of my life into my arms.
"Oh Diana," I said. "I've missed you so much ... " I held her close for dear life and didn't know if I'd ever be able to let her go again. I felt additional curves on her and wondered how she felt about herself.
I kissed the side of her head and held my lips there. Her hair smelt delicious with fresh shower shampoo but I needed her regular sweaty, blossomy taste. I needed to taste those chunky lips of hers that chased my demons away.
We stood for a minute or two just standing in the cleaning aisle wrapped into each other's arms.
"Diana—oh," I looked up and found Lily with a grocery cart. "It's you," she said with venom in her tone. She came over and tapped Diana on the shoulder. "What are you doing?" She asked her cousin. Diana groaned and held tighter to me. "Let go of him, Diana. Aeron, what are you doing here?" I slightly loosened my grip on my Diana and responded to Lily.
"Shopping. And I happened to run into Diana."
"Well," Lily popped out her hip and folded her arms. "I don't know why she's clinging to you. You about ruined my best friend, Aeron." I looked down and smoothed Diana's brown, curly hair over and rested my nose against it.
"I'm sorry," I softly said.
"She doesn't need your apology, she needs to forget you." Lily yanked Diana away and I let go of her. She looked down, afraid I assumed to look me in the eye. I sighed and watched as Lily dragged Diana away.
Diana
After helping Lily put the groceries away I left without a word and went to the drug store down the street. There I bought myself some beer then sat outside on the steps to our apartment and drank. Lily came out in a hurry but immediately when she saw me drinking stopped, scoffed, told me not to run away drunk, and went back inside.
I sat outside and allowed the cold to consume me along with the alcohol as it burned down my throat.
Tomorrow would be Aeron's birthday. I remember what he got for my birthday. A pretty necklace and matching bracelet that said, "I love you" in cursive. I really liked it and even tried looking for the matching set all over my room but couldn't find it. That was part of the reason why my room was such a pigsty. Now I wanted to go back in there and look for it.
The snow was coming down softly and it began decorating my head and thighs. My teeth chattered and my hand shook whenever it reached the bottle to my lips.
I couldn't stop thinking about how handsome Aeron looked at the store. He was supposed to be depressed, sad, ugly, like me! But he wasn't. He was even more gorgeous in person than he was in my sleep and daydreams.
I thought of his warm arms around me and closed my eyes. There were a few people that ignored me and kept going up the steps to the apartments and I ignored all of them. But as I was imagining my crazy boyfriend's arms around me, I felt them. For real. I snuggled in deeper to them and I felt them squeeze me closer.
"Diana," he said lowly.
"Mmh." Even his voice was here beside me.
I was suddenly impressed with myself for imagining him with me. Maybe I just needed some booze and frostbite to get it.
"Diana," he said again. Oh I love it when he says my name. His strong hand went up and down my arm and I wanted to look at him. But I was scared that once I turned around he'd disappear, and I would be left alone, again. "Baby, it's cold out here. Let's get you inside." His voice was too real. And the kiss he gave me, after saying that, on my head was really there. He was really here!
I whipped my head in his direction and I winced at the pain in my head and shut my eyes close. "Aeron?" I finally got out. "You're really here?" I asked, slurring my words. The handsome man smiled at me warmly and nodded as he rubbed my back.
"I'm really here, Baby." He moved a piece of brown hair out of my face and kissed my temple. "We need to get you inside. Your face is freezing."
I didn't even hear his bike. I looked for it in the parking lot and sure enough it was real too. It was really here, too. He was here. He came back to me!
"Come on," he said. He stood up and I nodded. He hoisted me onto my feet and I fell in his arms. "Easy, looks like you drank a bit too much." I looked down at the ground and found four empty bottles. I pushed my freezing glasses up my nose and wrapped my arm around Aeron's skinny waist. He opened the door to the apartment and Lily seemed surprised to see him.
Aeron
"What are you doing here?" Lily asked upon entering her and Diana's apartment.
"I came to check up on Diana. I found her outside and if I hadn't come when I did she'd probably be dead." Lily came up and put her hands on Diana's face. She cursed under her breath and hugged her cousin.
"She's not well," she said. I looked at Diana and chuckled when she burped then hiccuped.
"I can tell. Hey, her bottles are still outside. I'd grab those before you guys get a complaint." Lily nodded and went outside. I led Diana over to the couch and plopped down beside her. I moved her hair out of her face and took off her hoodie. "We need to get you in some warm clothes." I went to get up to go to her room but she stopped me. She shook her head as if telling me to not even try to go into her room. I grabbed her hand and pulled it forcefully off my jacket and smiled at her. I went to her room and almost had a heart attack.
Clothes were sprawled everywhere. An odor idled in the air and I plugged my nose. Part of me felt heartbroken because of what I put Diana through. The other part was screaming at me to clean the mess up. I went to her drawers and grabbed a pair of leggings and a T-shirt. I then jumped over clothes and food wrappers and exited the room.
"Diana, your room." I said teasingly. I didn't want to make her feel bad. I understood that she was really going through something hard. I did some stupid and weird things when I was getting over her. But I guess none of it worked since I was definitely still not over her.
My Hawaiian princess folded into herself.
"Here, put these on," I held out the clothes I picked out for her and noticed Lily in the kitchen.
