The smell of vanilla and raspberries was comforting against the cries of Myles O’Connor,a defeated young man with no parents and no others. The loneliness had hit him as soon as he had sat upon Catalina’s bed to relax. The lack of voices, the silence of the heart monitor, the way his family looked at him and his sister as they walked right past without a word or bite of turkey. It was Thanksgiving day and they were silent. Everything was.
Catalina was behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she knelt on her bed. Resting her chin upon his shoulder, she looked to her couch, out of ideas. She could lay games with him, or make out with him, but he looked like he was dying himself.
“Myles,” she finally said softly, “I love you.” He said nothing, nor reacted. He hadn’t said anything since she had gotten him to calm his empty mind. She had said that many times before including when he got down upon his knees to beg for her solid return to his arms. She mentioned it a couple times during their rendezvous, but never out of the blue like that. Never before had she meant it in a place where it was needed like that.
“You can sleep here,” she offered. “I’ll text Isha and Samanta- say I can’t make it.” Myles sat still and she sighed. She released her grip on him and pushed him down to lay on her bed, then straddled him. He looked up at her as she pulled off his glasses and kissed him gently upon his lips, then got off of him and went to the couch to turn on the television.
She powered on her XBox360 and looked over to Myles. With a smile, she patted the seat beside her. She grabbed two controllers as Myles struggled with sitting up. He groaned as he did so, simply mentally exhausted.
There was no feeling coursing through his veins as there usually would be. There was no effort in his steps to the couch, and even as he sat down and was handed a controller, he wanted to go to sleep and forget there was even his existence. As much as he loved his mother, there was no turning back on what he had said. With his luck, she’d want him to have the family jewels or some cliche like that, but it was done and overwith. She’d be cremated and put on the shelf in his old bedroom.
A statue sitting on the couch next to Catalina, Myles watched without expression nor care that Catalina chose Minecraft. Just a game to mope about in to him, really. Walking around on blocks to simulate the growth and development of humankind with her was just boring to him. He set his controller down after only two minutes and stood. Catalina watched him with a concentrated look as he walked to her bed once more, flopping down into the pillow face-down and letting out a scream.
She jolted, then slowly set her own controller down. Thinking quickly as he continued his solid scream into her pillow, she stood and balled her hands into fists at her sides, letting out an even louder scream. It ripped the air open, making cars crash in heaven and lamps shatter with how loud and high-pitched it was. Myles instantly looked at her, eyes wide in fear.
She opened her own and stopped her screaming. With a huff, she relaxed her tensed shoulders and shook her head. “Good,” she said with a smile. “Now that I’ve got your attention,” she stopped, walking to the kitchen and sitting on the counter, “I’d like to keep it for a bit longer.” Myles sat up, swinging his legs over the side of her bed and watching her attentively for the first time in the night. She kicked off her heels and tilted her head, looking at him.
“You came to my work place a week ago. You asked for me and were declined, but you instead demanded me instead of walking away. When I came out of the back from gossiping with my friends, I saw you. You looked like shit.” Myles felt hurt with her tone, but kept listening. “I pitied you. Your hair was mangled, your shirt and jacket not matching colors, and you had a beanie on your head as if you’d gotten it from Eli and then held it in your grubby hands for a few days.”
He actually did exactly the holding thing; laying in bed, like a rock, holding onto the beanie and string at the closet where no white coat lay. “I was appalled, and when you spoke I was scared. I was scared they were with you and were coming to get me,” she continued onward. He remembered seeing them bound by ropes in his hallway, looking down at them in their dark clothing and cut faces. “And when you finally managed to get words I could understand out… Dammit, Myles, I felt sorry for myself. I was sorry about everything, but I hid it away in my little chest, locked it and threw key away. ”
Myles lowered his head. She wasn’t yelling in any way, but her words meant more than her tone ever would. “You were crying and there was snow on your shoulders, melting into your jacket. You fell onto your knees, begging for me to come back. I’ve never felt more of a heartache in my life before then. Myles,” she said, making him lift his head, “I did come back because you had a soul and a heart to get me back. There was no one left.” She hopped down from the counter, her feet hitting the carpet with a light thud. She walked over to him, swinging her legs one in front of the other, hands behind her back, until she met with him at her bed. She looked down at him, lifting his chin with her finger. “And I came back to you.”
