Chapter 17......then next seven days
Day One....after the bomb dropped in the cafeteria curtsy of me the day was full of......angry tension. No real big surprise there. Shane and Rick weren't speaking and keeping their distance. Lori well she couldn't exactly play the role of victom anymore but she could sure play entitled bitch to the extreme. Huffing and puffing about in exasperated form.
The rumour mill was churning away at a hundred miles an our. Essentially taking on a life of its own. The gossipers were talking each other's ears off and the stories of what had happened in the cafeteria barley represented the actual events. Over the course of the day I had heard several of these misconceived stories.
The first being the most predictable and unoriginal. To believe this one it went like this. Rick and I were in the cafeteria getting all hot and bothered when Lori and Shane had walked in to discover our on going love affair. Lori broke down and when Shane tried to defend her honour that's when the fight broke out between the two men.
The second story was pretty much the same as the first. Only in this one it was Shane and Lori caught cheating by Rick causing the fight. In an agry rage Rick beat the shit out of Shane declaring his undying love for Lori. This storey almost made me throw up a little.
The most recent storey was that Lori and I had decided to share Rick in every sense of the word. That even threesomes had occurred. When Shane found out he confronted Rick and got into a fight about the morality of what Rick was doing. Like I said each storey was growing more wilder than the last.
"Well I got to give you this," Maggie looked over the box as she passed it to me. "You don't do anything half assed."
Sasha burst out laughing nearly doubling over. "No girl you most certainly do not. We all made bets on how long you would play nice with Laurie but nobody expected that."
Waving my hand back and forth between my two friends I pretended to be hurt. "You people are my friends and yet you make bets about me."
"As if," Maggie laughed. "If it wasn't about you I know you would be in on it too."
"I had liquid encouragement and no plan." Picking up the next box I handed it to Maggie. "I was just kind of running with it."
"Have you talked to Rick or Shane yet?" Sasha asked.
Ok so here out of all the things that had occurred I felt bad about. In my anger I hadn't thought about Rick and Shane's life long friendship. How I could possibly be putting an end to it. Not just an end but doing it in the form of a public announcement. Forcing them to choose between their pride or forgiveness. "No neither of them. I don't think anyone is talking to each other."
Day two.....began with no less tension. I for one was not the only one questioning the sanity of both Rick and Shane going on the run. If you asked me it was just asking for trouble.
Which it undoubtably did. Both Rick and Shane returned looking like they had pounded the shit out if each other. Shane a little worse off than Rick. There was no denying something had sent the two men into a fist fight. Daryl even had a few bumps and bruises that could only be explained by the fact he had got in between the two of them. That and he looked tired and pissed off despite the good hall they made. Glen well he was on edge glancing wearily between the two men as if he expected at any second the fight would break out again.
Supper that night was even more of a gong show than the previous night. Rick, Shane, Daryl and Glen sat at the four corners of the room almost as if they were declaring their own country. Each of them watching each other just looking for any reason to go at it again.
I was far from the only person to notice this distinction. After all normally everyone sat together. Instead now it was just us girls sitting at the centre table.
Looking about the room Carol started to laugh. "I feel like I'm in a war zone."
"You can say that again." Maggie nodded as she drank her tea. "Glen said it got pretty bad out there between Rick and Shane. He thought only one of them was coming home until Daryl managed to get in the middle of it."
Ok so I clearly didn't think about the fall out of what I had done. I was to busy feeling vindicated and well like the the superior bitch. "Ok guys could you make me feel any worse."
"I don't know about that," Sasha stretched her hands above her head as she sighed. "The truth always comes out one way or another no matter how hard you try to hide it." Dropping her hand to her lap Sasha leaned over glancing in Ricks direction. "If you ask me I think it bothered Rick a hell of a lot more that you kissed Shane more than the fact Shane screwed his wife."
Laurie and Carol began to nod in unison. "It was written all over his face that night in the cafeteria and every time Rick has looked at you since."
"Please don't guys," I leaned forward placing my head in my hands. "It's hard enough living here knowing Rick is with Laurie. The last thing I need is hope."
No one said another word. If there was one thing we all agreed on. Hope was an affliction none of us wanted to suffer from.
Day three rolled by with off handed remarks and quiet jabs at each other. Pot shots and indirect insults floated through the air on a spring breeze. The distension moving through the camp was making everyone miserable. Even those not involved were beginning to ride the wave of intolerance.
