Trigger Warning ⚠️⚠️
Mentions of Suicide and Suicide Attempt.
My eyes fluttered open. I didn't move and just looked around. I was still on the mattress, just in a different position than the one I was left in.
I suddenly got the urge to pee I got up and hissed as I felt pain in my limbs, they were sore. I made my way to the small bathroom that was attached to the room. I walked past the mirror and something caught my eye. I furrowed my eyebrows and backtracked. Realization crossed my face. There was a huge bruise in the shape of hand marks around my neck. It was purple in most parts, in others, it was almost black. I reached up to touch it and hissed, quickly removing my hand.
What did you think was going to happen dumb shit? Isla said.
I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but feel happy that she was finally talking again. She always seems to shut me out when we both get hurt. It happened when my mom died, the dungeon, my last suicide attempt.
It's true, I tried committing suicide once. It was all too much for me at the time. I was fourteen when it happened. I was being bullied at school, I still couldn't get over my mom.
I remember it so vividly and after all these years, I still can't get the images out of my mind.
Flashback skip this section if you're sensitive when hearing about suicide.
Papers flew everywhere while everyone laughed. I dropped down to the floor and started gathering my papers that someone had purposefully made me drop.
Tears streamed down my face as people called me the worst names.
"Bitch."
"Ugly."
"Mistake."
"Loser."
Every derogatory word tore a piece of what remained of my heart.
You'd think that after so long of having to go through this, I'd be used to it.
But you don't ever get used to feeling pain.
I finished gathering all of my papers and shoved them in my binder. I started making my way to my class, feeling relieved that the crowd of laughing people dispersed.
I bowed my head, pressing my binder to my chest. My hair fell in waves and covered the sides of my face.
I finally made it to my class; biology. As I walked in, I could feel the many stares that I was recieving. Never did I even dare to look in the direction of those stares though.
I sat down in my assigned seat and looked through my binder in search for my notes from the previous day. It took a while as it was a jumbled mess.
I finally found them and I slid my hands across the paper that was sitting on the table to get the wrinkles out of it as it was all crinkled.
"Rayna!" I jumped and fire emerged from my fingertips, catching my notes on fire. The ashes flew into the air and I hit the paper against the table to hopefully stop it from burning. But it was too late. People were already laughing and my notes were ruined. I looked in the direction of the teacher.
Her face was tomato red with anger. "You are cleaning that up after class young lady."
My school was within the pack so everyone here were werewolves. They all knew about my 'curse'. If you could even call it that. It was worse than a stupid curse.
I nodded slowly. "Yes ma'am."
"Elemental girl is going at it again!" Someone from the other side of the room yelled, causing a chorus of laughs to echo all over the room.
They called me 'elemental girl'. I'm guessing it's because my powers are elements of the earth and they think I'm mental.
The teacher glared at me once more before starting up the lesson.
*
I got home from my -once again- awful day of school. My father greeted me as I walked through the front door of the pack house.
"How was you day sweetheart?" He asked, embracing me in a hug. My arms remained at my side as I just let him hug me.
"The same." I mumbled. "It's always the same." I said as he pulled away.
"It'll get better. I promise." He put his hand on my shoulder. I didn't believe him at this point. He's been saying the same thing for years.
"You always say that, Dad. It hasn't gotten better and I don't think it ever will unless you do something about it." I shrugged his hand off of my shoulder.
"I know," he says. "I can't do anything about it."
"What do you mean! You're the Alpha and they are your people. They will listen to you."
"Your mother always hated it when I scold-"
"Mom's not here!" I yelled. "She's dead, don't you understand?! She's not coming back so stop bringing her up!" Pack members were for sure staring now but I couldn't care less. I was already going up the stairs, hysterically sobbing.
I entered my room and slammed the door. I slid my back against it as I dropped to the floor. I hugged my legs against my chest and sobbed.
I got up and quickly ran to my bathroom. I opened the doors that were under the sink and rummaged through them until I found something I had been keeping just in case.
A vile of wolfsbane.
I didn't want to die. I was actually afraid of dying. But it felt as if it was the only solution to ending my pain. I felt as if I had to do it for it all to stop. I wanted it to stop.
I opened the vile and dropped the cap onto the floor. I smelled it and the pungent scent burned my nostrils.
"Momma, I want to be with you. I can't stand being here anymore." I sobbed.
As I brought the vile to my lips, the bathroom door slammed open, revealing my sixteen year old sister.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" she screamed and snatched the vile from my hands. I tried to reach for it, making her pull it farther away.
"Give it back!" I cried. "I don't want to be here anymore. I want the pain to stop!" I looked up at her. She was shaking uncontrollably, rivers if tears leaving her eyes. She looked as if she was going to be sick.
"What about the pack!?"
"The pack doesn't care!" I screamed, digging my hands into my hair and pulling harshly.
