"I'm worried," Jiah's voice was barely a whisper as she sat cross-legged on Taehyung's bed, facing him as he opened his eyes that morning. It didn't take him long to get over how startled he was to see her sitting there staring at him first thing in the morning.
"Why?" he tried to match her tone, "Why are you worried?"
"I don't know what started the fight yesterday," she sighed heavily, "Oh God, I don't even know why I'm telling you this-"
"Jiah," his voice was stern as he propped himself up against the bed frame, sitting up, "I don't want you to ever say that again, please. Nothing you ever say or do will be able to push you away from me," sighing, he tried to ask again, "Why are you worried?"
"When I was at school, I used to go to this place called Angels and Devils. The reason I started is a long story - for another day," she added before he could say anything, "My life was already pretty shit then, but that was where everything went crazy downhill.
"I was naive, I loved to fight. Honestly, I still do, but I didn't realise the owners of that club were mafia leaders. I didn't know that they had been eyeing me ever since I started there. I didn't realise that they had their mind set on making me one of their soldiers from the moment I stepped into it. And somehow they got me under their arm.
"They didn't threaten me like they did with Hoseok, I didn't have family affiliations like Jungkook does, they had me because I was naive. They asked me to beat up a few people, and I did, I didn't realise they were going to pull up a minute after I was done and shoot them in the fucking head," Jiah's breathing was getting heavy and she realised that maybe she had been lying to herself all these years. Perhaps this whole thing; her entire life actually messed her up more than she let on.
"I witnessed the murder, and they acted like it was all normal, they acted like I was supposed to be okay with it.
"And I guess I just took on that persona. I guess I just acted like it was all fine as well."
The middle of Taehyung's forehead creased, causing his eyebrows to curve upward, he looked so sad, he looked like he wished he could have built a time machine to go back and pull her out of that situation.
"But Ji Young," she kept going, "He's a good kid. He has so much potential, he's smart, he's athletic, he's kind," she buried her head in her hands, "He's everything I never was, he's not me, Taehyung."
"Jiah-"
"I'm so worried he's going to tell me he's fallen for their trap. That he's going to tell me Angel and Devils has turned my mother's beautiful little son into one of their own, into me. I can't handle that."
Taehyung looked confused, "Did you know he was fighting there? Did you know he went to Angels and Devils?"
"Yeah," she sighed, looking down at her hands. She couldn't bear to look at the expression she knew he was giving her.
Yes, I'm a shit sister, I know.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked, but his tone wasn't accusing. It wasn't disappointed. It was calm, it was understanding.
"I don't know. I guess I didn't want him to know about my past, I didn't want to know about what he was doing. I just wanted to be ignorant."
He let out a small laugh, a humourless one. And she furrowed his eyebrows.
"Jimin does that," he explained, "He tries not to talk about situations even when he knows he has to. He just wishes life was all rainbows and sunny skies, he doesn't ever delve deeper."
"I guess I'm more like him than I knew," she nodded, looking down onto the duvet sheets under her. Taehyung reached out and took her hands into his, making her look up to him.
"Be real with him, Jiah," he said softly, "Listen to everything he has to say, don't make any assumptions, work to a conclusion together. Listen to him."
She didn't say anything, just nodded her head.
"I would say don't worry but I know as an older sibling you won't be able to do that. Remember that you were once in his shoes, you made mistakes, you had to experience all the bad to know the good. Remember that."
"You're right," and she hated it.
"You don't want me there with you when you talk to him?"
This time she smiled, leaning forward and pecking his lips, "If I want him to tell me everything, I think I should talk to him alone. Thank you, though."
He smiled back, kissing her, "Do you want me to go out? I can go down to the gym or something, give you guys some time by yourselves?"
"That would be amazing, Taehyung."
"Now you have to tell me," Jiah and Ji Young had woken up, showered and were sitting on Taehyung's couch.
"Okay," he sighed, "Are you sure you want to do this here?"
"Ji Young," she was firm, trying her best not to burst, "I don't know if there will ever be a better time or place, so please, tell me what happened."
"Okay noona," he sighed, "Remember that time I told you about that place, Angels and Devils?"
"Yes, I remember."
"Well, that time I actually brought it up because I wanted to talk to you about something."
"What about?"
"Noona, noona, I know."
"What?"
"I know about what you do," he lowered his gaze, "I know who you are."
"What do you mean-"
"I know you're in Kkangpae, I know what you do there, I know you're the most feared female fighter at Angels and Devils, I know."
"How-"
"I didn't believe it for the longest time," he laughed sadly, "I was so ignorant. But then I saw you that day there, I saw you beating up those people with hyung. And it was all true, all along."
"Ji Youn-"
"Please don't say anything," he couldn't look at her, "It took me long enough to come to terms with everything."
She tried her best to find his eyes, but they were hiding behind his chocolate hair, and she hated that they had so much in common - even their hair.
"I'm sorry," was all she came up with to say, "I'm sorry, Ji Young."
"Are you?" He spat, and she tried to hide her hurt, "Because if you were, why did you do it?"
"It's so hard, Ji Young, I made such stupid mistakes as a kid, and then everything just piled up, and now I'm in a pit I can't get out," her voice was shaking, and she didn't know how to stop it. "And then you grew up, and I realised it wasn't going to leave you unscathed, and yet I didn't even try to protect you."
"Yeah," he agreed with her, almost spitefully, but wasn't entirely, "But it's not fair to blame it all on you. I know you wouldn't have willingly wanted to hurt mom and dad, you wouldn't have ever done that if you knew where it would lead you."
She didn't have a reply to that.
"Just remember, your life is more important than any of theirs," when Jiah lifted her eyes to look at her brother, she found herself shrivelling into herself. They were full of wisdom, of age that he didn't have, so why did it feel like he all of a sudden was her parent? She could see her father in his eyes, and she never wanted to let that go.
"So is yours, Ji Young," she sighed, taking his hand into hers. She was still quite awkward when it came to moments like these, but she didn't want to let any moment go anymore without taking advantage of it, "I'm so sorry my stupid actions put you in a position where you got hurt, it's not fair on you."
"I know you didn't do it on purpose," looking down at their hands together, Jiah saw the way his blinking got quicker before his whole body collapsed. He was weeping with his grip on her tightening, "I wish I knew this was all it would have taken to be your brother again, I would have told you I knew much sooner."
"Ji Young-"
"I missed having you as a sister, noona, I really did."
He missed me. He missed me when I was right here all along.
Tears pricked at her eyes, but she would not let them fall. She had already started to realise the massive impact her actions had on her life, but now she really saw it.
How miserable must it have been to miss someone who was right next to you?
"I won't leave you, Ji Young, I won't leave you, ever."