Daegu, two years ago...
Taehyung wants to scream.
He wants to burn every single one of his books, destroy them, throw them away, because god, his finals are finally over.
But that wouldn't be advisable, since in Law school you can't just forget what you've learned from one year to another, on the contrary, you better have all that info engraved in your brain for the rest of your career. Which is why, unlike all those idiots who are throwing all of their books around right now, Taehyung is keeping them safely in his bag.
Everyone is hitting the biggest club in the city tonight, they've already got the fanciest box reserved with dozens of alcohol bottles just for them.
Taehyung surprisingly doesn't feel like going, much to all of his peers' disappointment. He's always been the life of the party. I'm tired tonight, he told them, let's party this weekend.
He actually just desperately needs to get laid, and while spending the night teasing straight alpha males and making them confused about their sexuality sounds fun, he just wants quick and easy, so he'd rather try his luck at the local gay bar tonight.
When he gets home, he spends a solid ten minutes in front of the mirror wondering whether he wants to make himself look like pretty bottom bitch material or hot daddy material. He attracts different crowds depending on that, and even though he knows he can easily make a guy bend over for him even looking like a complete sub, the gay crowd in Daegu is different from Seoul. People are a little more... conservative, even though he's not sure that's the right word.
They somehow believe that pretty skinny boys are always meant to be dominated by big bulky manly men. And as much as Taehyung likes a challenge, it's a little bit of a pain in the ass when he just wants a quick and easy fuck.
He ends up settling on neutral. Black leather pants that mold his figure and make his ass look phenomenal, with a simple button-up black shirt and his favorite Gucci belt. He slips multiple rings on his slender fingers, dabs his cheeks with some blush and he's ready to go.
He doesn't really need a coat, it's not that cold tonight, and he's way too lazy to carry it around once he gets there because it'll certainly be really hot inside.
It's surprisingly crowded.
The atmosphere is great, and Taehyung has to push his way through the crowded dance floor in order to get to the bar. A couple of men gawk at him as he passes them by but only one of them actually speaks to him. He looks like he's in his mid-fifties, he's a skinny bald man who reeks of alcohol, and Taehyung can literally see his thick chest hair through his white shirt.
He isn't the type to judge, but Taehyung isn't really into that. He'd need at least five drinks in him just to dance with that guy. So he politely declines his offer to dance and disappears into the crowd again, arriving at the bar counter at last.
"Jesus, I thought I'd never make it," he heaved as he pulls himself up on one of the high chairs.
The cute bartender chuckles at that.
"Hello again, Tae. It's been a while," he says, looking at him with those soft eyes of his that make Taehyung melt every time.
"Yeah. I had almost forgotten how pretty you were, Minseok," Taehyung compliments, eating him up with hungry eyes.
Taehyung and Minseok had a bit of a fling, a couple months ago. He's always been fond of him, but much to Taehyung's disappointment, Minseok never wanted to make their little sleepovers a regular thing. Not because he didn't want to, but because Minseok is the type to easily catch feelings, especially for men as handsome and charismatic as Taehyung. He knows he's a bit of a charmer, who likes to please and seduce, and he doesn't want to get into something he'll regret later.
Taehyung respects that, but damn that bartender. Not only is he extremely pleasing to the eyes, he also happens to be particularly great in bed. So he can't stop himself from being a little teasing, a little flirtatious around him. It's in his nature.
"What should I get you?" Minseok asks, ignoring his advances.
"Jäger shots. Lots of 'em. I'm gonna need that to be able to settle on someone less pretty than you are."
Minseok rolls his eyes and turns around, grabbing some shot glasses and a Jägermeister bottle. Taehyung can't stop his eyes from traveling down his lean body, settling on his plump behind all wrapped up in tight slacks.
He sets all five glasses on the table and pours the coppery brown liquid until they're all filled to the brim. He always gives Taehyung a little extra compared to the other clients.
"Thanks. Should I pay now, or?..."
"No, that's fine." Minseok smiles. "I'll give you time to find a sugar daddy, I trust you, you can pay before you leave."
Minseok playfully winks at him and walks away, leaving Taehyung alone and frustrated because god, if only he could get his hands on him again, he'd be the happiest man on earth.