"What about me? Did you not think of how people that you cared about would feel?" She whispered, her voice cracking. She grabbed the cap off of the floor and secured it on the vile before gripping the cylindrical container in her hand, wrapping her fingers around it securely.
"Were you really about to leave me?"
"I wasn't thinking." I whispered. "I just want everything to go away. I'm sick of feeling this way." I wiped away my tears but it was no use bad more just came.
"I've been hurting more than you know. But I've been strong." She said as she walked up to me, wrapping her arms around my small frame. I hugged her back and we stayed like that for the longest time. We didn't exchange any words for a moment. We just swayed from side to side, rubbing each others back. "I've been strong for you and dad." She said into my ear before pulling away.
"I'm sorry." I whisper to her.
"Don't be sorry, just promise me that you won't ever even think of doing it again. Promise me that you'll be stronger." She looked at me in the eyes but I tore my gaze away, not being used to making eye contact with anyone.
"What if it's all too much? I'm being bullied at school and no matter how much I ignore it, it continues." Bowed my head, looking at my shoes.
"Well then don't let them get the last words. Don't let them win." She said. "Stand up for yourself." She placed her hand on my shoulder. A small, heartfelt smile crossed her face.
"I would be dead right now if it wasn't for you. Thank you. And I promise you that I'll try really hard to stop thinking like I have been." We gave eachother another quick hug before she went over to the toilet. Riley lifted up the lid and opened the vile, spilling all of its contents into the toilet before flushing it all away. She glared at the toilet for a moment before looking at me.
"Just to make sure." She explained while she slammed the container into the trash can angrily. "Let's go do something to get our minds off of this." She suggested.
I simply just nodded and followed her out of the bathroom.
End flashback.
I stared at myself in the mirror a little longer before I heard banging on the bathroom door.
"What are you doing in there?" Alec yelled from the other side.
I swore under my breath at the sound of his voice and went over to the door. I opened it and walked past him, ramming into his shoulder on purpose, making him stumble a little. I thought of some choice words I would have liked to call him.
"Woah, what did I ever do to you?" This made me stop in my tracks and turn around swiftly.
"Are you fucking kidding me!?" I pointed to my neck. "Is this not fucking enough for you? Is enough when I'm lying on the floor in a puddle of my own blood, dead!?" He chuckled.
The asshole.
"Guess I'm stronger than I thought." It took all the strength in me not to run at him and beat the hell out of him. I knew what had happened last time. My hands curled up into fists at my side. I clenched and unclenched my teeth multiple times. I took a couple deep breaths to calm myself. Luckily it worked and I continued to make my say over to the mattress and layed myself down so I was facing away from Alec.
"Your food is on the chair." He said
"Sucks cause I don't want your damn food." I retorted. I could already imagine him getting angry at my attitude. Why are people so easy to wind up?
"Sucks cause you're going to eat." He used the same tone as I did. "And don't even try to argue. You know what I can and won't hesitate to do." I groaned and got up, going over to the chair and grabbing what looked like a poorly made sandwich. It didn't look too appetizing but what was I expecting? I went back over to the matress and sat down on it. I grabbed the sandwich -if you could even call it that- and took a bite out of it. It didn't actually taste too bad.
Alec watched me eat like the absolute creep he is. It was irritating me.
"What!" I snapped and glared at him. He didn't say anything and just stared. I let out a growl and turned so my back was facing him.
"Goddess you're so easy to wind up." I could hear the amusement in his voice.
And here you were saying everyone else was so easy to wind up. Isla smirked and I rolled my eyes at her.
"No I'm not." I grumbled, taking another bite of the sandwhich.
"If you wouldn't have called me a dick, your neck wouldn't be messed up." He said, changing the subject. Not a very good subject either.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Well you are a dick so why would I lie?"
"Watch it." He grunted out. "You already figured out what happens when you piss me off."
"I know." I took another bite of the sandwich, shrugging again.
"Then why do you do it?" He asked.
"Cause it's fun to annoy people." It was my turn to chuckle this time. "Though you weren't all that annoyed. You looked like you wanted to murder me." I finished the sandwich and placed the plate next to me, turning around to meet Alecs gaze.
"I did, but I obviously did not kill you because I have self control." He nodded.
"That would explain this." I snapped and pointed at my neck.
"That was me being nice." He smiled innocently and I rolled my eyes.
This question was burning in my head. I wanted to know but at the same time I didn't. It took all the courage inside of me to ask him. "When's the next full moon?"
"In two days."
______________________________________
Here's another update for y'all!!!
So I took 2 exams just to raise my grade in those classes because in my history class, I have a B and in my Science class, I have an -A. I got good grades on both exams and my grades in both classes didn't change at all!!!
I worked so hard!!
At least they didn't go down.
Anyways I'll see y'all in the next chapter.