~~~EJ~~~
We left rehearsal, and I spent the next 12 hours with about a boatload of stuff on my mind. Nini, and the phone and how...she's probably going to break up with me when I tell her the truth.
But also...Megan.
I can't get Megan out of my head, for a variety of reasons. She used to be so different. She was so quiet and uncomfortable around me and then she came to the auditions and it was like a switch was flipped. All of a sudden she's sharing her opinion and calling me out on my crap and...she's been putting up with all of it.
She's given me good advice, which I've ignored and for whatever reason she's still trying to help me. Even if this goes horribly wrong, she's offered to help me get through it, even though I did it to myself.
Don't get me wrong, I love Nini. She makes me want to be a better person but Megan...she sees me as a better person. She calls me out because she knows I'm better than this, and she makes me want to be better so that she doesn't see me as anything less, and she...I don't know. She makes me feel like I don't have to be perfect all the time.
What am I saying?! I have a girlfriend, a girlfriend that I am very happy with, why am I thinking about Megan so much?
And calling her beautiful!? What is that?! A guy with a girlfriend does not go around calling other girls beautiful, that's messed up!
I'm so confused...and it seems the only two people that can help talk me through it are the two people that I absolutely cannot tell.
The next morning, I got a text from Nini asking me to meet her in the library.
"Hey, I got your text," I said when I saw her, "What's up?"
She grabbed my arm, pulling me back in between the shelves.
"So, after yesterday, and everything with my missing phone and the rehearsal I missed and the dance break, I'm fairly certain Gina is trying to sabotage me so that she can have my part, so..." She crouched down, unzipping her backpack revealing a pair of metallic pink sneakers. My eyes widened.
"You stole Gina's shoes?!" I asked.
"It wasn't even that hard."
"What if she retaliates?"
"Then I'll come back at her twice as hard. I will rain down hellfire, you understand? I am the night." It didn't sound menacing in the slightest. It also didn't sound like Nini, whose sweet and caring and would never do anything to hurt another person.
"Nini...I gotta be honest, this-this doesn't feel like you." I said.
"I know, it didn't feel like me, but I've stepped into the light. I play to win now." That physically hurt coming out of her mouth.
Because I realized that while Nini lifts me up...I'm pulling her down.
"I thought you'd be proud." She said.
"Yeah, but stealing just seems a little...low. I mean, you're better than that, you're better than..." Me. You're better than me. "You're Nini."
She picked up her backpack, zipping it closed.
"Alright, maybe you're right. And I do like that you see me that way."
"I always have." I told her.
"You're a good person," She said, grabbing my jacket, "And I don't know if its because you're a senior, or because somebody raised you right, but...I wish I had whatever you've got inside of you. Its like...confidence, mixed with morals and about a dozen abs." She chuckled, and I did too, despite the fact that her words were like a punch to the gut, "Thanks for being you."
She put a hand on my face, standing on her toes and kissing me, and it just made me feel that much worse. She thinks I'm this great person, this perfect boyfriend, and she doesn't know that I've invaded her privacy and lied to her face...more than once. I'm not the guy that she thinks I am and...she deserves to know.
I leaned against the shelf, putting my hands over my face.
This is bad...this is really bad, this is beyond bad, and eventually its all gonna come out and Nini is gonna hate me, because...I'm not the guy that she thought I was, and I let her down. I closed my eyes, only to open them when I felt a hand on my arm. I looked up at there was Megan, her eyebrows drawn together in concern. She's concerned for me, despite the fact that this all could've been avoided had I just listened to her and Ashlyn.
"Hey, are you ok?" She asked. I shook my head.
"I've really messed this up," I whispered, "Nini just gave me this whole speech about how I'm a good person and how she wishes she could be like me, and I have to tell her that I'm not even close to the guy she thinks that I am and..." I put my hands on my head as panic began to rise up in me. "I could really use a pep talk right about now, because Megan, I-"
My words were cut off by Megan's arms wrapping around my waist. She was hugging me. She was about five inches shorter than Nini, so her head only came to about my collarbone, and something about that was comforting to me. I could feel her warmth through my shirt and I hugged her back, wrapping my arms around her. Her hair smelled like Green apple.