He settles on downing all five shots in one go, then spins around on his chair to analyze the crowd on the dance floor. No one really catches his eye for several minutes, so he decides to walk out of the bar to have a smoke and try again in a bit.
The light breeze that caresses his skin as soon as he sets foot outside is a blessing, because with all the people moving around, dancing, exuding heat, it truly feels like a furnace inside. Especially when the alcohol in his system started to take effect.
Taehyung elegantly places a cigarette between his pink lips and flicks the flint wheel of his lighter. He inhales deeply, happy to finally have his first cigarette of the night, and leans back on the wall with his eyes closed to truly enjoy the moment.
It doesn't last long, however, because a shiver courses down his spine when he hears a terrifyingly familiar voice in the distance.
"What's up, man, how have you been?" The voice seems to be speaking to the bouncer outside the bar.
"Good, bro. The bar's been packed, lately. How have you been holding up?"
"Ah, well, not so great. My sister-in-law isn't doing well, she had to be admitted into a mental health facility after everything that happened... which leaves only me to take care of my niece. She's a pain in the ass man, but the poor kid, she... She found her dad, my brother... I can't imagine what a shock that must have been for her."
The bouncer sighs. "Poor little Hyejin. I'm glad the sick fuck who did that to your family is behind bars now. You're all so strong. Go in, enjoy your night, you deserve it."
"Thanks, man."
Taehyung hears the door slam shut and he's shaking. His knees damn near give in to the pressure and weight he suddenly feels in his body, he feels like he weighs a thousand pounds. His heart is beating so fast it might as well tear a hole through his chest and escape.
He knows exactly what's happening. It's not the first time he's had a panic attack like this, but it's the first time in a while it's been so brutal.
He can't breathe. His lungs are frozen still, his throat crushed under the weight of fear, he's trembling from head to toe and he can't calm himself.
He closes his eyes and imagines himself to be far, far away, not ten feet away from the man who abused him and filmed him as other men beat him up and brutally raped him, not ten feet away from the man who made him watch his best friend get the same treatment, not ten feet away from the man who made him wish he was dead.
Hwan Chanyeol.
The disgusting, rotten shell of a man who destroyed him inside out and humiliated him, is literally on the other side of the very wall he's leaning on. He wonders if he saw him. He wonders if he recognized him.
Hell, it's been almost ten years. Taehyung is unrecognizable. He's gained some weight and muscle, he let his hair grow a little longer and dyed it silver, his features are sharper, manlier than when he was a little fifteen year old brat. He's even been told by friends and family that even his attitude changed.
Many times, he wanted to reply with "that's what trauma does to you", but he's always been stubborn and he'd promised himself to bury that story deep inside him and never allow it out again. It's been ten years, and no one knows what he's been through, not a single soul is aware of what happened in that dark basement, save for the Nabi's brother and the people who were there.
Well, at least the ones who are still alive.
He saw the injustice that happened to Min Yoongi, the suffering that Nabi went through, the harassment she endured whether it's journalists trying to ask her questions outside her home or the people on the internet calling her a liar and her brother a sick murderer. He didn't want to go through the same hassle, no matter how bad he wanted his revenge.
The only regret he's ever had about not coming forward is that he might have been able to change things for Min Yoongi.
But right now, Hwan Chanyeol is right here. The only thing separating them is a wall, he's so close he could just grab him by the throat and end him. He knows it.
But he's not stupid. He's not going to let impulse take over him and risk fucking this up. He knows that people would react, that he would be the bad guy in the story, and he refuses to have one more fucking person mourning the Hwan brothers' death and treating them like victims. He has other plans.
Taehyung takes a few minutes to calm himself down. He then throws away his cigarette and walks back inside the bar. He scans the crowd, focusing on older men, until he spots him. He's sitting at the bar, right next to the spot Taehyung was sitting in. Perfect.
He navigates expertly through the crowd with newfound purpose, this time ignoring every single person who looked, gestured or even spoke to him. He sits at the bar next to the older man and catches him glancing at him.
When Minseok comes towards them, he smiles and looks at Hwan Chanyeol first.
"What would you like to order?"
