**WARNING: Slight trigger warning for this chapter. It isn't too graphic but it does mention some things that could trigger some of you.**
*Santana's POV*
When I was seventeen I came out to my parents. They were so accepting that it didn't seem real. I know I'm lucky with how supportive they've been. I have a good life and always have.
Except when Ricardo died.
I was fourteen and my best friend and hero was my big brother Ricardo. We did everything together and told each other everything too. I loved him so much.
But when I was fourteen something else was going on. Ricardo was seventeen and he had leukimia. The summer before I went into ninth he died and my world crashed down around me.
I fell into a deep depression. I started cutting, I shut everyone out, and I hardly ever came out of my room. I started drinking and smoking and sometimes even doing drugs. That was also when I lost my virginity and when I started having non-stop sex.
Every night I got out my razor blade and something from my secret stash of alcohol at the back of my closet.
Some nights I went out and partied, dragging some random person into bed with me--guy or girl. It was so unhealthy.
The more I partied and drank and had sex,the deeper I sunk into depression. It went on like this for two years.
Luckily my parents reached me just in time, when I was sixteen, stopping me before I killed myself, and getting me help.
But even though I got that help, I was a bitch ever since. I was a bitch to protect myself because I never wanted to get hurt like that again.
I'm better now of course, and I've promised myself that I'll never go back there.
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I walked out of the bean after my encounter with Quinn, smiling-no-grinning. It made me so happy to think about Brittany talking about me a lot.
The first thing I thought when I saw her for the first time was that she was adorable.
And she was, everything about her. The way she dressed, her smile, how flustered and embarrased she got. She made me break out of my usual bitch-state and actually be sweet. Just to her though. For some reason I couldn't ever imagine being mean to her.
She was too wondeful. And I was crushing on her big time.