"𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚏𝚏." -- 𝚁𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚝 𝙷𝚊𝚗𝚍
【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ ８．３】
"I'm full mom. Honest." I reply to her as I get up to put my dishes in the sink. I peck her on the cheek before I give my dad a side hug.
"Are you sure your brother's still at Falcon's? I'm worried." My mom states looking concernedly at my dad.
We had waited for Chase to join us for dinner, but he was still gone after our parents got home. I had texted Falcon and he had let me know Chase was at his place. I felt better reading that, but it didn't help me knowing how Chase left.
"We talked about some stuff mom. I think he just needed to vent to Falcon." I answer her trying to convey everything.
"Talked about stuff... Oh... Honey, I'm so proud of you. I can't imagine it was easy." She replies searching my face with worry.
"I think it was harder on Chase."
"I know but he needed it, sweetheart."
"I know. I think anyway."
"We love you Blue."
"I love you guys too. I'm gonna turn in early tonight."
"Alright. Get some good rest Blue. We'll see you in the morning."
I head upstairs and get ready for bed finally laying down after an exhausting day.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I hear the front door open. I'm too tired to get up but I release a sigh knowing Chase was finally home. I think I hear something move in my room but chalk it up to Charlie.
I drift back off to sleep.
It's the best.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up early this morning with Charlie hot on my tail. We head out and the sun is barely rising. It's a gorgeous sunrise and I wish Noah was here to see it. Charlie and I make our way around the bend circling back to our house after a 3-mile run.
I'm breathless and sweaty and I feel wired. It's just what I've needed after not having gone on a proper run in quite some time.
I'm in my exercise gear as Charlie and I walk up to my driveway after our run and I still have to grab some breakfast and shower.
I head into the house, Charlie hot on my tail. I hear bustling in the kitchen and I know Mom's probably slicing up fruit now and Dad's reading the newspaper at the table.
"Good Morning everyone." I chirp heading over to the counter to make a smoothie.
"Good Morning Blue. Here." She hands me a blueberry smoothie. I send her a grateful smile before hugging her.
"Thank you momma," I reply before heading over to say good morning to Dad.
"Hey, anything good in the paper?" I question laying my head on his shoulder as I peer over to see him open to the sports page.
"Afraid not Blue. Sorry." He replies with a sigh before giving me a gentle smile. I look over at the table and see Chase scrolling through his phone while eating some cereal. He looks tired and there are circles underneath his eyes. He looks so worn.
He looks up catching my eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but notices my running outfit.
"You went running this morning?" Chase questions with a quirked brow.
"Yeah," I reply heading up the stairs to get ready for school
"Next time let me know and I'll go with you." He grunts out before he takes another bite of his cereal.
I make my way up to my bedroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We manage to pick up Falcon on time and head over to Nash's for a ride to school. It's just easier this way. And it was kind of nice that Chase and I could give our friends a ride to school together. We've never been able to do that before.
"So, Nash?" Falcon questions.
"Nash what?" Chase asks confused and a little distracted. After yesterday he hasn't really been the same. He wears a black hoodie and is leaning back against the seat. His hood is draped over his head and it cocoons him.
"We're picking him up. Is he gonna be a part of our coffee/ morning ride to school ritual?" He questions curiously.
I don't say anything. Because I hadn't really thought much about it until we spent time with Nash. Until we dropped him off the other night and we saw where he had lived. And what he had said about his mom.
Maybe Nash needed me just as much as I needed him.
But I didn't want to tell Falcon that. It wasn't my place. I give Chase a glance hoping he could handle that curveball. He knew Falcon best.
"Yeah. He's joining us indefinitely. " Chase replied looking over his shoulder at Falcon. I couldn't see Falcon's reaction, but Chase shared a look with him that I didn't understand.
"Cool. Cool beans. Vanderbilt Twins." He replied with a grin.
"Whatever, you dork." I chided laughing out loud. I look over at Chase and he has a small smile on his place.
We head to pick Nash up before grabbing coffee and then we head off to school.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, you finally showed up!" Angie giggles as she lounges against the locker right next to time mine.
"Yeah, I had band stuff to take care of. How's school been?" I question grabbing a magazine and my cellphone from my locker before slamming it closed and head to class.