The man opens his mouth to answer, but doesn't get the chance to do so because Taehyung is already speaking up.
"I'll have a vodka and whatever he's having." Taehyung points in the man's direction and shoots him a seductive glance.
Hwan looks back at Taehyung, staring him up and down with a smirk on his wrinkled face, and Taehyung does everything in his power not to associate that disgusting smirk with the ones he saw ten years ago.
"Don't waste your time and money on me, kid. You're good looking, but a little too young for me."
More like too old, Taehyung wants to say, scream, but he only scoffs and keeps his flirtatious pretty boy facade up.
"I'm up for a challenge. Always been into mature men, especially good looking ones," he simpers, staring into the man's eyes as he leans on the counter and tentatively licks his lips.
After a moment of consideration, Hwan speaks again.
"Fine, I'll bite. Let's see what you've got. I'll have a bourbon on the rocks."
Minseok's expression is a mix of surprise and disappointment, but he simply nods and gets to work.
Taehyung's eyes roam around the man's figure and stop at the small pin on his suit vest's pocket.
"H. Chanyeol?" He asks, pretending to take interest as he caresses the name tag.
The older man's eyes dart down to look at the pin and he smiles nervously, quickly removing it and dropping it in his pocket.
"Ah, I completely forgot about that. I came here right after work, so I'm still in my work clothes."
"What kind of job is mister H. Chanyeol doing in a tight-fitted formal suit with a name tag on it?" Taehyung teases, hand settling on the man's knee.
"I recently got a new job at a local bank."
The fucking irony, Taehyung thinks and keeps it to himself. He stays silent for a few seconds, trying to find something else to say when Minseok sets their drinks on the table.
"That'll be forty thousand won. For the five shots, the vodka and the bourbon," Minseok says dryly, earning an interrogative look from Taehyung.
He finds himself a little trapped as the older man waited expectantly — he did say he'd buy him a drink — and Minseok somehow decided to change his mind about making him pay at the end of the night.
So he reluctantly takes out his credit card, biting his lip to stop himself from wiping the mischievous smile off Minseok's pretty, pretty mouth. Oh he is so in trouble, but how he loves the tricky, petty parts of him, and the next time Taehyung sets foot in that bar, he's definitely not just going to chat with him.
"Thank you, have a great night," Minseok says, purposely dragging out the word 'great' as he walks away.
When Taehyung focuses back on his guest, he's already eyeing him intently. It looks like he's already changed his mind about Taehyung being 'too young' for him, because the hungry way his eyes are fixated on his body definitely say otherwise.
Hwan Chanyeol lifts up his drink.
"Cheers to you... What's your name?"
"Doyun," Taehyung lies, clinking their glasses together. "Cheers to us."
It wasn't supposed to go like this.
Fuck, it definitely wasn't. The plan was simple: seduce him, go to a hotel with him, turn him on, vomit in the bathroom to look too intoxicated, look for a weapon, kill him with a single blow to the head, call the cops, make it look like self-defense against sexual assault.
He could've pulled it off. Everything was perfect. He had enough alcohol in his system to pretend to have fallen unconscious in the bathroom, he could easily hurt himself to make it look like they had a struggle. It would have been perfect. Taehyung would have pleaded guilty but justified by self defense. He could've gotten off with community service or, worst case scenario, a really good plea bargain with only a couple months behind bars. It would have been worth it.
I should have happened like that.
But now it's all fucked. It's all completely fucked, because Taehyung lost his mind. He couldn't bear it, couldn't handle being touched by that disgusting monster, he felt his stomach churn every single time he laid a finger on him, so when he went to the bathroom to make himself puke... something seized him, possessed every fiber of him and led him to the small kitchen of the hotel suite, made him grab the sharpest knife he could find and...
And now he's straddling the body of an immobile Hwan Chanyeol he just stabbed fifty-six times.
He has no idea what the hell happened. He can't remember shit, he just knows that right now, he needs to act quickly before things get even more fucked up than they already are. He curses a thousand times in his head, staring down at the bloody knife in his crimson red hands, and he feels like the world is crumbling around him.
He let's go of the knife and tries hard to pace his breathing but he can't. He gathers all the strength he has to stand up and decides to still go through with his plan... only he's going to have to make the situation look a lot more brutal than he initially wanted to.
