Angel of War

Chapter Nineteen

I pull out some stuff and makes a sandwich. I eat it quickly so my face isn't seen and goes to my room. I have become attached to the room because I don't have anything else to do, I feel like I have lost my way. I have an idea of where I am supposed to end up but I can't see the path leading me there.  I am honestly scared of my path. Before, I followed my path diligently staying on track. But now? It's like I am walking through the dark while grasping at air hoping to find the string leading me to where I am supposed to be. My ribs and lungs ache so I strip off the binder and lays on my bed and takes in a deep slightly pain free breath and rubs my ribs. "I don't wanna put it back on." I whimper to my self while my eyes are closed. "You don't wanna put what back on?" Jane asks startling me. I quickly squish down my breasts and looks at her. "What? I didn't say anything." I say. She picks up my binder and looks at it then me. I swallow nervously as she shuts and locks my door. "What are you doing?" I ask nervously. "Making it so you can be comfortable and not squish the already sore chest." She says. I drop my arms and looks away from her. "Well now you know my secret." I say. "Why haven't you told anyone else?" Jane asks. "Well, EJ found out first, Painter and Puppeteer figured it out last month and now you know. I have keep my gender hidden. Any female body features and stuff could be used against you. Boobs? Grab the nipple and twist. Long hair? Grab a huge handful and wrap you hand up in it. Females are depicted to be weaklings, only good for having and raising children and keeping the house clean while also making food. Males are depicted to be strong, able to do anything and everything but are not expected to help with kids or the cleaning of the house. I am just trying to keep myself from being hurt by being female. Though I have a feeling that I will be exposed. But just not now." I say. "I now understand your reasoning but you do know keeping the act of being male means you have to deal with the boys during that month ever year." She says looking at me with slight worry. "I'll be fine. I survived this year so I can survive more." I smile slightly. "How long have you been wearing that?" Jane asks pointing at the binder. "Since I started running from the other angels. Which has been a few years. I do take breaks but they are very rare." I scratch the back of my neck. We sit in silence for a little before I pull my binder back on flinching slightly. "Does it hurt?" She tilts her head. "The actual binder? No, but it squishes my ribs and organs to keep my chest flat. Though keeping it on for long periods of time without breaks can cause injury." I say and sighs pulling my tops back on. "With how many tops you put on I bet you could go with out the binder." Jane says. "I don't know Jane." I say. "Just for today. Give yourself a long break." She practically begs. "Okay Okay. I'll do it." I sigh agreeing just to hush her. Jane smiles with victory and leaves my room. I pull the binder off again then pull my other tops back on then looks in the mirror. "Huh, I guess she was right." I roll my eyes and smiles softly.