He was a rugged doll barely breathing in her grasp— beaten, broken, torn, wounded, many things. It was false hope that kept bringing out the optimist in her. She hated fate for one moment, just one moment.
Maybe he could still open his eyes; stare at her with those golden flecked green irises. Maybe, just maybe, they can still wake up next to each other, three in the dawn, his throat humming those composed love songs while she press her ear to his heart just to go back to sleep.
But when those words escaped his lips like a sordid prayer or plea "O-oh snowflake, I would really love to die in your arms.." "I want to die hearing your beautiful voice.. I want to die with the sight of your gorgeous blue eyes."
"A-aiden.."
It wasn't how the tears were freely streaming down her cheeks, it wasn't the red liquid that stained the icy fabric.
It was how she said his name.
Her fingertips traced the scratches etched on his cheeks; tickling the flesh with frost. But it came to her with utter sense that he can no longer feel anything.
"I love you."
If it was somebody else holding their husband this way, it could've been the striking realization that they are no longer holding their beloved but a corpse that needs to be buried.
But she meant those three words. Because she sees no corpse, no dead body— she only sees her husband.
Her hand slid to intertwine with his unmoving one, but even though he's no longer living, his hand still fitted hers like a glove.
Her eyes shut tightly once she laid them on his frozen smile... But nothing was left to say. Nothing was left to do.
A feature that would be frozen in time.
Because he did indeed, died with joy.
Her noticeable silent sobs can be heard by the troops of Ignaeran Guards, Lieutenant Aksel, King Asbjorn...
All were silent.
She pressed her forehead against his, letting her tears stain his travel lapel with no rush, no anticipation... Just grief.
And that was the last time she held him so closely.
That was the last time she held him.
______________________________________
"Elsa! Snowflake!"
Her blue eyes fluttered open when she heard his voice, and many things stopped at once. Her crying stopped. Her sobbing stopped. Her heaving chest stopped.
The pain stopped.
It wasn't her who held him— but it was him who held her, cradling her in his arms protectively with his other hand rubbing circles on her back while his other wiped her tears comfortingly. He never had the chance to speak when she roughly cupped his face with shaky palms, breath quivering and eyes glossy.
"gods above Elsa, you scared me." Aiden sighed in relief, bringing her face closer to him, "Darling what's wrong? You were crying... Thrashing, in your sleep."
Elsa attempted to push herself off his lap but Aiden caught her wrists and managed to make her stay, "No. Don't even think about hiding it again."
"It was nothing, it was just a nightmare." She shrugged off, dabbing a hankerchief over her eyes. Aiden smiled and brushed his lips over her cheek, "I believe it is something."
Elsa huffed and turned away, and desperate times calls for desperate measures.
Aiden grinned and planted his hands beneath her thighs, lifting her up in his arms, smothering her face with kisses, making her chuckle and giggle, "H-hey, stop that."
Aiden smirked and caressed her cheeks, "There's my wife's smile."
A loud cry came from one of the crib, Elsa tearing herself away from her husband and rushing up to take the crying infants in her arms, cradling them back and forth between reassuring whispers.
Aiden quietly sat down on the edge of the bed, silently watching his wife sooth both their children.
Chandler was the first to go back to sleep, while his twin, ever the mama's girl, kept on bawling just to keep in touch with her mother.
He stood up and snaked his arms around her waist, placing his head on her shoulder, watching how the little princess in her mother's embrace blink her round green eyes, her rosy skinned arms waving around to catch their attention.
"She looks so much like you." He exclaimed silently.
Elsa chuckled, nodding, "But she's got your eyes."
"Have you ever thought you'd get married and have children like this before?"
"... No, not really. I wasn't really interested in any romance at all.. But.. Things were meant to happen and I love how it did.."
"That flatters my heart, darling." Aiden smiled, planting a kiss on her forehead, "I never thought I'd end up like this too. But I did. And I love how everything turned out."
