"They gave up in the middle of the match, huh," Aisaka sighed.
The match had been a disaster. Aomine joins in, eager to play against a power forward that had given him trouble last time-- only for his opponent to not even try against him.
It's pathetic.
When Aisaka looks into those eyes-- he only see fear, fear and despair. Saddening, really, but it wasn't as if he couldn't understand. Aomine's facing exactly what made his own heart wrench and shatter.
And Aomine is a young heart-- unlike Aisaka's soul, he isn't mature enough. Aomine is still a kid, it made sense that he hurt harder.
"Am I... a monster?" Aomine asks, leaning on the ledge of the pedestrian crossing, watching the cars drive by.
The light passes his face, and he rests his chin on the cold paint.
The night is high. The street lights are luminescent against the curtain of darkness. Aisaka leaned back against that ledge, and wondered what he could say.
"Not yet."
Their heads turn to each other, the same, lifeless smiles on their faces. It's hard to say whose was harder to witness.
"After all, I'm still here, aren't I?" Aisaka twists into a happier smile, hoping that can seem a little more assuring.
Aomine does not tell Aisaka that he is not a monster.
(Aisaka is a monster, after all.)
"Then, when I finally surpass you..." Aomine lets the word hold on his tongue. When, exactly, did Aomine start being the one that chased after Aisaka? Once, it was the other way around... it was barely a year ago. Why did it feel so far away?
"When you do," Aisaka tells him, "you'll be a Miracle."
(Ah, Aomine thinks.)
(So that's what it means.)
-
"Is it scary?" Aisaka asks, and Kuroko falters.
"What is?" Kuroko asks, though he knows exactly what the question was about. He's asking it rhetorically-- because he doesn't want to answer it.
"Is it scary, knowing how we can fall apart because of something we love?" Aisaka says, and he's not sure if he's asking it for an answer, or if he's asking it just to make him think of it.
Kuroko doesn't know, and he doesn't want to know.
"I wonder how he felt that time too," Aisaka mutters a little softer, just under his breath, "when everyone broke away, and he began to hate basketball."
It's been a while since Kuroko heard Aisaka mutter to himself.
Is Aisaka aware of this habit of his? Or does he than he is thinking in his mind? Kuroko isn't too sure, and in fear of never hearing them again, he doesn't try to find out.
"But I'm sure there was eventually a happy ending," Aisaka says, and there's a ghost of a smile on his lips. A smile that everyone thought lost-- just barely there. "I'm sure they were all able to smile together again."
Kuroko wrapped his arms around Aisaka, and there's a little desperation in that hug.
"Hm? What's wrong, Tetsuya?" Aisaka laughs, trying to struggle out of the sudden grasp, "I'm not going anywhere, and you know that, right?"
"I know," Kuroko responds too quickly, too painfully. "I know."
(So why was it?)
(Why was it that, when Kuroko tried to envision his future, Aisaka was never there, smiling with him?)
"Please don't go anywhere, Hiroto-kun."
"You're such a sap sometimes, Tetsuya."
-
"What's up with you, Hiroto?"
Haizaki finds Aisaka in the arcade. It was practice hours, and Haizaki was off the wheel after escaping from detention. He never expected to find Aisaka here.
Aisaka spots him, and laughs, sheepish.
They get a drink from the vending machine, and they talk over the balcony of the shopping mall, blue above their heads and the city beneath their feet.
"I think club would be boring for everyone else if I'm there," he admits, "after all-- I'm too strong. They don't think they can beat me. If I ask for a one-on-one, they'd be playing a losing game, it's meaningless."
Haizaki had never wanted to deck him up the head more than now.
But he realizes, that that's true.
"Club morale and motivation is important!" Aisaka has the audacity to smile at him, "and, we're strong, even without me. I like everyone in the club, including the seniors. I don't want them to get discouraged and quit basketball after junior high. That'd be too sad, right?"
Haizaki slams a fist on the steel ledge.
"If they quit that'd be because they're weak!" he raises his voice, "you don't have to pull back your own passion for them, are you stupid? You're not some holy martyr, stop that!"
Haizaki is infuriated when Aisaka only laughs.
"Holy martyr!" he repeats, bursting into giggles, "that sounds about right."
Haizaki doesn't want to punch him.
He just doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why Aisaka is acting like this-- so passive, so pessimistic, so-- so pathetic.
Where's the Aisaka that always cheered him up after a bad brawl? Where's the endlessly positive, incredibly blunt, raging little fairy that took no shit from other people? Where did he go?
"Hey, Shougo," Aisaka turns back toward the sky, "all of you are only going to get stronger from now on. And you're not like me."
Haizaki stops. A deep, murky feeling fills the pits of his stomach and he feels it-- he feels what's coming-- but nothing, nothing he says can stop it now.
"All of you are strong enough, that's why all of you are miracles," Aisaka says, "and me? I'm just a prototype. I was never meant to be a miracle."
The way Aisaka spoke of himself was strange. It was melodramatic, as if they were in a play, he was a story, but he was simply a plot device to curry pity points from the audience. A little twist to the story to build up a better hero behind him.
(I am a side character. I am fated to not shine here.)
Haizaki doesn't like where this is going.
"But I'm not giving up here," Aisaka tells him, "but I think I really do need some time away... to face the bigger world so I can really find myself."
The first hammer shatters the mirror of Haizaki's world.
(Are you serious right now?)
Haizaki genuinely can't believe he's hearing this.
"Think on the bright side! I might find out that I'm actually wrong about everything, and..." he says, sounding obnoxiously positive, "and of course, I might find the right route for me somewhere else. But with this, you'll be..."
"Shut up!" Haizaki slams his fist against the steel ledge.
He wants to shout. To yell, to scream.
(Don't be selfish!)
(You don't think about anyone but yourself!)
(Stop being a fucking baby and talk to me about it! That's what I'm here for, right?)
Aisaka stops speaking.
They spend a minute in utter silence, pained and broken-- then Aisaka bids him a quiet goodbye, not once turning back again.
And like an idiot, Haizaki simply stared at the pieces, praying they'd come back together someday, and this would all just be one bad dream.
-
He opens the door to his house.
"I'm home," he hopes his father doesn't hear the shakiness in his voice. That doting father of his was always a worrywart for the worst things, after all.
Maybe it wouldn't be bad to be pampered for once.
(He's too old for that, but even adults want to be spoiled sometimes...)
"Dad? Why're the lights out..." he toes off his shoes, scrambling for the light switches two steps from the doorway, "I swear, dad, if you're taking a nap again, I hope you didn't leave the stove on."
Fluorescent white flickers on, and suddenly Aisaka is aware of two things.
The sickening stench of iron, and the red splashed across the walls.
"...Dad?"