Everywhere he goes, he knocks every object there is off the counters, makes all the glassware and fragile things shatter on the ground. He knows the walls are soundproof for very obvious reasons, so he doesn't bother avoiding the noise. It might even work in his favor if someone hears anyway, but he doesn't want anybody trying to come in or calling security.
Once he's made a mess out of the hotel room, what will certainly the most unpleasant part of the night comes. Taehyung stares at himself in the tall mirror of the bedroom, a few feet away from the dead body, and inhales deeply.
Making a mess out of the room isn't nearly enough to justify what he's done, he's painfully aware of it. If he wants to have a chance at getting away with this, he's gonna have to make a mess out of himself.
So he grabs the knife and tears his own clothes apart. He then holds his breath, pulls his torn shirt up to his mouth to bite hard on it and swiftly cuts his own shoulder, then his hand, deep enough to make blood trickle out of the wounds but not deep enough to incapacitate him. He hisses in pain, biting down on his shirt, and moves on to the next step.
He hits his own leg on the table nearby, multiple times, until there is redness that will surely turn to bruises all over his leg. He messes up his hair the best he can.
He walks to the body and rubs the handle of the knife on Hwan's right hand. Then he heads to the nightstand near the bed, pulls the drawer open and stares at the sex toys he ordered for the room when he called to hotel. Not that he initially intended to use them, it was just to make it all... believable.
He grabs the biggest one. Doesn't grab the lube, that would be too... merciful. Then he pulls his own pants down and braces himself for what's coming.
Right then and there, because unfortunately rape survivors never get justice unless they can prove that they were raped, Taehyung screams in pain as he shoves the toy inside him without any prepping, he feels like he's being torn in half and his eyes well up with tears as every memory of that dark basement resurfaces, as all the hate he holds for that dead man on the floor forces its way out of his body and he holds on tight.
He resists. He handles the pain like he's never handled it before and cries his heart out as he does everything in his power to be seen as the one thing he has always been: a fucking victim.
When Taehyung pulls the toy out of himself with one last whimper of pain, he shakes from head to toe as he punches the ground and cries, rolled up in a ball of pain and despair on the ground. His body is flaring up with excruciating pain.
He sobs like that for what feels like hours, when really it was only a few minutes, before deciding that he should probably get on with it and end this. He grabs the toy and rubs it against Hwan's right hand, then drops it on the ground near the body.
As he fishes out his phone from his pocket, Taehyung glances one last time at the dead body on the floor. He watches the puddle of crimson red blood extend and dials the number for the police.
He brings the phone up to his ear and, moments before he walks into the biggest lie of his entire life, a thought emerges into his mind and it's the truest, most honest thought he's ever had.
Taehyung thinks that he might get locked up for the rest of his life for this.
And he has no regrets.
Daegu prison, present day
Yoongi's eyes are wide with shock, his jaw nearly touching the floor at this point.
Taehyung is staring at him expectantly. There are tears in his eyes but he holds them back, because for some fucking reason Jungkook's words still resonate at the back of his mind.
Let me be the only one who's ever seen you cry in this place, okay?
Fucking asshole. Taehyung sometimes misses him, he truly does, but he can't go back to him. He can't, for his own good and for Donghyuk's sake. He can't tarnish Donghyuk's memory by sleeping with the man who organized his murder.
But damn, he misses him, and he doesn't know why it's so hard.
Yoongi brings him back to reality when he squeezes his hands back. He then suddenly pulls him into a hug, and if Taehyung hadn't had the reflex to bend his legs back and hold onto the bottom of the bed frame they probably would've awkwardly fallen over.
"Thank you," Yoongi whispers. His voice cracks and he hates it. "Thank you so much, and I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Please don't ever regret this. Some people deserve to fucking die."
Gently, Taehyung wraps an arm around Yoongi's shoulders and relaxes into the hug. It feels good, warm, intimate, the horrors that unite them are so powerful that they've broken down every wall that stood between them. They don't know each other, they've never met, but the dark parts of their souls merge together so perfectly they already feel connected.