Trying to make piece Hershel took the matter into his own hands by tricking us all into the lab. Once he had us all cornered his well rehearsed speech began. Tugging on his beard he looked each one of us in the eye.
"We are to be a family. Now I don't mean husband and wife but sister...brother...friend. We need to love each other not beat each other down. We've struggled so hard to build a home and a life here. To keep all the bad out and offer safe harbour to all." Shaking his head Hershel waved his hand dismissingly. "We are all each other have and the four of you are so blinded by pride and anger you can't even see you are destroying it. That you are dividing the group, our community as they take sides and argue about your battle. This is not the life we struggled to build."
It was a nice talk. Eloquently worded as Hershel's speeches usually were. In this case however the beauty of it all was falling on deaf ears.
Day 4 was no better and no improvement or forgiveness was offered by anyone. The only notable difference was that Rick was missing since the we dawn hours. Jumping in the jeep he disappeared out the gates long before the first ray of light shawn.
Lori spent the day fuming because he didn't tell her. She was so mad in fact she nearly forgot to play the concerned loving wife roll. This simple fact alone brought me smug satisfaction. It shouldn't but it did.
My satisfaction grew even deeper for upon Ricks after dark return I was privy to the nights entertainment. Lori bounded across the courtyard her lips flapping for all to hear. I had to hand it to her she seemed to like public performances.
I listened to her while I leaned against the shed as ranted and raved about how Rick showed no respect for her feelings. That he left her worried and distraught all day because he could be bothered to tell her. That they never talked unless she cornered him. That this was turning into a sham of a marriage. That she wondered if he even loved her at all. Rick simply ignored her and without saying so much as a single word he unloaded the jeep.
The best part of all was the look on her face when she turned to see me leaning on the shed. Her mouth gaped open as her eyes shot unhidden glares of pure hatred at me. I know it was childish and petty but still all the same I smiled and waved at her. I smiled waving goodbye as I watched Lori stomp off in a matter befitting a small child. Glancing back at Rick he looked less than amused by my antics.
Day five was a heat wave straight from hell. You would swear we lived in the desert. Everyone was hot, exhausted and short tempered so Shane decided what better day than the present to stir the pot. Shane started to spend time with me through out the day and during supper. I didn't care what people said or thought to be honest. Despite it all I liked the guy as a friend. He actually reminded me a lot of Rick and it was easy to see how before all this went down how they were best friends. Besides where other than Lori and Rick did it say the two of us couldn't be friends.
It didn't take more than minutes for all the gossipy on lookers to notice Shane's attention. Everyone tried hard to ease drop on our conversations while Rick and Lori watched with intent glares. Fuck it. . Neither of them had a right to say boo one to us after all.
After supper Shane and I took our teas and went and sat on one of the benches in the courtyard to enjoy the breeze in the overwhelming heat. It was funny to watch people gossip now. To watch them spin like crazy tops in a game. Frantic to hear the latest news and say the next lie.
"So I guess it's official I've joined the jezebel club," Shane beamed over at me.
Sticking my hand out I grasped Shane hand in an over exasperated hand shake "Well then by all means let me welcome you."
Taking my hand in his he held it. "Should we make banners announcing to all other about our newly formed. You never know others may want to join."
"You never know," I laughed. "Sometimes the biggest gossipers are so busy talking because their terrified you will find out their shit."
"I know one thing for sure. I can't see what way Rick is looking but I guarantee you we have his full attention since we walked out here." Shane motioned towards one of the towers.
"Ya I think Rick is just a little pissed at me. He hasn't said one word to me since the cafeteria." Looking down at the ground I scuffled my feet. "Since you and Lori came he talked to me once and even that was maybe ten words."
Leaning forward Shane placed his cup on the ground. Resting his elbowed on his knees he scrubbed his face with his hands. "I'm glad they found each other. I also wish we never found this place."
"Don't feel bad I'm the exact same way." Placing my hand on his back I began to rub in a sympathetic gesture.
"I was positive Rick was dead." Shaking his head in his hands I understood Shane's frustration like only a member of the dirty mistress club could. "It didn't happen over night and it's not like I planned on falling in love with her. She never said it but I know she felt the same. Now she insists on making her marriage work when Rick obviously doesn't."
I figured if anyone here would know the truth Shane would. It really wasn't any of my business but I still wanted to know. "Rick told me before the walkers that their relationship was basically done."
