I take a deep breath,
And then let it go.
I try to keep my face impassive,
And not let my emotions show.
I feel nauseous on the inside,
And my heart palpitates.
I wish I felt more confident,
As I stand here, waiting for my fate.
They say that life is like a box of chocolates,
You'll never know what kind you'll ever get.
But fate doesn't deal everyone the same hand,
As we place our lives as a bet.
We put everything on the line,
Just to see ourselves fail.
Our hope disappears,
And quickly sets sail.
Leaving us with nothing,
But our own darkness that prevails.
As I try to wade through,
The muddled mess of my own emotions,
I feel something tug at my heart,
And I wonder what could cause such a motion.
I've never felt something like this before,
Was it the revival of a long forgotten feeling,
That I had wanted to ignore?
My mind screams to be rational,
That I possibly can't have such thoughts.
But why do I have these stirrings,
That I should be looking for the things,
That I have never sought.
There must be greater power pulling at these strings,
That makes my brain cry out.
I must be forgetting something,
For me to have such doubt.
It can't possibly be fear,
For I thought I had banished my demons,
Far too long ago.
Have they come back to haunt me,
From deep below?
I feel them clawing at me,
Their wicked teeth sink in,
And I try to hold on,
As they tear through my skin.
I won't succumb to them now,
For I have so much more to live for.
I will continue to struggle in this endless battle,
Until I cannot fight no more.
Where is the sword, the shield,
That you promised to bequeath to me,
At the time I needed you the most?
Was it all a lie, a ruse,
Something that you wished to boast?
I know that this is my own fight,
A battle within myself,
But for once can you support me,
And not abandon me, like yourself?
I plaster on this mask,
And pretend that everything is fine.
But in reality, turmoil,
Rocks the boat that is my mind.
How long can I continue to keep this up,
I want to ask myself.
I have done it for so long,
That I have forgotten who I really am.
Why do I feel so wrong?
I take another breath,
And have to let it go.
I can't keep it in any longer,
For my true feelings have started to show.
I can see the cracks and delineations,
In what was once a perfect mask.
And I wonder,
Why I didn't ask.
My heart fails to beat again,
And I feel my body begin to sink.
I feel so close to the end,
And I know I am at the brink.
I just wish that my futile attempts,
Weren't all in vain.
Maybe then,
I wouldn't be in so much pain.