It's funny how sometimes the worst times of your life can create wonderful moments, make you connect with people you've never even considered connecting with. It's almost ironic, how trauma both closes and opens doors for us in the world that surrounds us.
Too bad it has to destroy us inside out and leave us to build ourselves back up on our own, first.
"Trust me, I've gotten off far easier than you did, you shouldn't thank me," Taehyung replies just as softly, pulling out of the hug to sit back on the bed but without letting go of Yoongi's hands.
"You still got fifteen years, though."
"Yeah, but you got... y'know," Taehyung trails off, almost ashamed.
Yoongi shrugs, a little careless, like he's gotten around to accepting that it's going to happen, that he's being far too horribly punished for a crime every single person would've been able to commit for the sake of a loved one.
"What does Agust D mean, Yoongi?" Taehyung tries again.
Yoongi stays silent. He simply ruffles Taehyung's hair affectionately, before getting up and starting to walk away.
"Don't tell anyone my real name. And please, from now on pretend I don't exist," he says, and before Taehyung can say anything more he's opening the door and...
...finding himself face to face with a very irritated Jeon Jungkook.
"Who the fuck are you?" Jungkook shouts and his words are slurred.
His posture isn't right, he doesn't look stable on his legs and there's something about the way he's standing that just seems completely off.
"Nope, not dealing with couple drama, bye," Yoongi slips right under Jungkook's arm and walks out of the cell, heading towards his own.
"Wha—" Jungkook turns around, ready to chase him but his movements are slow, as if he didn't know how to use his body any more. "Come back here!"
Before he can attempt to run, Taehyung grabs his arm and pulls him into the cell.
Jungkook stumbles back and almost trips, and his back colliding with Taehyung's chest is the only thing that keeps him up on his feet. He turns around, stares at Taehyung, and the latter notices something about him that explains a lot of things.
His eyes are pitch black. His pupils are so dilated Taehyung can barely see the brown halo of his iris. Jungkook is clearly not in his right mind.
"Is this it? You've already replaced me with some fucking tasteless shrimp? Who the fuck was that?!" Jungkook asks again, his hands holding onto Taehyung's shoulders without squeezing too hard.
"Fucking hell, Jungkook, what did you take?"
Taehyung guides his drugged cell mate towards the lower bunk bed and makes him sit down before quickly heading for the sink, grabbing a small plastic cup and pouring him some water to drink.
"Just a lil' pill..." Jungkook mumbles, sounding completely out of breath. "Is his dick bigger than mine?"
"Shut up," Taehyung retorts, shoving the edge of the cup in his mouth to make him drink. "Do you know what that pill was? Where did you get it?"
"I sell them, Tae. I don't fuckin' know. Ask the junkies. Got it from the stash."
"What did it look like?" He asks, placing a hand on Jungkook's forehead, then on his cheek.
The younger man tilts his head and leans into Taehyung's touch, his eyes fluttering shut as his fingers caress their way up Taehyung's arm to rest atop the back of his hand.
"Fuck, I want you to touch me so bad..." He suddenly breathes out, and it has Taehyung's breath hitching even if he'll never admit it.
"Jungkook, answer me. What did the goddamn pill look like?"
"It was blue or somethin'... I don't give a shit, I just... I want..."
Jungkook pushes Taehyung's hand down his body. He makes it travel down his sweaty neck, his heaving chest, his clenched abs, and right before it reaches the hot, aching bulge between his legs, Taehyung gets back to his senses and swats his hand away.
He can't say that he doesn't feel anything. He can't say that Jungkook isn't looking like a sex god right now, with that pink hue on his cheeks, the redness of his spit-slick lips, his slicked back disheveled hair, the way the veins of his arms pop and his fucking nipples, hard and visible through his tight-fitting white tank top.
Jungkook is fucking him with his eyes and Taehyung doesn't know how to feel about this because it's wrong, he's drugged, he's out of his mind and most of all, he's a monster.
"I think you took ecstasy. You're lucky mandatory stuff is over for the day, I don't know much about drugs but this is the ultimate party drug and I've seen people take it enough times to know you're in for a fucking ride, you goddamn idiot. How much did you take?"
"Jus' one. Swear."