“Why?” he asked with a hoarse whisper. It was a completely unneeded question, seeing the care and love in her eyes and a the worry in her face.
“Because, Myles O’Connor from Starbucks, I fucking love you.” He smiled, placing his hands upon her waist and letting her run her fingers through his hair. “What I’d like for you to do is sit on that couch with me and play some games until you feel ready to talk to anyone other than me about any you’d like. Isha? Samanta? Jacob? Anyone. I’ll be there for you, no matter what. I’ll be there for you when you’re screaming, and when you’re laughing, and when you’ve got the shits at two in the morning because we had Taco Bell the night before.”
He couldn’t help but smile, putting his head against her stomach and wrapping his arms around her. She sighed, running her fingers up and down his back. “Just promise me you won’t ever scare me like that, ever again.”
“I promise, Catalina Touch from Paper Soldiers.”
She meant everything then, to Myles. She was going to be what the others never could be: physically there, seen by everyone, and loving even more in many more ways. She was going to play games, make dinner, and cuddle him. And hell yes was he going to do the same for her, but time would only tell if it would last.
Cat backed away from him, pulling him to his feet once her hands dragged down his arms and grabbed onto his hands. He followed her to the couch and took his place, a bit closer to her. He undid the neck of his shirt and tie, then picked up his controller. He felt comfortable for once in the week, beside her without a weight on him. The month had tied him down to the surface of Hell, and now he was free.
“You get some wood and I’ll start killing some sheep,” he said to the lovely woman beside him. She did as asked and he was on his way, punching fake trees with his fake hand.
“Where’d you even get that beanie? I’ve never seen you wear it,” she said in the silence that was somewhat filled with the sounds of the game.
“Bass left it for me. I gave it to him and he returned the favor,” Myles said. Cat looked at him with a smile. “I haven’t completely forgotten about them,” he said with a smile of his own. Looking back to the television screen, Catalina rested her head upon his shoulder and they continued to play, bathing in each other's company. “Don’t you have to go to your thanksgiving with your siblings and what-not?” Myles asked.
She thought for a second, then shook her head. She’d rather be with him when he needed her company rather than leave him to the silence of the apartment. Seeing him so blank and empty was painful, for she understood, having lost a friend many years ago in high school. A car crash and a funeral later, she was just as empty, possibly less than Myles.
Cat pulled her phone from a pocket in her dress and set her controller down. “I cannot make it tonight. Super sick sorry, frowny face,” she said as she typed. “Sent to Isha.” She set her phone down and smiled at Myles. “Now, where were we?”
“Getting oakwood and killing sheep,” he replied with a goofy grin on his face. He sniffled, feeling her head resume its resting upon his shoulder. The room was warm and she smelled amazing, like spices and strawberries. Her hair was so soft against his skin and she was completely his. Beauty, brains, and video games. What more could he ask for?
“How are you feeling, though, right now, that they’re gone?” Her question was worth way more than a thousand words. They were nowhere to be seen, nor heard. They weren’t able to touch him and laugh and cry with him. They were just memories throughout his life torn away in a flash like paper through the wind, about to hit the windshield and then no where to be found.
“I feel pretty lonely without them,” he sighed. It was true. They were always there, even when he didn’t want them to be. From Divide picking at his nails to Lust hoarding the last packet of hot chocolate, everything had been about them and about himself. Now they were gone, there was a hole that only someone truly special could fill. And that someone was sitting beside him with a beautiful necklace on to match the never-ending beauty of her own.
Everything just seemed right, even with the others gone. He’d learned so much from them in order to be with her. Bass taught him how to be patient with other people; Lust taught him the boundaries of flirting, foreplay, and awkward letdowns; Shaky taught him to be curious, but not to be over self-conscious about things; Divide taught him the proper way of handling anger by learning from his mistakes. Goldfish never really taught him much, but did give him the strength to keep pushing forward, despite how dark things would get.
That was how he had the courage to get Catalina back, from what Goldfish had given him. That was how he gained the appreciation of her being from what Bass had showed him. Everything they had ever done for him ended up helping him when they weren’t there. There was a thought in the back of his head of the possibility that he never really needed them around, but he knew they needed him. Thinking about them, Myles could hear them, see them all laughing back at home, hugging and joining each other with smile on their faces, like how every good day was like.
Everything was good.