"Ya that's one way of putting it." Shane began to laugh so hard that his shoulders shook. "Even then Lori for what ever reason refused to let go of him. Rick was only there because he always has to be the good guy. As miserable and unhappy as he was Rick didn't want to be the reason the family split up. He always said he couldn't do that to Carl. Hell at the end they weren't even sleeping in the same room."
At least I knew Rick hadn't lied to me about the state of his marriage. Not that it did anything to help my broken heart now. For that matter time was doing nothing to heal it or diminish my feelings for him. I loved Rick today as much as I always had. Just the thought of him made my heart skip as unshed tears burned my eyes.
Day six made its presence known with booming angry storm clouds. The skies had opened up with hail and pelting rain as Mother Nature unleashed all the havoc she could bring. Winds howled about the prison making eery sounds as if the dead were crying out. The chill in the air sunk deep in your bones as the gloom of the day settled upon us. Today the prison did not feel like home but rather it's intended purpose. A concrete building meant to house violent offenders. Cruel, cold and unforgiving.
I spent the majority of the morning cuddled up in bed trying with little success to ward off the cold. The problem with this was while I tried to read the only thing I could think about was Rick. Closing my eyes I could remember all the times we talked, laughed and held each other in this very room. I could still remember the way his skin felt against mine as we made love. How waking up in his arms felt like being home and exactly where I should be. Once upon a time I use to be whole and happy. Yet none of this matters anymore. Not since gun shots rang out.
Giving up I decided it was about time to do something other than dwell on what once was. Throwing a hoodie on I headed down to the medical lab where I could at least be productive. The halls were empty, void of human existence. I could hear the quiet hum of people talking in the cafeteria but I tucked against the wall and kept going.
Unlocking the lab door I quietly slipped in and closed the door behind me. I had only been in the lab for about five minutes and had just opened the cabinet when I heard the door open behind me. Closing my eyes I let out a silent sigh trying to control my frustration before turning to see who was behind me.
Taken completely off guard my eyes settled on Ricks handsome face. . I was so surprised that I wordlessly turned back to the cabinet and finished loading up my arms with what I was collecting. Turning to the table I methodically began to place each bottle and herb on the table refusing to look up at him. Refusing to acknowledge my erratic heartbeat, sweaty palms, dry throat and shaking hands. Just his appearance in the room nearly rendered me incapable of functioning.
Without saying a word Rick pulled a stool over to the opposite side of the table I was working on. Grabbing a pen and a piece of paper he began to doodle.
The silence should have been strange and awkward. Only it was oddly comforting and peaceful just the two of us. For the first time in a month I didn't feel the crushing weight of the loss of Rick. We just simply passed the time content with being with each other.
Checking his watch Rick got up to leave. Guessing from as long as he had been here it was probably time for rounds. I fought back the tears as I watched him slip back out the door as quiet as he had come. Glancing down at the paper I realized Rick wasn't doodling but drawing. The picture clearly was of the day we had checked the trap line. When we had stopped by the river bed and sat on the rock together.
Slowly I placed my fingertips on the edge of the paper and pulled it closer. Part of me said to rip it up throw it away after all I had pride. Instead I folded it carefully and slipped it in my back pocket.
The seventh day I felt like a ticking time bomb. As if I had been rubbed raw and left festering to scar. An animal locked in its cage I looked for the first hand I could bite. Everything inside me had come to a boiling point and was now more than I could stand. I couldn't breath and I had to get the panicked elephant off my chest.
I knew what I had to do so I bided my time waiting for the opportunity. Those who were going on the run had just left and everyone else was starting their day. Caught up in themselves now was my time.
Walking casually I headed back to my room. Looking about it I tried to narrow it down to ten things. Ten things in which I would need to leave and be most useful to survive.
I didn't count my knives, gun or bullets as items. I figured they were on my body and didn't count. After collecting various clothing I took the matches and lighter along with a hammer and a flashlight. Stuffing it all in a backpack I started to retreat backwards from my room double checking there was nothing else I wanted. For the first time in weeks I felt relieved.
Spinning around I ran face first into Maggie nearly knocking us both to the ground. Looking from my bag, around my room and back to me her eyes squinted as the realization of what I was doing dawned on her. Snatching my bag from my hands she opened it searching the contents for herself. Looking back at me she tossed the bag across the room as everything fell out.
"Where the fuck are you going?"
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Read my new book titled.....Bring It Back (Andrew Lincoln Love Storey and let me know what you think