She giggled, turning to her now cooing daughter, "Your daddy's such a hopeless romantic, baby."
Aiden brushed his nose against her hair, "But your mama loves how he is that way."
Elsa smirked, "That she does."
As he shifted near her, the familiar sweet succulent strawberry scent tickled his nostrils, "How do you smell so good always?"
"Perfume, lover." She responded, kissing her daughter's face with a smile, nearly laughing when she saw her closed eyes, "Looks like this little snowflake's tamed. Go rest, my king. I'll join you soon, I'll just cradle her for a little while."
Aiden nodded and lay down on the bed once again, burying himself in the sheets before drifting off.
Smiling, she drifted her gaze from her snoozing husband to the little girl in her arms, her thumb brushing over familiar smaller slightly freckled cheeks.
She was so sure she saw those pink, chubby little lips curl up into a tiny smile when she did her ministrations.
Her hand moved higher to sweep up her daughter's wisps of platinum blonde strands, bringing the little princess closer to her neck by hoisting her up higher.
Closing her eyes, she only thought one thing.
One can never forget the past— but one can accept it.
______________________________________
Flashback
"Long live the legacy of Arendelle! It's a prince, your majesty."
Her drowsy blue eyes met Ingrid's for a while to see the bawling infant already active and kicking in the medic's grasp, his wild, thrashing personified cries reaching his mother's ears.
And it's pure music.
The sound of new life.
Everything seemed to settle down when she weakly reached out her arms just to hold her son, just as she predicted. His swollen, slightly blood stained but recognizable face made first contact with her when all she cared about was to kiss his clammy cheek as a memorable welcome.
She held the baby prince like she would never let go, and the little boy kept wailing without restraint, but Elsa just kept adoring how perfect and healthy he looked, and those qualities are more than enough for her.
Black hair, just like daddy.
Blue eyes... Just like mama.
Smile... From both mama and daddy.
The moment ended swiftly with her breath hitching when another pain struck through her entire body. One of the maids scooped up the prince from her arms before yelling for the surgeons to return when they sensed her motions.
But the pain was different. It was worse than what she had felt earlier...
Like life was being drained away.
"Your majesty! There's another child! You have to make it!"
"This is way too quick! It's already crowning!"
But she heard no one. Color was already fading in time; her heavy breaths were already losing air. Her eyes were threatening to close. But she thought of Aiden's face, Anna's face, her parents' face, Olaf's face— her little prince's face.
With one final push, she expected loud crying, loud screaming, or even loud cheering in Norwegian from the staff behind.
But she got the opposite.
Panic.
Because there were no cries.
There were no heartbeats.
"... Give me the gloves, we'll need gentle force for revival!"
"Yes sir!"
"Bring the blankets there miss, we're going to do some work!"
And she thought it was all over. For a minute the physical pain in her body disappeared to nowhere, but tears were already making their way down her cheeks when all she could do was try to stand, try to help, try to see if the unknown baby girl will still manage to even get a glimpse of her mother's face.
"Gerda... W-what's going on?"
She cursed herself for being too smart.
"I-i... the other baby, your majesty."
Her voice broke.
Her heart broke.
"Where is my other child?"
But she knew already.
She knew already, way before.
".. Being revived."
She is still debating if she fell unconscious because of the bleeding— or the little voice at the back of her mind that she'll never get to hold the tiny bundle she greedily waited for so many days, months.
Everything else was a blur when Ingrid approached her with the awoken, crying princess in her arms, droplets of sweat dripping down her forehead.
Everything turned out okay.
For a short period of time.
"YOUR MAJESTY!"
End of Flashback.
____________________________________
"But baby you're here, breathing. In my arms. Alive. Beautiful. So breathtaking— so loved. I thought you were already going to lose the chance to even meet me or daddy, or auntie Anna, or anyone. But you're a strong girl, aren't you? You're just like daddy."
Battled death like a David to a Goliath.
"Goodnight, little snowflake. I love you."