"I'm making dinner." She notified us. "Aeron, are you staying for dinner?"
"Please," Diana whispered, standing up and placing her hands on my chest.
"Yeah," I answered. I was going to say yes either way. I gestured towards the bathroom with my head and Diana bowed her head and went in that direction. She almost slammed into a wall but I was able to direct her.
"I wouldn't leave her alone in there," Lily told me from the kitchen. I walked into the bathroom with Diana and shut the door.
"Are you gonna try and undress me?" Drunk Diana scoffed. I gave her a flirtatious look.
"Maybe," My response caught her off guard.
She grabbed the end of my sweatshirt but before doing so, she demanded that I turn around.
"I've seen you naked before, Diana." I folded my arms and was actually anticipating seeing that body of her's. The body I've been missing for over a month.
"But .. I'm fat now and ... I don't want you to run away." I walked up to her and entrapped her eyes with mine. I found the bottom of the sweatshirt and slowly pulled it off. I looked down at the additional weight she'd gained but couldn't find it in me to care.
Instead, I took in a deep breath and hugged her. I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed her. I needed her body.
I began kissing every inch of her shoulders and face and didn't want to stop. I pressed her up against the wall, grabbing one of her thick thighs, and pulling it up to my waist. She kissed me back and we were like wild animals. Her breath smelt like alcohol and I didn't like it, but it was still her lips and tongue that my body needed to greedily devour.
After a few minutes, I found myself getting Diana into her new clothes and I in my pants.
We came out and Lily had the radio blaring. Diana sat on the couch as I went to see if Lily needed help.
"Had to drown out your guys' lustily deed." Lily said. I chuckled.
"I apologize for that." She rolled her eyes. I walked back into the front room after being told dinner was almost ready and I found Diana asleep on the couch. I smiled and kissed her forehead before leaving. Only she could easily fall asleep after having sex.
"So does this mean you two are back together?" Lily asked at the small dinner table.
"I don't know, I hope so." Not once did Diana mention my old job. "Did she tell you about our fall out? Or ... our breakup? The reason?"
Lily shook her head and I was shocked that Diana hadn't come up with a lie. "What happened?"
"Nothing." Lily nodded.
"Please just tell me," she said.
I debated for a minute. But I ended up telling her the same story I told my therapists.
"I got home and had a knife wound. Someone had tried attacking me. Diana took me to the hospital and told me to quit my job. I didn't want to and she ... called me psychotic and a mental case that wasn't fixable. But I hurt her. I told her I didn't want to marry her. She shot back with not wanting kids with me in fear that they'd have the same disabilities. But I insulted her in turn and I guess you could call it our first fight that was just over exaggerated."
Lily looked horrified by my story and shook her head. "No wonder she was always saying, "I should have never said what I did to him." I'm so sorry. I didn't know. How are you feeling now? I had no idea Diana took you to the hospital."
"I feel great."
"You look great. Better than Diana that's for sure."
"I feel bad,"
"You really shouldn't. I mean look at you, and look at Diana. You chose to better yourself while she chose to grow fat and lazy."
"I just feel responsible."
"You can if you want. I'm not stopping you."
"Has she been drinking the entire time?" I found bottles in her room but I wanted Lily to tell me no.
"Yeah, it started I think a few days after your guys' breakup." I nodded, irritated that I didn't come to her rescue sooner. "Why didn't you ever come back for her? I mean, you dropped my car off but didn't say or do anything for her attention."
"I wanted to give her space. She said a lot of crap in the car and I just needed time to better myself. It's not like I was waiting for her to come to me. I just, I thought she moved on. Or that she was better without me."
"Yeah, she's a total wreck. I can't remember the last time she went to class."
"She's been skipping classes?"
"Probably because she didn't feel like taking a shower. I made her do that earlier before we went to the store and I made her brush those disgusting teeth of hers. You owe me. Without my pushing and nagging you two probably wouldn't be here together."
"Thank you, Lily. I truly do owe a lot to you." We were in silence for a little bit until Lily broke the silence.
"Do you—" she stopped and looked back down at her plate. Obviously nervous about what she was planning on asking me.
"Do I what?" I asked. She was hesitant.
"Do you know about the pregnancy tests? I realized that I made the mistake of throwing them away in your trash can in the bathroom. I realized my mistake when I picked Diana up that night. I told her and she balled even more."
"I do."
"Oh ... I just wanted you to know that the comment she made about not wanting kids with you was probably in her mind because of the test results." I nodded.
"Maybe," I added. "Or she just really doesn't want kids with mental issues."
"Are all your disorders hereditary?"
"No,"
"Then what was Diana worried about?" I shrugged but admitted to a girl I didn't really give the time to know and should have, the thoughts that had been haunting me these past thirty-three days.
"I think ... she thinks that I wouldn't be able to raise kids. And I agree ... "
Lily was quiet.
"What did you do without her? I mean, the hand washing and the voices and ... Frederick?"
"Embarrassing enough," I laughed. "I have three therapists."
"Really?"
"Yeah, one for my OCD tendencies, one for Frederick, and one to help me get through this breakup."
"You got a relationship therapist?"
I nodded. "I mean ... it worked didn't it?" Lily laughed as I referenced to my newly gained muscle.
I did the dishes for Lily then placed a blanket on Diana and kissed her goodnight.