"Its gonna be ok," She told me, her body vibrating against me as she spoke, "Yeah, it is gonna be hard, I can't sugar coat that, but eventually...everything will be ok."
I believed her. I believed everything that she said and somehow, despite the fact that I knew the time was fast approaching that the consequences of my actions would come crashing down on me...I really felt like it was going to be ok...because I knew Megan was there and was going to help me get through it.
If I wasn't confused before, I sure as heck am now.
~~~Megan~~~
We stood there like that for what felt like a long time, though I knew it was probably only a few minutes. But EJ was solid, and warm, and towered over me in a way that made hugging him feel safe, and his cologne smelled amazing and then I remembered that I was hugging him to comfort him about his girlfriend so I pulled away as logic kicked back in.
"I was just coming to get a book to read while Ashlyn studies for AP Psych, but...you could come hang out if you want. Give me something to do and get your mind off things." I suggested. He nodded and we turned, walking out of the library together until we came to the stairwell, where Ashlyn was waiting for me.
"You went to get a book and you came back with a boy?" She asked, with raised eyebrows. Then she saw the state of EJ. "You look...terrible."
I sat down, and EJ sat down beside me, his leg pressed up against mine. I scooted over in order to amend that.
"Yeah, I feel really guilty." He said.
"Wow, that's not an emotion I knew you had." Both EJ and I looked at her. "Sorry."
"I never should've stolen her phone."
"You think?" She questioned.
"Its not the person I wanna be. Its not the person Nini thinks I am." I put hand on his shoulder, rubbing it. Then his face lit up as an idea popped into his head. "You know what I should do?"
"Apologize?" Ashlyn suggested.
"Well, yes, but first I have to come clean, and if I'm gonna own up to this, I need to do it in a way that she really hears."
"Uh, well what are you thinking?" Ashlyn asked. EJ looked at me, as if already knowing that I could tell what he was thinking.
"You want to write her a song." I said, confirming this.
"Ok, hear me out. She wrote a song for Ricky, so I should do that. For her, I mean."
"You wanna do what now?"
"Write a song for Nini, to tell her the truth, and say I'm sorry."
"EJ, respectfully, have you ever written a song?" Ashlyn questioned. "I mean, have you ever even written a poem?"
"No, but you two write songs, I was hoping you guys could help me out." He looked at me when he said this.
"I don't know, EJ...and apology song?" I asked.
"Please." He said, the begging look in his eyes making me want to cry. I sighed.
"How fast of a turnaround are we talking about? I'm studying for an AP Psych test tomorrow."
"Well, could you just like, loan me one of your guys' songs and I'll like, change the lyrics." Ashlyn scoffed as the bell rang, putting her laptop in her bag. "Please, guys. I'm trying to do the right thing. I need to prove myself here." Ashlyn hiked her back up on her shoulder.
"I'll send you a track I'm playing with. Its not really my style, I was trying to figure out the software." She stood up.
"No, its perfect."
"You haven't even heard it yet!" She said, walking up the stairs and leaving EJ and I on the landing. "Hey, Dig deep, ok? You can't just charm your way out of this one."
"Yeah," He said, looking back at me, "I think I've heard that before." His gaze made me slightly uncomfortable, because I could feel my face start to heat up, so I stood up, grabbing my own bag.
"I'll be at Ashlyn's tonight. Stop by, and we'll see what you've got so far." He smiled and I turned to go to my next class.
"Megan." I paused, turning to face him again. "Thank you. For your help and for...for being there, and helping me...even when I ignore you and am a complete idiot."
"For the record you're not an idiot," I told him, "You just...you tend to do idiot-equivalent things when it comes to the people you care about." He smiled again, and I had to quickly turn and escape down the hallway before he could see me blush.