"Okay. I don't know the exact dosage but at least it's unlikely you'll have some major problems with just one pill. Just stay put, don't come out of the cell or the guards will notice, and just... for fuck's sake, just be as smart as they say you are."
"Will you stay with me?" Jungkook asks, his pleading eyes making his cellmate's head spin. "Please, Tae?"
This is not good. Definitely not. Taehyung knows it just can't go well, and he might end up doing something he'll regret, because he already feels hot all over and he misses him. He misses Jungkook so bad, and he doesn't understand why.
"Fine. But only if you stop acting like a horny teenager," he says and he doesn't mean one word.
"Okay. Okay, I'll try, it's just... this pill..."
"Makes you wanna fuck, I know, I get it."
Taehyung watches as Jungkook lies down and he joins him, although he just sits beside him. Lying down next to a drugged and horny Jeon Jungkook wouldn't be wise of him.
"My head is spinning. Can you just... hold me?"
No. Do not. Absolutely fucking not. No way.
"Sure."
Fuck.
Taehyung lies down, holding his breath when the space between their bodies disappears and Jungkook snuggles close to him. The younger man nuzzles in his neck, fluffy brown hair tickling Taehyung's chin, and the latter does everything in his power to ignore the soft lips on his neck and the strong hand resting on his lower back.
"It's too hot here. I'm takin' off my shirt," Jungkook complains and, without letting Taehyung have a say in this, swiftly pushes himself up and gets rid of his top before brutally falling back down on the bed.
He snuggles back into Taehyung's arms, smiling softly, trembling.
Taehyung can't help it. The feeling of Jungkook's sizzling hot skin against his is intoxicating, he gives in to the urge to touch his skin, ever so softly, a chaste brush of his fingertips against his shoulder and nothing else, he tells himself.
But Jungkook's senses are heightened. A touch as soft as that is enough to awaken animalistic instincts in him, and it isn't long before he completely forgets about Taehyung's condition to staying with him. He lets his lips brush against Taehyung's neck, then he plants a soft kiss on the silver-haired beauty's skin.
He waits, gauging his reaction, and when Jungkook hears nothing but a faint, ragged breath, he allows himself to go a step further.
Soon enough his hand is slipping under Taehyung's shirt to stroke his lower back as his kisses get hotter, needier on his exposed neck, and he can feel him shiver from head to toe. As much as Taehyung tries to fight against it, he wants him, he wants his touch, his hands, his lips, his tongue. He wants everything.
When Jungkook starts kissing him and slips his tongue between his lips, Taehyung feels fireworks in the pit of his stomach. Taehyung grabs the younger man's jaw and kisses him back harder than they've ever kissed, while his other hand travels down to fondle his ass.
That mere touch has Jungkook groaning and grinding against him, sick with desire.
"I wanna suck your cock," he breathes out, eagerly pinning Taehyung down on the bed and getting on top of him.
"Fucking hell, Jungkook..." Taehyung moans into his mouth and he hates himself for it.
"Is that okay? Tell me I can."
"It's not... It's not fucking okay," Taehyung groans, but he still tangles his fingers in Jungkook's hair and pushes him down towards his crotch.
He's painfully hard, his cock twitching in his pants with every touch, he feels fucking terrible for wanting him this bad. But he feels like his self-control has been wiped off the face of the earth, that the word "No" has been erased from his vocabulary.
"I'm not touching you until you tell me it's okay," Jungkook insists, his fingers already hooked to the waist band of Taehyung's pants, waiting for a green light.
"I-It's..."
Dozens of images suddenly flash in Taehyung's head. Images of Donghyuk, of his smile, of them holding hands, of Taehyung ruffling his hair, images of bruises and blood and tears and pain.
Taehyung slams a hand on his mouth when he chokes on a sob threatening to spill out. He squeezes his eyes shut. His chest feels so tight, his heart feels like he's just doubled in size and is crushing his lung, making it hard for him to breathe.
"Tae?" Jungkook asks, worried. He lets go of Taehyung's pants and climbs up the bed to straddle him. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"
"You're a fucking monster, that's what's wrong," he spits, his previous lustful gaze replaced by a hateful glare. "Just... Just, let me go. I can't do this."
"But why?"