"It's been pretty calm actually. It was pretty quiet at the lunch table yesterday." She finishes. I'm a little shocked, that I have to ask for clarification.
"You mean you sat at the lunch table with the cheerleaders and football team?" I question.
"Yes. Well not really with the cheerleaders. They give me dirty looks. Kind of like I didn't earn the spot to sit there in the first place. But that's just the impression I get." She claims as we walk through the door of the classroom.
"Ahh. I try to avoid them altogether. Between you, Nash, Chase, Falcon and Ethan I don't get much face time with them at the table." I release a soft laugh. I'm relieved because I prefer it that way. I head toward the back corner of the room and settle in at my desk. Angie settles in right next to me.
"Girl, they're all just jealous of you." She pats my hand before reaching into her purple backpack for her notebook and a pen.
I shoot her a look before rolling my eyes.
"It's true." She tries again.
"I would have no idea as to why," I say flipping my magazine to an op-ed on dubstep music. I'm ready to be blown away in this article.
"Well for starters your drop-dead gorgeous and all the guys can tell. It pisses them off. And some of them are dating the cheerleaders too. Do you not notice the stares? You're stunning Blue." She explains.
"I'm just Blue. That's all that I am." I reply. Beginning the first paragraph. But then think better of the situation and I remind her.
"And by the way. Your beautiful too. The kind of beautiful that you don't even have to try. You just are." I tell her before leaning back. And based on the silence we fall into illustrates just how much shock she's in as the rest of the class hums around us.
I try to keep the grin off my face. I glance out of the corner of my eye. She's blushing.
Chase and Falcon head into the classroom just as the bell rings. They make their way over to the two seats in front of us. Chase still looks exhausted but at least he has Falcon to keep him awake. I hope he distracts him from his thoughts.
"Sup ladies?" Falcon asks.
"Good. Great actually. Hi Chase, how are you?" Angie asks.
I catch Falcon's glance at Angie's interest in Chase.
He shoots me a smirk. I roll my eyes and look back at the article.
"Are you ready for the test?" Angie questions him and he rolls his eyes with a tiny smile before he answers her.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
I take a sip of my coffee before I ask.
"What test?"
"Um, the one we are about to have. How do you not know about the test?" Angie's questions with trepidation.
I shrug my shoulders.
"Probably because I was reading when he was talking about it." I take a guess.
"How do you even know when he was telling us about it?" She asks.
Falcon and Chase both laugh before grabbing pencils from their backpacks.
I flip the page in my magazine and take another sip before shrugging.
"Because I read in every class and in every class we have with him he talks," I explain simply to her.
"Because he's the teacher Blue!" Angie defends as her fire-red hair moves with her jerky movements.
"Angie she'll be fine." Chase soothes. Her eyes lighten and her shoulders drop ever so slightly.
"Oh dear," Falcon says as he watches Chase and Angie.
Maybe. Maybe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, are you going to watch us practice this afternoon? We have a two-hour practice so it's gonna be a little bit longer." Chase questions before biting into his chicken salad.
Since when did he eat salad. I thought he hated any green foods besides jellybeans.
"I actually might miss it. I'm meeting with a teacher after school lets out and I'm not sure how long it will take." I answer before I finish peeling my orange.
"What?! The Blue has difficulty with a class?" Jacob questions exasperatedly.
A couple of the guys laugh at the table and I roll my eyes. I hear a few of the girls laugh too but don't comment.
"Shut up Jacob." Chase scolds. He rolls his eyes before rolling his shoulders back before releasing Jacob from an intense stare.
"He was just joking Chase." I defend. Jacob was an idiot, but he was a decent idiot. Well, now he was. Back then he was just. Just mean.
Chase sighs before muttering an apology. He goes back to his lunch and eats quietly.
"Blue?" Falcon gets my attention. I'm finished with my orange. I might go grab a salad because I wasn't quite full.
"Yeah. You don't have to wait for us or anything we can catch a ride with one of the guys, so you don't have to hang out here and wait for us. It's cool." Falcon suggests.
I actually had plans to meet with a teacher. So, it wasn't a lie either. I just didn't mention the details.
"Actually, If it's cool with Nash I would rather just hang here and wait for you guys." I take a glance at Nash and the look in his eyes tells me all I need to know.