"I can't allow myself to fall for a fucked up man who's capable of ordering his minion to rape somebody! I can't allow myself to fall for you, because you just killed off the one person I genuinely gave a shit about in this hellhole because he had the audacity to speak the fuck up!"
Jungkook looks broken. He stays still for several seconds, until Taehyung pushes him away and forces him to get off him. He simply lets himself fall into the bed and watches as Taehyung jumps out, readjusting his clothes and hair, before letting out a deep exhale and starting to put his shoes back on.
"I never ordered him to rape anybody," Jungkook mumbles, his head hung low, voice cracking at every word. "I just wanted him to beat him up a little so I'd have an excuse to bring you here."
"And then when you found out he had actually abused him — and it wasn't even the first fucking time — what did you do?"
Jungkook stays silent. He doesn't utter a word, he simply looks everywhere but in Taehyung's direction.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And then when Donghyuk had the courage to speak up, what the fuck did you do, Jungkook?!" Taehyung snaps, and this time he can't contain the tears that fill up his eyes to the brim, a mix of fury and grief taking over him. "You killed him! You somehow gave a gun to the man who abused him and you let him kill him! You're—"
Taehyung's back suddenly slams against the wall.
He doesn't get to finish his last sentence because before he can register anything Jungkook's brutally pinning him against the wall, his wide open eyes bloodshot and filled with tears, his jaw clenched hard and he... he breaks.
"I tried to fucking stop it !" Jungkook shouts and it's definitely too loud. "I tried, I ran as fast as I could, I looked everywhere, contacted everyone, I was like a madman desperately trying to undo what I had done but by the time I got there it was too fucking late, Tae ! It was too late..."
A loud, heart-wrenching sob comes out of Jungkook's mouth as he buries his head in Taehyung's shoulder, his body aggressively shaken with spasms with every sob. He wraps his arms around Taehyung and cries his heart out, the feeling of guilt he's had in his gut for the past few weeks engulfing him whole and drowning him in a sea of pain he doesn't feel like he deserves to get out of.
"I'm not a murderer, Tae... I'm not, the things they say about me... my brother spread them around so I'd be left alone when I first came here. It was all good, I was powerful, and then you came along and it... it changed things. I had to start actually living up to people's expectations to balance out the fucking weakness you brought out in me. I had to start being truly ruthless, or they were gonna see me for what I really am..." Jungkook's fingernails dig into Taehyung's back, pressing him a little closer. "I'm weak, Tae. I'm a lie. I'm a huge fucking joke. I'm not like you. I never wanted any of this. I got tangled up in this mess when I was twenty and dumb, and now I can't get out. Now I have to be the top dog, the alpha, the one everyone fears, I don't have a choice because otherwise they'll crush me. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."
Taehyung has no idea what just happened. He doesn't know if it was the drugs speaking, and frankly, he doesn't care.
Because drugs don't create feelings, they don't invent them. They just tear out the ones that were already there, locked inside a cage made of principles, bashfulness and pride.
So this time, Taehyung doesn't feel as bad when he wraps his arms around Jungkook and hugs him back. He doesn't feel nearly as terrible when he gently strokes the back of his head, trying to calm his shaking body, when he whispers kind, reassuring words in his ear, when he tries to kiss the pain away.
Taehyung doesn't feel as terrible either when he holds Jungkook in his arms that night as he cries himself to sleep, or when he decides to take his time to grieve for Donghyuk without letting Jungkook down, in spite of everything.
The only thing that makes him feel bad is that one moment, in the middle of the night, when he opens his eyes and, as soon as he sets eyes on Jungkook's beautiful face, fast asleep under the moonlight, he feels his heart skip a beat.
Taehyung sighs, his eyes fluttering shut.
"Well, shit..."
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Single update who? I only know double updates
(jk this is just to make up for the long ass month without updates chbsjxjsnfjd it probably won't happen very often, I just exceptionally had a lot of free time and inspiration today)
So moving on... what did you think of this chapter?
What did you think about Tae's backstory/crime?
What's your opinion on the evolution of Taekook's relationship? On Jungkook's "confession"?
Any other questions? Any theories you can think of for what's coming? Hit me with 'em even if I probably won't answer hehehehe 👀