He wants to hang here with me. Better here than at home.
"If you're sure?" Chase asks. I shake my head yes before getting up to go grab a salad from the lunch line area. It's in a cooler so I head over there before selecting a Cesar that I know won't disappoint.
I move forward in the line before sending a small smile at the cashier and handing over my card. I thank her and grab a fork from the condiments and silver table. Just as I turn to head back to my seat I'm bumped in the shoulder by Ryan. He stares down at me before he looks my body up and down before zeroing in on the salad.
He smirks focusing in on the salad.
The message is clear.
I straighten my back before I steady my chin and move past him slamming into his shoulder as I go. I see Jacob watching the interaction and bumps Chase's side. Chase looks up before opening his mouth to scold Jacob again but before he can Falcon leans forward and whispers something under his breath to Chase.
Whatever he says sends Chase on alert.
Chase's eyes lift up and connect with mine. I clear my face of any tension that I know was there a few seconds previously.
I sit back down at the table setting my salad down too. I go for my water taking a huge gulp.
"You alright?" Chase asks. He's watching my every move. The table is unusually quiet.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I take a deep breath before taking another gulp of water hoping it fills me up.
"Right." He says unconvinced. I take another gulp of water.
I look back at the salad. It doesn't look all that appealing. Chase takes my salad removing the lid and opening the small dressing packet and pours it over the entire damn thing. He finishes up before sliding it back my way.
I take a moment before biting into it.
"Good?" he asks cautiously.
"Good."
"Good."
It's a good thing Ryan left the cafeteria because, by the looks of it, the team doesn't look so happy with him right now. I see some give dirty stares at where he exited the cafeteria.
I want to be happy about that but it kind of pisses me off. Why couldn't they have been against Ryan from the beginning?
Why couldn't I have Falcon or Jacob or Ethan's support from the beginning? Any of them could have stood up for me then and didn't.
So why now?
Why Chase?
I was angry and I didn't have a good hold of my emotions or a clear explanation as to why I felt the way I did. I just needed some time for myself.
"I'm gonna go grab some fresh air," I reply grabbing my bag and salad.
"Blue don't go" Falcon attempts to stop me.
"Devon please just..." Chase begins. I don't have time to convince him and I don't need to. I clutch his shoulder gently trying to calm him.
"I need fresh air now," I explain not meeting his eyes. I head out the doors and down the back path toward the back of the school. It's a corner spot that's secluded and has a large tree providing shade. Providing a haven of sorts. I sit down leaning against the huge trunk.
Then I breathe in and out.
And I repeat this again and again until I lose track of the number of times I have done so and I feel better. I stare down at my salad before continuing to eat it until the end of my lunch period.
I really wanted to hear Noah's voice right now.
𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎, 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚂𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚞𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚘𝚗 𝙱𝚕𝚞𝚎!𝚂𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚔 𝙿𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠:
I step into the place that has always been able to bring pure happiness and calm into my life. The place that provided shelter to me when I had needed a place to wait out the storm that was my middle school experience.
It had a different feel to it when it was empty. It felt more mine this way. Like it was secret and quiet, still and safe, and my very own. I liked it more.
The emptiness of the auditorium gave me room to breathe. To not feel the pressure on my chest and the need to be out of my skin if only for a few minutes. I drop my bag right at the door before heading up the stairs and walking over to the piano. I sit down at the bench.
Home.
The only home I felt I had while I lived with my parents and brother before I left.
No eating disorders.
No anxiety.
No depression.
No bouts of throwing up.
No bullies.
No jokes about being fat.
No insecurities.
No anorexia.
When I was at this home, on this bench, at this Piano I was free and enough.
And as soon as my fingers touched the keys of this vintage piano the tears started to fall.
They fell harder and harder and soon my shoulders were shaking.
"I was wondering when you would come say hello." He said before walking up to the other side of the piano to face me head-on. His hands were in his pockets and he was wearing a plaid bow tie.
I smiled through the tears.
"I'm here."
"About time Devon. I've missed you." He grabs a stool off toward the edge of the stage before setting it down in front of me and settles in.
Just as calm as ever.
"Me too," I whisper wiping my tears.
𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜:
𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢?
𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝?
𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚊𝚢?
𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝙱𝚕𝚞𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚌 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜?????